Confessions
- August 19th, 06.00am
James wasn’t sleeping. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep after what had happened only a few hours ago. His parents had sent an owl around lunch saying that they would stay another night and would come home the next day. Which was today, but they wouldn’t arrive until lunch so there was a few hours to go. But only six. James was staring up at the ceiling, clutching a small card in his hands. A few hours ago he had been clutching Regulus in his hands. And he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
- August 18th, 01.00pm
“Mum and dad are staying another night. Moony, you want to stay tonight as well?” James had uttered when they were eating breakfast at one pm. Remus nodded in answer, still looking very tired. Peter lived practically next door so he didn’t have to ask him. “Great! What should we do then?”
Sirius suddenly looked suspiciously smug. “I have a really good idea!” James didn’t trust that it was really good, but Sirius’ ideas were often fun, and James wanted to have fun. He just stared at the oldest Black waiting for him to continue. “Well, I maybe brought something back from Hogwarts,” it sounded more like a question than a statement. “Something fun.”
Remus sighed and Peter looked overly eager. Sirius laughed and looked at his brother. James noticed how neutral Regulus was able to make his face, you really couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Until he spoke up, “You really think it’s a good idea to get drunk tonight?” Sirius looked shocked, “How did you know?” He sounded almost offended that Regulus had figured out his grand idea. Regulus only shook his head. “You, brother, have always been bad at hiding stuff. You probably could’ve just put the bottles on top of your dresser, it wouldn’t have made a difference,” he answered flatly. James only stared as he listened to the conversation between the brothers. “Why were you in my room?” Sirius asked. Regulus was now the one who looked confused. “What do you mean? You drag me in there all the time for ‘some dear brotherly heart to heart discussions’, I literally only had to look around once and I could spot them.” Now James was also confused, one because how could he miss the conversations the brothers had apparently all the time, and two because James had been in Sirius' room probably more than what was normal and he hadn’t noticed any alcohol anywhere. “Right,” was all that came out of Sirius’s mouth.
“I think that is a great idea! I would very much like to get pissed tonight, before my parents are back!” James beamed. He could see a small smile curve the side of Regulus’ mouth. “But! Just us.” he continued. Sirius nodded. Peter were squirming around in his seat. “I’m in!” the shortest one practically screamed. “Jeez Pete! No need to deafen everyone in the neighborhood. I’m also in,” the tallest one answered amused. Then they all turned to Regulus who now looked shocked. “What?”
“Are you sure you want to be a part of this little brother? It is totally okay to not want to drink,” Sirius teased. “Do you really think I’ve never been drunk before?” he answered. Sirius looked stunned. “Slytherin has parties quite often, it’s actually kind of annoying sometimes,” he continued quietly. James wasn’t prepared for that at all, “How come we’ve never heard anything about a Slytherin party before, we would’ve definitely done some prank on it,” he said. Regulus looked quite done. “Exactly. You really think we go around telling everyone about them when we know precisely what would happen if we did? Only Slytherins are allowed, because we can all trust that none of us would let the word get out to anyone, we’re already targeted in that way. Wouldn’t want it more,” he said with a shrug.
“Wait, what do you mean targeted?” Sirius looked almost angry. Regulus moved his eyes to his brother. “I mean, that Slytherin is the most hated house. Sure, there are a lot of fucked up people in it, but honestly? Majority of us aren’t that bad. Everyone else just chooses to ignore the good ones, and put the most cruel Slytherins as the front men of the house. As if we all agree with their arsehole opinions. Saying all Slytherins are bad and deserve to be messed with is just stereotyping the whole house down to the small group that are too bigoted to get their heads out of their arses. Other houses use bloody Snape and Mulciber as an excuse to be dickheads to every Slytherin, even the first years! It really isn’t fair. I wouldn’t care if it was only directed at the actual shitbags, but it isn’t, so,” he said again with a shrug. James suddenly felt really bad. Even if they had pranked the other houses, they did focus mostly on Slytherins. “ Huh ”. Sirius didn’t look as convinced. “But you can’t just ignore the absolute pieces of shits that think they own the school. So many of the older Slytherins are shitbags as you put it, and even if the first years might not have done anything bad, most of them still grow up to be shitbags.” Sirius argued. Regulus looked irritated.
“And why do you think that is? Huh, Sirius? Maybe they become arseholes because that’s what's expected from them. Maybe they are so excited to be going to Hogwarts and learn all about magic, and then they sit down to be sorted into their house that they're going to be representing for the next seven years, and then suddenly you’re booed at. Can you imagine that Sirius? Being so nervous you might actually cry and then being booed at by half the school when you haven’t done anything to deserve it. You think that maybe it will get better, people won’t be as cruel as the older Slytherins say, but you’re wrong. Because only a week into school you’re being called names that you’ve never even heard before. Purely because you have a green tie.” Regulus looked on the verge of bursting. James was scared of what would happen when he did. But no-one said anything, so Regulus continued with his jaw tense. “You put up a wall, a mask, a façade. Whatever you want to call it. Because if you don’t you will have serious mental issues after only the first year. Do you know how many first years I’ve had to see break down only a month into the year because the other houses are bullying them? If you don’t turn off your feelings you’re not making it. Saying us Slytherins are cruel are just backhanded when most of us aren’t the ones giving children serious emotional damage. We turn into what people tell us we are. But just because we’re sometimes mean to defend ourselves, do we really deserve to be punished for the prejudices that Snapes little gang parades? Majority of Slytherin hates them as much as the rest of the school. But everyone just seems to blink whenever we show it, since everyone thinks we all agree with them!” Regulus huffed, and slumped in his chair. “You can deny it all you want, but you know that we aren’t treated fairly. Especially the young ones.” he finished. Everyone looked stunned. Sirius looked like he had an entire war in his mind. Regulus had moved his eyes from Sirius to his unfinished breakfast. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise-” Sirius began.
“I don’t want apologies. It didn’t exactly start with you lot, we don’t accuse you of turning the school against us, other people have done just as much as you, some even more and worse. I just want people to actually realise what they’re doing and change. It wouldn’t matter if you went around personally apologizing to every innocent Slytherin, they wouldn’t exactly believe it. But- just keep it in mind the next time you- just don’t- think about who actually deserves it? Just make it fair. Act fairly.” Regulus sighed and looked up from his plate. Right into James’ eyes. James nodded. Regulus nodded back. “I really want to get pissed tonight.”
- August 18th, 07.00pm
The tense atmosphere that hung in the air earlier had left as quickly as it came. Regulus’ comment had set everyone of on a laughing fit. Even if the serious confessions Regulus had made were still buzzing around in everyone's heads. He wasn’t sure why he had said all that. It wasn’t a lie, and it had felt really good to say it out loud. Regulus just hoped that it would actually stick in their minds. He was currently sitting on his bed. As usual. He was very much looking forward to get drunk. It wouldn’t be a party, they were just going to be sitting in the backyard drinking and talking. Which was why Regulus was sat in sweats and a band t-shirt he’d gotten from Sirius. For once Regulus' mind was empty as he stared at the wall. It was nice.
“What do you think he’s thinking?”
“What’s he staring at?”
“The wall I think? I’m mostly concerned how he hasn’t heard us yet,”
“Can he turn off his hearing?”
“What? No mate, I don’t think anyone can do that,”
“Cats can.”
“Yeah well does he look like a bloody cat?”
“I don’t know. Kind of?”
“What?”
“Well think about it. If he were to be an animal, what would he be?”
“I don’t know? There’s so many animals,”
“Yeah but you’re obviously a dog.”
“No. Just because my animagus is a dog, doesn’t mean that I am,”
“Yes. That is exactly what it means.”
“No. It’s not like you looked at me before we knew and said ‘yeah mate I bet my life that you are a dog because you practically already are one’”
“Well no I wouldn’t bet my life, but you are as much a dog as Peter’s a rat and I’m a stag.”
“But you aren’t obviously a stag. It’s not like I would look at you and be like ‘yeah mate, you’re a stag one hundred percent.’”
“No and I wouldn’t exactly guess rat for Peter. But we got those animals for a reason didn’t we?”
“Yeah well, he’s not an animagus so,”
“How do you know?”
“Because he isn’t one?”
“He doesn’t know you’re one, so how would you know if he were one?”
“Huh?”
“I’m just saying mate. If Regulus is an animagus he’s definitely a cat.”
“What the fuck are you talking about,” Sirius and James snapped their heads in the direction of the voice. “How much did you hear?” Sirius asked panically. Regulus frowned and shrugged. “I heard my name and something about a cat animagus?” James and Sirius visibly relaxed. “Okay great! Let’s go get drunk!”
- August 18th, 09.00pm
“Bloody hell Regulus. How are you not reacting?” Sirius exclaimed after seeing Regulus take a mouthful of Firewhiskey without making a face. James was weirdly attracted to it. Sirius had brought out his record player and David Bowie was playing in the background.
“I told you. Slytherin has parties quite often,” The younger Black shrugged. James couldn’t take his eyes off him. They’d been out there for a good two hours. And James was sure they were all way past the line of tipsy. Sirius still looked shocked every time Regulus drank even if he’d already seen it multiple times. “Can we do something?” Peter spoke. James shrugged. “Sure, what to you want to do Wormy?” he asked. “Oh I know!” Sirius nearly screamed. Remus flinched. “Merlin! Why is everyone screaming?” Regulus and Remus had been the most quiet of them, but James knew that Remus would soon loosen up and become the very talkative drunk that he was. It was quite a show.
“I really, really think we should play truth or dare. Or actually truth or truth because I really don’t feel like doing anything other than talking,” Sirius sort of slurred, although his posh accent was even more clear when he was drunk compared to when sober. “YES!”, ”Jesus Christ Peter!”
“But wouldn’t that just kind of be ‘I have never’?” James asked. “Oh, right. Or no but yeah let’s do that.” Sirius said. “YES!”, “Fuck! Shut up Wormtail!”,”Stop fucking yelling!”
“I will start! I have never had an affair with a teacher.” Sirius said, glaring at Remus. No-one drank. “What the fuck Padfoot?” Sirius continued glaring. “Your turn Pete.” They were sitting in a circle, going clockwise.
“Okay, okay, okay. I have never- I have never,” then he burst out laughing, “I have never flirted with a teacher to get out of detention which backfired leading to another full weeks detention but with a different teacher because the first became too uncomfortable to be alone with me!” he practically screamed. All but Sirius laughed. “That was personal,” he sulked. “Yes. Yes it was.” Peter said proudly. “Prongs, now it’s you,”
“Yes. I have never,” James said dragging out all the vowels. “started crying when asking a girl out,” he continued with a small smirk. Peter gasped. “Prongs!” Now everyone but Peter burst out laughing. “It happened one time and I told you it was allergies!” he said with a frown, and then a cough as his drink went into the wrong pipe. “Yes Wormtail, your allergy to pollen really did you wrong there when you asked her out. In the middle of the winter.” Remus said flatly. Now Peter also joined in on the laughter. James sat beside Regulus and could hear his low laugh, it was beautiful. “Regulus your turn,” Sirius said when they all had calmed down.
“Mm, okay, I have never- Shit, I don’t know, it’s not like I can target any of you,” he said with a frown. “That’s fine, just say something you haven’t done,” James said. Regulus continues frowning, “Okay, I guess this is a good way of finding out information about others. I have never shagged anyone at school.” he said next. Sirius who had been drinking out of a glass of water spit it everywhere. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN AT SCHOOL?!” he said flabbergasted. “Have you done it outside of school?!” he continued. Regulus only shrugged as the others stared. “What? Have none of you done it at school?” he asked surprised. But then James, Sirius and Remus took a sip. “Is there a connection there?” Peter said with a smirk and Sirius choked again. “ What? ” he hissed, probably still sore in the throat. “You know who it was Wormtail.” he continued with a flushed face. “I don’t,” Regulus said with a pout. James thought he was going to die. “Well I’m not telling you.” Sirius answered. “Rude,” he muttered.
“I have never,” Remus said loudly. Then James saw a devilish grin form on his face. “snogged Peter,” Shit. “WHAT”, “Who here has snogged Peter?”, “I hope it’s not you Regulus!”, “What? Why would it be me?”, “I don’t know, but I haven’t, and Remus obviously haven’t, soo” they all turned to James. He was staring at Remus, slowly planning his murder in his head. Peter started laughing loudly. Sirius and Regulus sat frozen with their mouths hanging open. James sighed and took a sip. “In my defense, I was very drunk and it was very dark.” Peter only started laughing harder. “I didn’t know it was Peter, I didn’t even know it was a bloke.” The Black brothers only continued staring. Peter was gasping for air. Remus’ smug smile never left his face. “Fuck you Moony.”
“What.” Sirius said at last. “When was this? When did this happen? And why wasn’t I informed?” he followed. James sighed once again.
“It happened on your birthday party last year Padfoot.” Remus answered seriously. And then he laughed loudly. “Me and Prongs were sitting on one of the chairs just talking. He was properly pissed. And then, suddenly he gasped. I asked him what had happened and he just pointed to one of the corners of the room. I couldn’t really see what he was pointing at until he said ‘Look Moony, isn’t she bloody fit?’. But James was really, really pissed. And I doubted he actually saw anything, until I stood up and saw Wormtail, at the drinking table with a wig on.” Remus could barely keep the laugher in. “I was about to tell Prongs that he was blind and that it was actually Pete until I thought ‘Eh better not’. I really just wanted to see what would happen. Eventually Prongs made his way to Wormy and-” now he was really laughing. And he couldn’t stop. So Peter continued.
“I was also drunk, but when I saw Prongs come over I really just wanted to get back at him for spelling my clothes stuck to the ceiling. I mean I had to walk around in my pajamas all day, it was horrible. I didn’t know Prongs was that pissed, but I did realise he didn’t recognize me since he didn’t have his glasses on. Which I later found out were in Moonys hand. So when Prongs started flirting with me I just thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. I just really wanted to get back at Prongs. I wasn’t thinking clearly, so when he started snogging me I started having this debate in my head about what I should do. On one hand it would be hilarious see his reaction when he realised it was me and on the other I had to snog my mate. Which, don’t get me wrong I am open for a lot, but Prongs is just really not it. So when I had finally come to the conclusion that I would in fact not snog him, it had been a couple of seconds-”, Remus cleared his throat, “minutes” he coughed.
“Yes minutes. And in my mental conflict my mouth had just automatically responded and me and Prongs had snogged without me realising it. But I mean it was sort of worth it ‘cause showing Prongs the photo that Moony took, it was the best day of my life. His face was priceless.” Peter was telling it as if it was the most important moment in his life. James shifted is eyes from Sirius who had been sat frozen with his mouth open the whole story, and finally dared a look at Regulus. And to James’ surprise he was smiling, but in a way that looked like he was trying really hard not to but failing. Remus had stopped laughing and was wiping the tears off his face. Both Peter and Remus gets very happy when drunk, especially if they were already in a good mood before. Or, it’s more like Peters emotions get ten times stronger. Once Peter had been crying for hours because he had seen a cat fall into the great lake the previous day.
After a while they had all calmed down and were back to their normal drunk selves. Sirius was still shocked but he looked more devious than scandalized. “Alright then, it is my turn. I have never snogged a bloke.” he said. And James sighed as he was targeted once again, ‘course now Peter also had to drink. But what James wasn’t prepared for was that both Remus and Regulus took a sip each. Now all of them sat frozen.
“Remus I swear to Merlin himself if you snogged by baby brother I will castrate you.” Regulus started coughing. “What?! No!” Remus screeched. “Excuse you. Would that really be so horrible?” Regulus said sounding offended. Now they were all confused. “I- What- I-” Remus looked scared, his eyes moved from one Black brother to the other. “I guess not?” he more questioned than answered. “What?!” Sirius screeched. “Merlin, he hasn’t actually snogged him Padfoot, just calm down.” Peter sighed.
“Okay well, who have you snogged then?” Sirius questioned turning to Remus who sat to his right. “You don’t need to know that,” Remus defended. “Yes I do. I’m your best friend.” he argued. “Yes but I don’t actually have to tell you everything.”, “But you should want to tell me everything,”, “But I should have a right to choose if I want to tell you or not.”, “Yes you are allowed to keep secrets but I’m just saying that since I’m your best friend you should trust me.”, “I do trust you.”, “Well great then. So will you tell me what bloke you’ve snogged?”, “Which one?” That quieted them down. Remus looked shocked, as if he was surprised that it had come out of his own mouth.
“There’s more than one?” Sirius whispered. “Yes.”, “Do I know any of them?”, “You have met one of them,” Sirius nodded. “And the others?”. Remus shrugged, “You’ve not met them, they don’t go to Hogwarts.” Sirius nodded again. “Do you like blokes?” he whispered. James almost missed it. But he hadn’t because now his pulse sped up. Anticipating Remus’ response. “Partly. Yes. I like blokes, and girls.” it was barely even a whisper. Remus didn’t meet anyone's eye so he didn’t see Sirius response. But James saw that he nodded, and had a small smile on his face. You could barely see it. “Okay. That’s okay Moony.” Sirius whispered softly. Remus moved his eyes and met Sirius’ eyes. “Yeah?” Sirius nodded. “Yeah.” Remus moved his eyes to the rest of his friends, they all wore kind smiles. James also nodded when their eyes met.
“Okay. Thank you. For not being weirded out.” Remus looked like a huge boulder had lifted from his shoulders. James’ heart clenched for him. He loved his friends and nothing would change that. “But could we maybe find out who Regulus has snogged?” Remus asked a little louder. Sirius gasped and Regulus looked like a deer caught in headlights.
“Whaat? I don’t know what you are talking about?” he tried. “Regulus.” Sirius deadpanned. Regulus looked down. “I really don’t think we should steal Remus’ spotlight,” he tried again. “Regulus.” Sirius once again said. “It really isn’t a big deal, I think we should just forget it. And purely out of selfish reasons I think we should go back to the fact that Remus is bi, are you bi?” Remus nodded in answer to his question. Regulus was blushing badly. James found it adorable. “Regulus.”, “Yes fine! Barty is one of them! On multiple occasions, all through last year!” he snapped looking embarrassed but irritated. Sirius gasped dramatically. James was really just stunned over the whole interaction that was going on.
“What?! That fucking idiot has had his tongue down your throat?!” Sirius yelled. “YES! AND DOWN MY PANTS!” Sirius gasped even louder. “WHAT?! HE HAS HAD HIS TONGUE DOWN YOUR PANTS?!” Sirius screeched and James really felt like laughing. What was going on. “WHAT NO! NOT HIS TONGUE HIS HANDS WHAT THE FUCK!” Regulus looked horrified. His hand flew up to his mouth and his eyes looked comically large. James figured he probably hadn’t meant to say that. Sirius stared, “That is not any better.” he said. Regulus suddenly looked angry. “What, are you homophobic? Huh?” Sirius took a deep breath.
“NO I AM NOT I AM JUST HAVING CONFLICTING FEELINGS ABOUT MY BABY BROTHER BEING DEFLOWERED BY HIS GROSS IDIOT FRIEND! DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC YOU FUCKING IDIOT?!”
“OH I KNOW THAT YOU COULD BE HOMOPHOBIC AND BARTY ISN’T THAT BAD SURE HE MAY BE AN IDIOT BUT HE’S NOT DUMBER THAN EVAN AND HE DEFINITELY ISN'T GROSS!”, Regulus was fuming. “AND HE HASN’T DEFLOWERED ANYTHING, YOU’RE THE GROSS IDIOT!”
Sirius put his hand on his heart, “I AM NO SUCH THING! FIRST YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING HOMOPHOBIC AND THEN YOU CALL ME A GROSS IDIOT WHO DOES THAT!”, “I DO THAT!”, “YOU KNOW I CAN’T BE HOMOPHOBIC! I TOLD YOU THAT YEARS AGO DID YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF FUCKING MEMORY CRISIS!”, “EXCUSE YOU! YOU KNOW MY MEMORY WAS FUCKED UP AFTER THE FIRE YOU ARSEHOLE!”, “YES I KNOW I AM SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT BUT STOP ACCUSING ME OF BEING HOMOPHOBIC!”, “I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT SIRIUS WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DRAMATIC!”, “OH I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT” Sirius mocked, “NO YOU JUST CALLED ME A GROSS IDIOT, MAYBE YOU’RE THE HOMOPHOBE?”.
“I CAN’T BE HOMOPHOBIC, THAT WOULD BE FUCKING TWISTED AND I DEFINITELY DON’T HATE MYSELF!”, “YEAH WELL I DON’T HATE MYSELF EITHER SO I’M ALSO NOT A HOMOPHOBE!”, “WELL GREAT YOU DON’T HATE YOURSELF AND I DON’T HATE MYSELF SO NEITHER OF US ARE HOMOPHOBIC! AND I DON’T HATE YOU SO THAT MAKES ME EVEN LESS HOMOPHOBIC!”, “I DON’T HATE YOU EITHER AND I ALSO DON’T HATE MOONY SO THAT MAKES ME EVEN LESS HOMOPHOBIC THAN YOU!”, “I HAVE NEVER SAID I HATE REMUS! I DON’T HATE REMUS! WE ARE ON THE SAME LEVEL OF NOT HOMOPHOBIC! WHY THE FUCK ARE WE THE SAME! ALSO WHY IS HE FUCKING CALLED MOONY?!”
“WE AREN’T THE SAME JUST BECAUSE WE’RE BOTH NOT HOMOPHOBIC AND MOONYS NICKNAME HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!”, “I DIDN’T MEAN JUST THAT, WE ARE THE SAME IN SO MANY WAYS IT’S REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING! AND I WAS JUST ASKING WHY YOU CALLED HIM MOONY DON’T BE FUCKING SENSITIVE!”, “WE’RE NOT THE SAME JUST BECAUSE WE’RE BOTH GAY REGULUS!”, “YES I OBVIOUSLY KNOW THAT, I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE’RE BOTH GAY I AM TALKING ABOUT LITTERALY EVERYTHING ELSE WHAT THE FUCK!”, “YES I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BUT WE AREN’T THAT ALIKE, PEOPLE ARE JUST IDIOTS!”, “I STILL CAN’T GET OVER YOUR STUPID NICKNAMES!” Regulus finished the screaming match, he was almost gasping for air. Mirroring Sirius’ actions and grabbing a glass of water and chugging it.
“Sooo, that was intense.” Peter commented. And the weird trance the the other two had been in dissolved. “You do realise you both kind of came out right now. Right?” he continued. That made both Sirius and Regulus pause. They were staring at each other. “Oh” they said at the same time. “You know that’s fine right? We don’t care about who you want to shag, unless it's each other because that is very much not okay” James whispered. That set Remus off, he started laughing, and then Sirius started laughing and eventually the younger Black and from what James knows the only straight one in the group.
James was the only one not laughing. He was contemplating if he should tell them. A lot had been said tonight, but they had all been drunk confessions. And James thought that he probably wanted to be sober when he told them, he also didn’t know what to tell them. James wasn’t embarrassed about liking blokes but he also liked girls, but he also felt like he didn’t really like girls or boys, he likes people. It wasn’t like he had reflected on the gender of the people he had found attractive, he just thought certain people were attractive. James’ attraction was individual from person to person. He was pretty sure that was how he felt? He wasn’t sure how to explain it. He had only realised that was a thing a few weeks ago but he wasn’t sure what it was called. But he was almost sure it wasn’t bisexual.
- August 19th, 02.00am
“That was weirdly enjoyable.” Regulus said. He and James were still outside, the others had already gone to bed. It was nearly two am. “Yeah, it was.” James answered while softly laughing. “Are you okay? After what you and Sirius accidentally confessed,” James whispered. Regulus sighed but nodded. “Yeah, it’s weird. I thought I would really care, and break down and cry when I told anyone other than Sirius, because that was what I did when I told Barty and Evan. But I feel fine, really fine.” he answered almost blissfully. “When did you realise?” James continued questioning. “I was 12. I really didn’t want to believe myself at first, but then me and Sirius were having a fight one summer, the summer before your fourth year. We were home alone, and we just started screaming at each other. Kind of like what we did now. And then I started crying and screaming how I didn’t like girls and a bunch of self-deprecating stuff, and then Sirius started crying and said he also didn’t like girls. And then we sobbed together, that was probably the last time we actually were sort of kind with each other before he left.” James nodded. And then from nowhere, ”You and Barty?” Regulus laughed.
“Oh Lord. No we- we were just snogging. We’re not together if that’s what you’re asking. And we never were together. We are best friends, and only that.” he explained. He looked up to watch James. They had moved and were sitting farther away from the house. Regulus had never been in love, he had never liked anyone romantically. But if this is how it felt having feelings for someone, Regulus was pretty sure he wouldn’t survived being in love. James looked back at him, neither of them said anything. They just kept staring into each others eyes. They were both still drunk. Regulus didn’t want to be drunk and then regret anything when he sobered up. So he sighed and looked away. “James,” he looked up to stare at the stars. He could see Sirius, and he pointed at it. “That’s Sirius.” James looked away from his face to see where he was pointing. “Where are you?” he whispered. And Regulus showed him. But then Regulus could feel James look at his face again. “You’re beautiful.” he whispered. Regulus’ heart were speeding up. This was a new feeling. “James. ”
“I- I have never, ever had feelings for anyone before. And then now, you’re here, messing with my head. Because I’m pretty sure I really like you, I get all fluttery and shit as Barty would describe it. And I’ve never gotten all fluttery and shit before. But we have also only known each other for a few days.” he said. “I mean, we barely know each other. I don’t know anything about you James.” he looked to the side to meet James’ eyes. He was smiling. “I know.” was all he said. “You know?” Regulus questioned. James laughed. “Yeah. Yeah I know. Not that you like me, I actually had no idea about that. Or maybe some idea, since you held my hand. Or finger. Whatever. But I know we barely know each other. But I want us to know each other because, I mean, I’ve already said that I really like you Regulus.” he said while staring into Regulus’ eyes. Regulus’ heart was doing flips.
“ I really want to kiss you. ” he whispered. Because he really did want to kiss James. And by how James smiled Regulus was pretty sure James wanted to kiss him to. “But?” James questioned still smiling. “But, we should probably get to know each other better before we do kiss.” Regulus finished. James nodded. “Okay,” he was still smiling. And then suddenly James stood up, and held out a hand for Regulus who took it. Now they were both standing. Regulus was just a little shorter than James, but James was fit. Really fit. They were both on the quidditch team but it was obvious James enjoyed working out. Regulus was lean, he had been working on gaining back the weight he had lost last year when his apatite had been sort of a mess, but he hadn’t lost all his muscle. Gosh, James was gorgeous. “We should probably go to bed,” he whispered. James nodded.
They took their time, walking in silence. Their heads still buzzing from the alcohol. Regulus really shouldn’t stop outside James’ door. James really shouldn’t invite him in. Regulus shouldn’t look to his lips and accept. James shouldn’t grab his waist. Regulus shouldn’t close the door. James shouldn’t lock it. They were supposed to get to know each other. But James’ lips were on Regulus’. And Regulus couldn’t stop himself. There wasn’t fireworks, it wasn’t like a puzzle piece had fallen into place. It wasn’t an answer to everything in the world. But Regulus’ stomach did an unusual swirl, and his heart really felt like it was quickly making its way up his throat. It was messy but good. The best? He wasn’t sure. James was great, James was the best kisser. But they were drunk, and the kiss was messy. But Regulus couldn’t care less. Because he was pushed up against the door and his hands were in James’ hair. He had warm hands exploring his torso under his shirt and plump lips moving hotly against his. It really was good. And Regulus was sure he liked James even though they barely knew each other. Because Regulus had never felt like this. Another persons breath had never made him feel like this. Another persons moans had never made him feel like this. Another persons presence had never made him feel like this. Regulus was burning and it was entirely because of James Potter. It was James Potter who made Regulus Black weak. James made Regulus needy. Regulus needed James.
Before they knew it they were moving to the bed. They were supposed to get to know each other.
Regulus was on his back. They were supposed to get to know each other.
James was leaning on his arms above him. They were supposed to get to know each other.
Their tongues were moving together. They were supposed to get to know each other.
Regulus dug his nails into his back. They were supposed to get to know each other.
James moved his hips. And Regulus moved his. They were supposed to get to know each other.
Moans were spilling into each others mouths. They were supposed to-
Knock, knock, knock.
“James?” Sirius.
They were supposed to get to know each other.
They were staring at each other. Regulus started laughing. Really loudly.
“Regulus?” Sirius.
Regulus couldn’t stop laughing. James smiled. He was confused but happy. They didn’t have to make it a big deal. They could be happy.
“Hello?” Sirius.
“Yeah, what’s up Sirius?” James called back. He was standing up, trying to fix his appearance to no use. “Oh, uh, I was just wondering if you knew where Regulus was but I guess he’s with you?” Regulus was calming down. Sitting up. “Yeah, I’m here Sirius.” his voice was hoarse. “Okay, what are you doing?” he sounded confused. James went to open the door when Regulus grabbed the wand that was laying on the bedside table and did a quick spell to tidy him up. “We were just talking,” James said when he had opened the door. Regulus could see Sirius nod. He was still on the bed wiping the tears from his laughing fit. “Okay, so you’re friends now?”
Regulus started laughing again. “Yeah, yeah we’re getting there, he’s sort of frustrating though,”
“Yeah, and drunk. Reg you should probably head to bed.” Regulus stood up, now giggling. Sirius held out a hand. Regulus took it.
“Good night James.”
“Good night Sirius.”
“Sweet dreams James.”
“Sweet dreams Regulus.”
James didn’t sleep.