Chapter 12
Lily was out of her mind with desire. The fantasy James had brought to life drove her wild with need. Specifically, she needed his hands on her now.
Luckily James seemed to agree. His hand moved from her hair to the side of her neck, his thumb brushing against her pulse point before his lips followed, sucking gently over the same spot. Lily moaned, feeling him nip a bite mark into her skin. His hand continued its path downwards, tracing her collarbone before circling her breast.
Just as Lily was about to shriek in frustration at the teasing, his hand closed over her breast, lifting and squeezing gently. He followed suit on the other side. Lily felt like she was going to break apart at the sensation when he pinched both of her nipples at once. Her back arched, involuntarily pushing herself more firmly into his hands. James took the hint, closing his mouth over first one pink tip and then the other, sucking, licking, biting just enough to make her moan. Pleasure tugged a thread that went all the way from Lily’s breasts to her core, where a pulsing, throbbing heat built insistently. She didn’t even have to touch herself to know that if she got any wetter, she’d practically be dripping.
Though at first she’d been self-conscious appearing almost nude before James, she’d also been more than a little turned on by the fact that she was nearly naked while he was still fully clothed in his dress robes. It made her feel distinctly naughty, and somehow also cherished, like James would take care of her pleasure before even giving in to his simplest desires. But now it wasn’t enough—she needed to feel his skin against her own.
She pushed his robes off his shoulders. James picked up on the hint and pulled his arms through, his lips never leaving her body as he kissed his way over her chest, her neck, her cheeks, her forehead. Her lips. Nearly blind with lust, Lily began fumbling with the buttons down the front of his vest, internally cursing the fact that wizards wore so many damn layers, when all witches had were a couple clasps and zippers to undo. At last she got the vest undone and pushed it off his shoulders triumphantly, only to be presented with more buttons on his shirt. She huffed in annoyance, and James chuckled against the spot where her shoulder met her neck, where he’d been determinedly sucking another mark into her skin.
“It’s alright, love. I’ll get this one,” he said, gently taking her wrists and removing her hands from his front. “I’m afraid you’ll strangle me with the tie before you manage get it off.”
“I want to help,” she whined, watching the agonizingly slow process of James’ fingers.
“Yeah?”
“You’re going too slow!”
Mistake. James smirked, slowing his fingers to a crawl. “Patience, love. You really want to help?”
She nodded.
“Good girl. Why don’t you pinch your pretty nipples for me?”
Lily inhaled sharply at his words. But she couldn’t deny the way the idea sent another wave of heat through her. Locking eyes with James, she raised her hands to cup her breasts, slowly closing her fingertips over the taut peaks and pinching. James’ eyes dipped to watch, darkening with visible hunger that made Lily’s core clench with need. She pinched harder, tipping her head back as a soft moan escaped her.
Suddenly James was there, his delicious, warm, bare skin enveloping her. Grabbing the backs of her thighs he lifted her easily and carried her over to the bed, her core rubbing tantalizingly against the hard length she felt through his trousers.
Dropping her onto the mattress, James sat back as though to take her in, which was fine, because Lily needed a moment, too. Good God,when had he gotten so fit? Though James was still slim with the slightly stretched look of most young men, he’d filled out a lot the past year. His arms were well defined and strong, his stomach ridged with muscle, a tantalizing trail of dark hair beginning at his navel and running beneath the band of his trousers. His chest and shoulders especially had expanded in a way that made Lily want to smooth her hands all over his skin like a masseuse.
Feeling caught, she realized James was watching her peruse his body.
“You’re beautiful,” she offered, by way of excuse.
James’ eyebrows jumped in surprise and he huffed a laugh. “That’s my line. Look at you,” he gestured at her.
“I want—can I touch you?” she said, sitting up.
James nodded stiffly. She knelt so they were facing each other and put her hands on his chest. His muscles jumped, but she smoothed over them, marveling at the hardness of his body—hers was all soft and squishy, probably because she never worked out if she could help it. James, on the other hand, felt like the hard plastic of the Ken dolls she and Petunia used to play with.
James watched her progress, his jaw clenching like he was holding himself together with a very thin thread. When her exploration dipped below his belt, and her hand brushed against his rigid length, James caught her wrists.
“I won’t last if you do that, Lily. And I want to bring you pleasure first.”
She bit her lip and nodded, a swell of feminine satisfaction rolling through her at the knowledge that she could make him lose control so easily. Pushing her gently onto her back, James settled himself over her stomach and slipped two fingers under the lace band of her knickers.
“May I?”
She nodded. Kissing the points of her hips, James slowly drew the bit of lace down her legs, following with his mouth. He kissed her ankle as the thong came free, then slid his hands up her calves to the backs of her knees, opening her up. His gaze dropped to her center, and Lily suddenly felt shy. She’d never thought a man would want to look at her. She tried to close her thighs, and James glanced up at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing—I,” she stammered. “You’re looking at me.”
He frowned. “You don’t want me to look?”
Lily could feel herself blushing furiously. “No, I just thought… well, it’s not exactly attractive, is it?”
“Lily, what in Merlin’s name gave you that idea?” James was looking at her incredulously.
She squirmed. “I thought… it’s just, I’ve heard the way blokes talk about it. Like it’s a means to an end, or even kind of repulsive, you know?”
“Oh, Lily.” James gently placed her legs on the bed and crawled up until he was lying on his side, level with her.
“They’re all idiots,” he said, stroking a thumb against her cheek and forcing her gaze to his. “Idiots who can’t admit how much a woman's pleasure threatens them. Trust me, for any man who wants to be with a woman there’s nothing hotter than her cunt. Do you believe me?”
Lily nodded hesitantly. It had never really made sense to her, the way men seemed almost scared of women’s most intimate parts… She’d heard them talk about ugly pussies and bad-smelling ones and what a chore it was making women come. But James’ words made sense. And she had to admit, she was more than a little curious what it would feel like to have somebody unabashedly explore her—all of her.
“Do you trust me?” James asked.
She nodded again.
His fingers began tracing enticing circles against her stomach.
“Good. Would it help to know what I have planned?” James asked.
“Yes,” Lily said, her voice coming out breathy with anticipation.
“In a second, I’m gonna spread your legs nice and wide, and I’m going to kiss my way up one leg, and then the other. Does that sound okay?”
“Yes,” Lily whimpered.
“And then I’m going to take a good look at the prettiest cunt in the world, Evans. Because I’ve spent hours trying to picture you, and from what I’ve seen so far, you’re even better than I imagined.”
Lily moaned.
“And then I’m touch you right where you need me most. Are you wet, Lily?”
The blush that crept up her cheeks should have been answer enough, but he wanted to hear her say it. “Well, Evans?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “I think so.”
“Well, we’ll just have to make sure of that, won’t we?” he chuckled. “And then do you know what I’m going to do?”
She shook her head, nearly trembling with the fire his words had stoked.
“I’m going to taste you,” James growled. “And after you’ve come against my mouth, I’m going to bury my cock inside you and I am going to make love to you until you’re calling my name. Okay?”
“O-okay.”
With a last searing kiss, James pushed off the mattress and settled himself between her legs again, parting them gently but insistently until she was on full display. Spread like this, Lily became almost painfully aware of how empty she felt, how badly she needed James’ touch. But rather than giving her what she wanted, James started at her right ankle, working his way slowly up her leg. Lily nearly came out of her skin when kissed and bit the inside of her knee—she’d never known that was an erogenous zone until now. James continued nipping and laving up her thigh until he was so close to her throbbing center, her fingers were scrabbling uselessly for purchase in the silk sheets.
But when he skipped right over her center, moving on to the other ankle, it was too much.
“James, please.”
James paused his determined path. “Yes, Lily?”
She propped herself up on her elbows to glare at him.
He had the audacity to smirk at her. “Something you wanted?”
“You know what I want.”
“Humor me. I want to hear you say it.”
Though her cheeks burned, she refused to let James Potter get the better of her. She tipped her chin imperiously, looked him straight in the eye, and said, “I want you to make me come. With your tongue. On my… on my cunt.”
James’ eyes darkened. His look blazed through her. “Is that so?”
She gave a stiff nod.
“Well, then. I can make that happen. You only ever need to ask.”
He ran his hands up her thighs, and his head drew closer, closer. One hand slipped between her legs, finally caressing her aching clit as he parted her folds just like he’d promised.
James swore. “You’re soaked, Evans.”
Carefully, he spread her open, and she felt him shift below her as he brought his other hand to her entrance.
“You’re going to have to tell me what feels good, okay, Evans?”
“Okay,” she gasped, already feeling so good she couldn’t imagine James ever doing anything not to her liking.
“I’ve only done this a couple times, so if you want something different, please tell me.”
Gently, he eased one finger inside her core. Lily felt her body immediately clench around his finger, like it had been waiting for him.
“Can you take another?” James asked, his voice hoarse.
Lily nodded, then realized he probably wasn’t looking. “I think so.”
She felt him withdraw his finger, and then gasped as his middle finger joined, slipping inside.
“Okay?”
“Yes.”
Her body was definitely stretched, but not in a bad way. She just felt full. How was this supposed to work with James’ cock? From what she’d felt, he was a good deal thicker than two fingers.
Just as she started to feel a little worried, James leaned forward and licked a path from his fingers to the top of her slit.
All thought fled her mind.
Lily had no notes. It was perfect. She’d never felt anything like it before, the combination of James’ wet, firm tongue flicking back and forth over her clit, while his fingers pumped slowly in and out of her. Faster than she’d even known was possible, she felt herself clenching down around his fingers. James gave a muffled groan against her, and the vibrations from his voice sent her flying over the edge. Her back bowed as she gasped, cried out James’ name, riding the waves of the most intense orgasm she’d ever felt.
James worked her through it, drawing out her pleasure until she was wrung out and lay panting and flushed on the mattress. When she couldn’t take any more, he gently withdrew his fingers, sat back on his heels, and sucked them clean. Lily watched, feeling warm and boneless and utterly contented. Then James stretched up the length of her body to kiss her.
“I can taste myself on you,” she said, tracing his lips.
He grinned. “And? What’s the verdict?”
“It’s… not bad. Kind of tangy.”
He laughed. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”
“Can I taste you?” she asked, glancing down where James’ trousers were tented. It was way past due for those to come off.
James choked. “You—you want to do that?”
She met his eye and nodded. She’d never given a blowjob before, but she wanted to bring James the same pleasure he’d just brought her.
“Ah, Evans, I won’t last very long if you do that,” he said, his thumb playing with her bottom lip.
In answer, Lily grinned and wiggled out from under him and pushed him on his back. James flopped down with a groan. “You get off on that, don’t you? Being in charge.”
Biting back a smile, she undid the buckle on his belt in answer, and worked his trousers and shorts down his legs. James watched her hungrily, cupping his hard cock against his stomach. Lily stared at it, feeling like she could spend several hours just looking at it before she’d ever get used to it.
“Godric’s sword, Evans. Keep looking at me like that and I won’t last at all. This might—this might be easier for you if you’re kneeling and I’m sitting,” he suggested.
Lily didn’t know the first thing about giving head so she nodded, and James placed a pillow beside the bed, shifting to help her down so she was kneeling between his knees.
She stared at his hard length, tracing it with her eyes, before reaching out and tentatively circling her hand around him. She’d never seen a cock before so she had nothing to compare James to, but his looked big. She couldn’t believe this was all supposed to fit inside her.
“You’re so soft,” she marveled.
“Oi,” James laughed. “I’ll have you know, I’ve never been harder.”
Lily shook her head, snorting. “No, I mean your skin. It’s so soft.” She gave an experimental pump of her hand and James hissed, leaning back on his arms.
“That’s it, love.”
Emboldened, Lily leaned forward and licked the tip. If James’ harsh intake of breath was any indication, she was doing ok so far. Opening her lips, she took him in her mouth, sinking down a little before drawing back up slowly.
“Gods above, Lily.”
“It’s okay?”
“It’s perfect.”
“I’ve never done this before,” she admitted.
A flash of satisfaction passed over James’ face, but he just nodded and cupped her jaw. “Do you want help?”
“Please,” she nodded.
With his hand resting on the back of her neck, his thumb rubbing soothing circles, James coached her through her first blowjob. How to relax her jaw and take him in, how to suck as she withdrew, how to use her tongue to apply pressure to the vein running along the underside of his cock. How to follow her mouth with her hand, pumping up and down his length. When a drop of liquid beaded at his tip, she got her first taste of him—salty and tangy, not unlike her own. She hummed in satisfaction.
Suddenly, James hissed and tugged her hair. She came off him with a small pop.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
His face was twisted—he almost looked like he was in pain, his chest heaving up and down.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I’m so close, I’m about to lose myself.”
“Oh,” she smiled, relieved she hadn’t hurt him somehow. “That’s okay.”
James met her eye and shook his head. “I want to be inside you, Lily.”
Oh.
She nodded.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her up into his lap. As she straddled him, his cock brushed against the bundle of nerves at her core. James caught her lips in a kiss that quickly spiraled out of control. Soon his hands were teasing her breasts again, and they were both rocking against each other, seeking relief in the friction. The feeling of James against her core was utterly maddening. Lily felt herself growing wetter and wetter with need.
He slipped his hand between her thighs, testing how ready she was, and groaned as his fingers came away slick. He rolled them over so he was propped above her on his forearms, his muscles bunching with tension.
“Contraceptive spell?” he whispered, gazing down at her.
Lily nodded, grateful James had been the one to bring it up. He leaned over and grabbed his wand from his robes, casting the quick charm over her stomach.
Settling his hips between her thighs, James met her eye, his expression serious. “I might hurt you.”
“I know,” she whispered. Mary had told her how much it had hurt when she’d lost her virginity their fifth year.
James brushed her hair back. “I’m sorry I’m not more experienced. I’ll try to make it as good as I can, but promise me you’ll tell me to stop if it hurts, or if you’re not liking it.”
Lily nodded. “I promise.”
Her heart was beating wildly, and suddenly she felt nervous. She trusted James and she knew he’d do everything in his power to make it good, but one way or another, she was about to have sex for the first time, and this memory would always live inside her, no matter what. She desperately didn’t want to mess it up.
“Hey,” James murmured, watching her face closely. “We don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. We can build up to it. You can take years if you want, I don’t care.”
“No, no, I want to!” she insisted. “I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”
“What are you nervous about?”
“It’s—don’t go getting all conceited about this, all right? But it’s just that you’re so big. What if it doesn’t fit?”
James appeared to be stifling a laugh with some difficulty. “It’ll fit, love. Trust me. Do you want some distraction?” he asked, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck.
“Yes. Yes, I think… maybe that would help.”
He nodded, and suddenly his hand was slipping between her legs again. His thumb dipped towards her entrance, gathered wetness there, and then found her clit. Brushing softly back and forth across her most sensitive spot, Lily soon found herself edging closer and closer to release again. She hadn’t even known that was possible. Meanwhile James snogged her senseless, his tongue painting a filthy image of what his cock would soon be doing, pumping in and out of her, circling, teasing, stroking her need higher and higher, until Lily writhed senseless, all worry forgotten.
“Please, James,” she gasped. When he didn’t immediately respond, she added, “I need you.”
“Need me to what, love?”
“I need you to fuck me.”
“Okay,” he choked out.
The insistent rhythm against her clit disappeared for a moment, and she felt James aligning his cock with her entrance, teasing her gently with the tip, preparing her for him. He nudged his hips forward, and Lily felt herself stretch as the head of his cock slipped inside her.
“Gods above, Lily, you’re so tight,” he hissed. He stopped and lifted his head to meet her eyes. “Okay?”
She nodded, and he pushed a little farther in. There was pressure. It didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t unpleasant either. James stopped again, breathing heavily.
“I can feel you,” he muttered. “I think if I go further it might hurt you.”
“It’s ok,” she said. The need to feel him seated all the way inside her outweighed her fear.
He nodded. “Bring your knees up for me, love,” he said. Lily did as she was told, and suddenly James surged forward, bottoming out deep inside her.
Lily cried out at the sharp pinch she felt, her body going rigid with pain.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, gods, Lily, I’m so sorry,” James was saying, holding himself rigidly above her, eyes tracking worriedly over her face. “Are you okay? Do you want me to pull out?”
Lily breathed through the pain and shook her head. “I—I think I just need a minute to adjust.”
James nodded, his breath heavy.
“Maybe—maybe more distraction?” she asked.
He smiled down at her, and as their eyes met, Lily’s heart pinched. She loved him. She felt suddenly like it wasn’t just their bodies that were connected, but something more. She could feel a physical tug in her chest, the same place she felt every time she cast a Patronus charm. Their souls, their magic, their minds—everything inside her felt connected to James in the most intimate feeling she’d ever experienced. It was magic unlike anything she’d known before.
James carefully shifted onto one arm, his thumb finding her clit again. Rubbing lightly against the exact spot that undid her, and staying perfectly still inside her, James told her how perfect she was, how beautiful and brave, how good she felt gripping his cock, how well she’d taken it, how he’d always take care of her, always be there for her pleasure.
Slowly, Lily felt the familiar tightening in her core. It ebbed and flowed, but James’ patient fingers coaxed it forward, until she was panting under him, not sure of exactly what she needed, but knowing she needed something more. She gave her hips an experimental nudge against his thumb, causing James to swear fiercely.
“Can I move?” he asked, his face a tight mask of control.
“Yes, please,” Lily gasped.
James withdrew and gave a shallow thrust back inside her, his thumb never ceasing its careful rhythm. She felt… full. James found a pace that was both gentle and merciless. Lily felt herself winding tighter and tighter.
“Please, don’t stop,” she begged.
James obeyed, his thumb maintaining the exact same pattern, each stroke pushing her closer and closer until…
She cried out, her hips shuddering up to meet his as she came apart around him.
“Fuck,” James shouted, surging forward in a powerful thrust. Through the haze of her shuddering pleasure, Lily understood James had held out and was coming with her. It was the most powerful sensation of her entire life, as they exploded together, feeling the same joy and love and mind-shattering pleasure. James thrust twice more through her aftershocks, before collapsing on top of her, breathing like he’d run a marathon.
Lily closed her arms around him, gratitude filling her heart. She’d always imagined her first time would be like what Mary had described: painful and fumbling and a little awkward. But even though he had no experience himself, James had made sure she was taken care of. She thought it might be the most wonderful moment of her life so far: sharing such an intimacy with the man she loved.
James slowly pulled out of her. Lily was surprised to feel a little of his cum drip out.
“Ah, no. You’re hurt,” James said, looking up at her with worry in his eyes.
A little sore maybe, but she wasn’t—oh. She looked down and saw what James was talking about: a small bloodstain marred the silk sheets.
“Oh gods, I’m so sorry—” she stammered, a blush rising up her face.
“Hey, no,” James said softly, catching her hands in his. “Don’t apologize. I don’t care about the blood—I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
She met his gaze, which was soft and concerned, not judgmental at all. “I’m okay,” she assured him.
James kissed her forehead and grabbed his wand, quickly clearing away their mess. When he was finished, he leaned back against the headboard, and drew Lily under his arm so her cheek was resting on his chest.
“Alright, Evans?” he asked.
She grinned and nodded, tracing faint patterns on his torso. She was more than alright, and she told him so.
“Do you need anything? Are you hungry, thirsty?”
She shook her head. “Just a little cold.”
James summoned one of the fluffy, fuzzy blankets towards them and wrapped it around them.
“You’re sure it was okay for you, I didn’t hurt you?”
She shifted her head back so she could look him in the eye. “James, it was the best moment of my life.”
James froze, looking down at her like he couldn’t believe it.
“You really mean that?”
She nodded solemnly.
He exhaled, huffing a small, baffled laugh. “You don’t—you can’t know what that means to me,” he said, his voice suspiciously scratchy.
“What do you mean?” Lily asked, sitting up so they could look at each other properly.
James looked her dead in the eye. It suddenly occurred to her that James wasn’t really a boy anymore. She knew he was only seventeen, but he carried himself, thought, acted, and spoke like a man. Her heart glowed with pride. He was magnificent. And he was hers.
James cleared his throat. “My whole life, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be yours, and for just as long I’ve thought I didn’t have a chance. That you love me? That I got to be your first? Lily, it’s… ineffable.” He pause for a long moment, thinking. “The closest I can think to describe it… I feel like my heart’s been beating my whole life, just to get to this moment.”
Lily’s own heart physically ached in her chest at his words. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you sooner,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand in hers.
“No,” James said fiercely, clenching his jaw, and staring out the snowy window. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t deserve you. Merlin, I still don’t deserve you, but I promise I will try every day for the rest of our lives to be worthy of your love.”
“You are worthy,” Lily said, wanting, needing him to know that she loved him just as he was. “I love you, James Potter.”
He smiled and pulled her back into his arms, his eyes suspiciously misty.
“Do I have to prove it to you?” she teased, tilting her head to press a kiss against his rough jaw.
James laughed. “Does that mean you believe me now?” he asked, peppering kisses on her head between his words. “You believe that I love you, now? That I’ve always loved you and always will love you?”
Lily giggled and squirmed, though James’ arm was banded tight across her ribs below her breasts and she couldn’t get away.
“I don’t know,” she gasped with laughter as James’ kisses mercilessly attacked her neck.
“You don’t know?” James asked with mock outrage, but his chest was rumbling with laughter, too.
“I might have to be reminded, now and again,” Lily gasped between shrieks of laughter.
“How about twice a day at minimum, for the rest of our lives?” James asked.
“Only twice?”
“Only twice, Godric’s sword, Evans, do you want me dead?”
“No,” she giggled, her breathlessness abating. “I want you always to be with me. Forever.”
James looked at her, and she felt something in her heart lock into place.
“I will be,” he promised.