Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Healing
The next time Hadrian opened his eyes, the room was full of sunlight. His eyelids felt heavy and crusted with sleep as he blinked, and he pushed himself to seating tiredly. Examining himself, he noticed his arm was free of bandages, though he had a shiny silver scar running down his arm where the wound had been. Hadrian swallowed dryly, and looked to his bedside table for water. He spotted some, but he also froze.
Fred was sitting in a chair beside Hadrian’s bed, but he’d laid his head down and fallen asleep with his head on Hadrian’s bed. With a soft smile, Hadrian reached out to stroke Fred’s sleep mused red hair. The boy stirred, breathing deeply before he froze, and then sat up faster than Hadrian could blink.
“Hadrian!” The redhead exclaimed; his eyes were still tired, but he leaned forward to take Hadrian’s hand. “Are you alright?” Hadrian smiled.
“Yeah, I feel fine. Good as new.” He assured the boy, squeezing his hand. He then grabbed the water glass and sipped it, soothing his aching throat slightly. He looked back at Fred as the boy squeezed his hand, and he noticed that Fred’s eyes were shiny.
“I was so scared.” Fred murmured. “You were so pale, and still, and I-” He cut himself off with a frown, and Hadrian set his water down so he could touch Fred’s cheek lightly.
“Hey. I’m okay now, alright?” Fred nodded. Hadrian swiped his thumb across Fred’s cheek as a tear escaped pretty brown eyes, and he smiled. “I’m okay.” Hadrian then scooted over to the far side of the bed, and patted the space beside him. Fred’s eyes lit up, and he climbed onto the bed to settle in next to Hadrian. Fred wrapped an arm around him, and Hadrian rested his head on the boy’s collarbone comfortably. “Better?”
“Better.” Fred murmured. Hadrian smiled.
When the medwitch came for him, Hadrian sat patiently as Madam Pomfrey explained what she’d done to finish his healing and drank the two additional blood replenishers she handed him. For his arm, she’d removed Cedric’s bandaging charm and used Vulnera Sanentur. It was a healing spell that was repeated three times. Once to prevent death, again to clear residue and to slow bleeding, a third to knit the wounds back together. Pomfrey also reluctantly admitted she'd skipped treating his skin with dittany, which would've prevented scarring. He promised her that it wasn't a big deal.
For the possible venom, she explained how she had administered the phoenix tears, but had no way of really knowing if they did anything. To remedy this, she told him to head to a healer immediately if he noticed extreme muscle weakness, excessive dizziness, or anything unusual. Hadrian agreed he would, and she ushered him and Fred out the door.
When the boys went down to breakfast, Hadrian was immediately swarmed by Beauxbaton students congratulating him for his win, and he ended up clinging to Fred, overwhelmed. Hadrian thanked and evaded them as they excitedly asked what had really happened in the maze, crowding him. As he escaped them, he just followed Fred to the Gryffindor table and sat down between him and George. He didn’t get much peace there either.
"What was it like? Did you face terrible obstacles?" An excited upper year asked.
"Oh! Did you really break your whole arm fighting a huge spider?"
"Did you actually get kidnapped and escape from your kidnappers while bleeding out!?"
Hadrian put his head on the table in defeat, ignoring the questions as much as he ignored the food. He smiled into the table regardless, grateful they seemed happy he'd won, even if he beat Hogwarts to do it.
A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up to see Fred smirking at him. He gave the redhead a resigned look. "Eat something. It'll only get worse after the presentation ceremony." He advised. George nodded in agreement, grinning on Hadrian's other side.
"I forgot about that!" Hadrian groaned. He sat up fully and pulled a plate towards him as he sulked mildly. "Did they announce when it is?"
"A week from now." The boy Hadrian remembered as ‘Lee’ piped up from across the table. "They want to give you time to celebrate before accepting the prize money." Hadrian took a bite and leaned on his hand contemplating.
"D'you think they'll let me keep the Cup? It sure is shiny." He joked. The Gryffindors around him barked with laughter, Fred and George grinning at him from either side, and Hadrian allowed himself to relax. The danger was behind him.
Theo shut his book in frustration. “I give up. Herbology is stupid anyway!”
“I told you blood was worse than raw meat.” Hadrian said smugly. “I must be clairvoyant, Professor Sprout assigns a new plant that needs its soil soaked in blood? What?” He teased, leaning towards Theo. Hadrian loved the unit, especially after reading Flesh-Eating Trees of the Wild. It was a truly fascinating subject.
“Rub it in, I get it.” Theo turned pink but glared as he pushed the Herbology textbook away. Hadrian laughed and sat back as Theo put his face on the table.
“So Hermione, did you ever have a calm year?” Hadrian changed the subject and faced her. “First you were nearly killed by a Troll, second you were petrified, this year used as a hostage underwater, and Theo tells me the school was surrounded by dementors last year?” He raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve definitely realized Hogwarts isn’t the safest school.” Hermione mumbled. “Third year was the calmest though. I mean, Ron and I nearly lost our friendship, and he was attacked by that dog, but it worked out alright.“
“What happened between you and Weasley?” Hadrian tilted his head.
“Well my cat, Crookshanks, never liked Scabbers. Ron’s rat.” She explained. “She chased him around, and Scabbers was sick so Ron worried a lot. One day there was blood on his sheets, no rat, and cat hair everywhere.” She sighed. “He was furious, absolutely livid at the thought that Crookshanks killed Scabbers. The only reason it worked out was because we went to visit Hagrid, and Scabbers was there.”
“You said you were attacked by a dog?” Theo interrupted, still face down, “The black one that was seen everywhere?” She nodded.
“Yeah. Ron and I were walking back from Hagrid’s when the dog attacked Ron, he broke his leg pretty badly. Scabbers bit him and got loose, and the dog just left us alone to chase him.”
“So after all that, you still lost the rat?” Hadrian grinned at Hermione’s resigned expression, and outright laughed when she dropped her head on the table with a groan, matching Theo's position.
“Whatever. Let’s talk about how glad we are that the Tournament is over!” She said as she raised her head. “The third task was definitely the most stressful to watch.”
“I agree.” Theo said, voice still muffled slightly.
“But why?” Hadrian shook his head in confusion, “You couldn’t see us getting beaten up by monsters, and it wasn’t any different than the Lake.”
“It was different though.” Theo said, eyes still shut. “We couldn’t hear you for the second task, it was just sitting and waiting.”
“You could hear us?” Hadrian blinked, “During the maze?” Hermione looked away and nodded.
“The twins could hear you swearing and yelling about the Skrewt, I think they were ready to murder Hagrid. Lee had to basically restrain Fred.” She said quietly. Hadrian paled. Fred had said he was scared for Hadrian… how much worse was it to have to listen to Cedric screaming about Hadrian being injured, and not able to do anything? Theo sat up with a sigh.
“Draco was more upset about the Acromantula. He’s heard of them before and knows how dangerous they are. When Cedric yelled that you were bleeding, he was so scared for you.” Theo looked at Hadrian seriously. “That reminds me, I wanna know exactly how injured you were.”
“Ah, my arm was cut a bit.” Hadrian said, trying to look away from both the bookworm’s terrified looks, “But it's okay! Madam Pomfrey healed it up.” He smiled and rolled up his robe sleeve to show them the scar. Hermione’s eyes were immediately on it, and Theo actually shot to his feet and looked as if he wanted to grab it for a better look.
“You said a bit!” Theo said accusingly.
“Wrist to elbow is not a minor wound.” Hermione said, eyeing the scar. Hadrian sighed.
“It was a deep laceration from my elbow to my wrist. I needed five blood replenishing potions total, and I very nearly bled out.” He said blankly to his stunned friends. “Happy?” Neither of the brunettes said anything, and Hadrian sighed. “Look, the third task was really hard for me.” He said quietly. “Can we just… not?”
“Of course.” Hermione said softly, “What do you wanna talk about?”
“Can we just read?”
“Of course.” Theo sat down and pulled his textbook back towards him. “I needed to study Herbology anyway.” Hadrian choked on a laugh.
“I thought you gave up on Herbology?” Theo put a hand on his chest in mock offense.
“Why Hadrian, I never did say such a thing in my life.” They all laughed, and Hadrian smiled in relief.
At lunch, Hadrian sat down next to Cedric and his Hufflepuffs. “Hey, Hadrian.” Cedric smiled softly, “How’re you feeling?”
“Good.” Hadrian answered, and then he frowned at the boy. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, Madam Pomfrey healed the damage done to my nerves because of the Crucio.” Cedric smiled wobbly. “You were right, there was some damage, but it wasn’t permanent.”
“I knew it.” Hadrian’s eyes were huge. “You should’ve tapped out early, you and I were the only ones left and you let me win anyway!” Seeing his distress, Cedric wrapped an arm around Hadrian in a side hug.
“I’m glad I kept going.” Cedric said with a grin. “I get to lose, knowing I did everything I could. If I’d tapped out, I’d forever wonder if I could’ve won in spite of it.”
“But your nerves…” Hadrian chewed his lip.
"They're fine now, don't worry." Cedric released him and turned to his food, only to see his friend's surprised and anguished faces.
"Crucio?" Malcolm choked out.
"Nerve damage?" Heidi exclaimed.
"Help." Cedric whispered to Hadrian pleadingly. He elbowed Cedric teasingly.
"You're on your own. I got this from Hermione and Theo already." Cedric groaned, and Hadrian laughed unsympathetically.
Hadrian tried not to dwell on the knowledge that they both could've been much worse off than they were, and focused instead on the fact that they both came out of it healthy and safe.
After lunch, he headed for his Potions class. Professor Snape had been itching to talk to him for weeks and Hadrian knew he’d crack soon. Hadrian was leaving soon, afterall.
So Hadrian stirred his Draught of Living Death and made sure to use the recipe on the board. Snape was having them do a review brew on the sixth year potion, since most year 7 students admitted they never got it right. Hadrian figured it was because the recipe Snape had written on the chalkboard was different from their textbooks.
He crushed the Sopophorous beans carefully with his own dagger and added the juices that bled through. Hadrian eyed Snape as the Professor walked by, and smirked as he added the clockwise stir after the seventh anti-clockwise. Snape was watching him as if looking for a mistake, but Hadrian stirred and looked away.
By the end of the hour Hadrian had come the closest, his potion perfect but unfinished. An hour was never long enough, and the school knew that. Beauxbaton let dedicated students have extra time, but he doubted Snape would. Hadrian stepped away and smirked as Snape dropped a leaf into the potion, and watched it disintegrate. The Professor reluctantly gave him an O(utstanding) mark for the potion.
As Hadrian packed up his stuff, Snape finally broke. “Lord Black, a word with me.” Hadrian smiled at the Year 7 Hufflepuffs as they left, and a few even waved. He set his bag on his desk and moved towards the Professor.
“Yes, Professor?” Hadrian asked politely.
“We need to talk about Harry.” He said quietly. Hadrian sighed.
“Fine, but not here. Your office?” Snape nodded sharply and led him into the dim room. Last time Hadrian was in there, he hadn't really looked around, because he'd been crying and altogether not having a good time. Now, though, he realized the walls were lined with jars and vials of ingredients, some gross, some interesting. An unlit fireplace sat in the corner, and cauldrons were stored nearby as well. He took a seat across from Snape and waited.
“You said you believed Harry Potter was dead.” Snape eyed him. “Coincidentally, your brother’s name is Harry. As well as that, Lillian Evans married James Potter and had a son named Harry Potter. So tell me what you know, and don't say it's not relevant." Snape inhaled deeply after he finished and Hadrian sat still, considering.
“I want a Vow.” He said finally. “Pick one, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Will a vow on my magic be enough?” Snape raised a brow. Hadrian frowned.
“No, I don’t know you well enough to guess whether you’d reveal secrets in exchange for becoming a Squib.” They glared at each other until Snape sighed and held out his hand.
“A Blood Oath then.” Snape decided. “An Unbreakable Vow would need a third person.” Hadrian nodded easily.
Hadrian held out his right hand and cut it open with the wand in his left. Snape mimicked him, and they clasped hands firmly. Their hands glowed, drops of blood floating upwards.
“I promise to reveal Harry Potter’s secrets to him.” Hadrian said softly.
“I promise to remain silent about, and never tell, the secrets I am given.” Snape sneered.
The blood hung above their hands until a phial formed, seemingly of thin air, and enclosed the blood. Unclasping their bloodied hands Hadrian caught the phial and smiled at it. As he set it on the floor, bloody fingerprints were left behind. He turned back to Snape, to see him holding his wand.
Hadrian watched carefully as Snape cast at his own hand. “Episkey.” The man ordered. The wound on his hand closed, skin stitching itself together and leaving only blood, he then turned to Hadrian. The boy reached out with his injured hand, and Snape healed it as well. “Scourgify.” He muttered next, and both hands were clean again. Hadrian sat back in his chair, and felt he needed to wash his hands anyway.
“Harry Potter was brought to Diagon Alley by Rubeus Hagrid in 1991, July 31st, his 11th birthday.” He started quietly. Snape did nothing beyond inhale sharply, and Hadrian continued. “He visited Gringotts, and managed to get Hagrid to leave him alone in Diagon Alley. This much, you probably already know.”
“The staff was informed when he didn’t show up at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was told by Hagrid.” Snape's face was blank, but his voice betrayed his suspicion.
“Harry Potter went back to Gringotts, alone.” Hadrian studied his Lordship rings, holding his hands in front of him. “First, he did an Inheritance Test. He accepted Three Lordships, and one Heirship.” He made eye contact with Snape, who was losing his composure. One by one, he pointed at his rings. “He accepted and was was entitled to Lord Peverell, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Heir Slytherin.”
Snape stood, angrily, but Hadrian held up a hand and the Professor sat down heavily. Hadrian took a deep breath before continuing.
“He was given a Health Check next. He had compulsions against Slytherin, against Dark Magic and Rituals, and against Tom Riddle. He also had compelled loyalty to Dumbledore and Gryffindor.” Hadrian dropped his eyes to his palms, staring at them as if they knew more than he did. “When everything was cleansed, the paternal blood glamour was also removed. You see, Harry Potter had three parents. His mother loved two men who also loved each other, and when she had a child with Sirius Black, James Potter blood adopted the child. Harry Potter was actually Harrison James Orion Potter-Evans-Black.”
He paused to take a steading breath and blew it out. “Harry was told about Voldemort, and about his fame, and he realized he didn’t want to be a part of a war he hadn’t even lived in. A war he never knew. As an emancipated Lord, he changed his name, and Harry Potter died that day.” He stared directly at the horrified Professor. “Harry Potter died, and Hadrian Orion Black lived to accept his new life and properties, lived to choose his own school, his own life, and his own future.” He glared, daring Snape to disagree. “Until my name came out of that goblet, of course.”
“You are Harry Potter?” Snape whispered in disbelief. Hadrian shook his head.
“Harry Potter is dead. Has been since July 31st, 1991.” Snape made an impatient noise.
“Fine, you used to be Harry Potter. You disappeared purposefully!” The man exclaimed.
“That’s correct.” Hadrian admitted, examining his nails.
“Do you have any idea how worried—”
“I don’t care.” Hadrian interrupted bluntly. “I really don’t care. You were adults I’d never met and I didn’t want to live a life chosen for me.” He stood and glared at a silent Professor Snape. “I don’t regret it. You know why? Because if I asked you if I could have been the person I am now if I’d come to Hogwarts, you wouldn’t be able to say yes.” Hadrian turned away and headed for the door.
“Potter—” Hadrian whipped around.
“Never call me that again.” He seethed in french. Snape blinked at him with shock in his eyes at the sheer wrath in his voice, and Hadrian took a shaking breath. “Harry Potter is dead and I’ll shout it from the rooftops if you call me that ever again.”
Without looking back, Hadrian stalked out of the room and slammed the door. He stormed out, anger clear in his stride but never running, all the way out of the dungeons and through the halls of Hogwarts towards the exit to the grounds. People got hurriedly out of his way, and he saw several Gryffindors and Slytherins run off with worried looks. Hadrian ignored them. He needed to get outside so he could breathe.
Unfortunately, Ron Weasley ended up between him and the next doorway he wanted. Ron Weasley stood between him and the precious outside air.
Grinding his teeth, he said as calmly as he could, “Move, Weasley.” Ron just glared at him.
“Going somewhere, Black?” He sneered and turned to fully face him, still blocking the door. “I’m standing here.”
“If you don’t move I'll make you.” Hadrian gritted out. He noticed Hermione then, standing at Ron’s side wringing her hands. She looked anxious, at least she wasn’t blocking the path.
“Ron, just move. He’s clearly upset right now.” She tried. Ron waved her off.
“No, he thinks he can push me around like last time? Absolutely not.” He stepped into Hadrian’s space. “You might’ve bewitched my brothers but not me. You hear? Not me!” Weasley stepped back and pulled out his wand, aiming it at Hadrian’s face.
“Put it away, or I’ll break it.” Hadrian growled. "I promised I wouldn't draw my wand on you, but I won't need one to snap yours."
“Just do it Ron, he means it!” Hermione pleaded.
“This is who you choose to be friends with, when I’m not around?” Ron sneered, not lowering his wand. “Even you can see he’s threatening me!”
“I don't make threats, I'm warning you of consequences.” Hadrian’s hands were white where he’d wrapped them around his bag's shoulder strap. People were whispering around them, several pointing at Ron. “You have five seconds.” He whispered.
Ron laughed, and didn’t move. Hadrian’s hands whipped out, one coming from the side and one shooting directly out. His left hand smacked Ron’s wrist from the side, and the redhead released his wand with a yell. Hadrian’s right hand caught it, and with a final glare he snapped the wand over his knee.
“My wand!” Ron screamed. Hadrian threw the two jagged shards of wood over his shoulder and shoved the redhead aside. He then walked briskly the rest of the way through the castle, and down to the lake. Without stopping, he discarded his shoulder bag and his jacket. Reaching the water he removed his socks and shoes before he walked right in, and started swimming as far as he could.
Ice was in his blood soon enough, washing away the anger and leaving a frosty numbness in its wake. It had nothing to do with the temperature of the lake.
Hadrian should’ve known someone would come for him. He probably should’ve guessed it’d be the Weasley twins, even. But he guessed neither of these things and turned in surprise when they called out to him.
“Jeez, can you swim any faster?!” Fred panted, edging sarcasm. Hadrian saw the twins swimming for him with huge strokes, both having apparently discarded their robes at the bank.
“We saw your clothes and figured you’d gone for a cooldown dip.” George exclaimed, out of breath, “But we are so far out! Wow, we were about to give up and say you’d drowned yourself in anger!” Hadrian scoffed, looking away.
“I should apologize.” He said numbly, avoiding their eyes. “I could’ve handled it better.”
“Hermione said you were already mad.” George looked like he’d tried for a watery shrug and nearly slipped under.
“Murderous, actually. According to Lee.” Fred corrected with an easy smile. “What got you upset enough one interaction made you snap a wand?” Hadrian winced.
“I should really apologize.” He repeated. “I’ll pay to have him get a new one. Any expense that’s used. Transportation, a holster, the wand, anything.” The twins looked like they were considering refusing and he glared. “I broke it. Besides, I’m offering it to Ronald. You can’t refuse for him, it’s his choice.” They both huffed with amused smiles.
“How about we swim back, yeah?” Fred said.
“Yeah, okay.” Hadrian sighed.
Back on solid ground, Hadrian spelled them all dry, but didn’t move from the banks of the Lake. He stared at the water, as iced as he was when he was soaking wet. Hadrian was dry and warm, yet felt frozen inside, cracks making themselves known inside him. He stayed unmoving as the twins surveyed him, until they seemed to make a decision. Hadrian felt a hand taking his, and a set of footsteps leaving. One stayed, one left.
“What happened?” Fred asked quietly, “Before, I mean. I don’t care about the wand.”
“I was talking to Professor Snape.” Hadrian paused to raise privacy wards before sighing. “He – he wanted to ask me about my family, and I totally lost it.” He stared out at the water, and wished for the first time that he could confide in someone for real. Not half lies like his friends, or full story he was forced to give like Snape. But nobody knew the truth. They couldn't. Snape had Harry Potter's story, but none of the current emotions in Hadrian. Fred might see his emotions, but he'd never know about Harry Potter…
“You don’t have to talk about it.” Fred squeezed his hand, interrupting the silence. “I understand.” Hadrian took a deep breath, feeling as though his lungs were made of ice too.
“I was supposed to come to Hogwarts.” Hadrian murmured, still watching the water. “With my brother.” He paused to sit down, Fred not releasing his hand as he joined Hadrian on the muddy bank. “But, I didn’t want to go to Hogwarts. Beauxbaton is amazing, and the moment I saw the pamphlet, I was so excited.” He smiled and turned to look at his hand clasped in Fred’s. With his other hand, he trailed his fingertips along Fred’s knuckles, saying nothing.
“Something changed?” Fred whispered.
“He died.” Hadrian lied, voice empty. “So I left, I escaped, I ran, I started brand new far away from England.” Tears splashed their hands, and Hadrian’s vision blurred. “Snape asked me so many questions, and then he…” He sniffed, releasing Fred’s hand and stuffing a hand over his mouth to stifle his cries.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.” Fred pulled him into a hug, and Hadrian cried into Fred’s chest quietly. “It’s alright.”
“We have different last names.” Hadrian whispered into Fred’s chest. “Snape called me his name, and I lost it. I don’t even know why it upset me so much, he’s dead, he’s gone, he’s…” Hadrian broke off with a muffled sob.
“He’s still with you.” Fred whispered. Hadrian stilled, sniffing, wide eyes hidden in the redhead’s chest. “He’s gone, but he’ll always be with you. You deserve to be called by your own name, regardless.” Hadrian felt a kiss being pressed into his hair and he sighed.
Hadrian shut his eyes as the last of his tears fell, listening to Fred’s soft heartbeat. “Do you think I’ll ever forgive myself?” Hadrian whispered. The world was without Harry Potter because of him. As Snape said, he’d worried everyone. He was to blame… wasn’t he?
“It’s not your fault and it never will be.” Fred said firmly, squeezing Hadrian’s shoulders gently. “I think forgiving yourself is up to you. You can hold onto the pain, and the memories, and the doubt, if you want; or you can work on accepting it. He’s gone, and that’ll never be okay, but that’s how it is. You’re here, alive, and you deserve to be happy. Even if he’s not any of those things.”
Hadrian pulled back, staring at Fred in wonder. Nobody had ever told him that before. “You mean, I don’t have to feel bad?” He asked, eyes huge, “He’s gone though, why—?”
“Your feelings matter.” Fred put a hand on Hadrian’s chest, right over his heart. “You are not your brother, and nobody should ever fault you for being happy, no matter what.”
Hadrian stared at the redhead with awe and intensity that had Fred’s gentle expression dusted pink at the edges. Hadrian turned, kneeling in front of the redhead, and put a hand on his cheek.
“That’s the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Hadrian murmured, fingers stroking the redhead’s face softly. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Fred’s lips. It wasn’t a kiss of passion, there was no heat, no urgency; it was soft affection and honest gratitude.
The kiss lasted only a second before Hadrian released him, trading it for a tight hug as Hadrian kneeled above the seated redhead. Fred didn’t move, stunned, before slowly wrapping his arms around Hadrian’s waist with a soft sigh.
"Y'know, I've never thought of it that way." Hadrian murmured into Fred's hair. He released the older boy to sit again, knee to knee with Fred.
"How did you think about it?" Fred prompted, intertwining their hands.
"I figured it was my fault. I didn't tell anyone he was dead, I just ran away. People are worried about him, including Snape, because… he knew our mother. But I just…" Hadrian huffed in frustration. "I just want to leave that life behind, but I can't..."
"He's a part of you." Fred reminded him, smiling at their interlocked fingers. "He meant a lot to you, even though he's gone. It's normal to hate people for leaving us, even if it's not their choice or their fault. Y'know?" Fred looked up and Hadrian smiled at him, ice melting slightly.
"Okay." Hadrian murmured. He then grinned. "You're my favorite Weasley."
"And you're a man after my heart, date mine." Fred smiled, pressing their foreheads together. “Let’s go back inside, yeah?” He then slowly released Hadrian and moved to stand.
“Yeah, okay.” Hadrian huffed, letting himself be pulled up. He smiled. Hadrian wasn’t feeling perfect, but the little cracks inside him that had opened in Snape’s office were now taped back together by the redhead on the bank of the lake.