Chapter 10
“Listen, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Sirius and you, but that shouldn’t interfere with us! I’ve known you as long as I’ve known him. You’re one of my best mates, Reggie. This is the sixth time I’ve called, for christ sake…. Just please, let me know what’s going on. I’m really worried.”
Regulus stared at the ceiling, pulling his phone away from his ear, turning it off. The voicemail made his heart race and his stomach clench. He had a hangover, and hearing that made it much worse. He squeezed his eyes shut, reopening them a few moments later. The room was still spinning slightly. The bottle of scotch was empty in his kitchen. He vaguely regretted drinking the entire thing before crawling into bed, but he needed it at the time.
He stared at the ceiling again, trying to focus his brain for even just a few seconds. He let out a loud groan, rolling onto his stomach. He lay there for a few minutes, trying to gather enough energy to get up. Finally, he did, stumbling out of his bedroom. He drank three full glasses of water before pulling some bread from the bread bin in the corner, swiping butter across a slice. He took a large bite, chewing slowly. He felt worse with every bite but knew it would be better to have some food in his stomach.
He ended up falling back asleep on the couch, a pile of drool gathering under his cheek as he slept. He took two showers before bed, desperate to wash the hangover off himself. He felt slightly better after it, but he still crawled into bed feeling like shit at the end of the day, pulling his covers over his head.
When he woke up on Monday morning, he still felt slightly nauseated, but he had another shower and dressed. He bought a coffee before his class, clutching it like a lifeline as he wandered through the building. His class was in the last lecture hall on the left. He sat in the back row, sipping his coffee in small intervals, ignoring the lecturer. A person sat next to him, but he didn’t look up from his cup, concentrating on staring at the lid rather than the course content.
Finally, the lecturer thanked them all for being there, and a mad shuffle of students began shoving their laptops back in their bags. Regulus slowly rose from his seat, clutching his now empty cup, turning to leave. Remus Lupin was blocking his path, though, watching him intently. “Regulus.”
“Remus,” he nodded, clutching the cup tighter. “Do you mind? I have somewhere to be.” It was a lie, but Remus didn’t need to know that. He saw through the lie, though, slowly standing up, his hands stuffing not his pockets.
“I’ll walk you,” he shrugged. Regulus opened his mouth to argue, but Remus wasn’t giving him a chance to argue, shuffling down the aisle and waiting for Regulus to catch up. “I thought we could chat.”
“I suppose I have no choice in the matter,” he sighed, slowly walking up the steps. They walked out the small wooden double doors, rejoining the crowds of students bustling down the hallway to classes. It was almost empty by the time Remus stopped, causing Regulus to follow.
He looked at Regulus, lips downturned into a frown. “Tell me what Sirius did,” he requested.
“Nothing,” Regulus instantly lied, still gripping his empty coffee cup.
Remus sighed, shaking his head. “Look, I know he’s done something, so just tell me. He’s been pissed off since Saturday, and weird even before that. So, what the fuck is going on with you both?”
Remus meant well. Of course, he meant well. He always did. Regulus rather liked him, really. Any conversation he’d seen Remus have with his brother showed just how balanced they appeared to be. Regulus couldn’t help but trust him. “He wants me to stay away from your friends.”
“James?” Remus questioned. He was quick.
“And Lily, and the girls, and you too, probably,” Regulus shrugged. He felt smaller somehow, looking at his shoes. He was exhausted still. “I don’t even want to be the heir, y’know. He makes me feel like I’ve chosen this whole thing, But I didn’t!” He was crumbling, ever so slightly. His bottom lip was trembling, and his hands were shaking as he went on, his voice dangerously low. “He doesn’t understand.”
“Understand what, Reg?” Remus’ voice was soft.
“He has the independence I can’t quite grasp! He can have his financial freedom, and the man he loves, who loves him! I could get cut off tomorrow, and be out on the streets! The man I love doesn’t even know I love him! He doesn’t even like men! He blames me because I apparently have it easy, but I fucking don’t! I’m struggling… More than he can ever know…” his voice cracked on the last few words, tears finally springing to his eyes. Remus watched him in awe for a few moments before stumbling forwards, pulling Regulus into his chest, his thin arms wrapping around Regulus’ thin frame.
He took heaving breaths, the hangover still dizzying him, ever so slightly. He was glad the lecture hall they’d exited was apparently free for the next period, leaving the hallway empty. He clung to Remus’ jumper, trying to will away the tears that were collecting, all threatening to spill. He wouldn’t have a breakdown in the arts building. That was ridiculous.
He took more deep breaths, finally moving his arms to rub his eyes until they felt almost raw. The tears were gone, at least. He took a few more shaky breaths, sipping away fro Remus who looked down at him, the slight inch he had on him seeming like a foot. “I’m sorry, Regulus, I really am.”
He shook his head, eyes glancing away from Remus. “I’m fine, really.”
“I’ll talk to him,” he promised.
“Don’t,” Regulus glanced at him, flashing a pleading look. “It will just make it worse. He’ll think I asked you to. I’m fine, really. I’ll be fine.”
Remus stared at him, analysing him for a second. “Don’t block them all out, promise me. No matter what Sirius says, he’ll grow to understand. You shouldn’t make yourself miserable for him…” Regulus frowned as Remus squeezed his shoulder. “You deserve just as much happiness as he does, okay?”
He nodded, stiffly, not quite believing it, but unable to give another response. “Give James a call, at least. You don’t have to tell him everything, but just let him know you’re alive. He’s not speaking to Sirius right now, or me, so he needs… someone.”
Regulus nodded again.