From far away, I wish I'd stayed with you
James had refused to look at the sky, the stars, for a while. He was scared of the bright star, their star, not being there. And sure, it was ridiculous to think that because they weren’t together the star would die but James was always ridiculous like that.
But when he finally dared to look for it, as if it was going to answer his question. It had before, it had made him feel like he had to go and say sorry. He expected the same thing to happen except this time it wasn’t there to answer. James looked and looked and looked.
Their star was gone.
It surely was all a coincidence, this didn’t mean anything. It was nothing worth worrying about.
Yet his breath had caught and he was now trying not to cry. Merlin, why did he even want to cry? He was better off without Regulus. Regulus had only hurt him, why did he feel like this? He had ended things between them and it was selfish to expect Regulus to stay hung up on him.
He didn’t believe this was a coincidence, the star was bright as ever when they were together and now it was gone?
Regulus Black had moved on, he saw him with Barty the other day. Barty, who James had always had been the tiniest bit jealous of, was making Regulus laugh like James used to think only he could.
Could Regulus have moved on that easily? Did James mean so little to him? When did James start crying?
Regulus had been looking at the star every day since that night and today, today it wasn’t there.
He had said this wouldn’t happen, but who was he to keep a star alive? He on his own couldn’t before he had James with him but now, now he was on his own.
He didn’t want to put as much thought as he was putting into it as he was, because stars die, they all do. James and Regulus didn’t have some magic connection to it that kept it shining but he couldn’t help but feel the wave of heartbreak overtake him once again, like it had when Sirius stopped talking to him because he was in Slytherin, like it had when Srius left, like it had when James ended things.
It was stupid, he knew this. But what if James had already moved on? What if he caught feelings for Lily again? He had seen them together again, James had his spark back, the one Regulus had taken from him and the one Lily so easily brought back.
He was jealous of her. He was always the “if I can’t have it then no one can” type of person. He knew James would be happier but Regulus wanted to be happy too. He wanted to be as happy as he was with James. He knew that he was being very fucking selfish but maybe if they tried again, it would be different.