In the community of Mend along the Furbish island, at the Xiao Long-Belladonna household, Yang and Blake were going over some stuff. “I have this odd job that I need doing for some extra cash, can you take care of the groceries today?” Yang asked.
“Sure, no problem. You got the list?” Blake replied. Yang sent the list over the scroll. Blake looked at the top of the list. “Another alarm clock? We should start buying them in bulk. Or you could, you know…not wreck it every morning.”
“You did wreck an alarm clock that one time too.” Yang huffed.
“Once! It was louder than expected.” Blake noted. “Please be more careful with the next one.”
“No promises.” Yang said. “Also bring some of those strawberry stuffed cookies for Ruby. She deserves a reward for that A+.”
“I will. And to think she didn’t do the same to this like she did that potato clock.” Blake said. “Well of your job you go, I’ll take care of the rest.” She said as she gave a kiss to Yang. “If you can finish the job quickly, we may have a bit of times to ourselves.”
“I wish I could take you right now but we’d be late and not get anything done before Ruby comes back from school. Oh curse the responsibility of adulthood.” Yang said.
“I meant streaming anime and cuddles, you horny bombshell.” Blake noted. “But we may fit that one too if we are quick.”
“You know I love you, Blake.”
“Love you too Yang.”
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“All right, I am going to this job interview, and everything needs to go perfectly. I can’t rely on the funds I took before leaving Atlas forever…can you take care of the groceries today, Mako?” Winnifred Snow aka Winter Schnee asked her girlfriend Mako.
The shark faunus woman grinned her usual wide sharp-toothed smile. “No worries, Mo leannan (1), I’ll take care of it, give ya one thing less to worry about among the billion of other things ya worry about.”
“I sometimes feel you don’t worry enough, Mako.” Winter noted.
“Ye do know that you got this job in the bag? Like if a strong bonnie lass like you can’t nail this simple job in security? You’re Winter fookin’ Schnee, yer presence is going to move that company up the list just by steppin’ in.”
“I’m going as Winnifred Snow, not Winter Schnee, and her records are different.” Winter noted. “And if they see past it…”
“With the fact Capt’n James Ironcheeks himself arranged it, doubt they will notice a thing. You’re still registered as an accomplished Huntress. It’s gonna be braw (2).” Mako assured her. “So get yer ass over there and blow them away.”
“Know that your confidence in me is very appreciated.” Winter said. “I hope to be able to come home with good news.”
“I’m already ready to celebrate with ye in private, just the both of us.” Mako said as she stroked her finger past Winter’s chin.
“Does every thought you have lead to eventual copulation between the two of us?” Winter asked.
“I meant streaming anime and cuddles but damn, for one time yer mind’s dirtier than mine.” Mako laughed.
Winter pouted and turned red. “Don’t pretend you weren’t thinking it.”
“And seriously, ‘copulation’? Is there a more formal way to call it?” Mako said as she still had some giggles.
“Just go get the damn groceries.” Winter droned.
“Yes, ma’am! Happy wives, happy lives.” Mako said with an over the top salute.
“She’s an idiot…But she’s my loveable idiot.” Winter said with a soft smile.
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“This is an insane price for a box of strawberry cookies.” Blake muttered, she was already at the store. “But a promise is a promise, Ruby deserves a treat for hard work…let’s see next on the list, veggies. Good luck getting Ruby to eat those but wait…oh in a cheesy pasta dish we may actually get her to eat broccoli and cauliflower. And look, pasta and cheese on the list.” Blake looked in the pasta isles. “Dinosaur pastas, she will not be able to resist those…oh, they got ankylosaur-shapes now. If only there were sabertoothed tigers in there…”
“Salted caramels for the salty little lad, and sweet licorice for the sweet little lass.” Mako said, also getting some sweets. “Winter also deserves a treat. Dunno why she loves black licorice so much, tastes like sugar mixed with ash to me, but if it keeps her happy…” Mako said. “Next some tatties. (3) Kids gonna learn to appreciate normal boiled taters. ”
Blake pulled out her scroll. “Now let’s what else is on sale today…wait a minute, Captain Wellerman’s Spicy Tuna bites? I must have those!” Blake rushed to the seafood aisle.
“Captain Wellerman’s Spicy Tuna bites are having a sale? That’s barry (4)!” Mako had also checked her scroll, and now put it away to head for the seafood aisle.
Both of them were sad to see that it was almost sold out aside a single box. Damn it, If they knew earlier they’d have gone for the seafood right away. The two came in at the opposing ends of the corridor. They were really set on those delicious fishy snacks. But they saw each other come into the aisle. They were both aware one another is a sub-species of Faunus that loves fish. They also both stared at the box, to each other, back at the box, back to each other. Both knew what was going on. Both put on a war face.
They stared each other down, and got into position, maybe to throw hands. But things were going to get intense. Both of them thought something similar.
‘Oh no you don’t, you wee posh cunt!’
‘You’re nyot going to take them, espèce de beauf (5)!’
They ran for it. At great speed, they rushed at the box. Both made it at the same time and put their hands on the box, pulling. Mako landed the first hit, headbutting Blake hard and pushing her back. Blake let go, but she tackled Mako, hitting her with her elbow in the stomach, making Mako drop it. She grabbed it and wanted to run, but she was grabbed by her tail and thrown across the aisle.
Mako held up the box and shook it to taunt Blake, as suddenly something was off with Blake. She focused and swung her arm back, nearly hitting the real Blake. “Ah, ye have a little multiplyin’ trick, no doubt a Semblance. Shame it won’t work on me. Us sharks can sense electronical impulses of livin’ beings. Your clones won’t fool me. I also have a Semblance. See ya!”
Mako sank into the ground with her semblance and began to swam away. However, Blake took her shopping cart, threw it over her shoulder, into the ground and the shockwaves from it caused Mako to pop out of the ground startled. “What the blazes?”
“I’m a cat Faunus…I have very acute senses. You can’t escape me…” Blake said.
“Oh, ya want a bite of me, kitty?” Mako asked.
“Cats eat fish.” Blake hissed.
“Sharks eat anythin’.” Mako growled.
They rushed at each other. Mako threw a punch, which Blake caught, put her elbow on Mako’s and launched a strike with her clawed hand. Mako dropped the box and held it with her tail as she caught Blake’s strike as their arms tangled. They tried to push or pull one another over. Blake kicked of a nearby wall and jumped up, flipping over Mako, twisting their arms so Mako would be at a disadvantage. But Mako was more limber then she looked and twists herself so she would not be in an uncomfy position. She then charged forward, intending to pin Blake against a wall, but Blake dropped herself down on her back, planted her feet in Mako’s stomach and knocked her in the wall behind her.
Blake picked up the box of tuna treats and ran for it. However the box was shot out of her hand and pinned into a wall in front of her. She saw it was done with a needlefish. She turned around, Mako holding several needlefish in one of her hands, between her fingers like kunai. She held a swordfish in her other hand.
Blake shot her a dirty look, grabbed an eel from the fish stand, threw up a lobster, and whipped the eel in such a way it wrapped around the lobster, creating a makeshift weapon not unlike her Gambol Shrouds grapple form.
“Ya ready to be beaten down into the ground, ya plookie-face hing oot? (6)” Mako asked.
“Prêt à te faire botter le cul, fille de pute! (7)” Blake retorted.
The two rushed at each other. Blake swung her makeshift eel-lobster weapon, with Mako holding the swordfish in front of her to block the blows. She thrusted the swordfish forward like a sword, which Blake avoided. Several needlefish were thrown at her, but Blake swung the eel-lobster thing in front of her to deflect them before swinging the weapon at Mako. Mako leaned back, planted her free hand into the ground and kicked upwards to knock the eel out of her hands before trying to swing the swordfish at Blake. She jumped up landed ninja style on the tip of the swordfish’s nose.
“…Ah gotta admit, that’s pretty cool.” Mako noted. Blake responded by quickly grabbing the swordfish between her feet, and did an overhead throw with her legs into Mako’s face. Mako responded with a headbutt that knocked Blake out of the air, onto the ground, landing on her back and sliding to the floor, but she was able to turn that into a backwards flip to land on her feet.
Mako charged into Blake and grabbed her. But Blake wriggled out of her grip with her cat-like agility, and twisted herself around Mako until her legs were around her face, she swung herself horizontally like a helicopter blade to spin Mako around, knocking her off balance, before letting go and kicking Mako in the head, knocking her down. Mako spat out one of her teeth. Luckily they will grow back…Mako grabbed Blake again, this time holding on, and did the wrestling move where she bent over and dragged Blake overhead, and slammed her head into the ground.
A normal civilian shopper was going down the pasta isle. “Whoa, the dinosaur pasta has ankylosaurs! This is great.” He jumped a bit when the shelf next to him was knocked over and Mako and Blake came rolling like a cartoon ball of violence with the dustcloud. The guy blinked. “Going to go to the snack and soda isles, this is better then tv!”
The two were now on the snack aisle. Blake found a pack of hard tack. She opened it and held the hard bready squares like weapons. Mako grabbed a package of peanuts and put her in her mouth. Blake threw the hard tack tiles like shuriken while Mako spat the peanuts form her mouth like a pellet gun. Several tacks and peanuts knocked one another from the air, but both Blake and Mako were hit between the eyes by a stray nut and tack. They rubbed their foreheads and growled at each other.
“Yer not a bad fighter, kitty-cat, but I am the one walkin’ away with the tuna bites!” Mako said.
“You are a tough little cookie, fish-lips, but the fishy delights are mine!” Blake replied.
“No way in hell, flea-bitten, fur-faced, Slipper-Wielding, clipe-dreep-bauchle, gether-uping-blate-maw, bleathering, gomeril, jessie, oaf-looking, stauner, nyaff, plookie, mongrel, milk-drinking, mim-moothed, sniveling, worm-eyed, hotten-blaugh, vile-stoochie, callie-breek-tattie?” Mako said, going on a series of insults. (8)
Blake’s eyes widened. “Oh yeah, well…casse-toi, espèce de sardine envahie,
andouille, boudin, reine des cons, casse-couille, trou de ballet, Tête de nœud,
lavette, balai de chiotte. Je te chie dans le cou, progéniture d'un poissonnier ivre. Tu es bête comme tes pieds et tu sens le poisson pourri. ” (9)
“…I didn’t understand a word you just said, but I know it was a string of insults.” Mako droned.
“Yeah, same.” Blake answered.
“Gotta admit, you matched my energy.” Mako noted.
“Yeah…You also have a way with words. Didn’t understand but sounded intense.” Blake replied.
Both of them stared one another down before they both burst out in laughter. “Man, aren’t we acting like a couple of numpties, fightin’ over a snack. Hasn’t been an incident like this ever since the bourbon biscuit incident at me old academy.”
“And I really felt myself flashing back at my first year’s food fight…” Blake said, also looking on fondly. “I have been acting like a total pill as well. My stomach sometimes overrides my common sense. Especially when it comes to fish.”
“Takes one to know one. How about we make peace and share the snacks?” Mako said as she held out a hand.
“That seems like a good idea.” Blake shook Mako’s hand. “You put up a good fight, fishlips.”
“Same to you, hairball. Could have won if we had gone on for a little bit.” Mako said with a huge smirk.
“In your dreams.” Blake said.
The two noticed that a crowd of shoppers were nearby, munching on various snacks and drinking sodas or beers. They were holding tickets of their purchases. “I think our little scrimmage made for quite a show.” Mako noted.
“It appears to be this way…wait, what is that guy eating?” Blake noted.
One of the onlookers, a seagull faunus with white feathers for hair, orange lips, tailsfeathers and wings on his back held a familiar box. He stopped a fish-shaped treat one inch from his mouth as he looked down at the box…which had a hole in it. The two looked at where the box was last pinned to the wall…only the needlefish was still there. They looked back at the gull Faunus. The gull Faunus turned the box upside down, and only a few crumbs came out. “MINE!” he stuffed the snack in his mouth and ran like his tail feathers were on fire.
Both Blake and Mako stood there, dumbfounded. “We’ve been a couple of numpties.” Mako noted.
“Yes, we were.” Blake droned.
To add insult to injury, a worker came in with a palette of the same fish snacks they were fighting over earlier. “OH COME ON!” both Faunus cried out.
“Ahem!” one of the other employees drew their attention, and she pointed behind her with her thumb and showed the damage they did during their fighting the store. She rubbed her index finger and thumb together and held out her hand.
“Er…you think that if we pooled our lien together, we can pay off the damages?” Blake asked.
“…I hope so.” Mako gulped.
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“Thank you for giving me this opportunity, I promise I won’t disappoint you.” Winter said to her new boss, whom gave the job interview.
“What can I say? You have a good resume, Miss Snow. Happy to have you on the team. A battleaxe like you is made for this kind of job.” The boss said.
“Hey Larry, look at this clip going viral. It is about two idiots fighting over fish snacks at the Malwart!” another employee said as he shared his scroll.
“Whoa, they are really into that fight. Must be some darn good fish snacks.” The boss said.
“What kind of idiot gets into a fight over a fish bite? Wait…one of those idiots is my idiot!” Winter said.
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“Thanks for helping me move, dearie.” A kind elderly lady said to Yang.
“Nothing to worry, Mrs. Sakurai. Just doing my job, even if it is an odd one.” She said with a mock salute.
“Hey, Yang! Look at this clip, two ladies got into a fight at the Malwart!” one of her fellow movers
“Oh, I wanna see.” Yang said. “What the…Blake? And is that one of our new neighbors. But…why would she…Mr. Wellerman’s Tuna Bites? Confound it, Blake!”
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Much later in the evening then they expected to leave the store, having to manually clean up the mess and work off what their Lien couldn’t cover, the two Faunus ladies were awaited by their girlfriends. Both looked sheepish.
“Hey Winnie…had a crazy day. How was the job interview?” Mako said rubbing the back of her head.
“Oh, that went well, I got the job, thanks for asking. But I don’t feel much like celebrating when I learned my girlfriend got into a brawl in public, over a box of dried fish!” Winter said, huffy and she grabbed Mako’s ear. “I knew you were still wild, but I had thought you’d have learned since the bourbon biscuit incident.”
“Aiaiaiaiai! Not the ear!” Mako whimpered as her ear is being pulled. “I’m sorry, I was a dafty! A really big dafty! Er…I’m sleeping on the couch for the week, am I?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous, the couch is bad for your back. We have a guest room, and they already delivered the new bed for it. You can put it together yourself.” Winter said as she dragged Mako along.
“Winnie…I’m sorry. You mad?” Mako asked.
“No…just disappointed.” Winter said.
“…that actually feels worse.” Mako admitted.
With Yang. “When did it come to this? I used to be the wild party girl and you were the one whom tried to keep me out of trouble. With a few exceptions. How did you overcome your White Fang obsession but still your brain shuts down and you go beast mode when fish is involved. I have to be the responsible one here, that’s how bad it is!”
“I…think I best take the guest room for the next week.” Blake mewled.
“Yeah, that’s for the best. I had to use the ‘confound it’ line, Blake! That is normally your thing.” Yang said. She had to resist the urge to ask ‘did you win?’ because she had to remind herself she had to be the responsible one, she is raising her little sister after all. “Luckily you were allowed to work off the debt, otherwise my odd job’s earning would be gone and it would have been for nothing.”
“I am so, so sorry.” Blake noted.
“I know…” Yang sighed.
Later that evening, both Blake and Mako were lying down on their temp beds in the guest room. They didn’t look happy but didn’t complain. They have been idiots.
Winter sighed. “The bed feels unusually large and cold.” There was a pause. “Mako, you absolute dolt!”
Yang also had trouble sleeping without her kitty by her side. “I am so f***ing horny right now.” She muttered. This was going to be a long week. But she had to held out so Blake would learn her lesson.
The next morning though… “What?” Yang said as she and Blake looked at the letter. “I can’t believe your and Mako’s video went so viral Mr. Wellerman’s fish snacks sold better and they give you and her a big sum of money?”
“It appears so. Guess there really is no such thing as bad publicity.” Blake said.
“Well…at least this can go in Ruby’s school funds and we can save up a bit more for some important purchases. I guess I can let you off the hook for now. But don’t make a habit of it. Do something about your fish impulses.”
“I will. I’m sorry. Though, do I still have to wear this t-shirt?” Blake noted as she pointed at the ‘I am a dummy!’ shirt she wore. Yang bought it as a joke, and whenever one of them did something stupid, they had to wear it all day. This is the first time since they bought it Blake had to wear it.
“Yes. You do. And I still think you deserve some punishment, Kitty…” Yang said as she slammed her hand into the wall behind Blake. The Japanese call it a kabedon. “And I’ll oversee it personally.”
“…you missed me last night, didn’t you?” Blake noted.
“Yes! I need my kitty cuddles. And more!” Yang said.
“Can you please wait until I’m at school first!” Little Ruby said. Both women blushed, looked sheepish and looked away.
With Winter and Mako, they received a similar letter. “Well, I almost don’t want to accept the money because it feels letting you off easy. But these funds would do well for Weiss and Whitley’s future. So I can allow myself to loosen up. But it means that if you mess up again, I’ll be nettled for much longer.”
“I promise to be better. I’ll really try!” Mako said as she held up one of her hands. “Cross my heart and hope to die, welcome to the dark side.”
“That’s not how it goes.” Winter pointed out.
“Sorry, song stuck in my head.” Mako answered. “So…can I leave the guest room?”
“Normally I’d let you sit out the week but I’m feeling generous.” Winter said.
“You missed me.” Mako said with a smug grin.
“I will neither confirm or deny.” Winter noted.
“That is basically confirming.” Mako said.
“Adults are so weird.” Weiss noted as she ate her oatmeal.
“The fight is going to be the talk of the playground though.” Whitley noted.
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(1) Scottish for ‘my sweetheart’
(2) Very good
(3) potatoes
(4) excellent
(5) French for an uncouth or tacky person.
(6) Pimple faced woman of easy virtue.
(7) get ready to get your ass kicked, you daughter of a bitch?
(8) Basically a modified version of the Scotsman 20 second insult from Samurai Jack, modified for Mako to work on Blake.
(9) break yourself, you overgrown sardine, moron, pudding, queen of idiots, balls-breaker, bullet hole, Knothead, mop, toilet brush. I'll shit down your neck, offspring of a drunken fishmonger. You are as stupid as your feet and you smell like rotten fish.
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TRIVIA
- This is inspired by RWBY’s foodfight, Jack vs. the Scotsman from Samurai Jack, and one episode of Dexter’s Lab where Dexter’s mom and another woman fight over the last latex gloves.
- I found it funny if Blake would curse in French, since she is based on the fairytale of Beauty and the beast which is a French fairytale.
- It was surprisingly fun to research Scottish and French insults.
- It is easy to see what Malwart is based upon XD
- Wellerman’s is named after the shanty ‘The Wellerman’. Sounded great for a series of fish snacks.
- Also easy to see what the seagull faunus is based upon.