Dating?
- July ?, 1961
The first accident that occurred in Regulus’ life was being born. He often thought back on things that had happened and pondered over which ones had been accidents and which ones hadn’t. He had been born, to Regulus that had absolutely been an accident, only their parents hadn’t thought that. His mothers second pregnancy wasn’t an accident. They had planned on making a second child, a Plan B, just in case. But when Regulus grew older it had been made clear that neither he nor his brother were wanted by their parents, and the only thing with the planned pregnancies that had changed was the fact that Regulus and Sirius were now considered accidents.
The first planned accident in Regulus’ life was Regulus’ birth.
- June, 1967
The second accident that had made an impression was Regulus speaking to their houseelf. Regulus had been very young and had been raised with the knowledge that houseelves were born to serve. Their only purpose in life was to serve wizards and witches. More specifically pureblood wizards and witches. Regulus had been young. And it hadn’t been an accident what he did, but the accident was what it had resulted in. Regulus had spoken to their houseelf many times. Only this time he wasn’t just speaking but listening.
Regulus was young. He was curious. And he couldn’t stop himself from asking questions. ‘Kreacher please answer my questions?’ He was young. And Kreacher didn’t have a choice other than answering said questions ‘Kreacher must obey Masters orders.’
Regulus had been young and for the first time in his life he had heard that the knowledge he had lived with since he was born was wrong. Regulus learned about the origins of elves, how they came to serve wizardkind, how their magic works, why they have to follow orders, and why they are only considered free after receiving a piece of clothing from their masters. Regulus learned about the slavework they did, how the term master had followed from the very beginning, how houseelves were born into serving wizardkind and knew nothing else.
He was young and curious, he planned on asking questions, on learning more. But Regulus had been young and had accidentally started pitying their houseelf.
When his mother found him speaking to the houseelf he had been afraid. He knew what his parents thought. He had been young but Regulus was smart and too afraid to tell the truth. ‘It was an accident!’ His mother hadn’t believed him. But he had only been punished and hadn’t been made to answer questions. Regulus had been relieved that he came out of it relatively easily. But he now felt bad for Kreacher. For Regulus had been the cause of Kreachers punishment. And Regulus didn’t want to be anymore.
- September, 1971
The third accident wasn’t Regulus’. Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor. Regulus had nothing to do with it. Except he knew that his brother had always planned on not being sorted into Slytherin. Regulus knew that because Sirius had told him. ‘Reg, tomorrow during the sorting I’m going to do whatever I can to not get into Slytherin. I don’t care what will happen to me. But I wanted you to know…’ Regulus had known.
And when he got the letter from his big brother stating that he did it, Regulus had found himself happy. For his brother. But he was also scared. For his brother. Regulus had hidden the letter and his mother had found it. Just as planned. Regulus knew Sirius would be punished badly when he got home. And if their mother could take it out on Regulus for a few months then it probably wouldn’t be as bad for Sirius. It had all gone as planned. Regulus had “hidden” the letter very badly, his mother had found it, she had punished Regulus for it, she had taken out her anger on him for almost four months and when Sirius got home for Christmas, he wasn’t killed in 'a freak accident'.
- August 21st, 1977
All real accidents are bad. Regulus whole life was full of them. They were always bad and if they weren’t, they weren’t accidents or they were planned. Regulus had been born, bad, Regulus had spoken to Kreacher, good, Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor, good. Regulus hadn’t defended Sirius, bad, Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin, bad, Regulus had started being around blood supremacists, bad, Regulus had lost his brother, bad, Regulus hadn’t followed his brother that night, bad. But Regulus had taken Sirius’ punishments when he wasn’t home, planned, Regulus had eased the hate Sirius endured from his parents by being sorted into Slytherin, planned, Regulus kept up his reputation by being with the wrong people to make his parents proud so they wouldn’t be on Sirius as much, planned, Regulus stayed home to keep their parents from murdering Sirius, planned.
Regulus knew how to easily determine if a situation was good or bad. Some were both, some were neither. Some weren’t accidents, some were. Some weren’t planned, some were. But Regulus always knew. He could always tell.
Starting the fire and killing his parents, that was good. Ordering Kreacher to leave, that was good. Planned and not accidents. Also being hurt in the fire, that wasn’t planned but since it was good it wasn’t an accident. Writing to Sirius and going with the Potters to their home, that was planned and good. Being in a car, not planned. Being sick, not planned. Both being very bad, for Regulus that made them accidents.
Which was why Regulus’ feelings for James Potter was so confusing. He hadn’t planned on growing an infatuation with him. He hadn’t planned on his heart skipping a beat every time he looked at the older one. He hadn’t planned on holding his hand under the blanket. He hadn’t planned on growing actual feelings for him. Regulus was confused because nothing about it felt bad. Nothing about it was bad. Well, maybe one or two things. But Regulus’ feelings for James felt good. Regulus hadn’t planned on kissing James. Or maybe James kissed Regulus. They had kissed each other. But even if it wasn’t planned, Regulus didn’t regret it one bit. The kiss was the opposite of an accident.
Every time something happened Regulus could always twist it into something bad. Something unhappy. Things was either planned or an accident, planned stuff can turn bad or good. But accidents can’t be good. If they’re good then they aren’t accidents. If things aren’t planned and they aren’t accidents then what are they? Surprises. And Regulus didn’t like surprises.
Kissing James could be an accident because it only feeds their feelings for each other. If their feelings grow, they might fall in love, if they fall in love they will probably also start dating, be in a relationship, if they’re in a relationship they will eventually have to tell people. Sirius will be angry with James for dating his little brother, and Sirius will be angry with Regulus for dating his best friend. They would tell people that they’re queer. People would judge them. A pressure on they relationship would occur and they would eventually break up.
But the thing about that is that Regulus didn’t even think of that as an accident. The only actual bad part that Regulus could imagine was breaking up with James. And they weren’t even together.
Did Regulus want them to be together? What would that mean? Regulus and James in a relationship with each other. They didn’t know each other. But it felt like they did. Regulus wanted to know James the way he felt he knew him. Regulus wanted James.
- August 21st, 11.??pm
“James?”
James’ head snapped up from where it had been laying face down on his pillow. It had been a quiet whisper through his door. He had only heard it because of the quietness of the night. James stood up and went to the door. He knew it was Regulus. They hadn’t spoken to each other since the kiss the night before yesterday. The drunk kiss. James knew he didn’t regret it. He also knew Regulus didn’t regret it. Because now they held eye contact more than normal. They smiled at each other. Their hands brushed together when they walked past each other. And their thighs had been pressed up against each other when they were watching a movie last night with his parents.
He opened the door and was greeted with the sight he had come to love. “Hi," he whispered to the slightly shorter boy who stood in front of him. In his usual sleeping clothes. James gestured for him to come in and closed the door. Regulus went directly to the bed and sat down. James followed after he finished admiring the backside of him.
Regulus was comfortable in James room. He wasn’t as tense as the first time he had been in there. Now he was laying down staring a the ceiling. When James was younger his parents had spelled small spots on the ceiling to look like stars, they glowed in the dark and moved according to the stars in the sky. James wasn’t sure if they were actually placed in the correct positions, he had never bothered to look it up. He just found them pretty.
James laid down beside Regulus, only James kept his arms by his side while Regulus’ were thrown above his head. James didn’t dare look down, because he knew he would be greeted by bare legs and Regulus’ pants. But that made James curious, he had seen Regulus’ green socks with snakes on them. He wondered what the pattern on his pants was. James wouldn’t look. It would be rude. He just lifted his head to fix his trousers that sat weirdly. But James was a weak man, so he looked. They were green. James laid down again, with a slight blush on his face.
“I never noticed the actual constellations,” was the first thing Regulus said. James just hummed and moved his face to now look up at the ceiling instead of Regulus’ face. “Do you know them?”
James shook his head but realised that Regulus didn’t see. “No,” he answered quietly. “I just thought they were pretty when I was younger,” he continued. Regulus chuckled, “And you don’t think they’re pretty now?” James looked back to watch Regulus face. He had freckles. They had been too faint when James first saw him around two weeks ago. But as he had spent many hours in the sun they had become very evident. “Hm they are, I just find other things prettier now,” he hummed. Regulus looked at James. “Do you regret the kiss?” Regulus blurted out. James shook his head. “Do you?” Regulus copied the action. James couldn’t help the smile that crept up on his face, it was small. But impossible to stop. Regulus also smiled.
“James,” Regulus whispered again as he looked back to the ceiling. Still smiling. James hummed. “I know we said that we should get to know each other before we do anything. And I still think that, sort of. I just, I do really like you,” he said quietly but not in a whisper. James hummed. Regulus hummed and nodded faintly. “What are you saying?” James asked. Regulus looked at him, right in the eyes. “Could we- maybe, if you want, get to know each other, but- while we kiss?” he asked in a weird mix of shy confidence. James’ face split in a huge smile. He laughed. “You want us to get to know each other while we kiss?” Regulus nodded while keeping eyecontact. “As in? Could you explain some more,” James continued, not wanting to misunderstand. Regulus took a breath. “Well, I really like you as I said. And I really enjoyed kissing you, even if we were drunk. And I like spending time with you and learning new stuff about you and I do want to get to know you. And I’m not talking about being in a relationship right now while we get to know each other but I think it wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other while we do like that kind of stuff, kissing, I mean?” he said in one breath. Regulus continued, slower this time, “I mean, we shouldn’t rush anything. But people do that right? They go on dates with people they barely know and they kiss and stuff while still getting to knowing each other and then eventually fall in love and stuff, right?” James couldn’t stop smiling. Regulus liked him. “We don’t have to, of course, if you don’t want to?” James stayed quiet for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to say.
“So you want to date? And eventually when we know each other better we make it official?” was what he came up with. Regulus nodded. It looked like he wasn’t breathing. “So, that means that I can kiss you when I want? If you want of course, because we would be dating,” Regulus nodded again. “So we wouldn’t be together but we also wouldn’t be just friends?” Regulus nodded once again. James grinned. “So can I kiss you now?” Regulus finally let out the breath he was holding. Both were smiling when Regulus ignored James’ question and kissed him. James was a little taken aback at first, but quickly came to his senses and kissed back.
- August 22nd, after midnight
Kissing James while sober was definitely better than kissing him drunk. And now Regulus could confidently say that this was the best kiss he’d ever had. James was like alcohol. Regulus craved it more the more he was tasting it. Slowly getting drunk of the feeling. He tasted minty, probably from having brushed his teeth earlier. He wondered what he tasted like before that.
They had been kissing for a while and Regulus thought he could never grow tired of it. Even if his lips had become overly sensitive and they both were panting as if they had just ran a marathon. ‘Only snogging’ James had said after about ten minutes of snogging. Regulus understood what he meant. Only snogging until they were sure about their feelings for each other. Regulus had nodded and said ‘Right, only above the waist.’ That had made James laugh, but they hadn’t broken the kiss even once.
Regulus was sat in James’ lap, one hand feeling his abs the other softly pulling his hair. Both of them were moaning softly. Regulus could feel both erections under him. But only snogging they had said. Regulus was fighting hard to not move his hips to even get the littlest friction. It was starting to become painful and he knew they had to stop before it was too late. He finally broke off the kiss, sighing. He met James’ eyes. “We should probably stop while we can,” he said. James laughed and nodded. Regulus climbed off and laid down again. Not bothering fixing his hair or the ruffled up clothes he was wearing. Which was only James’ shirt and his underwear but still. Regulus checked the time and saw that it was half past midnight.
“We should probably sleep,” he said. James nodded, “Yeah we probably should,”. Regulus also started nodding. “Yeah, but I’m not tired.” he probably wouldn’t be for a while. Not after what they had just done. “Me neither,” James said with a smile. Regulus started laughing over how happy James sounded. “Then this is perfect timing to get to know each other more.” Regulus stated. James nodded, “What’s you favorite color?” Regulus laughed harder.
-
Regulus and James had stayed up to three am talking. It had started with lighthearted questions. Our favorite colors, favorite food, subjects, books, music, stuff like that. Then they had started talking about quidditch, which lead to the discussion about the future, what they wanted to do after Hogwarts, which lead to the discussion about Regulus’ parents. They had talked about them for an hour and a half. Regulus had been rambling, just spilling everything they had done. James had asked questions and Regulus had answered them. He didn’t say anything he hadn’t already said to Sirius.
After three nights of living here Sirius had asked Regulus if they could talk. This had started having these talks from time to time. Sometimes Sirius would drag him to his room more than once a day, to get something off his heart and clear the air around a new topic. They had sorted out a lot from their childhood. And from when they had stopped talking to each other. The relationship had slowly started repairing itself even though Regulus had previously thought it wouldn’t be possible. Perhaps the fire had been the very talented weaver they needed, and the new thread was right this moment being made.
- August 22nd, very late breakfast
Regulus was sitting at the breakfast table drinking his tea. Sirius and James was still asleep, Peter had gone home and Mr. Potter was at work. Mrs. Potter was stood by the counter baking cookies, Regulus was thinking about asking if he could help. Remus was sat in front of him reading a book when they heard steps making their way to the kitchen. Regulus looked away from the window where he had been staring to the entrance where a newly woken James had entered.
Regulus choked on his tea and was quickly shaking his head at James. He had walked in to the kitchen completely clueless. His hair stood up in every direction, he had put on a red sweater with the pajama bottoms he was wearing last night. But Regulus hadn’t choked on his tea because of that, no, he had choked because of what Remus was now staring at. Mrs. Potter didn’t seem to have noticed what was happening behind her, too focused on making sure the nuts were evenly chopped as she hummed some song he didn’t recognize.
Regulus’ eyes were wide as he moved them from a very confused James to Remus who was looking as shocked as Regulus was feeling. Regulus stood up and pulled James’ arm to make him follow him. “Remus? Please follow us,” he called over his shoulder. “What's going on?” Regulus didn’t answer James question. He just continued pulling him into the bathroom where he waited for Remus who arrived shortly after. Still shocked.
Regulus grabbed James by the shoulders and turned him to the mirror which he obviously hadn't looked at all morning. The sight made him gasp and turn his head to Remus who hadn’t stopped staring at the dark neck which was covered in lovebites. “Oh” was all he said. That made Remus’ eyes snap up. They moved from James to Regulus back to James. “Oh?” he asked scandalized. “What the fuck?” he didn’t sound angry, just shocked. Remus moved his hands from his side to pull James’ sweater down at the neck. Which revealed part of his chest which Regulus knew was also covered in lovebites. “Oh my lord,” he said when he saw the marks. James looked to Regulus who was just staring blankly at the tallest one in the room.
“Ehm,” James started, but he wasn’t exactly sure what he would say. Remus moved to sit on the side of the tub. He was still staring at James, “Ehm? What do you mean ‘ehm’? Are you two together?” he asked bewildered. James moved to sit on the toilet and looked to Regulus who also made the decision to sit down, but on the counter. Regulus looked to Remus with a thoughtful expression. “Not really, but like, we’re getting there?” he said. James nodded. Remus only looked more confused. “What does that mean?”
James sighed, “It means that we are dating? We aren’t just friends but we have decided to not like make anything official just yet,” James answered. Regulus nodded. “I still don’t get it, why?” Remus continued. “We like each other but since we’ve basically only known each other for what? Two weeks, we have decided that we aren’t going to call it a relationship until we’ve gotten to know each other more.” Regulus said flatly. He was starting to feel frustrated. Remus looked slightly less bewildered.
“Huh,” was all he said. But then he frowned and turned to James. “I didn’t know you liked blokes?” James was now the one who looked shocked. “Uh, I- Uhm, just like people?” Remus continues frowning. “I haven’t really figured out what it’s called but like, I wouldn’t describe it as liking boys and girls, it’s more like, I like people regardless of their gender. Like, oh- I don’t know how to describe it. I read something about it but I completely forgot what, it is more like, I like people, like individual people, I don’t really have a preference?” Remus slowly nodded, but still looked confused, “Isn’t that kind of like being bisexual?” he asked. James shook his head, “No. I- That doesn’t feel right. Bisexual is more like ‘I like boys and girls’ while what I feel is like ‘I like people’. But not every person obviously, but I don’t really put a thought on what gender the person is. It is the person, not- not, I don’t know, it’s confusing?” Remus nodded a little more understanding but stayed quiet.
So Regulus spoke up, “That sounds like Pansexuality,” James looked to him. “What?” Regulus smiled softly. “Pansexual, I think it’s being attracted to people regardless of gender, quite exactly how you described it I think,” James looked surprised. “Oh,” James said confused. “How do you know that?” he asked. Regulus chuckled, “Well, when I was having my sexuality crisis I researched a lot. I think I know a little too much about sexualities, and gender identities. The Hogwarts library didn’t exactly have very much on the topic, but Pandora gave me muggle magazines and books which helped a lot. It was a mess really, and I was angry whenever I read anything about it since I didn’t want it to be me, but,” he shrugged, “Can’t really help it can you, so I had to accept it eventually. Pansexual was just one of many sexualities, I can ask Pandora about it if you like?” James nodded softly. “Thank you,” he whispered. Regulus shrugged, “It’s a mess trying to figure it out, I’m just happy to help,”
James laughed at that, “Yeah, well you’re kind of the reason I feel like this so,” Regulus looked confused at that, James sighed. “When I started liking you last year, or like more found you attractive, I didn’t really realise that you were a bloke, or I didn’t really acknowledge it. Until Sirius pointed out that I liked someone other than Lily and he used the word ‘she’. I freaked out when he did, so really this is your fault for being so hot.” he said the last bit matter-of-factly. Regulus huffed, “You only realised I was attractive last year, wow, thank you,” James laughed. “Yeah well I was sort of distracted and you were only ‘Sirius little brother’, but like you properly grew up over the summer. So when I saw you on the platform it was like you were a whole different person.” Regulus gasped, “On the platform? You’ve liked me since the start of my fifth year?” Regulus was shocked. James looked to the ceiling, “Did I say that? Yeah, I guess. Well, I didn’t know you so I didn’t like you, but you were very pleasant to look at,” Remus suddenly took a sharp breath and started coughing. Regulus and James had forgotten he was in there.
“Wait so the person you were totally smitten for all last year was Regulus?!” James gaped. “No! I wasn’t totally smitten, I had never had a single conversation with him!” he defended. Regulus started laughing. “No you totally were obsessed. It was worse than with Lily. Holy shit James.” Remus looked amused. Regulus continued laughing. “I wasn’t obsessed!” he said in a very high voice. He suddenly looked very embarrassed. Regulus calmed down, “It’s okay James. I know I’m good looking.” James snapped his head to him. “I wasn’t obsessed.” Remus started laughing. “No, it’s really fine if you were James. I’m saying I understand,” Regulus continued. “Oh merlin you are so self-absorbed.” Regulus smiled smugly.
"Wait didn't you say you and Barty had some thing going on last year?" Remus pointed out. Regulus only nodded. "How did James not notice that? He was staring at you all the time." He questioned. "I wasn't staring at him all the time!" Remus only looked at James as if he was an idiot. "Yes you were, I remember that. You were always looking over at the Slytherin table, and if you were that obvious in front of the whole school, then how obvious were you when no-one was looking?" Regulus looked over at James in astonishment. "Yeah how didn't you notice? Honestly we weren't that secretive about it," James only gaped at them. "That's because I wasn't staring all the time?" He more asked than pointed out.
"Yeah right, keep telling yourself that." Remus said. "I was not obsessed." Regulus found this highly amusing. "It's really fine James. I am just that good looking that you couldn't notice the very obvious things happening right in front of you. We thought we were really sneaky about it but at the end of the year at least ten people had walked in on us somewhere, and I think at least 40 people throughout the year asked if we were dating," James only gaped at that. "But it's fine James. I'm just too hot." Remus was trying very hard not to laugh. "Well I never walked in on you did I? Plus, I wasn't obsessed." James continued defending himself, but Regulus smiled sweetly at him at that made him shut up.
“No, but really it’s fine. It’s not like I thought you were ugly,” he tried to comfort James. He blushed at that. “You’re calling me hot?” he asked with a smirk. “Oh very.” Regulus deadpanned. James only blushed more at that. “Oh Merlin,” was heard from the bathtub. Once again Remus had been forgotten in the bathroom. “Are you going to flirt all the time or will I be able to be in the same room as you?” he asked frustrated. “Obviously we’re not going to be doing that,” Regulus said. “Yeah, could you also maybe not tell anyone Moony, please?” James pleaded. Remus nodded.
“Of course I won’t tell anyone. It’s not mine to tell. It’s your decision Prongs, when you want to come out. But like really? Your best friends little brother?” James flushed at that. “You can’t deny that he’s good looking.” he defended. “No I am not denying that. But Sirius is going to have an aneurysm when he finds out.” He stated. “Yeah I know but I can’t really change my feelings, and now that I actually have him? Not a chance am I letting him go. Unless he really wants to obviously, I’m not going to force him to do anything,”
They were talking as if Regulus wasn’t in the room. Which was nice when James was saying sweet things but kind of strange when they started talking about how hot he was. Regulus cleared his throat and the clueless boys flushed, clearly having forgotten he was in the room. But before they could say anything else someone knocked on the door. Remus quickly did a disillusionment charm on James’ neck, and then Regulus went to open the door. A very confused Sirius Black stood outside. No words were shared between them before Remus started laughing at the face Sirius made.