the lakes
James POV
April 1978
*****It was spring. The cool breeze stroked both of their faces. It was heaven. Regulus had his head right in the center of James’s criss-crossed legs.
Regulus was humming a tune James had never heard. He thought about asking but he didn’t want to hear it stop. The younger boy had a talent.
He was reading a book. The Chosen. He was in his own little world.
James, meanwhile, (besides watching Regulus) was watching a couple of ducks in the pond ahead of them. It was a male and a female. They swam towards the beach where there seemed to be a nest. Inside there was four ducklings. The six seemed happy.
It was a funny label to put on ducks, but it worked.*****
February 1979
It was the middle of the night. James didn’t know what he was doing there. It was freezing out. There was bloody snow on the ground.
A single tear rolled down his cheek. They say all good things come to an end. James thought they lied when it came to Regulus.
His single tear quickly turned into a sob. He fell to his knees.
“I wish you were here Reg,” He whispered in between sobs.
*****Regulus laughed. It was a sound that James could hear forever and never get sick of. It was perfect.
“What’s so funny?” James asked looking down at his partner.
“You,”
“Explain, please,”
“The way you’re watching those ducks. You’re so focused,”
They both let out laughs. Nothing could be more perfect.
James leant down and kissed the boy in his lap. It was a bit awkward considering the position. It was as if Regulus was upside down.
It only got the two laughing more.
“I love you Regulus Black.”
“I love you James Potter.”*****
He was laying in the snow now. Looking up at the stars. He tried to spot Regulus up there. It was no use. He was always shit at astronomy. Besides you can barely even see it without a telescope.
James took a deep breath and exhaled. A cloud a appeared in front of his mouth. He didn’t care anymore. The cold was more bearable than not having Regulus.
August 1978
*****That summer had been amazing. They were both home all the time since university was on break. But they had to go back soon.
It would be hard. It’d have to go back to the way it was. Only seeing him on few the weekends he was home. It was worse when the weekends they were home didn’t line up.
“James?” Regulus caught James’s attention. They were in the meadow again. It was silent but in a good way. It wasn’t awkward. It was just nice.
“Yes?”
Regulus was laying next to James on the grass, the two looking at the stars.
“What d’you reckon will happen after university?”
The moon provided just enough light to see he was wearing a blue striped button up tee. The top three buttons weren’t done up so a bit of his chest was out. Hickies lined his collar bone. James smiled at the thought.
I did that.
“I dunno. I’ll get a job. You’ll get a job. Maybe we move in together, yeah?”
“People would get suspicious, though, wouldn’t they? Especially my brother,”
“Fuck Sirius,”
“You don’t mean that, he’s your best mate,”
“We could say we’re moving in together because it’s cheaper to have a roommate. We can’t afford to live alone. I mean that bit is true anyways,”
“James, I’m serious,” Regulus sat up, supporting himself with only his elbow.
“No, you’re Regulus,”
“Jesus, James,” Regulus was fully sat up at this point.
“Reg, I’m just joking around,”
Regulus didn’t answer. Instead he stood up and walked away. James didn’t try and stop him. He knew it would be no use. So he sat there. Watching his lover walk away.*****
James finally stood up. His jacket and pants, covered in snow. Why did he do this to himself.
Why did Regulus do that. Why did he go out that night. If they hadn’t fought everything would’ve been fine.
*****The next day Regulus showed up. He was later than usual. But he was there. That’s all that mattered to James at the moment.
“Reg…” James was sitting on the ground with his journal in left hand. Regulus didn’t sit. He just stood looking down at James.
“We can’t move in together. You need to accept that.”
“Oh…”
“I’m just being realistic here.”
“Yeah well maybe we can dream every once in a while,” James stood up. He was ten centimeters taller than Regulus.
“Having dreams only lead to dissatisfaction,”
“Jesus,” James turned away.
“Please, James. You know I’m right,”
“Yeah well maybe you’re not!” He whipped his head back around to face Regulus.
He’s never yelled at Reg before. He instantly regretted it when he saw the emotions flicker across his face. He seemed to go from shocked, to sad, to angry all in five seconds. It ended with his mask. James hated that mask he wore. No emotion was ever shown when he wore it. He was cold. He wasn’t Regulus.
“I am right. Because I’m smart. I’m not a hopeful idiot like you!” Cold. So cold.
James would be lying if he said he wasn’t hurt. He didn’t even bother trying to hide that fact. His face showed it all.
“Great, that’s just great, Black.”
He could see Regulus regretted his words but he didn’t care. He needed to learn his words hurt people.
So he walked. Just like Regulus had done the night before. Fuck him.*****
It was now that James regretted every wasted moment. The months that went by after that fight.
*****Regulus had tried calling. James would answer.
“Hello?”
“James,”
“Not today, Reg.”
Then he would hang up.
Regulus would call the next month.
“Hello?”
“James, you’re not an idiot,”
“I know that,”
Then he’d hang up.
The phone would ring the next month.
“Hello?”
“I miss you, James,”
“I miss you too Regulus,”
“Meet me at the meadow then,”
“Can’t. I’m leaving for New Zealand tonight.”
“Why?”
“Study abroad, because I’m not an idiot.”
“You’re seriously going off to whole other continent because I called you an idiot when I was mad?”
“No, I’ve had the offer for a while but I never went because I didn’t want to leave you,”
“I held you back.”
“Yeah. But it’s okay because I love you.”
“I love you too James,”
“But it’s too late for that,”
“Yeah, suppose it is.” Regulus sighed.
“Bye, Regulus.”
“Bye, James,”
Then he hung up.*****
He should have never went.
January 1979
*****Sirius called him sobbing.
“It’s bad James, it’s so bad,”
“What happened?”
“Regulus. He’s dead.”
James’s stomach sank to the floor. No. No. No. It wasn’t possible. No. No. No.
Then he remembered. January 9. It had been a year ago they had started going out. No. No. No.
“What?” James croaked.
“He got drunk and drove into a bloody ditch.”
“Fuck.”
His fault. It was all his fault.*****
It’d been a month. He still didn’t have the guts to go back to New Zealand. But he couldn’t stay here.
He was so lost. So lost without Regulus.