Reunion
When his breath began to escape him and his vision slowly dotted with black Regulus realised how long it had been since he had done this much exercise and how much every limb in his body ached when he managed to clock in a couple hours for a jog.
Maybe it was the long forgotten scars that itched on his skin or it was the dozens of held back emotions trying to force their way out of hiding but eventually he lost the battle against his own body and promptly collapsed onto the grass.
Everyone had their limits, the imaginary line between their capabilities and their failures but Regulus constantly found that line shifting.
One day he would be able to stand and complete every task within the span of one song and another he couldn’t even lift his head out of the bed with the grief that lay heavy in it. He was accustomed to the pain and hushed insulting voices those quiet days brought into his mind but he was unprepared for the magnitude of screams echoing in his head right now.
There were overlapping speeches in his mind, the words of his mother painfully apparent among the other yells. He was slightly aware of the questioning voices whispering around him and the tears leaking from his eyes but that was a problem he would deal with when he could zone back in again.
When he could escape the phantom pains that echoed through every cell of his body.
That night he had not only lost a brother but he had lost his ability to sleep comfortably and his pale pristine skin. Because after that humid summer night he was stuck replaying his worst moments every night and staring at the scars that littered each inch of him.
“Regulus? Regulus breath it’s ok it’s not real it’s just a fucked up dream. Breath darling”
The words were as rushed as his thoughts were and the brunette briefly wondered if it was a nicer set of parents that had come to tell him that the last 20 years of his life were a dream and he gets another chance at this glorified lottery game.
The voice was just young enough for his fantasy to be true.
Unfortunately when he opened his eyes he found himself face to face with a familiar mop of curly hair and a concerned look that sent both butterflies and anger flooding through his systems.
He wanted to smooth out the wrinkles in James Potter’s face and tell him to stop worrying about someone like him and move on like the world did, leaving him trapped in his memories. But all that came out when his mouth opened was a choking gasp.
“James let’s go”
The frown on the boy's face deepened. “Don’t be ridiculous Sirius, we can't just leave him like this. He’s our friend now and we had lunch with him for god’s sake.”
A cold laugh echoed through Regulus’ ears as he tried to keep up with the conversation, his vision hadn’t cleared up and he couldn’t see the other boy’s face but he had a sinking feeling it was a familiar one.
“You’ve barely even spoken to him, he's probably a stuck up arsehole let’s just go James.” Sirius’ voice got dangerously whiny at the end like it did when his entire mood was going to change. It reminded James of the last warning of calm before a storm.
Regrettably the boy stood up and eyes Sirius closely trying to gauge the reason for his friend’s odd reaction to this boy. Finding empty eyes and a blank expression staring back at him he found suspicions were confirmed.
There was a history here, an old war.
————————-
The walk back to his apartment was a shame filled painful haze because his nails dug into his skin and he bit his lip until it bled, methods of punishing himself for his lack of control.
The pain was familiar and Regulus welcomed it, he knew he’d overstepped a line. Knew he’d be in for so much worse if his parents heard he had been within two feet of Sirius. To them it might have even seemed like he was seeking his brother out.
Trying to establish communication with one of the many people he was not supposed to.
He’d never heard about the Potter family or their history and he wanted to assume they weren’t on the black list but his assumption only led to broken bones and bleeding cuts so he’d confirm next holiday when his chauffeur arrived to whisk him back to hell.
With the image of green eyes burned into his memory he all but prayed he would be lucky enough to meet the boy that would sweeten his dreams for the next month.
—————
“I understand we have our bad moments but what the actual fûck was that Sirius.” James questioned as the door banged shut behind them both.
Sirius had been silent the entire walk back and the only noise for James was the buzz of worry in his for the brunette he had left behind.
“You knew that kid!” He huffed, “You left someone you knew to have a panic attack on the grass in front of people he didn’t know all alone.”
“Knew,” the other whispered, “As in past tense, he was an old acquaintance who quite frankly deserved to be left there.”
At that the elder boy stilled. He’d seen the cold side of his friend and it was something he refused to see again because it was unnatural to watch the life seep out of his eyes be replaced with something more dangerous.
“Few deserve to be left alone when they’re weak, Sirius.” James replied. And the other nearly laughed, James spoke with less than half the story trying to outweigh the sins of his friend's past with morality that he hadn't possessed back then.
If only he knew how much he had sinned in that house.
Leaving his brother alone was the closest thing to a good deed he could’ve ever done. Without the ‘troublemaker’ around there were no punishments and no wrong doings being committed. No beating being doled out to either brother.
But even with half the story James still managed to say the right thing. Every fibre in the younger boy's heart ached at the thought of leaving his brother alone once again but he couldn’t bring himself to return and watch those glassy eyes betray him again. Watch the puppet his parents had created pretend to have emotions.
Because that’s all Regulus would ever do.
Pretend. Act. Play with everyone’s lives like they were yoyos made to amuse him. Up and down,unwinding and rewinding he had shaped Sirius’ life till the string had snapped and Sirius had had enough sense to run away from the sick game.
He’d planned to remain on the run, and find a new family at college. While he expected his fees to be pulled out and come face to face with his parents again that never happened, only in his nightmares did he see their unforgiving eyes.
But after today all of that could change, Regulus could revive their hatred, remind them of his sins and tie back the yo-yo together. Suddenly Sirius felt sick and wished he hadn’t run away from the impromptu family reunion.