Behind A Bastard's Back
Sirius was bouncing excitedly on his toes, attempting to see his two best mates in the crowd of people. James stood next to him, adjusting his head boy pin nervously, head craning to spot a certain redhead.
“It’ll be fine mate,” Sirius reminded, still bouncing. “It’s seventh year and you’re both Heads together. She’ll come around.”
“We talking about Lily again?” A voice sounded near Sirius’ elbow, startling the boy.
“Peter!” Sirius cried, running a hand through his hair. “Have you seen Moony?” He turned back to look at the crowd again.
Peter’s face fell at the question, but he sighed. “No, not yet. He’ll probably be a bit late, the full being last night.”
Sirius stopped looking, eyes a bit downcast, “Shit yeah. I forgot.”
James turned to them, “We need to get on the train, we’ll wait for Moony there.”
Guilt flooded through him, as James pulled him into their compartment. How could he have forgotten. His best friend, the boy he had a crush on for fucks sake, was experiencing excruciating pain and he fucking forgot. What kind of friend did that? Sirius had been up at night thinking thoughts about his best friend’s smile and he had forgotten.
His misery was put aside when the door slid open with a bang. Remus trudged in, falling onto the seat next to Sirius. Moony’s eyes were bloodshot, eye-bags more prominent than ever. Sirius noticed with alarm that the taller boy held a can in his hand, no doubt for the limp he’d spotted when Remus had walked in. The two most worrying things however were the fact that Remus had on his oldest sweater and a new scar cut across his nose.
Only those who knew Remus would know about the sweater. It was ugly and ratty, falling apart in places. Said sweater was also ten sizes too big on Remus, who was a giant. When he had first worn it the other boys had recoiled in disgust. Of course, they hadn’t understood at the time why Remus chose to wear it.
The sweater was his dad’s, given to him before Remus had been bitten. Remus loved that sweater, he would always wear it when he couldn’t stomach wearing his binder. So whenever he wore it, the Marauders knew it was bad.
Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw James grimace. Peter was staring, face white and worried. Sirius stood frozen.
“Bad moon?” James asked, making Sirius glare at him.
Of fucking course it was bad , he mouthed at the other boy. James shrugged, as Remus merely grunted in response.
“Who’s got the silver?” Remus snapped, his Welsh accent causing Peter to jump. Fuck. Remus looked sick, his face tinted a light green, which made the fresh cut stand out even more. James scrambled to pull the pin off his cloak, quickly transfiguring it into tin.
Moony visibly relaxed once he had, now choosing to curl up into a ball against the rumbling train compartment. A low whistle echoed out of his mouth, filling the area.
“So you got the position?” Sirius’ head snapped to look at him, as did both James’ and Peter’s. Remus didn’t even turn while the three stared in shock. The poor boy was almost asleep already, even with the weight of three pairs of eyes on him.
“It was you,” James whispered conspiratorially. “You told Dumbledore.” Peter was pointing a shaking finger at the other boy, while Sirius fought off laughter. Of course it had been Remus, who else would it have been.
James’ mouth was wide open, “Behind a brother’s back…” He whispered again.
“A bastard maybe.” Remus turned to look at them, smirking slightly. Sirius snorted, quickly dissolving into laughter. Peter joined him, both laughing and pointing at James, who glared in mock offense.
When the laughter stopped (ten minutes later, every time Peter or Sirius looked at James, it started again. Remus’ comment about ‘If the shoe fits’ didn’t help either), they turned to Remus once again for an explanation.
“You deserve it James. That’s all I said.” Remus answered with a shrug.
James arched his brow, “This doesn’t have anything to do with your crippling self-loathing about your furry little problem, does it?” Remus glared back.
“No it doesn’t,” He continued at James’ unconvinced expression. “You’re a good person Prongs and you deserve it. I know you claim your biggest achievement was being Quidditch captain, but… Everyone loves you, and you look after people and you care. You would be so much better at it than I would be. I just told Dumbledore the truth.”
Sirius watched as James’ eyes filled with tears, before the other boy launched himself at Moony, “Oh Moony, we shall dance under the stars and share a passionate kiss (a pang of jealousy absolutely did not shoot through Sirius, what are you talking about) and fall in love.”
James had wrapped Remus into a bear hug, squeezing him tight, sobbing loudly. The two separated (Remus pushing James off of him) at the sound of the door opening. Lily poked her head in, eyeing James with (fond) distaste.
“Well, let’s get this over with. James, they need us in the Prefect's carriage,” She noticed Remus’ cane. “And Remus before you even think of getting up, don’t. You look like you’re gonna fall over. Sleep and I’ll deal with it.”
Remus opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut it at Lily’s piercing glare. James bounded up to follow the redhead, who snorted and turned around. Before she left though, Sirius got a glimpse of a small smile.
“Wish me luck men.” And with that, James chased after Lily.
“You think this is the year?” Pete piped up from the corner, already going through James’ bag for candy.
“No luck mate, already tried,” Sirius warned. “But yeah, it better be. He’s been pining after her since first year.”
“What do you think, Remus? You’re closer to Lily than any of us.” He turned to the other boy, as Peter continued to rifle through the bag.
A scarred hand covered a smirk and Sirius’ insides melted a bit.
“Well, considering she was the one who recommended James to Dumbledore, I wouldn’t be surprised. But I can’t tell you all the details, friend confidentiality or some shit.” He waved his hand, now grinning openly at Sirius.
“WHAT?! IT WAS LILY?” Sirius screeched, immediately lowering his voice at Remus’ flinch. Peter had stopped his search, sitting as still as a statue.
Remus shrugged, still smirking, “I didn’t tell him because I promised Lily I wouldn’t. She didn’t say anything about you two though.”
It was safe to say after that bombshell of information, Remus wasn’t given the chance to sleep. All three of them talked and placed bets on when their friends would get together. Little did Remus and Sirius know, James and Lily were doing the exact same thing about them.
_____________________________________________________________________________
The sorting had taken longer than normal, a lot of new first years swarming the halls as the Marauders walked up to the tower. Remus had gone ahead, claiming he needed to rest from the moon and his resulting migraine.
Sirius had offered to go with him, but was shut down. They did however leave soon after, as long as James promised Lily he would be at the Head/Prefect meeting tomorrow.
“Go check on Remus for me.” She shooed them off. Peter ran up ahead, desperate to get ahead of the confused lower years.
Sirius tried to run ahead, but James grabbed his arm, turning them into an abandoned alcove.
“This is just gonna encourage the rumors that we’re together Prongs.” Sirius remarked dryly.
James did not laugh, instead looking down at his brother in concern, “Hey, you okay mate?”
“Yeah…” Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes. Just because Reg glared at me doesn’t mean I’m on the verge of a breakdown. But he didn’t blame James. After he left Grimmauld, any interaction with Regulus would send him on a rampage.
“You’ve just been off ever since this morning. Especially after seeing Moony.” James shrugged, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.
Sirius waved him off, “It’s fine James, honestly-”
“Did you two fight again? Another row, Sirius, really-” James was getting into mother hen mode, complete with the hands on his hips. Sirius would point out how much he looked like Ms. Potter, but he didn’t want to get hit with a shoe.
“No, we didn’t fight, I promise.” Sirius held up his hands to prove his innocence.
“Was it your family again? Was it Reg because I will beat that little shits ass-” He started pacing, only to be stopped by Sirius.
“James, for once in your life shut up.” He snapped, also looking around for any evesdroppers.
“Okay, okay.”
“You were right.” Sirius admitted glumly.
“I know that… Right about what exactly?”
“I- I do have a crush- a crush on Moony. I like Remus…” Sirius kicked the floor, hiding his blushing face behind his hair. There was silence for a few seconds, making Sirius panic.
He looked up only to see James sporting the biggest grin, bouncing on his toes. The excitement must’ve been too much because he let out a high pitched (rather girlish) scream.
“Shut the fuck up, you’ll wake the whole bloody castle!” Sirius clamped a hand over his mouth, pulling away in disgust as James licked it.
“So you like him?” James whispered, still jumping.
“Yeah, I do. I think I’m bi Prongs.” Sirius murmured, only to be met with out of control laughter.
“I could’ve told you that.” James said through the giggles.
“Well, why didn’t you?!” He shouted in outrage, hitting James as they strolled down the hallway. There were no more stragglers, curfew almost being in place.
“Hey mate, I know you’re gay because every time you see our best friend, it looks like you’re eye fucking him. Yeah, that would’ve gone over well.” Prongs looked at him knowingly.
“I do not eye fuck him.” Sirius cried again, resuming his attack on his brother.
“If it makes you feel better, he eye fucks you too.” James gasped, trying to dodge the attacks.
“No he doesn’t!!!!!” He hit harder.
“Yes he does -” James raised hand for Sirius to stop. “Now that you’ve admitted your undying love for our Moony-”
“I never said love-” Sirius groaned. He was regretting this.
James looked at him guiltily, “I must confess, Remus and I have… kissed.”
Sirius felt the ground had opened up and swallowed him whole. His brother and his best friend who he had a raging crush on had KISSED. “WHAT?!”
“I was confused and questioning my sexuality, I’m pan by the way, and he offered to help. There were no feelings involved Padfoot, I promise.” James confessed again, holding out his pinky.
In third year, Sirius had eaten Remus’ chocolates, which had resulted in the other boy going absolutely feral. To be fair, it was the day before the full and Remus was on his period. No one knew that though and that moon had been really bad. Remus had acquired three new scars, which Sirius blamed himself for.
The next day, Remus pulled Sirius back to talk to him.
“I don’t blame you.” Remus had stated.
“You should.”
“Yeah but I don’t.”
“If I hadn’t taken the chocolate, you wouldn’t have been so mad and this wouldn’t have happened.” Sirius gestured at the bandages.
“I would’ve gotten mad either way Sirius. That’s the way it is,” Remus forced Sirius to sit next to him. “I shouldn’t have but I was in a lot of pain. I know that wasn’t an excuse but…”
“It seemed like it hurt more than usual.” Sirius pointed out.
Remus hesitated, scratching at his arm and biting his lip.
“My period and the moon synced up.” He grumbled. Sirius looked at him in shock. A period? But girls had periods?
“Are… are you a girl Remus?” Sirius whispered.
The boy’s head snapped up, “No, I’m not. I’m a boy.” It was a challenge, Sirius had realized later. Remus was daring him to leave.
“Okay.” Sirius nodded, settling back into the bed. Remus stared in shock, body stiff.
“I’m trans, Sirius. I was born as a girl, but I’m a boy. I always have been.”
“Okay.”
Remus had made him promise not to tell anyone (and to not steal his chocolates again). He had taught him about the muggle pinky promise. IT had quickly spread between the Marauders, becoming a ritual. Betraying a pinky promise meant banishment for however long the victim decided and a wedgie.
“Okay…” Sirius accepted the promise hesitantly.
“But this is great, now we can start operation Wolfstar. It’ll be so much easier with you on our side.” James skipped ahead, glancing over his shoulder.
“Operation Wolfstar?” Sirius followed behind him, the two navigating the moving stairs with practiced ease.
“Yeah, Lily and I made it up.” James replied offhandedly, waving at some paintings. The women in them giggled and blushed scarlet.
“You talk to Lily about my crush on Moony?!” Sirius whispered, glaring daggers at James’ massive head.
“Yep, keep up Padfoot. Wormy knows too, if you were wondering,” They had reached the entrance, the Fat Lady rolling her eyes at them. “Niffler snout.”
The painting swung open, revealing their friends sitting in a circle surrounding the fire. Sirius noticed that Remus wasn’t there, probably upstairs in the dorm, sleeping off a migraine.
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” James begged.
Sirius rolled his eyes, wanting to get James to shut up. And the only way to do that was to agree with whatever he said.
“Fine. But it has to be tame.” James whooped, causing every pair of eyes to land on the both of them.
What did I just agree to?