Chapter 3
This was it. The performance of Romeo and Juliet. Regulus was standing behind the closed curtains, body full with tension, his brain full of anxiety. ‘Breath’ he tought to himself ‘just breath in, and out.’ He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. Suddenly he fealt someone gently grab his hand. “Hey” Pandoras quiet and gentle voice said from next to him “you will be amazing!” She said before giving his hand a little squeeze. Regulus opened one of his eyes and blinked at her. Then he amiled slightly and slowly slipped his hand out of hers with one last ressureing smile.
As Regulus walked up to his spot behind the curtains, he heared the crowd outside go quiet. ‘Here it goes’ he tought while breathing out one last big breath before opening his eyes. He opened his eyes just in time to see the heavy red curtains starting to lift up. The musice began to play and Regulus knew exactly what he had to do.
His mind was blank for most of the performance. He knew that Lily Evans was Juliet but he only knew because he remembered from practices. At that exact moment, he couldn’t tell who he was danceing with. His body, his eyes, his mind, it all just felt numb. He didn’t see-see what he was doing. He just knew. He didn’t even realise that they were dancing in front of such a big crowd. He also didn’t see the big hazelbrow eyes fixed on him from behind big, round glasses during the whole performance.
James watched Regulus without even blinking. Or so he taught. He was just so amazed by the other boys danceing, that he totaly forgot everything else around him. James couldn’t understand how Regulus did all those steps and jumpsa and everything without breaking his leg or collapsing onto the floor. I mean yeah, he did sports too, football to be specifice, but that was nothing like this. He may have found ballett itself a bit boreing but Regulus’s danceing was just fascinateing.
Lily Evans was Juliet. She wen’t to the same school as James and Regulus. She had been in James’s and Sirius’s year. James has had a huge crush on her in second, third and fourth year. He asked Lily out multyple times, she always said no. After a while he got tired and just gave up on asking her out. And so he eventually fell out of love with her. But he didn’t expect to fall for his best mate’s little brother instead. He never did anything about it tho. He tought he was going to graduate and never see Regulus ever again. But here he was, watching him dance in front of more than hundred people. Maybe this was his second chance. Maybe not, it might just be a wierd coincidence after all.
The performance ended and Regulus was exhausted. His cheeks were red, he took deep breaths but his eyes were shinening as they bowed in front of the crowd. He looked around and saw all the other dancers standing with him on the stage, most of them smileing.He felt exhausted but he didn’t care, he felt on top of the world. He grinned widely as they bowed again for the loud applaus the crowd gave them.Then he actually looked at the people who were watching them. Suddenly he spotted piercing black eyes fixed on him, burning a hole into his body. His smile immediately dropped as he saw her. Walburga Black. Her mouth was a straight line, she clapped- very slowly- but she looked like she’d rather die then be proud of Regulus. Regulus gulped as he straightened up a bit. He hadn’t seen his mother sience he ran away. Regulus took a beep breath and looked at his mother.
Walburga was staring at him, shakeing her head slightly, a dissapointed and cruel half-smile playing on her lips. Then she stopped clapping and shoot one last look at Regulus before she turned around and simply walked out. ‘Out of my life, you bitch’ Regulus tought to himself bitterly, all happieness and good feelings vanisheing from his body.
How dares she come here, after all, Regulus ran away years ago. How dares she come here and destroy his happienes with one look? What did she think when she got into her car and came to his performance? She came here and for what, to walk out of the hall after she saw the panic on his face? Was she really that cruel? Yes, she was. If looks could kill, Walburga Black would be a mass murderer.
The next thing he knew he was walking down the corridor towards the changeing rooms. He entered the boys room, hopeing no one was there yet. He did what he always did when he felt down. He always imagined his life like a lake. Sometimes he was closer to drowning, sometimes he could almost see the surface. But he never reached that surface. Not when he left his so called home, not when he was performeing and not back then when Sirius was still there. The colsest he has ever felt to the surface was, when he was high.
So he did what he supposed he had to do. The truth is, Regulus relapsed two months after he got out of rehab but he didn’t do drugs that often anymore. He swore to himself, that he will never ever return to rehab. He tryed reaching this gole by staying clean at first, but after a long time he just needed to at least see the surface of his life again. He looked around, checking if really no one else was there. After he made sure, he took the weed out of his inner jacket pocket. Regulus liked to smoke weed, he liked getting high, because when he was high his brain couldn’t function as good as it normaly does. He liked the numb feeling, the feeling of not seeing clear and seeing so much more clear at the same time. But most of all, he felt free. Free from his parents, free from Sirius, free from his duties and free from his own life.
Regulus stumbled out of the bulinding of his collage into the park a couple of streets away. He had his coat on and got changed into his normal clothes befor leaving the building but he was still cold. He tightened his jacket around himself as he walked furtger into the park. He sat down on a bench and took out a lighter. He lit his joint and slowly inhaled the weed. After a while he started feeling the familiar feelings as he smiled to himself. He was getting very high this night, so much he knew.
James was walking out of the Academy, still mesmerized by the performance. His toughts were far away as he was walking trough a park while looking at the night sky. The stars were beautiful, not that James knew much about them. Yes, Sirius and his family were named after stars but that didn’t mean James knew a single thing about stars.
As he walked, a bit out of his head, not really thinking anything, he suddenly heard a faint laugh coming from his left. He looked into the direction of the sound but didn’t see anything. He was about to turn away when he saw someone lying on in the grass a bit further away from the path. James didn’t think twice when he started walking towards the person on the ground. “Hello, are you okay?” He saked as soon as he was close enough for the person to hear him. The person looked up and just then James reckognised who it was. “Regulus? What are you doing here?” He asked genuinely confused. Regulus looked at him with glassy eyes, his pupils were strangely wide and a very un-Regulus-like grin on his face. “Look who it iiis! James Potter!” Regulus exclaimed, still on the ground.
James sat down next to him and took a closer look at Regulus’s face. His eyes were red, his pupils wide. He looked very out of it in general. James could also smell some kind of scent that didn’t belong into a park. Then it hit him. “Regulus are you high?” he turned to the boy lying on the grass next to him. “So what if I am? It’s not like I’m doing this for the furst time!” Regulus shrugged looking up at the sky.
”Wha- what do you mean you are not doing this for the first time?” James asked as he lyed down next to Regulus. “Pff Potter, you really tought someone could survive Walburga Black’s presence for 20 years and not get addicted to drugs or kill themselfs?” Regulus snorted but a sad look in his eyes, still looking at the night sky. “You are a drug addict?!” James exclaimed loudly as his head snapped up from the ground, eyes fixed on Regulus. Regulus finaly turned his head away from the sky and looked James right into the eyes. A single tear rolled down Regulus’s cheek. “Why are you surprised? After Sirius left I really didn’t know what to do anymore” he said quietly, voice barely abow a whisper. When he saw that James was about to interrupt him, he started to speak again.
”No, you don’t know the half of it Potter. Don’t you dare defend Sirius. Yes, you are his best friend, but do you know my part of the story? No you don’t so don’t you dare say a word” he hissed, more tears in his eyes. Regulus slowly started to get up, he was still high, so his sight wasn’t the clearest but he knew where he was going. Suddenly James grabbed his wrist. “Wait! You can’t tell me all this and then just leave!” He exclaimed holding onto Regulus’s wrist from the ground “Plus you are high as fuck” he added as he got up, still holding onto Regulus.
“So what do you want me to do, Potter?” Regulus asked, trying to get his wrist out of James’s grip. “Tell me” James said, voice barely above a whisper. His eyes looked so pretty in the moonlight. Regulus mentaly slapped himself for thinking that. Regulus’s eyes where full of tears. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t bring himself to tell James. James, one of the people he really wanted to know about what happened to him.
But he would tell Sirius. And Sirius will hate him even more if he finds out that Regulus has been useing drugs to cope with their family problems. Sirius will think he is weak ans selfish, that he did it only to get Sirius’s attention. After all, his brother never belived that Regulus had problems too. He was so chaught up in swiming to the surface and breaking free from their parents, that he didn’t notice Regulus drowning. Yes, Regulus felt like beeing left alone in that house was close to drowning. His life was just a bick fucking lake and Regulus couldn’t swim.
He looked away for a short second, then suddenly ripped his wrist out of James’s grip and started running. He didn’t know where or for how long he ran, but he just couldn’t look James in the eyes without crying. He tryed to whipe the tears running down his face away but they just came floading from his eyes. After a while he stopped running.
In that second everything went quiet. Everything stopped it felt like someone paused time. He looked around himself but he was to dizzy and his vision to blury. He heared a fainth shout from somewhere behind him, but he couldn’t hear it clearly. The next thing he knew, everything went black.