6
During their next meeting Draco had continued to teach her occlumency. He did not try to hurt her, he knew she had been through enough pain with his aunt. Even though he knew what she was doing he played along when she would race to protect a fake memory, or when he fought against her walls and when she decided she could let them fall he pretended not to know.
He was a good teacher.
He came across the memory of getting caught in the woods. He watched as Scabior traced his nasty fingers across her face and called her sick names. He felt how repulsed she was at him.
They continue playing their games for some time. He eventually finds the memory of her getting mutated by Bellatrix. He sees her laying on the floor watching him.
He pulls himself out of her mind. "Why would I enjoy watching that?" He asks.
"You used to thoroughly enjoy me being miserable. I thought for sure you would have been amused by my pain." She sneers at him.
"I've been that person before. The one laying in their own puddle of blood. I've felt the pain of a sore throat so bad it bleeds. I would not wish that on anyone." He says sounding small.
Hermione does not know if he's speaking about being the target of a sectumsepmra in sixth year, or if he had been a victim of torture like her.
Draco moved towards her. He moved like he was ready to attack someone at any moment, but he moved gracefully.
She watched the way he brushed his platinum hair out of his face. She studied his large hands, they were very masculine. His hands were huge and slightly bony.
Draco was beautiful, but damned.
She thought about the story of Satan. He is the prince of evil in muggle religion. He was said to be an angel once, the most beautiful. But he rebelled against God, therefor he was cast out of heaven along with the other angels who followed him. Could his story be somewhat like Malfoys? Something had triggered him to rebel against the dark lord. He could be the orders fallen angel. But instead of choosing the dark over light. He decided to join the light.
Even so, now that he was choosing the right thing, part of him would always be damned. He would always be tainted with the darkness. HIs hands would always be blood stained. Part of her felt bad for him. He is trying to redeem himself, but if they somehow manage to win this war, he will be seen as dirty, he will be a constant reminder to the world that darkness will always be here.
She still blamed him for everything. This would always be his fault in her eyes.
He was standing close to her now. "Aunt Bella trained me. My training was painful and bloody. She would cut me with her daggers when I made mistakes. It forced me to work harder than I was so I would not have to get cut. I would also have to clean up my blood. I was also crucio'd when I could not perform a task. Plus there is that fun time in the worst year of my life when your scar headed friend hit me with a curse in the bathroom and split my chest open. I still have scars. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." His lips form a small sarcastic smirk.
Hermione pulls up the sleeve of her jumper to reveal the shiny pink letters etched into her skin. His hand reaches out and traces the newly healed scars. She jerked slightly at his touch as the scars were still sensitive.
She looks up at him and watches him examine her arm. For the first time she could actually look a him and take him in. He truly was beautiful, no amount of hatred could deny that. His skin looked so soft and silky. He looked clean and like he took care of himself. But he looked tired. The war and his constant use of dark magic was probably taking a toll on him. He fought in battles, he planned with the death eaters, and then he came here to her. His days were filled. Being in top ranks had to be exhausting, and on top of that he was a spy. He risked his life everyday, and is now choosing to risk it even more, for what? She still hadn't know.
"Your turn." Hermione says. His hand draws away from hers and he begins to unbutton his shirt. Her heart starts pounding against her ribcage. This felt sort of intimate. His hands work their way down the shirt, revealing more and more of his milky white chest. He pulls the silky shirt off of his shoulders and it drops to the floor.
His chest is covered his deep silvery gashes. Harry never told her or Ron how bad it had actually been. It sort of made her mad at Harry. How could he have been so stupid to use a curse he had no knowledge of? He hadn't felt bad for what he did to Malfoy.
His arms had smaller cuts starting from his shoulders down to his wrists. The sight made her stomach churn. She wanted to hug him.
"I'm so sorry Malfoy. Harry never said how bad he had hurt you. You did not deserve the training you got, you were a child." Hermione whispers sincerely.
"Do not pretend to care about me Granger. The only reason you're even here is to save your idiotic friends. You don't give a fuck about me or my wellbeing." Draco snapped back.
He was partially correct, Hermione did not care about him. But she was sorry. He was so young, nobody deserves that.
"Stop being such a prat. You're right Malfoy, I don't care about you and that is exactly why I'm here. But I am sorry you had to get trained like that by someone who was supposed to love you. And after the war when I can tell Harry that you spied for us I'm going to slap him so fucking hard for being an idiot."
He lets out a small snort. Hermione watches as his abdomen contracts with his laugh. He was very fit. His arms were more muscular than she had thought. He had a very nice body.
"Would you like me to take my pants off too so you can look at my arse?" He asks.
Hermione had been too focused of his biceps and abdomen to realize she really had been staring at his shirtless.
"Oh I just figured you're pretty into my top half you might like what's down below too."
"You're disgusting. And for the record I was not into your top half. I was just observing." She lied.
"Right." He chuckles. "There is going to be a raid at a safe house in Kirkcaldy this week. Mulciber noticed it while placing anti- apparation wards."
The dark lord had been placing wards all over incase an Order Member was caught. The areas where you could apparate were getting smaller and smaller by the weeks.
"Thank you. I'll go tell Mad-eye." Hermione turns to leave but Malfoy grabs her by the wrist. She turns around to face him. Maybe he had more information?
He pulls her in and their lips crash together. Hermione is frozen in shock. She hadn't been kissed since last year by Ron- who was absolutely terrible at snogging. She parts her mouth slightly and kisses him back, she did not kiss him deeply and passionately, but she kissed him gently and with sweetness. Just enough for him to accept it.
He pulls his mouth away from hers. He studies her face for a moment trying to find any sort of reaction, but she did not give him one. "I had to know what it was like to kiss you. It has been so hard to restrain myself. But I own you so I reckon I can kiss you whenever I please." He smirks at her. "Now you can leave. Be safe."
__________________________________
The Order had evacuated the members from the safe house in Kirkcaldy. It was especially hard because it was occupied by a lot of children and women. It had taken them all day to get them out.
All of the children were very young so they could not apparate themselves, so that required any order member who was not in the hospital or on duty to help evacuate them.
They cleaned out the safe house of all furniture and any trace that people had been living there.
Hermione had a few days off from work. She spent them drinking excessively in her room while crying.
She cried for multiple reasons.
She cried because her job was hard. It was not just physically hard but emotionally. It was hard to watch people she grew up with dying. It was hard not being able to save people, children. It took a toll on her mental health. She couldn't sleep because they haunted her dreams. She could hear their screams.
Sometimes Hermione would dream of people who had not yet died. She would dream of Harry coming into the hospital with a curse she didn't know how to fix.
She wishes she could do something else with her life instead of working for a war.
Hermione also cried because of the overwhelming feeling of being alone. She wanted to be loved. It had been so long since someone genuinely cared about her or made her feel wanted. She hadn't had affection from someone since Ron and hers kiss which had been a year ago.
Malfoy kissed her. But he didn't kiss her because he fancied her. He kissed her because he could. He knew it would anger her. He wanted a reaction from her.
He hated her. The feeling was mutual.
Some days she felt so alone she wished she wasn't alive. Life was so overwhelming without anyone to confide in.
Hermione couldn't allow herself more than a few days a month to self pity. She had duties to attend to constantly. She had to pretend to be strong for everyone. People depended on her.
So on her free days off, Hermione did nothing but cry in bed and drink.