Chapter 11
James listened to his footsteps echo down the corridor as he walked away, leaving Lily. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his life.
She’d looked so vulnerable, standing there with her dress torn and dusty from the fight, her face pale and eyes glossy with tears. Everything in him had wanted to bundle her into his arms and carry her somewhere safe, where he could hold her until… but until what? That was just the problem. There was no point in taking a small piece of Lily if he couldn’t have all of her. It would only hurt them both.
“Just where do you think you’re going, Potter?”
He startled and turned. Lily was marching up to him, looking the opposite of vulnerable. She looked quite fierce in fact. Angry, even. What in the name of Merlin?
“You’re a right git, you know that?”
“What?” he gaped at her.
“You didn’t let me get a word in edgewise, you prat!”
“I—what?”
“You didn’t let me say anything! And what I wanted to say, is that I love you, James Potter, you absolute arsehole!”
James shook himself. This… this conversation was not making any sense. Lily sounded like she wanted to set a Bat-Bogey Hex on him, but… she loved him? He was certain he’d misheard.
“What?”
“You can’t just go around making whole big speeches and then faff off without any response!” Lily stamped her foot, which was distractingly adorable. “Didn’t it ever occur to you that I might have something to say? That I might have realized some things tonight, too?”
It hadn’t, James realized. He felt the same way he did whenever Peter outmaneuvered him in wizard’s chess. Blindsided and more than a little confused.
Lily huffed. “Right, well. Now you know. I realized that I love you, even though frankly you’re being a complete wanker about it.”
Suddenly her face drained of color, her anger disappearing so fast James got whiplash.
“Oh gods. I—I thought you’d be pleased about it. But you’re just standing there and I—oh gods, I knew this would happen!” she wailed.
Feeling like he was several steps behind in a complex dance, James tried to make sense of Lily’s words. She’d known what would happen? She’d said she loved him. The one thing he’d dreamed of hearing more than anything else for seven years. His heart squeezed tightly in his chest.
“Lily, I… two days ago I thought you didn’t even like me. Can you please tell me what’s going on?”
Lily balled her fists at her sides. Adorable. But her next words snapped him back into focus with the force of a thunderbolt.
“I’m in love with you, James! What is so hard to understand about that? I didn’t realize it until tonight—I was holding back, but I’ve been falling for you for a while now I think, and I was just so scared that if I loved you back, I wouldn’t be the same me that you loved—the one who fought with you all the time and hated you and called you an arrogant toerag! And I wanted to say that I do trust you, James—I was just holding on to the old version of you, because I was holding on to the old version of me. Because I didn’t want you to walk away when things changed. But you just did, and oh gods I’m such an idiot.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” James said, gripping Lily by the shoulders. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You were afraid to… love me? Because then we wouldn’t fight anymore, and I wouldn’t love you?”
Lily sniffled and nodded.
James laughed with relief. “Lily, that’s—I’m sorry, but that’s absolutely daft. Merlin’s sake, we’re fighting right now aren’t we?”
“I—I suppose we are, actually.”
“Why would you think that?”
Lily’s voice trembled. “Petunia stopped loving me when I became a witch, and Sev left me when everything changed, too, and I just thought… well, I thought if I changed you wouldn’t love me anymore.”
“Ah Evans,” he said, pulling her into his arms and stroking her hair, her back, pressing a kiss on top of her head, the most wonderful feeling expanding in his chest. He felt he could cast a thousand patronuses at once. “I’m not your sister and I am certainly not Snape. Listen: there is nothing in the universe that could ever make me stop loving you—least of all you.”
“You’ll still love me even if I love you back?”
The warm, liquid, golden feeling spread through James’ whole body as Lily’s words finally, finally began to sink in. She loved him. Three times now, she’d said it. She was serious.
“Lily, I don’t think you understand. I’ve spent every single day these past seven years hoping to hear you say you love me,” he told her, his voice coming out a little gruff from the emotion clogging his throat.
Lily shook her head beneath his chin. “But—but sometimes when you get what you wished for, it isn’t really what you wanted. Like how I thought sugar quills were going to be amazing before our first trip to Hogsmeade, and it turns out they’re kind of boring-tasting.”
James rolled his eyes. “Evans, you are not a sugar quill. Though I do want to lick you,” he couldn’t resist adding. “I love you more now, not less. How could you think I’d lose interest right at the beginning?”
“Because it’s also an end?”
“Of you despising me? Thank Merlin, Lily.”
She twisted to look up at him doubtfully.
James huffed an exasperated breath and ran a hand through his hair, taking a couple agitated steps away from her to think. What could he possibly say to prove to her that he loved her? Probably nothing. But maybe there was something he could do.
“Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it, Evans?” he asked.
Lily shrugged, as he’d known she would.
“Fine. Then I’ll just have to prove it to you,” he said, giving her a long, slow look up and down that made his intent perfectly clear.
Lily’s eyes widened and she backed into the wall. A flush of anticipation made its way up her neck, and James felt a completely primal, masculine satisfaction knowing he was the one putting it there.
“You said no corridors,” she murmured, her tongue darting out to lick her lips.
He had, hadn’t he? Glancing to his left, he noticed a plain wooden door. He didn’t remember a classroom being on this stretch of corridor, but right now he would’ve taken a damn broom closet for privacy, if it was the best they could get. He needed to taste her now. Before whatever spell this was broke.
“Here,” he growled, opening the door. “I’ll transfigure a desk if I have to.”
They stepped inside and for a moment, both of them were speechless.
“What is this place?” Lily whispered.
“I’ve no idea,” James said, but it was eerily similar to a room he’d fantasized about.
An enormous wooden claw foot bed dominated the cozy space, covered in silk sheets and fur blankets. Candles guttered in sconces around the room and a three-paned window gave stunning views out over the grounds, which slept silently in the snow. The space was warm and inviting and undeniably sensual. It was the kind of space he’d always imagined when he fantasized about taking Lily for the first time.
He glanced down at her to find her staring open-mouthed at the room.
“Do you think somebody lives here?” she murmured.
James glanced around, but there weren’t any other doors besides the one they’d just come through.
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“You know, it’s funny,” Lily said, her nose wrinkling in confusion. “I don’t remember there ever being a door there before.
“Me neither.”
“Do you think… do you think this room appeared for us?”
It was the only explanation James could think of, too. “It looks like a place I’ve imagined before,” he admitted, a little sheepishly.
“Really?”
He nodded, not meeting Lily’s gaze.
Understanding lit in her eyes, and a knowing smile overtook her face. She sauntered toward the bed, trailing a hand over the silk and through the soft furs. James watched, his heart in his throat. Was she doing that thing with her hips on purpose?It was going to be the death of him.
Lily’s voice was husky when she turned to him and said, “And… what did you imagine doing in this room?”
James bit back a groan. He was painfully aware of how hard he’d gotten, his cock pressed against the front of his pants. Closing the door behind them, he cast a silent locking charm.
“I think you know.”
She gave him an adorable, impish smile that made his heart skip with affection. “I know, but I want to hear you say it.”
“You sure about that?” he said, stepping towards her.
She nodded, her little white teeth sinking into her plump lower lip. James reached her and brushed his thumb along her cheekbone.
“Alright, Evans. But I warn you, it might shock your maidenly sensibilities.”
Lily snorted. James grabbed her chin and brought her face to his for a kiss to shut her up.
“I imagined you stripping for me,” he said, his eyes dipping to her chest.
“Like this?” she asked, reaching behind her neck for the clasp on her dress.
James nodded, his throat going dry as the shimmering fabric loosened and pooled around her waist. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Biting back a curse, he brushed the back of his hand over one delicious pink tip. It hardened instantly at his touch. With a groan he lifted her breasts in his hands properly for the first time. At last. He’d spent countless hours dreaming about doing exactly this—had nearly died when Lily’s shirts got a little too tight towards the end of fourth year—but they were even better than he’d imagined. Perfect handfuls. He squeezed, feeling his cock twitch as Lily gasped at the sensation. So responsive. Gods this witch was going to kill him.
“Then what?” she asked, her gaze molten.
James had the feeling of sitting before a staggering feast, knowing he’d never be able to taste everything. He’d imagined this moment thousands of times—had imagined every possible sequence, had imagined making her come apart under his fingers, his tongue, against his thigh, with his cock buried deep inside her… He silently cursed his body for its limitations—he wanted everything at once, but he had to be careful not to lose himself too quickly. He wanted—needed—to make good on his promise to bring her pleasure so many times she couldn’t stand it.
He cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t finished stripping yet, Evans. You’re always naked, in these scenarios.”
Lily inhaled sharply, but didn’t back down. His brave little witch. His. He loved that she was getting off on the sound of his voice, loved telling her all the wicked things he was going to do her.
“Is that so? You’ll have to help me,” she said, turning so James could undo the zipper. She swept her beautiful mass of hair over her shoulder, wafting the scent of summer sunshine and mountain wildflowers his way. “Well?” she asked, turning around to see why James hadn’t moved.
“You have freckles everywhere,” James rasped.
“Oh. Yes, I’ve tried concealing charms, but it’s just too much effort.”
“They’re beautiful.” He traced a fingertip lightly along the line of her spine, pleased at the way goose bumps rose on the backs of her arms. “I’m going to kiss every single one.”
Lily laughed. “That would take a lifetime.”
“I certainly hope so,” he breathed.
Lily shivered against his hand, and at last he dragged the zipper down, luxuriating in each extra inch of skin revealed. No longer cinched at her waist, the dress fell to a puddle on the floor.
James felt like his cock was going to explode before she even touched him. She was wearing a thong—her round arse exposed to him. Lily was such a rule-follower; he hadn’t prepared for this. But he loved that she was defying even his most indecent fantasies. He hardened again, impossibly. Never in his life had he been so aroused. His cock begged him to shift his hips forward and settle himself in her sweet cleft. But instead, James ran his hands softly up and down her sides before gently gripping her hips and turning her around to face him again.
She turned and met his eyes shyly. For the first time, she looked vulnerable; uncertain.
“No one’s ever seen me like this.”
Possessive satisfaction roared through James. He bit back the urge to tell her that no one else ever would. He planned on being her everything: First. Last. Only. She was his.
But Lily looked so vulnerable—he new she needed reassurance, not possession.
“You are perfect,” he whispered, tucking a lock of thick red hair behind her ear. “If I had my way, you’d look like this all the time.”
It worked. Lily laughed, flicking him playfully on the arm, momentarily distracted.
He tilted her chin up and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He’d meant to soothe her with sweet kisses; put her at ease. But Lily threaded her hands through the hair at the back of his neck and thrust her tongue between his lips and the kiss turned dirty so fast, James groaned out loud.
He’d never believed in heaven before, but it was hard not to when you were in it.