12
"Wha- did I do something? I'm sorry." Hermione voice catches in her throat. "I'm sorry. I can't control that I cry. I wish I didn't. I'm sorry."
She was on the verge of bursting into hysterics. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to hold back the tears.
Hermione knew she was a messy disaster when drunk, but she felt safe sharing that moment with Draco. She didn't want to ruin it, and that's exactly what she had done.
"Oh for the love. Stop crying Hermione. What's happening?" He asks after several minutes of watching her try to contain her cries.
"I'm drunk with you and you're bloody beautiful and I've ruined it with my crying. I'm sorry I ruined it. I didn't mean to. I was happy snogging you, sort of. You make me feel something even if I know I should hate you." She admits sniffling back her snotty nose.
He sighed and hesitated answering.
"You did not ruin anything." He says after a minute.
"Yes I did. That's why you stopped snogging me. I'm messy and emotional and I'm not your type."
He snorts and the corner of his mouth quirks. "You are a bloody mess. You're a hot mess from your hair to your mental state. But you did not ruin anything Granger. It's me. I shouldn't be snogging you no matter how lonely either of us get. We both know it. But I promise it's not you."
Hermione partly wished this night hadn't happened. Now there would be something between them, as if they didn't have enough emotions towards each other anyway they did not need more.
But it was sort of nice. Spending the night with someone and having an actual conversation. It felt good having someone interested in her life. He made her feel nice.
"I should go home and get some sleep. I'm exhausted." She says standing up from the couch. He followed her up and to the door.
His hand reaches up and brushes a curl out of her face. "Thank you for keeping me company tonight. It's nice having someone to cares. Or pretends to. Please send a message through the galleon when you make it home so I know you didn't splinch yourself to death."
"Oh before I forget, the object it's in aunt Bellas vault. It's a cup of some sort."
She nods and rises to her tip toes and places a kiss on his cheek.
Her face blushes slightly.
She wanted to ask how he knew but he knew she shouldn't ask yet. Enough questions have been asked and answered tonight, plus he had just sold his own family out.
Once she makes it to Grimmuald place she rubs the coin between her finger and sends a short message.
"Home, Thank you for tonight."
He replies almost instantly.
"Please don't think something is wrong with you. You're perfect Granger."
Her heart sinks.
The way he touched her made her wanted to cry. He touched her like he meant it. She never knew someone could touch her and make her feel like it meant something. She never knew she could touch someone and make them feel something. The way he groaned when she moved against him filled her with a powerful feeling.
Hermione had been so busy throughout the years she hadn't been able to form a real romantic relationship. She could never allow herself to feel something for someone when her and her friends lives were at stake.
But feeling the way Draco made her feel that night made her want more. She wanted more of him. More of his skin against hers. She wanted to feel his fingers tracing circles on her skin for hours. She was so safe with him.
She had kissed Viktor and not felt emotionally towards him. It was just a kiss, nothing more. She had watched Ron and his partners. He had sex. Nothing more until Lavender.
She wanted this kiss with Draco to be that. Just a kiss, nothing more. She hoped she could walk away and not obsess over it. She wanted to not feel this way after kissing him.
She didn't want things to be personal between them. Hermione was supposed to use him for his intelligence.
She wanted to be able to walk away after kissing him and not care if he snogged someone else five minutes later.
But that's not how she felt.
Kissing Draco had made her feel so safe. It had felt so personal. It was theirs. Their secret. He had made her feel how lonely she was and he healed it. Even if just for a few minutes. She felt better. She felt better knowing she wanted someone and they wanted it as much as she did.
Hermione had felt wanted for the first time in such a long time.
Draco Malfoy had seen the darkness in the world, and he understood Hermione had seen it too. He had understood her loneliness because he was lonely too. Draco was not mad at her for being messy. He wasn't mad at her for wanting to be loved. He wasn't mad at her.
She tried to tell herself that Draco kissed her because he wanted her. Because he was interested. But he knew it was probably to fill his void of loneliness. He would have kissed anyone if that meant he wouldn't feel lonely.
It was unfair that it could only happen that once. She deserved to be loved.
It was so unfair, but that was just their luck.
She craved him. His lips pressed against hers. His tongue sliding into her mouth tracing her teeth. The way her hands felt in his silky platinum hair. She craved the way his hands laced into her tangled mess of curls.
Part of her never wanted to see him again despite how badly she wanted to kiss him. She felt that it would hurt something inside her seeing him and knowing she couldn't have him.
But she couldn't just walk away, no, this was important. She had to hide her feelings and keep using him. He was a necessity to saving her friends lives.
Luckily for her nobody was awake as she arrived home around Four in the morning.
She was happy nobody was awake. Her hair was a mess and her eyes where red from crying.
Hermione fell asleep in her bed after fighting to keep her eyelids open.
As soon as Hermione woke the next morning she rushed into Harry and Rons room.
"Merlin Mione. Knocking would have been nice." Ron said pulling his blanket up to cover his bare chest.
"Sorry, er. It's not like i've never seen you without a shit we've been friends for years. Listen, I have an er- idea about a horcrux." Hermione says quite fast.
Harry and Ron shoot a quick glance at each other before sitting up in sync to listen to her. Ron was still covering his chest.
"So when we were at the Malfoy manor and Bellatrix was er- um interrogating me. She continued to ask what else we took from her vault. She was very freaked out that we had been in there. She's also one of Vol- You know who's most trusted followers so it makes sense that she would have one, right?"
"Yea- Yeah. That makes sense. How would we get in there though? I bet she's warned them someone has been in her vault." Harry replies. His brows are furrowed and she can tell he's deep in thought.
"I'm not sure mate. We could polyjuice ourselves, we're pretty good at that." Ron says.
"What If I polyjuice myself as Bellatrix. I'm sure there's a hair of hers on my clothes from that day. You two could come under the cloak." Hermione suggests. It would be risky but if they made it out they could have a horcrux. They would be one step closer to defeating the dark lord.
Ron and Harry shoot worried looks at each other for a moment.
Ron motions his head towards Hermione.
Harry clears his throat. "Uh. Mione, we were thinking about doing the rest of the hunt on our own. You're just very er- important here and if something happened to you the order wouldn't have a healer to help Pomfrey and we can't afford time or money to train a new healer."
Hermione insides started to burn with anger. How dare they want to do this without her? They took her out of fighting and now their hunt.
"I've saved your asses so many times. Without me you two would probably be dead. Harry you have a massive hero complex and to be quite frank Ronald is an absolute buffoon. You need me." She sneers at them. She was now seeing red.
"Told you she wouldn't take it well mate." Harry whispers to Ron.
"Fine. Go get yourself killed." She says before storming out of their room.
They don't get to do this to her. Without her they would have gotten themselves killed their first year.
Aside from being angry Hermione was hurt. They were her best friends, this mission had been theirs and now they decided to exclude her from it.
Tears had begun to bubble at her eyes.
The only thing she had left was the slight hope of saving Harry and Ron, she only had the hope of winning left. And they were taking that away from her.