Chapter 3
James would never admit he is a borderline obsessive person. Everyone of his friends would beg to differ. Obsessed with Quidditch and formally obsessed with Lily Evans. He doesn’t think he would ever get over the game, but he did get over Lily. Granted, it only took him five years to do so, but he did it. His friends were all relieved when he announced his crush was done and over with. What is truly horrible about it this time, is that he can’t tell anyone. He can’t tell a soul that he can feel the obsession with Regulus Black creeping up his spine and prickling under his skin. Anytime he catches a glance at the other boy in the hallway or in the great hall, his heart feels like it will literally beat out of his chest. The whole situation was driving him mad. He was acting more stupid than usual while in the halls. Trying to do anything and everything to get the other boy to notice him. It kept him up at night, staring at the ceiling and his thoughts washed over him like a tidal wave. He didn’t want anything else. Nothing and nobody else besides Regulus Black. It was quite literally eating him alive.
James laid down in his bed and all the thoughts that have been eating at him started to creep back, as they have done every single night the past week. He groaned, pulling out the map and searching for the younger boy, eyes landing on his name in the astronomy tower. James smiled to himself, grabbing the invisibility cloak and heading off. He was practically running to the tower, trying to be as quiet as possible. Once he reached the stairs he started taking them two at a time. He felt as if his heart was going to explode but he knew he had to keep calm. Act as if everything was normal. Act as if he just so happened to randomly bump back into the boy again. That’s all he had to do. Just act cool and relaxed. Simple enough. Once James reached the door he took a deep breath, shaking away all the nerves that were eating away from under his skin. Once he calmed himself down he walked through the door and there he was. Regulus was staring up at the stars in the sky, leaning over the railing to get a better view. James had to keep himself from smiling before slowly making his way over. Regulus turned his head when he heard the footsteps and frowned. “What are you doing here?” He asked. James just shrugged and leaned against the railing next to Regulus.
“Couldn’t sleep. Went for a walk.” James said simply, looking up to the stars. Regulus gave James a look before going back to looking at the stars. “Can I ask you a question?” James asked. Regulus frowned again, looking over at the taller boy with a questioning look. A look that spoke a thousand words. What question could you possibly have to ask me? What could it be about? Is it about my brother? Why are you even asking to ask a question.
“I suppose.” Regulus said slowly, eyes not moving off of James’ face.
“Why do you hate me so much?” James asked, finally looking over at the other boy. Regulus looked taken aback. It was fair though. A pretty loaded question with zero build up or logical reasoning.
“I-I-” Regulus started before shaking his head and turning back to the sky. “I do not hate you Potter. I resent you and that is very different from hatred.” Regulus said slowly, like he was still trying to figure out how to answer as he was speaking. Regulus sighed and shrugged a little bit. “I never hated you. I resented what you have because I should have it. Sirius calls you his brother and you two are best friends. He was mine. He was my brother and my best friend and whether you meant it or not, you took him from me.” Regulus said and frowned. “Sirius…He was all I had,” He stared slowly. “and once he went off to school I lost him. When he would return from school for holiday or summer, it was always James this and James that. It felt as though he didn’t care about me anymore and you were the only thing I could think of that would change that.” Regulus said, eyes not moving an inch from the sky. James frowned and just stared at the other boy for a few minutes, trying to find the right words to say.
“I’m sorry…” James mumbled. “I-I didn’t mean to steal him away.” James said simply but he meant it. Even before his new found fascination with Regulus, he never wanted to hurt him. “When me and Sirius became friends, I was so excited when he told me he had a brother. He would go on and on about you all the time. I was even more excited when he told me you would be coming to school the next year. I wanted to meet you so bad. Then the next year came around and you sat with us on the train and…you just didn’t talk. You sat there in almost complete silence and I just didn’t think you wanted anything to do with us.” James frowned. “And I just remember being so crushed. I really really wanted you to like me.” He said softly and sighed, sitting down and letting his legs hang over the edge of the tower, leaning his arms on the railing.
Regulus frowned but kept his gaze up. “I really wanted you to like me too.” He said quietly. So quiet James could barely hear it but it made his heart jump nonetheless. Regulus wanted James to like him. “But when I got on the train…I-I just realised that you were all so….so different then me. You were loud and outgoing and I’m not like that. I heard about all of you guys the entire summer, especially you. Sirius would go on and on about how we would all hang out and everything. I think he was still holding out hope I wouldn’t be a Slytherin. Then I got sorted and everything changed. He didn’t talk to me anymore.” Regulus shrugged. “As much as Sirius hoped, I knew the second I met you lot, we would never be friends.”
“Regulus, we can still be friends..” James started slowly, looking up at the other boy to try and read his emotions, but was only met with a shake of the head.
“No. No you need to stop.” Regulus said bluntly and moved away from the railing. “I am not my brother Potter. I do not need to be saved. I am very content and do not wish to be saved so stop it.” He said sharply. James frowned and shook his head, jumping to his feet to meet the other boys gaze.
“That’s not what I’m saying, Regulus. I’m not going to try and save you if you don’t want to be saved. I-I just want to be friends.” James said. It was a lie. Well, kind of. Did he want to save Regulus? Yes. But he understood why he said he didn’t want saving. Regulus had a standard he felt he needed to meet for the sake of his family. Did James really just want to be friends? Also no. But he still wasn’t 100% sure he knew what he wanted yet either.
“I’m serious, Potter. I know you. I know who you are. You have this..this mindset that you need to save people. You always try to see the best in people. I do not need to be saved by you. I know that you know I’m not a good person. I’m not! I’m not a good person and I don’t need you in my life trying to fix me when I most certainly do not need to be fixed!” Regulus snapped, taking a few steps back. “I do not need to be saved and I do not need to be fixed.” He said again firmly. James frowned and shook his head a little bit.
“I’m not trying to save you Regulus. I know you don’t need to be fixed. I truly do just want to be a friend to you.” James said slowly. “I promise.” He knew Regulus was not a trusting person. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to get through his shell. But James was more than willing to put in the time and effort it took to get Regulus to trust him. It wasn’t even a want anymore. He didn’t just want Regulus to trust him, he needed it. James could see the cold expression on Regulus’ face. Untrusting and distant. The other boy just stared at him with what was almost a glare. Regulus was trying to figure out if James was lying or not. If he meant what he said, but as he was thinking about it, he realised who he was dealing with. This wasn’t just anybody. This was James Potter. James Potter who Regulus didn’t know, but knew everything about. He knew this boy was more loyal than anyone else, he stayed true to his word and kept promises like his life depended on it. He was a Gryffindor after all. A few minutes of silence went by, each boy just staring at the other, waiting for the other one to make the first move or say something first. It made James’ skin burn.
“O-Okay.” Regulus said slowly and sighed. “Okay. Fine, but my brother can not know. Nobody can know.” He said simply.
James almost collapsed from shock. The second the words left Regulus’ mouth, he felt as if his heart was going to explode out of his chest. “Okay?” He asked nervously. Regulus nodded in response and reached his hand out for James to shake.
“Yes. Okay. Friends.” Regulus repeated. James took the other boy's hand in his own and it felt like electricity was coursing through his entire body.
“Friends.” James smiled. He was always good at hiding how he was truly feeling. Good at hiding nerves or anger. He liked to think he was good at hiding whatever emotion was filling up his chest. He couldn’t even put a finger on it, but he was instantly hooked. He was addicted to the feeling that was pulsing through his body and it was all because of Regulus Black. James was officially addicted and he never wanted to get sober.