Hogwarts
-September 1st
James was sat looking at his boyfriend. It had been two full days and James hadn’t gotten used to the sound of that. Not that he’d actually said the words out loud, but his thoughts were loud enough. The words were constantly on repeat in his brain, echoing in his every thought, mushing his every sentence each time he tried to talk while looking at Regulus. Regulus was his boyfriend.
Was James in love? He most definitely was. Was it quick? It most definitely was. Was James okay with that? Once again, he most definitely was. He had always had big feelings. His parents used to say that because James had been born when they were quite old, they had had more time than most parents to grow their love for him. Their hearts had been growing for more years than others when they had children, so when James got a piece of each of their hearts when he was born those two pieces were as big as two fully grown ones, instead of just one.
James loved love. He loved loving. He loved his family, his friends. James loved happiness, and having fun. James loved making people laugh, and making people happy. James loved loving people, and he loved making people feel loved.
He had always know what love felt like, which was why he knew he loved Regulus. James had never felt ashamed of loving. He had never felt like he shouldn’t love. He never wanted to hide his love for someone. Which was why he felt conflicted.
James loved Regulus, and he wanted nothing more than to scream it at the top of his lungs, to show Regulus all the love James had stored just for him. But James couldn’t do that. Because James loved fast and big.
Regulus didn’t.
Regulus grew up in a loveless house. He had only ever known love from his brother, and that love had been broken. Regulus was loved by his friends, and Regulus loved his friends. He had told James this. But he had also told James that Regulus had only figured he loved his friends this summer. Because Regulus didn’t know love. He had been to young when he had been deprived of it, he had no memories of it. James had been told this because Regulus didn’t want him to hurt. Regulus had told him because he wanted James to know that it might take time, because Regulus had never felt that type of love. ‘But I want you to show me what it’s like to love someone.’
-September 1st
James hadn’t stopped staring at Regulus the whole ride. It was two hours left of it, which meant James had also been staring for two hours. Regulus wondered how none of the others had noticed yet. Possibly because Sirius and Remus hadn’t stopped cuddling, and Peter couldn’t take his confused focus off of them. Regulus guessed they had forgotten to tell Peter about their relationship, or maybe they chose to let him figure it out himself.
Regulus and James had had a proper discussion last night about what they should do. Regulus had told him he wanted to be sure before they told Sirius, but also that he was sure how he felt about James but that he didn’t know what love was. And that was what he wasn’t sure about. Love. James had understood, and to Regulus’ confusion he had looked entirely too happy for someone who had just heard his boyfriend say he wasn’t sure he loved him. But it’s fine.
James had respected his wishes and told him that when they both felt ready they would tell the people they both wanted to tell. Because it wasn’t just Regulus who had to be ready, James had only come out to three people, if you count Regulus. At first he had been confused about this number since Remus was the only one he knew about, but James informed him that he had come out to his mother that morning he had stayed in the bathroom all night. Regulus had felt a little bad when he learned that.
But despite them both agreeing to wait Regulus had been cornered this morning by Effie. She had dragged him to the garden while everyone else was busy either packing or sleeping. ‘I want you to know that I haven’t missed what’s been going on between you and my son,’ she had said. And Regulus was pretty sure his heart had stopped for a moment. ‘James hasn’t told me anything, but I am his mother after all, and I can always see my sons emotions,’ Regulus had sat completely still. A talent of his. ‘I also want you to know that no matter what happens between you two, whether it’s good or bad, you will always have a home here.’ Regulus had started crying. And Effie had hugged him. ‘I love my son. And I love Sirius and Remus and Peter. I love them as if they were my own. And if you are okay with it, I will love you as a son. No matter what.’ Regulus had nodded, and they had sat there together until it was time to leave. He still hadn’t told James about it. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
Their eyes met and James finally came to his senses. He blushed and looked away, a shy smile on his face. Regulus snorted which gained the attention of the others in the compartment. He didn’t say anything which led to Peter finally asking the question he’d probably wanted to ask the whole ride. He turned back to look at Sirius and Remus again. “So are you two finally together? Or are you playing a prank?” Sirius started coughing loudly, like he choked on his spit. “What do you mean finally?” Remus ordered.
“What? I can’t be the only one who hasn’t missed how they look at each other?” Peter questioned. Remus and Sirius only stared at him while James slowly turned his head to look at him. “Are you implying you’ve known for, how long?” he asked softly. Peter snorted, “Like? Maybe, two years?” Sirius made a offended sound. “Did everyone know I liked Remus before I even knew?”
“James didn’t.” Regulus peaked in. “Excuse you. Yes I did, I just wasn’t sure until I actually knew if they liked blokes or not?” Sirius hadn’t closed his mouth for a while, still bewildered by the reveal. “Remus didn’t know?” Regulus tried to comfort. This caused the tallest one to snort, “No. If I knew I would’ve used it to my advantage.” Sirius gasped. “What?! How?”
“I don’t know, like make you jealous or something? I would’ve made you suffer.” Remus joked. Sirius pouted which Remus took as an invitation to kiss him. Regulus fake gagged. “Oh god. We share a dorm with them James.” Peter deadpanned. “We are going to suffer.”
-September 1st, dinner
Regulus had staying with his brother the whole ride and entered the castle with him. He definitely wasn’t avoiding his friends. Absolutely not. But when he saw his two best friends angrily stomping their way towards him when he entered the great hall, he suddenly got very nervous. It wasn’t like he had ignored them all summer on purpose. It had been a very intense summer break. He gulped and made his was towards them, not even hiding his feelings.
“Regulus Arcturus Black.” the blond one said. He hated when Evan used his full name, mostly because he was very good at the angry mother impression. “Heey, guys,” Regulus tried, with a very awkward smile. “Oh no you don’t. You do not ignore us the entire summer and then come here with a ‘hey guys’.” the brunette said. Even though his friends were scolding him, Regulus felt happy seeing them again. He couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face while Barty continued his rambling. “-and then we see in the paper that you almost died!? I mean we’re very happy you didn’t but- why are you smiling like that?”
“I missed you.” Regulus shrugged. This apparently broke something because Evan started bawling pulling Regulus into a very aggressive hug, he showed no sign on letting go or to stop crying anytime soon which ended in Barty dragging them to the Slytherin table. Regulus tried not to fall while he walked with a very big Evan clinging to him.
Regulus didn’t get to say anything after that because the sorting ceremony started, he always enjoyed watching the tiny people get sorting into their houses. But this time it was a little harder than normal, because he had a crying Evan crushing him, drenching his shoulder in tears. He tried to comfort him by petting his head, but that only made him cry more. Barty hadn’t said anything after his rambling, but he was looking mortified by Evans very public display of his emotional breakdown. It wasn’t exactly like the people around them didn’t notice what was happening. Even Dumbledore snuck a glance at them when he went to make his speech.
“Evan can you shut the fuck up?” Barty hissed from the opposite side of the table. Regulus wasn’t sure the crying boy even heard what Barty had said. He didn’t even let go when the food arrived. He wasn’t crying as loudly now, but the tears were never ending. Regulus and Barty both knew that Evan was a very emotional person, but they had never experienced this before. Well, at least not in public. They had comforted Evan many times throughout the years, especially when he would see a cat walking alone on the grounds. ‘What if it was lost?’ They always told him that the cats walked wherever they wanted and more times than not they would find their way back to their owners. These moments often happened when Evan was tired. And he was tired very often.
Regulus looked up from his food that he hadn’t touched and met eyes with James who looked very questionably on the sniffling boy on his shoulder. Regulus answered by scrunching up his face which he hoped didn’t look too stupid. Half a second after that, his brothers head appeared beside James, also looking very confused by what was happening around Regulus. Barty had started throwing small pieces of bread at Evan to get him to at least let go of Regulus. This worked for around two seconds, but only because Evan took a whole loaf of bread and threw right in Bartys face. This was apparently Bartys last drop as he decided to climb over the table and sit down right in between them.
Regulus wasn’t sure what to do, so he decided the best way to go about this was to shut up and eat his food. Barty and Evan seemed to have a stare off for the rest of the feast and soon after they were on their way to the dorms.
-
“So how’d you do it?” was the first thing Barty asked when they arrived at their dorm. The three of them were the only ones in their year in this dorm which was good, because they had shared many secrets here. And often forgot to check if anyone was around. “What do you mean?” Regulus tried to play dumb. Barty only stared at him.
“I used mugglefuel, drenched the place and lit it on fire.” he sighed. Evan and Barty only nodded. All three of them stayed quiet for some time. “But no-one’s suspected you?” Evan finally asked. He had calmed down on the way to the commonroom. Regulus shook his head, “No, they closed the case, said it was some kind of muggle accident or something, like a gas leak? I think that’s what it was called. And I mean, I didn’t really look suspicious since I also almost died.” Evan once again looked on the verge of breaking down. “But I didn’t! I am one hundred percent okay! Do not cry again,” but it was too late. And this time Barty also joined in. Regulus just sat there awkwardly.
“Regulus you almost died.” the brunette whispered, voice breaking on the last word. “You can’t just do that. We almost lost you without explanation.” he continued. Voice growing weaker and weaker. Regulus could feel tears sting in his own eyes. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “But it was safer if no-one knew. It’s not like I planned on almost dying,” he stood up from his own bed only to sit down on Bartys between his two friends. “No we get that, it’s just a little scary to think about,” Evan answered. Regulus only nodded. “Just don’t do it again?” Barty choked out. Regulus let out a wet laugh. “I promise.”
-September 11th
James and Regulus hadn’t been alone together since before school started. Every time they met up there was always someone else there. And even if it was only Remus it wasn’t like they could just snog right infront of him. They were either in the commonroom with Gryffindors everywhere around them, looking strangely at Regulus. Or they were in the dorm, with Sirius, or Peter, or Remus. Sometimes one of the girls were there. Or all of them.
James was starving. He was starving of Regulus kisses, his hugs, his touch. James just wanted Regulus. Which was why they had snuck James into the Slytherin dorms, it had been easy. James just took the map, his cloak, and said he was going to take a walk. Evan and Barty were in class, one they didn’t share with Regulus. So it was really the perfect opportunity.
Maybe they should’ve checked if Evan and Barty actually were in class. But they hadn’t been alone for almost two weeks. James had entered the dorm and Regulus lips had immediately found his. Now they were laying in Regulus’ bed. Or, at least James hoped it was Regulus’, he hadn’t had the chance to look around yet. Regulus was still wearing all his clothes, but the top buttons of his shirt were open and James had lost his shirt some time ago. They both were completely focused on the other person, which was why neither of them had noticed when the door had opened. Their lips only left each other when a high-pitched scream was heard throughout the room and shortly after a panicked Barty came rushing in. James had flung himself off of Regulus but completely missed the bed and landed on the floor. “Holy shit.”
James considered crawling under the bed and never leaving. But he ended up looking over the edge of the bed and meeting eyes with Evan. Who looked like a fish with the way he was opening and closing his mouth repeatedly. James moved his eyes to look at Barty, who looked more irritated than shocked. “Really?” he asked flatly. “James Potter?” James wasn’t sure what that meant. Barty continued while looking at Regulus, “You were about to shag James Potter on my bed.” James laid back down on the floor. Hoping it would swallow him.
“Shut up Barty.” Regulus mumbled. “James come up from the floor.” James shook his head. But no-one could of course see him. “No. I live here now,” he whispered. James found that he didn’t really care that they found out he liked a bloke, but he felt really embarrassed by being walked in on. Because in all honesty, they were about to shag, if they hadn’t been interrupted they would’ve. But at the same time he was grateful that it was now that Evan had walked in and not when they were actually shagging.
“Potter get up.” Barty was now standing right infront of him. James sighed and sat up, “Where’s my shirt?” He didn’t get an answer but soon after that Regulus flung it right at his face. There was a very awkward silence while James put on his shirt and went to sit on one of the beds. After looking around for just one second it was obvious which one was Regulus’.
“So! My bed?” Barty asked clapping his hands together. Regulus sighed as he stood up. Fixing his own shirt. “Shut up Barty.” Said boy looked offended. “No, I will not shut up. Your bed is literally right there, why the fuck would you choose my bed?” James was mostly confused over the fact the Barty didn’t even seem to care who Regulus was about to shag. “It’s not like I chose your bed, it was just the closest one,” Barty looked confused. “Your bed is like one step to the left?” Regulus sat down beside James, on his own bed. “Yeah, well, we were a little preoccupied to actually think about where we were.”
“With what?” Barty asked bewildered. “Fucking snogging what do you think?” Barty scoffed. “What, you were so snog starved that you couldn’t think to do it in your own bed?” Regulus’ eyes opened wide, “YES! Do you know how hard it is to be alone without anyone else being around, it’s been TEN DAYS since we last kissed!” Evan looked shocked at this. “Wait, so this isn’t a one off thing?” Everyone turned to look at him. “What? No what the fuck Evan.”
“We’re together,” James spoke up. Still embarrassed, but not as much considering how little Barty and Evan seemed to care. “Oh,” Barty looked at James. “You hurt him you’re dead.” James could only nod. “Now back to why you were about to shag on my bed.” Regulus huffed, “Oh my lord, Barty it’s not like you haven’t shagged someone on every single one of our beds.”
“Shut up Black. The only person I’ve shagged on your bed is you so don’t say anything,” James was confused at this. “Wait, you shagged Barty here?” Regulus looked at him. “Yes?” he answered unsure. “Oh, but you said you hadn’t shagged anyone here at Hogwarts?” Now Barty looked confused. “What?” James turned to look at him. “We played this game, I have never, you say something you’ve never done and if someone has done that thing they have to drink. Regulus said that he’d never shagged anyone at Hogwarts,” James looked back to his boyfriend. “Oh, well I guess I lied, sorry,” he said. James snorted, “No it’s fine, I was just confused. Was he your first?” he was now intrigued. Regulus only nodded.
“I am so confused.” Barty spoke up. “Wait. So you two are like actually together?” Evan questioned. “What? Yes Evan. Keep up.” Regulus said. “But, what? When did that happen?” James was so confused, Regulus’ friends were, special, to put it kindly. “This summer, when else?” Evan started doing weird circular motions with his hands, like he was washing windows but in the air. But very badly. His face did something weird, his eyebrows were furrowed, his lips were pouting but not in a sad way, and his eyes were opened wide. He was a very expressive person. “I just- I’m- I’m just so- I don’t know, how did that happen?” Regulus opened his mouth to answer but James interrupted.
“I’m sorry. What are you doing? Why are you doing that with your hands?” Evan suddenly stopped. Barty burst out laughing. “Oh Merlin. He does that, he uses his whole body when he talks it’s really funny. Most of the time it doesn’t make sense at all with what he’s actually saying,” he explained when he stopped laughing. Evan looked embarrassed. “He doesn’t like it when we point it out, so we’re just used to it,” Regulus added. James nodded, “Okay,”
“Evan, I lived at the Potters after the accident, you know that. It kind of just happened, but no-one knows so you can’t tell anyone,” Regulus explained. “Yeah, no, of course we won’t tell anyone.” Evan said. “Thanks,” James said. An awkward silence followed, until Barty broke it. “I still can’t believe you were about to shag in my bed.”