The Stars

It was Christmas break, and Regulus was sat quietly with his brother’s friends on their way to James’. Regulus was really looking forward to seeing a normal Christmas, but he was still terrified. What if his mother found him anyway? What if James was just being nice, and they don’t actually want Regulus there? What if James’ parents don’t like him?

“Hey, Reg, are you interested in muggle books?” Remus brought Regulus out of his thoughts. Regulus thought about it for a second, he’s seen some that looked really good. He nodded at Remus. “Okay, I was just asking because I think I have some you might like.”

Regulus smiled at that. Remus was thinking about what he’d like. Remus was thinking about giving him something. Regulus’ thoughts froze for a second. Wait, oh, he’s going to be getting a lot of gifts this break. How is he supposed to react? He barely got presents from his own parents. What does he say?

“I’m so excited for you to see a Potter Christmas, Reggie. You’re going to have so much fun,” Sirius said, practically vibrating in his seat. Regulus gave him a smile. He didn’t really like talking much anymore. He couldn’t convince himself that he wasn’t being annoying, most of the time. He knew they noticed, but they weren’t overwhelming about it. Regulus was thankful.

Regulus looks out the window, shifting to lean against it. He rubbed his left arm wrong while trying to move, and he flinched. He grimaced and clenched his fists. The cuts were healed enough, but his left arm was still very tender. He tried to be careful, but he has accidentally opened the cuts up. However, he hasn’t cut since the astronomy accident because he’s scared he’ll go too far. He’s scared that he’ll keep going, and he now knows he’s cared about. He knows that Sirius would be so upset if he let himself do that.

Regulus slowly relaxed back into the seat as the pain dwindled down. He rested his head on the cold glass. “You okay?” James whispered in his ear. Regulus forced himself not to jump.

“Yeah,” Regulus paused, “Yeah, I’m good. I, um, I just hit my arm wrong.” Regulus looked at his lap. Regulus noticed that James was as close to him as he could be without touching Regulus.

“Okay, if you need anything, just say something. By the way,” James said as an after thought, “I didn’t exactly tell my parents the whole story, about you. I didn’t know if you wanted them to know or not. I could still tell them if you wanted me to.” Regulus looked up, surprised, at James. He was honestly surprised James didn’t just go ahead and tell his parents. He’s going to be practically living there now, so it would probably be good for them to know. Regulus wasn’t about to make them think he’s fucking crazy though, so he kept silent. He thought about the clothes he’d put on the top of his luggage, to change into. He remembered that he’d picked one that had three-quarter sleeves, and he started kind of freaking out. He could just search his luggage for a longer sleeved shirt, but everyone else already had picked out their outfits. Plus, Sirius has told him multiple times that he did not need to hide his arms. That it is part of him, and it shows what he’s survived. Regulus thought that Sirius would insist that Regulus just keep the shirt he had picked out, but his arms were pretty bad around the wrists as well. He didn’t want to just surprise James’ parents with that.

Regulus looked over at James, and he was talking to Sirius. He leaned closer, and he brought himself to James’ ear. “Do you have a jacket or a extra sweatshirt I could wear?” Regulus looked away when James looked over. He felt James lean over, not that much considering they were still really close.

“I have my quidditch jacket and a Gryffindor sweatshirt,” James stated. He heard the slight question in his voice. Regulus silently cursed James, and his stupid house pride. He ignored the happiness that filled him when he thought about getting to wear the red sweatshirt.

“I’ll wear the Gryffindor sweatshirt. Thank you, James.” Regulus smiled as James looked at him. He received a smile as well.

“No problem, Reg. Why though?” Regulus knew this question was coming. He debated if he should tell James or not. He decided as long as Sirius doesn’t hear, it’s okay.

“I don’t want Sirius to know, but I had out a shorter sleeved shirt. I don’t want your parents’ first impression of my to change because of my arms. I think I’m going to just say I forgot to keep out my shirt. Is, um, is that alright?” Regulus was nervous that James was going to tell Sirius. He was relieved when James replied.

“It’s no problem, but trust me, they wouldn’t treat you any different,” James whispered. Regulus doubted what James had said, but he didn’t say anything as James looked back towards Remus and Sirius.

Regulus zoned out, looking at the scenery fly by, and he ignored the talking in the compartment. He allowed himself to drift off.

Regulus was shook awake by James. “Hey, sleepy head, I have the sweatshirt you asked for.” Regulus stared a little too long at the stupid smile taking of James’ face. He tried to think of something to say, but sleep still clogged his mind. “Come on, everyone is changing.” The compartment was busy with movement. Regulus nodded, and forced himself up. He thanked James for the sweatshirt. He quickly changed, grabbing the pants he laid out. He quickly got comfy again, and he watched the group of friends interact. He felt himself start dozing off, and he smiled. One word repeated itself in Regulus’ mind. Safe.

Regulus woke up shortly before they pulled into the station. He mind was racing now. What if they were joking, and he wasn’t actually allowed to go to the Potters? What if his parents found him before they found James’ parents? What if-

“Come, Reggie, you’re about to meet a storybook mom,” Sirius laughed. James joined in. Sirius connected their hands as they began making their way out of the train. The luggage was being carried in each of their other hands.

Regulus tried to steady his racing heart when they stepped onto the platform, to no avail. Regulus gripped Sirius’ hand tighter. They quickly found Fleamont and Euphemia, and they introduced Regulus to them.

Regulus was quiet during the whole thing, and he had a polite, forced, smile on his face. He was relieved when they begun apparating to the Potter’s home. He quickly asked to see his room. He was normally good with people, especially recently with Sirius and James around so much, but he was beginning to get the feelings he got around his own parents, here. He had to be alone. He needed to calm down.

James and Regulus walked quietly towards the guest room that would be his. “I hope you know, they aren’t expecting anything.” James was the first one to break the silence. Fuck James, and his ability to guess what’s wrong.

“I know,” Regulus muttered. Lies. James gave him a smile as they reached the room.

“I want you to feel comfortable here. I’ll do whatever you need to make you feel okay about staying here,” James admitted. Regulus smiled. He was thankful for James, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. His mind was running with the stuff he needed to think about at his parents’. He had no idea what to say here anymore. He thought it would be fine, but he was wrong.

“Uh, bye, James,” Regulus whispered before quickly going into his room. He locked the door behind himself. He didn’t know if that was allowed, but he thought he’d take the chance right now.

Regulus tried to breathe slowly, and he began looking around the room. The room has no hint of green, and it’s so welcoming. It’s nothing like his own house. He let himself relax. He grabbed a stupid stuffed lion from the dresser, definitely for decoration, and he held it tight. He wished so much that he would’ve just followed behind his brother. Everything would’ve been differently. The pain that shot up his left arm just proved that he no longer wanted to live this life that he was forced into. He silently thanks Sirius and his friends as he curled up on the comfortable bed. He closed his eyes tight, and he wished that he could unlearn all the pureblood shit that is running through his head. He eventually found himself falling into an uneasy sleep. The last thought running through his head was about how nice James was to him.  He had a small smile slip onto his face.