The truth
The first thing you notice, when you wake up is that the other side of the bed is empty. You are used to it now, Emily is never there in the morning.
Yesterday was like every other night, you came home from a case, went for drinks and Emily went home with you. She fucked you passionately and cuddled you to sleep. After you feel asleep she snuck out. Just like every fucking other time.
Every morning you feel your heart break a little more. No feelings was the deal but you couldn’t help but falling in love with her. I mean of course you fell in love with her, she was everything you ever dreamed of. She doesn’t know, her knowing wouldn’t do any good. She would probably end things and that’s the last thing you want.
After getting dressed, you pick up your stuff and run to the car. Work starts in 20 minutes and your drive to the bureau usually takes 15 so you have to hurry up.
Surprisingly you made it just in time. Coming through the door you see JJ, Derek and Emily sitting and talking. Your heart ached at the sight of her laughing over some random joke Derek made. Her laugh made your knees weak. Putting your stuff down you greeted your team and walked straight into the kitchen to pour yourself some coffee.
„Everything alright?“, JJ asked leaning to the counter next to you, a worrying expression on her face. JJ was your best friend since you joined the team. Of corse JJ knows about your feelings for Emily, she often told you to end things between the two of you. JJ doesn’t understand why you torture yourself everyday by waiting for her to make things official.
„Yup everything you fine“, you answered her with a not so convincing smile. „You shouldn’t be doing this and I“, „Yes you think I should stop sleeping with her. I know what you think about all of that“ you interrupted JJ. It doesn’t matter what she tells you, even if she just wants to help. You don’t have the strength to argue with her about your miserable love life.
The truth is you think eventually Emily will make things official. Maybe tomorrow, next week or next month, it doesn’t matter. You will wait for her, no matter how long it takes.
Hotch called you to let you know there is a new case. Thankfully it’s not far away so you don’t have to take the jet. „JJ, Emily, Y/N you are going to the police station. Look through the evidence, maybe you find out something more. Morgan and Rossi you go to the family’s of the victims“ Hotch announced.
The drive to the station is filled with random conversations between Emily and JJ. Sitting in the backseat you look outside the window. The unsub killed two girls in the last week, you have to find him before he destroys more families.
Inside the police station the three of you walk over to a bunch of people sitting on a table. Suddenly Emily stops in her tracks, you feel her tense up beside you. Confused, you looked over to her but before you could ask her what was going on a man interrupted you.
„Emily what are you doing here“, the man asked. He was good looking, probably a few years older than you. „This morning you told me you didn’t have a case“.
Your world stopped spinning. This morning? The man saw Emily this morning? Did they already know each other? And then you realised. Emily wasn’t just not ready to make things official, she already had something official. Just not with you.
Your ears started ringing, your heart was racing. You failed to realize JJ looking at you, knowing exactly what you think in this moment.
While Emily and the man were still talking you slipped out of the station to get air. Breathing heavily you hold onto the railing to stop yourself from falling down.
You felt a soft touch on your shoulder, turning around you see JJ with a sad expression.
„Y/N“, „No please stop talking JJ. I just need a moment please“, you began weakly. She saw the deep sadness in your eyes. With a soft sigh she nodded and leaned against the railing, you were desperately gripping on.
After a few minutes you could breathe again the two of you went in again to continue working on the case.
The rest of the day was a blur. You couldn’t concentrate on anything that has been said, you couln’t look at Emily and the man, Marc as you found out.
The first time you could feel like there was enough oxygen in your lungs again was after you got out of the car. The ride home was uncomfortable with Emily knowing she fucked up, and JJ looking like she wants smack Emily head against a tree. You couldn’t blame her.
Walking over to your car, to get home as fast as possible, Emily grabbed your arm.
„Y/N please wait let me explain“, Emily begged.
„I can’t Emily. You are… fuck Em don’t you see how wrong this is? The worst thing isn’t that I fell in love with you thinking you could feel the same, or the fact that you lied straight into my face. No the worst thing is that I am now the women who slept with someone in a relationship. I don’t just hate you, on top of that I hate me too“ you hissed at her.
Not waiting for an answer you got into your car starting it. Emily just stands there completely overwhelmed, with tears streaming down her face looking at your car speeding into the night