Explanation
A few minutes after Remus had fallen asleep, Chris decided to ask what the scars were actually from, prompting the group to exchange solemn glances.
“Chris… you might wanna sit down for this,” James said, his voice cautious.
Christopher raised a quizzical eyebrow but complied, sensing the seriousness in the air. “Okay, but seriously, what is this about?” he pressed again.
“Look, Chris, you’re welcome to be mad at us for keeping this from you,” Sirius started, voice tight, “but please, don’t take it out on Remus.”
“Why the fuck would I be mad at anybody?” Chris responded, his confusion growing.
“Because... holy fuck, this is hard,” James said, running a hand through his hair. “Because Remus... Remus is a werewolf.”
Chris blinked in surprise, then tilted his head. “Really? That’s it?”
The room went still. Marlene’s eyebrows knitted together, her voice filled with disbelief. “What do you mean ‘that’s it’?”
Chris shrugged, still unfazed. “Well, I dunno. I thought it’d be something worse. My brother is a werewolf. I’m used to it.”
The tension in the room slowly began to deflate. The group exchanged looks of relief, and for a brief moment, the air felt a little lighter.
Right then, Lily burst through the door, dragging Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey behind her.
James stood up slowly and walked over to her, wrapping her in a long, quiet hug. “Hey, Lils,” he said softly, his voice carrying the weight of everything they were going through.
Lily looked a little taken aback, but hugged him back. “Er… yeah, hi James. How’s Moony?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.
“Fine. Same as he was ten minutes ago,” Sirius replied in a low, sad tone. “Thinks I’m evil.”
Lily’s expression softened with sympathy. “Sirius... I’m sorry... I know how hard that must be.”
Sirius didn’t look up, his shoulders tense, but he gave a small nod in acknowledgment.
Professor McGonagall, as stern as ever but with a hint of confusion in her eyes, addressed them all. “I’m sorry, but what exactly is going on? Ms. Evans mentioned something about Mr. Lupin—?”
The group exchanged heavy looks, then Chris stepped forward, his voice quiet but resolute. “Professor, I think it’s best if we just show you.”
Without another word, he led the group into the dorm room, where Remus was still curled up peacefully under the blankets. Despite his peaceful appearance, it was clear to anyone who looked that the situation was anything but simple.
“I’m a bit confused…” Professor McGonagall said, her brow furrowing as she glanced at Remus, still curled up in bed. “It appears that Mr. Lupin is fine?”
Sirius shook his head, his eyes dark with frustration. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted when Remus mumbled in his sleep, turning over. “Grant? Where are you? You promised...” His voice was soft, almost childlike, sending a pang through Sirius’s chest.
Madame Pomfrey raised an eyebrow at the group, her expression now serious. “We’re going to need an explanation,” she said, her voice clipped.
The group exchanged uncertain looks before turning to James, who sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Right. Sorry,” he said, taking a breath. “Lils, you want to—?”
Lily nodded and stepped forward. “As you know, the school was briefly attacked. A few Slytherins infiltrated our dorm, and Remus and Regulus Black got into a duel.” She hesitated for a moment, as if unsure how to continue. “Er… James, Sirius, did either of you see what happened after that?”
“Bits and pieces,” James replied, voice quiet but firm. “Remus said something to Regulus—riled him up. I think Regulus shot a curse at Remus’s head, which made him duck, and then…” He trailed off, swallowing hard, “Then Regulus cast Crucio at his feet.”
Marlene covered her mouth in horror, eyes wide. Sirius felt the weight of the situation crash down on him all over again. They had forgotten to explain this to Mary, Marlene, and Chris. All of them were staring, each face etched with varying degrees of disbelief and sympathy.
“Crucio?” Madame Pomfrey whispered, clearly appalled. She turned to McGonagall for confirmation, but the professor just shook her head, visibly stunned.
Sirius was about to speak, but the weight of the memory of Regulus’s face—cold, calculating—blocked his words. Regulus had always been a mystery, but now, seeing Remus like this, the extent of Regulus’s actions hit him in a way he hadn’t fully understood until now.
“Yeah. Crucio.” Sirius’s voice was hoarse, as if the memory itself pained him. “I had been fighting Bellatrix, but when I heard Moony scream…” He trailed off, his eyes darkening. “Both me and James rushed over to him.”
James nodded, but his face was tight, his jaw clenched. “He was writhing on the floor, but not… not screaming like you'd expect. It was really strange. Quiet, almost. Like the air had been sucked out of him. We couldn’t even hear him, but you could see the pain.” His voice cracked, and he paused before continuing, “When Regulus saw us… he flicked his wand and… and…”
“The scream was even worse than before,” Sirius whispered, eyes wide with the memory. “It—God, it was like nothing I’ve ever heard. I’ll never forget it.”
Lily’s face crumpled as she stepped in, her voice faltering. “Sirius went straight to trying to get him to stop. He kept saying he would go with Regulus, but only if Regulus stopped the curse.” She paused, her voice shaking with emotion. “It was really awful to watch. Regulus just… he wouldn’t stop. He told Sirius that it wouldn’t do anything, and flicked his wand again.”
“And then…” James’s voice shook, his eyes glazed over as he relived it in his mind. “Then he said that he was doing it because Remus had apparently ‘taken Sirius away from him.’” He clenched his fists, fighting back tears. “Which isn’t true.”
Lily wiped at her eyes and continued, her voice breaking as she finished the story. “James stepped forward then. He said that if anyone had taken Sirius away, it was him.” She let out a sob. “Regulus just looked at him, and said ‘Okay,’ and then—then he crucio’d James too.”
Sirius’s expression twisted in pain, his fists clenched at his sides. “Yeah,” he muttered, his voice barely audible. “So there I was, watching both of my best mates on the floor. One screaming in agony, the other just... whimpering, like a wounded animal. And Regulus... he seemed to be enjoying it. The bastard…”
“I don’t remember much after that,” James said softly, his voice hoarse. He swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. “I was in so much pain…”
Sirius nodded, his gaze distant as he continued. “Regulus told me that taking me with him wouldn’t help. But he gave me an ultimatum: he’d stop, but only if he could take one of them…” He gestured toward James and Remus, his fingers trembling. “And I—of course I said no. But then Regulus... he said I had only those two options. And that he’d count to three. By the time he reached three, he’d make his decision. And... and I—”
Sirius’s voice cracked. He choked back a sob, unable to go on.
James stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It was like... like I was frozen. I couldn’t think straight. I thought I was going to lose you. Or… or Moony.”
Lily, who had been standing quietly, wiping her eyes, spoke up. “Once he got to three... the curse—it just stopped. He lifted it. And I remember thinking it was over. That it was all over.” She paused, voice trembling. “But Remus—he woke up. He tried to say something, but…”
Sirius broke down completely at that point, his tears spilling freely as he clutched his chest. He couldn’t get the words out anymore.
“Then…” Lily’s voice cracked, “he just looked at us all, but it was like he didn’t recognize any of us. Not even you, Sirius.”
Sirius sank into a chair, his face pale. “He… oh god, I’ve lost my Moony… Oh God… Oh…” He completely collapsed into himself, and James rushed over him, trying to help.
Lily paused for a moment, watching Sirius, but then managed to choke out, “He… He scuttled away, pleading with us not to hurt him… and… and he called me ‘Grant’. And he called Sirius… He called Sirius ‘Matron’.”
The whole group was covering their mouths, trying to hide their tears.
“I think I woke up then.” James muttered. “I stood up, then I remembered what had happened and I asked Moony if he was okay. He was curled into a ball and… when I said his name… he looked up and said ‘Grant! Grant! I knew you would come!’ Then he tackled me.”
“I tried to get him off of you, to tell him that you weren’t Grant, but when I reached out, he scuttled away again, and called me ‘Butch’ and said that I couldn’t hurt him.” Sirius sobbed, still curled into himself, and shaking uncontrollably.
“He… he called me Mum.” Lily whispered, “He… when I said that I was going to get you, he begged and begged for me to stay. Told me that I had promised never to leave…”
The group was silent for a long moment, the air thick with sorrow. They had all witnessed the aftermath of Regulus's curse, but hearing the full story, hearing the raw emotions behind it, made the weight of the situation unbearable.
Lily's voice trembled as she continued, “I don’t think he realized what was happening… it was like he was trapped in a nightmare, and all he could see were people from his past—people who had hurt him. He couldn’t see any of us for who we really were. He was stuck in his mind, still at St. Edmunds, still scared…”
Sirius’s chest heaved with quiet sobs, his eyes haunted by the image of Remus cowering from him, his beloved best friend, the love of his life, calling him “Butch” instead of his name. “I don’t… I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what to do.”
James shook his head, his eyes hardening with resolve. “We don’t fix it. We help him. We just have to be there, all of us. He’s still our Remus. He’s still in there, and he’ll come back to us. It’s just… going to take time.”
Sirius looked at James, his voice raw. “But what if he never comes back? What if this is it? What if I lost him forever?”
“We’ll fight for him,” Lily said firmly. “We’ll fight for him, every step of the way.”
Madame Pomfrey, who had been quietly watching the exchange, now spoke up with gentle authority. “I believe there’s still hope, Mr. Black.” She was quickly interrupted by Sirius, who said, “Don’t call me that. I don’t want to be identified in any way to… him.”
Madame Pomfrey gave him a soft look, but then told him, “As I was saying, Sirius, it won’t be easy, but these curses can sometimes be undone, or at least their effects diminished. It might take time, and it might take more than just your efforts, but Remus will need you all. You’ve been there for him before. Don’t stop now.”
There was a moment of tense silence, so thick you couldn’t cut through it with an axe.
“When we came up, to make sure everyone was alright…” Mary whispered, “Chris went up to him first… Remus… he was so excited. He thought Chris was his dad. He tackled him to the floor.”
“Mary went next.” Chris explained, “He said something like, ‘Jamie! It’s been ages!’ and none of us know who Jamie is. We think he’s made her up. It just sounds so much like James.”
The others nodded sadly.
“I… I decided to pretend I really was someone for his past.” Marlene muttered. “I said ‘Oi! Remus! Remember me?’ and he jumped up and I think he thought I was a nurse from his past because he keeps calling me Healer Ellie.”
“Grant?” Remus had woken up. “Grant? Where are you? You promised you would come.” The room was heavy with uncertainty. Remus’s frame trembled, his breaths shallow as he looked around in panic, his eyes darting from one face to another. He hadn’t fully processed what was happening, but the fear was growing. His mind felt like it was being pulled in two directions, his past and present colliding in terrifying flashes.
Sirius stood back, terrified that he would make it worse. That if he was to interact with Remus in any way, Moony; his Moony; would be gone.
“Remus?” James said softly, stepping closer, his voice steady despite the fear gnawing at his insides. “It’s me. James. You’re safe, okay? I’m here.”
For a moment, Remus’s eyes flickered toward him, but they were still clouded with confusion. A glimmer of recognition passed through, but it was fleeting. “James?” His voice was small, and his face twisted with distress. “Why… why can’t I remember? Why is everything so… so strange?”
Sirius’s heart broke. He had to stay calm for Remus. He would not allow himself to cry. Not in front of Remus, who was certainly going through much worse than Sirius was at the moment. Sirius had to be the steady one, even though it felt like his world was shattering.
“I’m here, Remus. You’re not alone.” James whispered, crouching down to get on Remus’s level.
But then, in an instant, Remus’s expression shifted again. His eyes widened in horror, and his breathing hitched.
“No, no, no, no…” Remus whispered frantically, his eyes darting around the room as though searching for something—or someone—who wasn’t there.
Then they caught on Sirius.
He froze, a shiver running through him. Remus had been fine a second ago. What was happening?
"Remus?" he asked, stepping closer, reaching out. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Remus’s body flinched, his hands trembling as he curled them into fists. “No! No! Don’t touch me!” he screamed, his voice filled with terror. His eyes locked onto Sirius, but they were filled with fear, not recognition. “Don’t come near me! Please—don’t!”
Sirius’s stomach churned. He couldn’t understand what was happening, but it was clear that Remus was terrified. His body was shaking violently, his face pale and sweat-slick as he huddled in on himself.
“Remus, I’m not going to hurt you,” Sirius pleaded, his heart racing. “Please, just listen to me—”
“Go AWAY! Grant! You promised you’d protect me… where are you? Where are you? Matron said that you had left forever… Grant? Please?”
Sirius stood frozen for a moment, torn between reaching for him again and stepping back. He didn’t know what was happening—what was real and what was just another twist in Remus’s fractured mind.
But then, it hit him. The spell—the curse. It was like a light switch: on one moment, and off the next. It was turning Remus’s mind on and off, leaving him vulnerable and terrified, unable to distinguish between past and present.
Sirius’s heart shattered. He couldn’t stand this. He couldn’t stand seeing Remus like this, lost and broken, his mind slipping between realities.
And then, as quickly as it had started, Remus’s panic faded. He blinked, his face softening, his expression turning desperate as his eyes searched for Sirius again. “Sirius?” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Please… don’t leave me…”
Sirius took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, trying to suppress the panic and confusion clawing at his throat. But this time, he wasn’t going to back away. He wasn’t going to leave Remus alone in his fear.
“I’m not going anywhere, Remus,” he said firmly, kneeling beside him. “I’m right here.”
Remus’s trembling hand reached out, seeking reassurance. His fingers brushed against Sirius’s wrist, and for a fleeting moment, it seemed like he could hold onto something real—someone who cared.
But just as quickly, the spell shifted again. Remus jerked back, his eyes wide with terror. “No! Don’t! I can’t… I can’t…”
Sirius felt the pain in his chest tighten. Remus was trapped in this cycle of fear and confusion, unable to break free from the grip of the curse. And every time it flipped, it was like losing him all over again.
“Remus, I’m here,” Sirius said, trying to keep his voice steady, though his own fear threatened to drown him. “It’s just me. You’re safe. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
But Remus’s eyes weren’t on him anymore. They were unfocused, distant again, as if the light had turned off once more. Sirius could only watch as Remus shrank away, trapped in his own mind, and the cycle continued.
The pain in Sirius’s chest twisted, but he knew he couldn’t give up. He had to keep trying. For Remus, he had to keep trying.
He glanced at Professor McGonagall. “Professor? Do you know what’s happening to Remus?”
She shook her head no, but promised that she would do research.
“So will we.” Christopher gestured to him and Lily, who were the most intent on studying of the group… besides Remus.
“I really should be going…” Madame Pomfrey said, obviously trying to hold back tears. “Remus’s… ailment is by far the worst of the injuries, but he isn’t the only injured.
McGonagall nodded. “I need to leave too.” she said, “I need to speak with the headmaster.”