Part Two
James asking Effie for help resulted in vats of fresh homemade curry being delivered maybe twice a week by James, which drastically helped them cut back on food costs. Effie also lent them her car for their Christmas trip to Wales, insisting that they let her pay for the petrol as a Christmas gift. It practically revolutionised their christmas. Remus’ mam lit up when she was with her family for the first time since Lyall had left, and having someone else be paying for their heating and food and water, given that they were staying with Remus’ grandma, really helped them save up for the new year. James had always been a very good friend. Remus felt bad for forgetting that.
Over the holidays, Remus also got a job at a local pub. It paid well, and his shifts were always late at night, giving him enough time to get homework done, even if it did mean he was perpetually exhausted. He spent more time with James, finally having someone he could vent all his frustrations about his father too.
===
Going back to school was, for lack of a better term, scary. He didn’t know if James had told the others anything, and he didn’t have the energy to deal with Sirius’ new weird behaviour.
Except it wasn’t just Sirius’ weird behaviour on the first day after Christmas, it was James’ as well.
The air was so cold that Remus could see his breath as he walked from the bus stop to the front gates, where the others were waiting. Peter was his normal boisterous self, but James seemed subdued, and Sirius kept shooting glances at him, as if he’d been like that for a while. Remus engaged Peter in conversation about what they did over the holidays as the four of them walked to form.
“Her name was Mary! And she was so pretty!” Peter excitedly recounted the story of his first kiss (and tit touch! He reminded Remus repeatedly) as they sat down, and eventually Sirius joined in, mocking Peter for being behind the rest of them. It eased some tension in Remus’ chest.
“Who was your first kiss, Remus?” Peter asked, and Remus noticed that Sirius was now staring at him with a single minded-focus, drumming his painted nails on the desk.
“Uh, some rando in a club at the start of the summer, I think.” Remus said. Sirius’ eyes narrowed.
“Did you sleep with her?” Peter asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Remus decided it was too early in the morning to deal with what would happen if he corrected Peter and said ‘it was a him, actually’ so he just said “yeah, I did.”
“Oh, wow.” Peter said, eyes wide as saucers, looking at Remus as if he was some sort of god. It made him feel uncomfortable.
“What about you, Padfoot?” Peter asked, spinning to Sirius, who blushed, then smirked lasciviously.
“Yeah, remember that girl Marlene that I got with at Gid and Fabs?” Sirius said, and let Peter’s imagination fill in the rest. Remus didn’t remember her, actually, but he guessed he was probably too busy with Daff to notice.
“Nice one, mate.” he said, winking at Sirius, who blushed even deeper. Strange. Only Peter wasn’t being strange this morning.
Good old Peter, Remus thought. Ol’ reliable.
Then the bell rang for class and they all split in their separate directions, and just as Remus was about to enter his politics class he got cornered by James.
“Alright Prongs?”
“Yeah, mate yeah.” James said, not making eye contact.
“Can I see you after school? I’ll meet you at yours, okay?”
“Uh, sure. I have a shift at half six though.”
“Okay.” James said, before hurrying off. Very, very weird.
Remus spent the rest of the day thinking about it.
===
He was halfway through some notes for politics when he got a text from James that he was outside.
“Alright mate?” Remus asked, leading James up to his bedroom, where they both sat on the edge of the bed. James was holding a lot of tension in his body.
“Remus…” James started, looking really nervous. James was never nervous.
“Hmmm?” Remus said, suddenly panicked that Effie’s support was going to stop and he’d have to take on more shifts, when he barely had enough time to sleep as it was.
“Don’t be angry…”
Here it came, Remus braced himself. He and mam were going to be on their own again.
“When we were at Gid and Fabs, Peter saw you… with your friend, Daffydd”
“Huh- what?”
That wasn’t where he saw this going.
“And then I was just thinking about your conversation this morning, and how, uhh, did you know?”
“Know what?” Remus didn’t think he’d ever been more confused.
“Know that you like boys, don’t be obtuse, Remus.”
Oh.
Ooh. Interesting.
“I don’t think I ever really had a realisation. I just always looked at boys and girls the same, so I knew I liked both, I guess.”
“Oh. What if you’re not sure?”
“Which boy, James?”
“What?” James looked Remus in the eye for the first time since the conversation started.
“Now you’re being obtuse.” Remus grinned at him.
“Which boy?”
“There isn’t like, one in particular, it’s just… boys, you know?”
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” Remus nudged James with his shoulder, trying to dispel some of the tension.
“But how do I know for sure, Moony?” James said, fiddling with his hands.
“I have an idea, Prongs. So just.. sit there, okay? And close your eyes.”
“Okay…?” And sweet, trusting James just did it. No questions asked. So Remus kissed him. He leant forward, and he kissed him.
James made a noise in the back of his throat, and Remus began to pull away until he felt James’ hand on the back of his neck, pulling him in for more.
Remus pulled back, after about a minute, and grinned.
“So?”
James wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before grinning back.
“Yeah, I like boys.”
Remus punched him on the shoulder, laughing.
“Don’t tell the others that this happened, yeah? I think Pete’s still recovering from what he saw, and even I don’t know what’s up Sirius’ arse right now. I mean- I’ll tell them I like boys, I think. Just not about this.”
James gestured between them, and bit his lip.
Lily would love him, Remus thought. He should get them together again.
“Yeah no of course. And yeah, I feel like I should talk to Sirius- I feel like he’s mad at me? But I don’t really want to tell him about dad yet, so…”
Remus trailed off, and James nodded.
“Wish I could help, mate, but I’m stumped too. I think it’s a lot of things like his family and that, and you know what he’s like about not being liked. I think you not really being around over the summer made him feel abandoned? Maybe? I’m not sure.”
Remus was quiet, pensieve.
“Maybe hang out with us more? Come back to footie Saturdays? Might make him feel more normal. Hanging out without you is a bit like trying to walk without a leg.”
Remus’ heart warmed at that; he really had forgotten that these boys were his best friends for a reason.
“Okay, yea, I’ll try.”
Then he had an idea.
“Actually… how would you boys like a pub night?? I know it's a Tuesday, and I’ll be working but you lot could join me on my shift?”
“Yeah, sounds good. And maybe you could invite your friend Lily?”
“You are as unsubtle as an elephant, Prongs.” Remus said, laughing, before pulling out his phone to do just that.
===
Lily walked with Remus and James to the pub, where the two of them sat at the bar and Remus got to work, pulling pints for all the men lined up at the bar.
Sirius and Peter wandered in a while later, looking very out of place for very different reasons. Sirius was in tight black jeans and brand-new docs and a band t-shirt that wasn’t long enough to reach the waistband of his underwear. He had been experimenting with expressing himself more now he was out from under his mother’s thumb. Peter was in boating shoes and a polo Ralph Lauren sweatshirt. Neither of those looks had much place in a back-road pub in Peckham.
Lily looked at them with wide eyes, before turning back to Remus, and the two of them burst out laughing. Remus was wiping tears from his eyes as he was pulling pints for his mates.
“Why do I feel like I'm being mocked?” said Peter jovially, always up for a joke even when he was the butt of it.
“Oh, Pete.” Remus said, grinning at him fondly. He then introduced Lily to everyone, and they sat at the bar so they could chat to Remus whilst he was working.
“Short shift today, lad, and you can pull double this weekend if you like. Off at ten.” Remus’ boss yelled to him from the pub’s kitchen about an hour in.
Remus had another idea. A scary one, granted, but a good one in the interests of strengthening his friendships.
“Mams on night shift tonight, so provided that you two-” here he pointed at Peter and Sirius and made a stern face- “say nothing about my house, we can go back and hang in my room.”
Sirius turned straight to James.
“You’ve been to his house?” he accused, and James grimaced at Remus, before getting up and dragging Sirius outside. Remus nodded at James as they left, giving non-verbal permission for James to explain what had happened.
===
At ten fifteen, they were all climbing up the rickety stairs to Remus’ flat, kebabby food in hand. They ate standing around in the kitchen, then all piled into Remus’ bedroom when they were done.
Remus sat cross-legged on his bed, leaning against the wall where the bed was pressed against it. Lily sat to one side of him, Sirius to the other, and James sat next to Lily, his leg not so subtly inching across until it was pressed against hers, making Remus wink at him.
Peter sat on the windowsill, content watching the traffic below whiz by.
“This place is nice!” Peter had said earnestly as they had entered, whilst Sirius just looked around with narrowed eyes and said nothing.
They chatted amiably, most of the conversation focussed around Peter and James getting to know Lily more, with Remus making occasional comments, and Sirius remaining quiet, for the most part.
“I should go, boys. It was lovely to meet you all!” Lily said cheerfully at about half eleven, giving Remus a kiss on the cheek and scooting off the bed and off home.
“You two aren’t…” James trailed off, looking pointedly at Remus’ cheek and the doorway Lily had just disappeared through.
“Not at all mate. You go for it.” Remus said.
Sirius stood up suddenly.
“Are you all just okay with this?” he said, looking between Peter and James.
“Sirius.” James said, warningly, the way he might have spoken to a child about to knock a glass vase off a table.
“What, you really mean to tell me you don’t give a shit about all this? The lying? The secrecy?” Sirius said venomously.
“Moony’s entitled to his own life, Padfoot.” Peter said slowly, hesitantly. He was a stranger to this kind of conflict between friends. Remus beamed at him. What a good friend Petey was.
“It really hit me hard, Sirius. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. It wasn’t an easy thing to go through.” Remus said, trying to be reasonable.
Sirius pinked with rage, and before he even opened his mouth, Remus knew exactly what was coming.
“Not an easy thing to go through? At least your dad didn’t beat you, or starve you. I cannot fucking believe this.”
Remus slumped back on the bed, rage bubbling up inside. He always forgot how immature and self-centred Sirius can be. It was never his fault, of course. He was still just seventeen, and he’d been through hell. Remus understood. Remus just wished Sirius would try and understand other people too, sometimes.
“Sirius-” James started, voice quiet. Peter had shrunk against the windowsill. He looked scared.
Remus was angry though. It was quite a foreign feeling to him, but he was really feeling it now.
“For fucks sake, Sirius, I get that your family is the worst, but just because it might be worse doesn’t mean bad things can’t also happen to other people. My dad left me. Can’t you have some fucking empathy for two seconds? My dad left me and you had James, but me and mam had no one.” Remus was nearly shouting by the end. “We had no-one. You’re still living in a five bedroom house in one of the poshest parts of London, and I’m in a minuscule flat that still costs so much I’m having to work through A-levels just so we can pay for heating. Christ sakes, not everything is about you.” the ‘you’ was flung, sharp as a knife and accusatory. Remus took a deep breath, snatched a box from his bedside table and left the room.
===
James followed Remus without even a look back at Sirius, and Peter gave him one desperate glance before hurrying out. He heard the front door shut, and it felt a bit like his heart was breaking.
He sat down on the bed, cradling his head in his hands, before he got a text from James, telling him to just go home.
He could feel the disappointment through the screen, and it took all his effort not to let tears spill over onto his cheeks as he made his way back to the Potter’s house.
He begged off school the next day.