Chapter 9
Regulus stared in the mirror. He was getting ready for another charity event hosted by his parents. He looked rougher than he had for the last, his hair messier, his face gaunter. He hadn’t really been eating properly. He looked paler than usual too. The light purple under his eyes from lack of sleep slightly concerned him, but no one would notice. Family events were usually very impersonal events.
Sirius hadn’t been in touch again, so Regulus was unsure as to whether or not his brother still hated him. It had been two weeks since he’d stormed over. Calls from James happened daily, and most of the time Regulus avoided his apartment. He spent spare time in the library, hidden behind shelves with his head hovering over a bus in order to ignore other students. Lily called too, and showed up to the apartment twice, knocking on the door for almost twenty minutes while Regulus drank his glass of whiskey, guilt weighing heavy on his conscience. One night, when he got back from the library, he found a note stuffed under his door from Lily and James, both of them claiming to be worried, and desperate to see him, even if just for a few minutes. He threw it out.
Mary MacDonald texted him, obviously hearing of his disappearance from Lily. ‘Regulus, it’s Mary MacDonald, Lily’s roommate! She said you’re missing, or something. I hope this isn’t true. I’d miss you… I know that crowd can be stuffy, but if you ever want a friendly face, just text, and I’ll come over xxx’. Regulus found the x’s to be quite presumptuous, but he didn’t say that. He didn’t say anything. He ignored it, like the rest of the contact he was receiving.
He frowned as he straightened his tie. He’d bought a new suit, finally, in a charcoal colour that was too dark to be grey, but too light to be black. His white shirt was loose, looser than usual as it had been the last one available at short notice and was a size too big. The shirt he’d worn to the last event had been lost, somewhere in his wardrobe, or his washing hamper.
The car ride was miserable. The town car driver attempted conversation three times, only to get ignored three times before getting the message. Regulus wasn’t up for talking. He starred out the window, his lips set in a line and his eyes trailing any passing cars with boredom.
When he finally pulled up at the familiar hotel, his stomach began churning. He thanked his driver, quietly, watching as the car drove away. Anything to stall. He toyed with having a cigarette, but he knew his parents would be angry if he came in smelling of smoke.
The ballroom was decorated in black, again, with occasional dashes of dark green here and there. He realised, a little too late to escape, that it was a lunch rather than an event. A large board in the entryway was directing people on where to sit. He brushed past it, eyeing the room. He managed to grab himself a glass of champagne before his mother grabbed him. “Regulus!”
“Hello.” Kisses on the cheek were shared by the pair, a firm handshake from his father. They were being almost too nice to him, he realised. “Looks lovely,” he lied.
His father nodded, smiling as his mother brushes his shoulder. “Well, more expensive than last time, but worth it for this,” his father was saying. Regulus wasn’t sure what ‘this’ was, but he didn’t really bother asking. He didn’t care. “How are your studies going?”
“Fine,” he nodded. They were going fine. They were slightly sidetracked, his mental health plummeting a bit. He had gotten good enough grades that it was barely noticeable to his teachers that he was suffering from something else, but he could be doing better.
“Have you seen your brother recently?” His mother asked. She was smiling oddly.
“No,” Regulus shook his head, feeling mechanical in his movements. His mother's mind was obviously elsewhere as she looked around.
“Never the matter. You remember Charlotte’s girl, don’t you, dear?” Dear. She only used ‘dear’ when she wanted something. He tilted his head, slightly, giving her enough recognition for her to continue. “I invited her today.”
“Lovely,” he nodded, unsure as to what this had to do with him.
“I invited her here to meet you, properly. I thought it would be nice for you to see her.
“I’ve seen her before,” he shrugged.
“Yes, but I thought you might like to see her outside of here, you know?” A date. She was referring to a date. His fucking mother, unhinged as she was, was attempting to set him up. He frowned, but his father as sending him warning glances that said he shouldn’t.
He attempted to grit his teeth but probably looked more crushed than angry. “I don’t need to be set up.”
“Well, she’s sitting at your table for dinner, so be nice to her!” She snapped, smile gone.
There were people behind him, all waiting to see his larger than life parents. Regulus used that as his way out, slipping away from them, desperate to be somewhere else. There were more people filtering through the double doors, and from his spot, he could see his brother. He looked like a man on a mission.
He decided avoidance would be best. He ducked around people, shuffling his way towards the seating chart which was on a large card, listing locations of tables and guests placings. Regulus found his name at a table that would probably be considered a kids table. Isabelle, Charlotte’s girl, would be sitting beside him. Across him was Sirius’ name, and a ‘plus one' for him. They knew Remus’ name but never dared use it. The rest of the table made him cringe. Lily Evans, her name displayed beside James’, Peter beside them, and a few other people Regulus recognised from being the children of his parent's friends. He hated them all.
Lunch was still twenty minutes away from being ready, and the room was filling up quickly, giving Regulus that tight feeling n his chest that made him feel sweaty. He scanned the room once again before shuffling to the door, slipping past guests filtering through in order to get back out the front door. James was there, though, wandering through with Lily who was looking around in amazement. Regulus didn’t stop, avoiding their gaze as they spotted him. He would be fine if he had a cigarette, so he pushed through.
He managed to land himself in the smoking area, which again was bordering on empty. He fished around his pocket for the lighter, and the pack that had become a better companion in the past week than any of his actual friends. He dropped the cigarette between his lips, striking the side of the lighter twice before it finally lit, and the nicotine finally hit him.
“Reggie,” James said, his voice quiet. He was testing the waters. Regulus said nothing. He was concentrated on staring at the orange glow, ignoring the boy who had followed him. He wondered if Lily was hesitantly lingering in the lobby, waiting for her boyfriend. He hated that. “Lily is worried about you, y’know? I’m worried about you…”
The appeal made him finally look up, unable to stop himself. James looked like he hadn’t slept well the night before, his eyes looking darker than usual, and his hair slightly untamed. He still looked good in his suit, though. “I’m fine,” Regulus said, responding to the expectant look on his face.
“What happened?” He asked, tentatively, his hand reaching out slightly. Regulus stepped forward, passing the cigarette.
“Just busy,” he shrugged.
James nodded, stiffly, looking towards the hotel entrance. “You bring anyone this time?”
Regulus tried to bite back a cold laugh. “My mother brought someone for me,” he plucked the cigarette back from James’ fingers, making the boy look at him. “Daughter of her friend.”
“Oh,” James sounded like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. They stayed in silence for a few moments, the cool air blowing towards them. “Mary and Marls are asking after you.”
Regulus stubbed out the cigarette, not giving James a second go of it. “Nice of them,” he murmured, pulling his flask from his pocket. Scotch had been his drink of choice for the morning when he’d clumsily filled up the flask. He knew champagne wouldn’t be enough for the day. He took two large swigs, wincing ever so slightly at the sharp taste. “Better get back in there.”
As he moved away from the world, James grabbed him by the shoulder, stopping him. “Reggie, I mean it. I’m really fucking worried about you!”
Something churned in his stomach, and his shoulder felt on fire. He couldn’t dare look at James, or he’d tell him everything. He stared at the ground before him, biting the inside of his cheek for a second before shaking his head. “I’m fine, James.”
Back inside there were people making their way to their tables, bustling past Regulus in their expensive outfits. He slipped past them, navigating his way to his table in the far corner of the room. Sirius was already seated, one arm around his boyfriend, while the other delicately cradled his champagne glass. Regulus avoided eye contact, falling into his assigned seat across from them. Isabelle was already in her designated seat beside him, but he didn’t even look at her, instead, reaching for his pre-placed champagne glass. Lily was seated beside Remus, a quiet conversation unfolding between them.
When Regulus finally looked up from his glass, Sirius was glaring at him. Regulus glared back, eyes narrowing out of instinct. He wasn’t surprised.
Lily attempted to catch his eye, but he was busy looking back at his champagne glass, tipping the rest down his throat as James stumbled to join the table. “Where were you, Potter?” Sirius inquired, eyes flickering between Regulus and James, a question behind his eyes.
Regulus looked up, his eyes hovering over James who took his seat. “Bathroom,” he lied, and Regulus silently cheered, reaching to pour himself another drink.
His ‘date’ cleared her throat, putting a hand on his arm as he guided the bottle to his glass. “Regulus, so lovely to see you again.” He looked at her as he poured, eyebrows raising slightly. She was giving him a toothy grin.
She was pretty enough, with blonde hair that was tied into a bun, and green eyes that seemed to shine when she smiled. But Regulus detested the sight of her, giving her a blank look. “Pleasure,” he bit out, putting the bottle back.
“Your mother says you started in Hogwarts! That place is lovely. I went on the tour last year. It was my safety school,” she went on. She was still talking when the starters came out. Regulus ignored her, although he wasn’t sure if she noticed. He made his way through another two glasses before his empty soup bowl was cleared. Lily, Remus, and James all seemed to watch him with concern, but he ignored them all, along with the looks of irritation his brother shot him.
His parents made a speech between the starter and the main, standing on a small stage and inviting their guests to raise a toast. Everyone in the room did so, Regulus blocking it all out as he drank through it, as Sirius did. He knew as soon as the main was done, he could escape. He would have to call his car around, but he’d be able to make a clean break for it and leave behind the ridiculous atmosphere at the table.
The mains were Sunday roast options of beef or lamb. Regulus got beef. Red wine was served alongside it, but Regulus and Sirius ordered whiskey, separately, two different waiters getting called over for the demands. “So,” Sirius started, finally addressing his brother. The entire table stilled at the address, bated breath getting held all around. “Who’s your date, Regulus?”
“I’m Isabelle,” she introduced herself, grinning. She seemed simple.
Regulus rolled his eyes, detesting her more and more every second. “She’s not my date.”
“She seems like your date,” Sirius continued, eyebrows raising. “And she seems to think she’s your date.”
They were talking about her as if she weren’t there. As if they were the only two people in the crowded room. The table felt eery, really. All eyes were on them. Their friends were probably worried, but the children of his parent's friends were probably just excited to witness a Black family fight. “She’s not.”
“Shame,” Sirius went on, knocking back his drink. He leaned forward, away from his boyfriend, leaning a lazy arm on the table. “Would do you some good to get over your little… infatuation.”
Regulus almost flinched. He knew his brother wasn’t blind, but he often forgot just how much he could see. He wondered if it was that obvious to everyone else. Did they all know? Could everyone see it? Maybe Sirius just had a better insight. He’d been there since the start. The others hadn’t.
“You won’t, though, will you?” He was taunting him.
“It doesn’t concern you, Sirius,” Regulus finally snapped, standing up. Plates were being cleared, his time was up. “I’ve done what you asked, so stay the fuck out of it.”
He caught James’ eye on the way away from the table, confusion colouring his features. Regulus was off, not daring to stop until he was safely outside, pulling his phone from his pocket. His car miraculously pulled up within seconds of his call, allowing him to slip into the backseat, and speed away from the night.