The potion
The present
9th of September 1976, Thursday
Hogsmeade
The day after he got the letter he got up bright and early to slip out of the castle unseen, something he’d been doing for years. He got out unscathed and walked the grainy road to Hogsmeade with a quick step, sending several looks across his shoulder to check no one was following him, even if he was wearing a invisibility cloak.
Slipping into the small village, Regulus made his way down the thin, crooked streets until he was three roads down from the High Street. There, between a row of old, croaky houses, stood a just as dingy looking place with darkened windows and a badly painted black door that was already fading.
He didn’t even knock, the magic in the wards recognizing his own magic and letting him inside. Inside wasn’t anything like the outside. The entire place was lit with candles in the walls behind green glass, casting green light inside. The floor was a grey carpet and the walls had an old design of silver paintbrush on dark green wood.
“Regulus!” Bellatrix appeared at the end of the hallway, a wicked smile plastered on her face. “What a sight for sore eyes!”
He slipped of his coat and took her hand, pressing a kiss against the back before giving her husband a hand of respect, tilting his head down in a short nod. “Bellatrix, it has been too long.”
“Entirely, yes. Come on, come on, there’s big news!”
The house in Hogsmeade was a Lestrange house, one fashioned after the enterior of the Slytherin dungeon in Hogwarts. The main room most of all, the green light filtering through on black sofa’s with green blankets and curtains draped over.
“How have you been?” Regulus asked once he’d sat down and accepted the crystal glass with something foul smelling inside, Bellatrix had basically shoved it into his hands.
She looked worse than when he’d seen her last, her hair unkept and knotted, but still in a half up do as though there was a small attempt. Her skin was paler and there were dark shadows beneath her eyes, a crazy tilt in the smile on her lips, there was a little too dry and smile a little too wide.
“Amazing,” she breathed, leaning forwards heavily from where she was sitting on the sofa opposite of him. “He’s so great, Regulus.” Her voice filled with wonder, her eyes glazing over with admiration. “There’s no one like him, it’s incredible. His power.”
Regulus’s gaze flicked to Rodolphus, he felt pity for the man. Marriage without loving one another is a common aspect in their world, but marriage whilst the other is so blatantly in love with someone else? Were it any other man, the shame would have been unimaginable.
Rodolphus looked back blankly, like he’d resigned himself to the fact. It was no secret the man had always loved Bellatrix, all throughout their Hogwarts years he’d tried to court her, only succeeding once they left school and it became apparent Bellatrix needed the freedom he could offer her. Something the House Black refused to give.
“He has a task for you,” Bellatrix said, eyes widening with excitement. “He needs you to brew him a potion.”
“A potion?” Regulus asked, swirling the liquid in his glass. “What for?” What kind?
Bellatrix went to her feet, moving around the room as though the excitement was all too much for her to carry. “A special potion that does not yet exist. When someone drinks of it, they witness their greatest fear.” She knelt down in front of him, clasped his hands with her dirty and broken nails digging into his skin. “They should know no greater pain than that potion and they must have no other choice than drink it, if they want what is inside of it.”
Staring at the woman, Regulus felt a little ill. This was his cousin. The cleverest of the lot of them, smartest witch of her year, derailed and looking like she was on the verge of a panic attack and not even caring. “Why should I do this?” he asked, prying his hand free carefully.
“Power, Regulus, power.”
“I am of House Black,” he hissed lowly. “I already have power.”
“There is always more,” Bellatrix answered, she’d moved around him and leaned on the sofa to come closer to his ear. Her breath fanning out over the back of his neck. “There is only power, Regulus, and those too weak to seek it.” She breathed the words like they were a prayer, her cheeks flushed in delight when she moved back into his sight and sat down on the sofa next to her husband.
Regulus stared at her. “There are plenty of potions that give pain to the drinker, what has to be different about this one?”
“This one has to be personal.” Bellatrix grinned, so wide it almost split her face in two. “The drinker must have their worst nightmare come true, must feel more pain than ever before and it must be a pain keyed personally to them.”
Leaning back against the sofa, Regulus nodded. “What going to be inside that the drinker would want?”
“A piece of jewlery,” Bellatrix whispered. “A valuable, magical piece of jewlery of the Dark Lord that no one may ever touch.” She leaned closer. “There is another, a boy, he’s also been tasked to make this potion. You must make it before he does, you must please Him, Regulus.” Her voice shuddered in excitement. “Imagine the rewards. Just imagine.”
Regulus nodded. “Who is the other?”
“No idea, some halfwit.” Going to her feet, Bellatrix paced left and right on the other side of the room. “He’s older than you by a year, maybe two. A Slytherin boy with nothing to lose, that’s how he was described.” She turned her gaze to him. “Apparently he used to hang out with some mudblood, but they’ve finally cut ties, so this is his test.”
Snape. Of course. “I will succeed,” Regulus decided, going to his feet. “Is there anything else we must discuss? I do have class, after all.”
“No, this is all.” Bellatrix moved right into his personal space, staring into his eyes with narrowed eyes herself. He noted, with small surprise, to see a hint of violet shine in the familial grey. “You must succeed, Regulus. For the family. For our House.”
He nodded, not taking a step back even though he really, really wanted to. “I will.” Glancing at Rodolphus, he nodded. “Lord Lestrange.”
“Lord Black,” he returned.
Regulus shot Bellatrix one last look, one that was returned with fire before his cousin turned and went to the other side of the room. He finished his drink in one big gulp, put the glass down and left the house without another word.
His heart was in his ears, pounding loudly with a million questions.
All day following, Nora send him questioning looks, there was an attempt at being subtle but the third time she actively raised her eyebrows at him and mouthed the question if he was alright, he send her such a withering glare she refused to look at him the rest of the lesson.
He apologized after.
“Just tell me what happened, you look like you just heard Christmas was cancelled,” she informed him coolly.
He snorted, to him Christmas was a childish tradition that only gullible kids participated in. His parents had never bothered with it and he’d only done presents with Sirius once during his first year at Hogwarts, it wasn’t all everyone made it out to be.
“Hello?”
Nora was watching him, looking expectant. He wasn’t really sure what to tell her, her family tended to stay in the grey area concerning believes. Lord Zabini was famous for his contacts, much as his daughter was, friend to all but promises to none. They were Switzerland. And therefor, Regulus had grown up never being allowed to tell Nora about everything that was going on behind closed doors. ‘Allowed’. Maybe he didn’t really want to either. He liked the fact she still believed in certain parts of the world, saw the beautiful things that had faded for him.
His gaze strayed to Lip, him and Cecile were the only members of proclaimed Dark houses besides Regulus himself. “She needs me to do something,” he said after a moment, looking back at Nora. “For the House.”
“What?”
He shrugged. “Create a potion.”
“Okay.” She nodded, looking forwards. “Can you accept help?”
“Don’t need it, I’ll be fine.” Smirking at her, he nudged his shoulder against hers. “Either way, I do not think you would be much able to help me anyways.”
“Oh, screw you. You could do a lot worse than me.”
“Without a doubt.”
Nora grinned at him, linking her arm through his and dragging him forwards. “So! Who’s excited for this weekend?” she yelled, throwing her free arm through Lip’s arm, whom looked like Christmas had come early.
∞
The past
20th of June 1969, Friday
Black Mansion – Hallway
When he was eight years old he sat on the stairs next to Sirius, listening to their mother screaming in the Blue room. Andromeda had eloped, run away with a muggleborn boy and married during the night.
“CHILDREN!” their mother screeched, the door thrown open with a gust of wind. “GET IN HERE!”
They jumped to their feet, rushing towards the Blue room only to find their mother stalking out. She grabbed Regulus by the elbow, dragged him into the Family room with Sirius right behind.
“See that?” their mother hissed, jabbing her wand against the beautifully designed tapestry, right against the face of their cousin. “That’s the face of a traitor.” Her silver eyes narrowed dangerously, cutting to Regulus and Sirius. “That’s the face of a weak little girl. She let others, weaker creatures than her, whisper in her ear and make her sick, make her foul and dirtied and made her a traitor.”
Regulus’s breath hitched in discomfort, his own silver eyes fixed on the tapestry as all he could see was his cousin splashing him with water and giggling when they sneaked out of their rooms during a sleepover to get a snack from the kitchens. He remembered the bees drawn on her shoulder and wondered.
“You know what happens to traitors in this family? To those that are ungrateful and throw everything we’ve given them back in our faces? Everything we’ve given and everything we’ve done for them? Do you know what we do with them?”
Regulus gulped, glancing up at their mother. He did. But he couldn’t say the words, they stuck in his throat and didn’t dare leave.
“We take it,” his mother growled, turning back to the tapestry. “We take it back. Everything. Our name. Our blood. Our magic. She can rot in hell for all we care, we do not know her anymore.” Fire burst out from her wand, flames licking the beautiful face woven onto the wall. “She isn’t our family. She’s a traitor of the highest sort, we will never speak of her again, we will never think of her again, we will never breathe the same air as her again.” She was screaming at the end, the words high-pitched and breathless, the fire didn’t disappear until there was only a black scorched hole on the wall where was once Andromeda’s face.
Almost forgetting himself, Regulus nearly stepped back, horror filling his stomach as his eyes flickered to his own face, not far from his once-was-cousin. What if that happened to him? He glanced at his mother, the furious woman breathing heavily and still glaring at the tapestry before screaming at them to get out and not show themselves again until dinner.
He fled to his room, ignoring Sirius, whom followed inside quickly. He didn’t think he could handle it, have that fury directed to him. He’d have failed the family, taken all they’d given him and thrown it in their faces. They had made him, who would he be without them? It’d be traitorous, rude, incredibly disappointing on his part. Because his parents had taught him better. He’d never be like that. He was better than that. Knew better.
“Reggie?” Sirius took his hand in his, squeezing it softly. They’d sat down on the sofa at the end of his room, right next to the doors leading to his balcony. “Are you okay?”
Regulus glanced up at him slowly, briefly glancing at the window and the beautiful view he had of the gardens, the sight calming him, before a cool smirk fell into place. “Of course.” He squeezed Sirius’s hand back, forced his heart to slow down like their other cousin, Narcissa, had once taught him to do. “Why should I not be?”
Sirius looked troubled, deep in thought about something he wasn’t capable of reading. He used to hate that, how hard it was sometimes to read his brother because they were brothers and he was so good at looking through everyone else’s masks. But not Sirius’s. He supposed they’d been taught the same way, both their masks impenetrable. Sirius sometimes joked about how he couldn’t read Regulus either, it was only fair.
Right now it didn’t matter though, or at least he couldn’t bring himself to care, turning his gaze back to the garden that stretched out below the balcony. He’d proof to their mother that he’d never do anything like Andromeda had done, because they’d taught him better, just like they had taught his brother.
And that was that.
Regulus forced himself into the perfect son, spending his time listening carefully to all his parents and his tutors taught him, a disinterested smirk on his face with silver eyes constantly watching. Always careful. He didn’t see Andromeda again for a long time after that, whereas Bellatrix became a near constant after the girl had graduated Hogwarts and returned back home.
∞
The present
15th of October 1976, Friday
Hogwarts, Potions Tower
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Throwing the vial to the other side of the room, Regulus watched in mild interest how it shattered and the liquid sizzled and bit away at the stone. When nothing else happened, he turned away, feeling like maybe throwing another vial.
The only vials left though, were porcelain hand-crafted ones he picked up in a market in Taiwan, so better not. He growled out a couple more fucks before he picked up his notes to cross more than one item off.
“I see things are going great here,” a voice noted from the doorway.
Glancing up, Regulus narrowed his eyes on the newcomer. “What do you want?”
“Gee, good afternoon to you too. Have you had lunch yet?” Nora muttered, manoeuvring her way through the no small amount of mess he’d made in the room. Seeing the broken glass of definitely not one vial, she raised her eyebrows. Fine, maybe he’d broken a couple others before the last one. It was in the realm of possibility. “Maybe you need a break?”
He growled underneath his breath, dropping his stack of papers without a second look, right next to the table. Leaving them to flutter to the floor in complete disarray. Fuck them anyways, he thought bitterly as he accepted the muffin Nora was holding out to him.
Nora snorted. “What’re you stuck on?”
What wasn’t he stuck on? He sunk down one of the stray chairs with an angry sigh. “Everything. Fucking everything. Nothings works, Nora. Nothing. There’s no way of-” He cut himself off, grumbling to himself. There was no way to personally key pain to someone without taking a sample of their dna, without looking into their minds, without doing a whole lot of other things. Of course there were plenty of potions that could give pain to someone but personal pain? What a load of crap. That wasn’t even mentioning the added inconvenience of there being a piece of enchanted jewlery inside the potion, one he wasn’t allowed to see? Fuck potions. Fuck Bellatrix. Fuck everything.
“Alright… So maybe you need some distance, come with me to the party tonight!” Nora exclaimed, sitting down on one of the tables and pulling her legs up to sit crisscross. “It will be good for you, think of something else for once.” Glancing around, she grimaced. “Get out of this room.”
Regulus huffed. “Can’t, okay? I can’t because I have to make this fucking potion and I have to do it before Snape fucking Severus does it before I do.”
“Wait, Snape’s also trying to make this?”
Snapping his teeth together, Regulus grumbled something incoherently, glaring at the stack of notes at his feet. Who even fucking cared, he was a failure. He’d been trying for a month now, a whole month of trial and failure. Only failure. He hadn’t gotten anywhere.
Nora exhaled heavily. “Okay, let’s think about this rationally, Reg. Snape might be good at making potions, but he’s never been good at creating them.” Regulus shot her a disbelieving look. “No, really. He excels in creating spells and sure, he’s good at improving potions but as far as I know, he’s never actually made one himself.” She gestured at him. “And you made one before we even started Hogwarts, remember? You’ve been making potions all your life, it’s second nature to you. So you’re gonna do this, but you need to take the pressure off.”
“Thank you, but that’s not helping me any is it? I need to make this potion, that’s what matters right now. All that matters.” Regulus crossed his arms and frowned up at the ceiling, where no few amount of burning marks coloured the stone. “The way this is going on, Snape will succeed before me.”
Nora shrugged. “Then we will not allow this to continue this way,” she stated. Going to her feet, she pointed a neatly manicured finger at him, there were even rhinestones on her nails. “Clean this mess up, we’re going to that party and tomorrow, I will fix this.”
Regulus took a full minute to glare at her, silence wrapping between them, but Nora didn’t break her own glare and Regulus took his defeat with a small pout and hanging shoulders. “I don’t like you very much right now,” he informed her.
“You’ll thank me later,” she decided. “Now grab your things, I’ve got an appointment at the spa for us in fifteen minutes and I am not missing it for your whiny arse.”
“Yes my love, be right there,” he muttered darkly, taking out his wand to swiftly gather all his things and neaten things up a bit. He left most as it was though, warding the door up for five minutes before allowing Nora to drag him down and to the secret passage way so they could sneak out of the barrier and take the portkey she had.
To be fair, the spa was great. There was nothing quite like having a massage and sweating it out in a sauna before having a facial and a hair treatment. Nora was looking entirely too pleased with herself about the whole thing though, so Regulus resolved to look slightly resigned the entire visit – something that he had to remind himself of more than once when he got lost in a massage.
When they got back to the castle he was feeling a lot better than he had that morning and Nora made him eat a full dinner surrounded by their fellow Slytherins, most of which praised her for getting him out of the damn tower.
“Seriously, mate, what’ve you been doing up there?” Lip exclaimed when they left the Great Hall. “At one point I was sure you’d gone and left Hogwarts all together.”
Regulus flipped him off, because he had been doing really well at not thinking about the damn fucking potion. They got dressed and left the castle as one large group, leaving magical dummy’s in their beds that they knew nobody would bother to question.
The party was in a mansion just outside of Milan, with purebloods from all across Europe walking around with shiny new jewlery and designer clothes. Regulus, of course, dressed better than all of them. Dressed in a Gucci robes, from the wizarding line of the brand, he quickly got himself drunk to properly forget about the damn fucking potion.
“Sunshine!” Nora was the first to find him after he’d escaped the room filled with rowdy teenagers, all glad to forget etiquette for one night among their peers. It was an unspoken rule that anything that went down during these parties was never to spoken off again, any plans or any agreements including. It was both freeing and so tiring, Regulus wondered sometimes why his entire life couldn’t be like these parties. Where people spoke freely about what they thought, where everyone was comfortable because everything was fine.
It didn’t surprise him in the least that it was Nora that found him, the girl had a knack for finding people, she always knew everything about everyone.
“Mon amour,” he greeted drowsily, patting the top of her head because she only ever allowed him to touch her hair when they were both drunk or if he had permission to braid something in it when they were both sober. “Are you having fun?”
Nora snorted. “So much fun, fucking Oliver tried to feel me up three times. Three times!”
“Fuck him, need me to beat him up for you?” he muttered, tugging her under his arm. Damn she was short sometimes. “Fucking Gryffindors. I hate Gryffindors, did I ever tell you that?” Hated them since he was a kid.
She laughed, poking his side. “No, I think Lip already got him, thanks though. You doing alright? Having fun? Going around hating on Gryffindors, seems like you doing alright.”
Regulus nodded, jumping away and onto the railing of the balcony he’d escaped to. “Loads!” Stretching his arms out for balance, something he had very little off with the amount of alcohol he consumed, he grinned. “Never been better, really!”
“Great! I saw Kalin looking for you, you gonna go with him tonight?” Nora asked, plopping herself down on the floor like a starfish and smiling up at the sky dreamily.
“Was he now?” Regulus smirked to himself. Kalin and him were somewhat of an item, according to Nora. According to Regulus they sometimes shagged in the privacy of a well warded empty classroom or an abandoned bedroom during a party. “I might.” Kalin was good at sex and that was all, similar to Regulus himself, really.
Nora chuckled softly, muttering to herself for a moment before she raised her voice. “I think you should. Heard his parents are trying to sign off on a marriage contract for him, so he’ll be off the market soon!”
“Shit, really?” he asked, swaying left and right dangerously, but not yet falling of the railing. “Better get on it then… Literally.” He grinned, jumping down and laying down next to Nora, squeezing her hand when she reached out to grab his. “You gonna go with Lip?”
She huffed out a short laugh. “Thought we’d decided not to talk about the Lip thing.”
Shrugging, Regulus stared up at the stars, recognizing several constellations. “Must’ve missed that meeting.”
“Fuck you.”
Regulus grinned and got back up to his feet, pulling Nora up with him. “C’me on, let’s find our men!”
“Lip is not my man,” Nora hissed, still following him inside.
“Not yet,” Regulus agreed. “But you better proper thank him for beating up BlueForest or I’m gonna have to do it for you and I’m not sure he’ll appreciate that much.” She kept saying Lip wasn’t her man, but he knew better.
“Dunno, heard you’re great at blowjobs,” Nora answered thoughtfully. “And I’ve always wondered if Lip was swinging, maybe he’ll be up for it. We could sandwich him.”
“Now that’s a gruesome thought.”
“Love yous!” Nora laughed, pulling away as Kalin came into view on the other side of the room.
Regulus laughed, waving the girl off before turning to the guy who’s blue eyes were already focused sharply on him. He smirked, walking right past him and to the hallway, knowing he’d follow. He didn’t remember when this had started, felt like forever ago. It worked for them, though. Kalin was still in the closet and neither were up for a relationship, both were also bound to have a marriage contract someday so it really didn’t feel plausible either. This was more than Regulus could’ve hoped to get before he went and married someone.
“Saw you dancing,” Kalin whispered roughly in his ear, pushing him against the wall once they’d found an empty room. A woman’s bedroom, it looked like, but Regulus was a little too distracted to look around properly. “Wished I could take you right then and there.”
He smirked at the words mouthed against his throat, angling his hips upwards and pushing his fingers in Kalin’s curly brown hair. “You gonna take me now?” he asked, sucking in a breath when Kalin’s lips found a soft spot behind his ear.
Kalin groaned softly. “Fuck yes.” He pulled back just enough so he could unbutton his robes with a flick of his wrist, undoing Regulus’s at the same time with a cocky smirk. “Sorry,” he whispered, looking very unapologetic.
Regulus snorted, pushing Kalin’s robes off his shoulders and then pressed forwards so they could tumble down onto the bed. Kalin somehow managed to get Regulus’s clothes off as well during the same time, their shoes kicked off and underwear somehow missing, Regulus only smirked when Kalin arched his eyebrows in question. “Sorry?”
“Shit, you’re so- fuck-” Kalin hissed, pressing down onto him. “I’m gonna make you scream my fucking name, yeah?”
Regulus sucked in a strangled breath. “Yeah, fuck, yeah, okay.”
The rest of the night was spend making him do just that.
∞
The past
1st of September 1971, Wednesday
Black mansion, entrance hall
He was ten years old when his brother left for Hogwarts, a nervous smile on Sirius’ face as he wrung his hands together and whispered a soft goodbye in Regulus’s ear after clasping his hand in a tight grip. “I’ll write,” he promised.
He didn’t.
Regulus didn’t learn why until a month later, when he was in the Blue room with their mother, playing the new song he’d learned during the last weeks and pretending not to notice the owl that arrived.
“No.” The letter burst into flames, fire dancing around the now balled up fists of his mother. “How?” She turned to Regulus, cold furious eyes. “How dare he?”
Regulus carefully, slowly, looked up from his book. He moved little, eyes sharp on his mother’s face, studying, waiting. The questions of what had happened were swallowed down and the ever present smirk on his lips tightened, he didn’t drop it though. Never dropped it.
His mother picked up his glass and emptied it, swallowing down the -what Regulus knew- burning liquid before the glass was thrown to the wall behind him. He didn’t move, all his muscles tensing and fear tickling his spine, but he didn’t move. He knew better than that.
“Your brother,” his mother hissed, low and dangerous. Her magic lashed out and sliced at Regulus’ skin. “Disgraceful. Too weak to have our name.”
Regulus didn’t answer, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. He didn’t leave until he was dismissed, bruises flowering on his arms and back from unspoken spells, blood trickling down his ankle from a stray piece of glass and lashes of magic. He didn’t learn what his brother had done until he heard his mother screech it in fury to his father.
A Gryffindor.
Staring dully at his reflection as Kreacher worked on cleaning and bandaging his wounds, Regulus felt like he couldn’t quite breathe. He thought they’d agreed, they would do better. Swallowing thickly, his mother’s words echoed in his head, screeched and furious from downstairs, they sounded like they were screamed right in his ears.
Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor and had befriended a blood traitor, a muggleborn, a half-blood. Throwing everything their parents had taught them, given them, in their faces. Regulus was shuddering in anger and fear, tears burning in his eyes, more for loss of power than true fear.
“Master Regulus is okay?” Kreacher asked, stepping back after he put cream on Regulus’s last bruise.
Regulus straightened his collar and nodded, curling his lips up and fixing his hair. “Of course.” He pushed himself to get up and left his bedroom, every step straining his sore muscles. “I’m okay.”
∞
The past
29th of December 1971, Wednesday
Lestrange’s Mansion – garden
“You can have the world,” his cousin told him one morning, walking next to him in the gardens outside the Lestrange mansion. “You could have everything you desired, power and money and magic,” Bellatrix’s silver eyes gleamed with excitement, “everything you could imagine wanting. Right there. Within hands reach.”
The garden was beautiful, with a large pond with a hundred lilies and purple and blue flowers lining the sides even during the winter. They were walking on a small gravel path, the stones crunching under their feet, their robes wet from the snow they’d been dragged through.
Regulus watched the pond, felt the magic tingling in the air that kept it beautiful even now when the cold should’ve long destroyed it. “Can we not already have that?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “Do we not already have that?” Right then and there, he wished he was one of the hundred lilies, just one of many drifting in the sun without a single care or worry.
“There’s always more,” Bellatrix whispered. “There’s never enough.”
Inside his chest, a heavy feeling settled in his heart. “All you have to do is take it.” The words rang in his head daily, the words his mother screamed during the day or whispered during an event. There’s always more. Things can always be better. There’s always more power.
Bellatrix grinned. “All you have to do is destroy all that’s on your path.”
“Be a Black,” Regulus whispered.
“Be pure.”
“Toujours.”