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BLACK HEIR DEAD AT EIGHTEEN: CAUSE NOT YET DETERMINED

James stared at The Daily Prophet newspaper in his hands. His whole body frozen. This couldn’t be real? Could it? No.

This was obviously a scheme that Walburga had thought up. Everyone would think he was dead and that would somehow help the Death Eaters. He thought and thought why they would do that but nothing came up.

It couldn’t be real.

Then it hit him. Sirius. As much as he loathed his brother, he still cared. What if his best friend walked in on him like this. It was just now that James realized he was sobbing.

Sirius never knew of the affair. He wouldn’t be finding out now, either. In fact, only Remus knew. James hadn’t told him but Remus had walked in on Regulus and James kissing in the dorm.

It had scared Regulus away for a couple weeks. He refused to see James. It was the worst time of his life.

It hurt even more losing Regulus to Voldemort. But in both those situations, he was alive. There was a slight chance Regulus could be saved from the Death Eaters. But now, he was really gone. There was no more possibility of accidentally running into him at Diagon Alley. The thought absolutely crushed James.

Lily. Lily could walk in at any moment. She would question why he was such a wreck. It only made him sob harder.

The phone started ringing. James really didn’t understand it. All he knew was that it was some muggle thing.

He didn’t bother picking it up. The only people that ever rang were people Lily knew. Soon the ringing stopped and his girlfriend’s voice echoed throughout the flat, “You’ve reached Lily and James, sorry we couldn’t answer! Leave a message and your number at the buzz!” The person at the other end let the line beep but stayed quiet for a moment.

“James,” It was Remus, “I know you know that Sirius and Lily are off doing something for Dumbledore…” James got up and picked up the phone.

“Remus?” James just barely squeaked out. Remus would be able to tell in less than a second that he wasn’t okay.

“You heard then?”

James only let out a sob in response.

“Sirius and Lily don’t know yet, Dumbledore likes to keep the news away from people on missions- especially this news,”

“You think I don’t know that, Remus!” James snapped. He instantly felt bad.

“I’m coming over,” The other line clicked and the phone hissed at him. Without thinking, James threw the phone across the room.

There was a loud crack then a sharp knock. No doubt Remus had aperated. James closed his eyes, maybe to ignore reality. All he saw was Regulus.

Regulus, Regulus, Regulus.

“James open the god damn door,”

He opened his eyes and walked over to the front door. It didn’t feel real. It was like some foreign body was moving his legs.

James opened the door and Remus instantly pulled him into a hug. Remus kicked the door closed while James cried into his shoulder. It hurt so much.

“It-“ James choked, “It can’t be true,”

“I know, but it is,”

“No,”

“James, you have to remember what he believed in,”

“Yeah, I’m aware, you don’t have to rub it in my face! I fell for the fucked morals Black! I fell for the scared Black! I fell for the Black that would die first! Godric, you’re such a fucking prick!” James pushed Remus away from him.

“I know you don’t mean that,” Somehow Remus’s demeanor was so… calm.

“Yeah? Maybe I do. Maybe you’re just too much of a prick to realize that.”

“James, you need to lie down.”

“You’re not my fucking mum! Don’t tell me what I need!”

“James, you’re in shock,”

“Stop saying my fucking name like that!”

“Please just- at least sit. I’m just trying to help you,”

Some of the anger fizzled out. His head wasn’t screwed on right at that moment.

After standing there, silent, for a moment he finally complied. He sat in the maroon coloured loveseat.

Remus lowered himself next to him. They sat as far away as possible. Well, until Remus put his arm around James. He had no choice but to lean in.

The tears started to flow again. Shit this was hard.

“How hard was it to get over your mum’s death?” James managed to get out. It didn’t phase him until after he said it that it maybe wasn’t the best to ask. But Remus didn’t hesitate.

“The truth is I never got over it. I just got better at managing it.”

“It’s gonna hurt like this forever?”

“No, but it’s gonna hurt for a while,”

“Fuck,”

“Yeah,”

“I can’t tell Lily,”

“Look, mate, I know you say that now, but I know you and I know Lily. You’re going to be off for a while. You were off when you and Regulus broke up. And the thing with Lily is that she notices everything. You’re really not going to be able to hide this. And if you lie she will know. She’ll probably figure out anyways. So it’s either you tell her or she figures it out. You decide.”

James didn’t want to respond. He knew Remus was right. Everyone had been so worried when he first lost Reg. First.

First…. First, first, first.

He repeated the word over and over in his head until it didn’t even sound like a real word.

He only thought he’d lose him once.

Everything was numb. What if Regulus had just left when he could. What would have happened…?

The sun streamed in through a crack between the curtains. It was warm. Summer. The previous night had been perfect.

They went to a bar and pretended just to be friends. Two girls had come up to them and tried to flirt. James knew how to please them but Reg was absolute shit at it.

They left the bar after that, entirely drunk. James couldn’t stop laughing at his boyfriend. Boyfriend. He could call Regulus his boyfriend. Never in his life would he think he would be able to do that.

James wondered if Reg thought the same about him.

Regulus was still asleep. He was perfect. Peaceful. His pale skin glowed as the sun hit him. His hair was everywhere and it drove James crazy. He wanted to tangle his hands in it. He wanted to be as close as possible to the other boy. Nothing would ruin that moment. Not even the sun going away and it starting to hail. Not even one of his friends walking in. Not even the room bloody flooding.

James was absolutely head over heals for this boy. Godric, he wanted to take him home to his mother and father.

What if he did.

Regulus’s eyes fluttered open, as if he was reading James’s mind.

“Morning, darling,”

“Morning, Jamie,” The sound of the nickname Regulus used made James’s heart fill with joy. No one ever had that effect on him. Only Regulus.

What if he really did invite Reg to his childhood home. Would the answer be yes? Or would he be too nervous.

It then dawned on him that his mother wasn’t even aware at the fact he liked other men. Maybe he needed to get that over with.

“Come home with me, Reggie,” He barely even thought before the words slipped out.

“We are home James, how much did you drink last night?” Regulus had closed his eyes again. But now he had a closed-mouth smile on his face. It was absolutely gorgeous on him.

“I don’t mean here. I mean home, home,”

“Like with your mum and dad?” Regulus eyes opened and brows furrowed.

“Yes, I want to introduce you to them” James paused before continuing, “as my boyfriend.”

Regulus seemed shocked for a moment.

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes.”

“I do, I really do…”

“It’s a yes or no. Don’t complicate it.”

“Do they even know you’re…”

“That I’m bisexual? No. But they will. I’ll call them today.”

“James what if they’re…”

“I’m not ashamed of it, Regulus. Not of you either. Besides parents love you no matter what, otherwise they’re not your parents,”

“Jamie, I think you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to,”

“Don’t change the subject, please,”

Regulus didn’t respond for a long moment.

“Alright, I’ll go if they say yes.”

James instantly brought him closer and kissed his forehead. They stayed smooshed together for a while.

When James finally pulled away, he whispered, “This means the world to me, I love you, Reg, I really do,” He had never said that to anyone before.

Without hesitation Regulus responded, “I love you too, Jamie, I really do,”

They hugged for a long time that morning.

James rang his mum on the floo that evening. She answered almost immediately. She sounded so happy. James hoped her energy would remain.

“James!”

“Mum!”

“I’m so glad you called! I feel like I never hear from you anymore!”

“Bullocks!”

“Language, James,”

“Sorry,”

“So what did you call your dear ‘ol mummy about?”

“Well, there’s something I want to tell you. It’s hard for me to say… I don’t know why. I’m just scared I reckon.”

“It’s alright, take your time hunny,”

James took a deep breath.

“Mum, I’m… I’m bisexual.”

There was a stillness. Neither of them even moved a muscle for a second.

His mother sighed, “James, I love you, I want you to know that. I don’t care who you love. Just as long as you’re happy and you’re safe. You’d be a bloody idiot if you think I could stop loving you because of who you love. We can’t control it,”

Tears started to form in James’s eyes. But they weren’t because he was sad. But he wasn’t crying because he was happy either. Maybe it was relief.

“Mum,” James sniffled, “I also have a boyfriend. And I’d really like it if I could take him home for dinner one evening.”

“Of course, James, of course. Take him by tonight if you can. I’d love to meet him and so would your father.”

“Okay, I’ll be there tonight,”

“Alright,”

“Bye, mum, I love you.”

“I love you too, hunny.”

The floo disconnected. It felt like there had been a fifty ton weight removed from his chest. It felt so good.

James had kept this secret for so long. He first suspected something during his second year at Hogwarts. It sounds stupid but it was Frank Longbottom. He had been seventeen and James was mesmerized.

He didn’t get confirmation until fifth year when he started meeting Regulus in the astronomy tower after curfew. Since then, it was Regulus and Regulus only.

As if on queue, Regulus opened the front door to their shared flat. He carried two bags of groceries. He had the biggest smile on his face. But the smile disappeared when he spotted James. He immediately dropped the bags and rushed over to him.

“James, are you okay? What’s going on,” There must’ve been tears flowing down his cheeks but he didn’t care. They weren’t sad tears, they were happy ones- very happy ones.

“I told my mum,”

“Shit,”

“No, it was good. She really made me feel good,” Regulus’s concerned face turned into a warm smile. Anymore happiness and James would explode.

“That’s great, Jamie, really is, love,”

“Dinner is at her house tonight,”

“We’ll be there.”

“Yeah,”

Regulus really looked nice. He was wearing a maroon button up and black trousers. He had told James the red was for Gryffindor so maybe they’d like him better. He was nervous, James could tell.

He hadn’t told his mum that he was dating Regulus Black but if she liked Sirius, she’d like him. Right?

James had thrown on a navy blue button up with black trousers. The shirt was a little tight on him. The only reason he kept it on was because he knew it would drive his boyfriend crazy.

He liked doing that. Maybe it was because he loved when Regulus drove him crazy. It really gassed him when he wore red. Maybe Regulus was trying to achieve the same thing James was.

“You ready?” James asked.

Regulus looked James up and down before responding, “Yeah,”

James grabbed Regulus’s hand and held up his wand to apparate. In an instant the two were in front of a house. It was a good size, not quite a mansion but it definitely had many rooms. Warm lighting emitted from the windows. The front porch light was on. Effie always did that if she knew she was having guests. She was just that type of person.

James felt Regulus squeeze his hand tighter as they got closer to the door. He was taking deep breathes in and out.

“It’s going to be just fine, I promise,” James reassured him, hand on the door knob.

Regulus only nodded. James bent down slightly to kiss his cheek. His grip loosened, signaling that James had calmed him a little bit.

He finally turned the door handle and they stepped in together. The house elf, Nellie, greeted them immediately.

“Master James is home! And you’ve brought a friend! Nellie was told you were bringing a lover? Nellie is confused.”

James almost laughed out loud, “Oh, mum didn’t tell you? This is my lover,” Regulus’s face grew bright red in the corner of his eye.

“Nellie is still confused. This lover looks like a boy, no? Master James is also a boy.”

“Yes, this is Regulus. He is a boy and he happens to be my boyfriend.” Regulus’s face grew even more red, if that was even possible.

“Is Master James homosexual? Nellie was not aware.”

“Yeah, suppose so,”

“Nellie has learned that is okay from Master Euphemia!”

“I’m glad. Speaking of her, where is mum?”

“The dining room! Nellie will take Master James and his lover there.”

“Thank you, Nellie,” James chuckled.

They followed the house elf into the dining room, despite James knowing the house like the back of his hand. His mother was sitting down by his father who was at the head of the table. The two stood up almost simultaneously. His mother had a warm smile while her husband had a nervous- almost terrified look on his face.

James was suddenly terrified. He hadn’t even begun to go over how his father could possibly react. But he didn’t have time because he was being pulled into a hug by his mother.

He dropped Regulus’s hand and hugged her back. Fleamont remained where he was.

“Mum, Dad, this is Regulus, my boyfriend,” Euphemia swiftly turned her attention to the younger boy. Her smile somehow grew wider.

“So nice to finally meet you!”

“Mum you’ve known about him for less than a day.”

“Oh quiet, I’ve known about him because he’s Sirius’s brother. I’ve wanted to know him longer than you’ve been with him,” She didn’t even hesitate. It soothed James in a way. But his father was still standing there, completely silent.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Potter,” Regulus finally spoke. His voice made James smile.

“Oh please! Call me Effie!”

“Alright, alright, mum give him a minute to breathe. He’s just met you,”

“James Fleamont, don’t tell me what to do! I am your mother for Godric’s sake!”

“Sheesh,”

“Monty, get your arse over here and say hello,”

James was being shaken violently.

“JAMES!”

His eyes fluttered open. He was on the floor, Remus hovering above him.

“Fucking hell, James,”

“What?”

“You fucking passed out,”

Reality set in. Regulus was dead. Is dead. James was never going to see him again. There was a bloody war happening. He’d never be able to introduce him to his mum or dad.

It was all a dream. That’s all it would ever be.