Comfort
⚠️TW: crying? losing control Idk how to word it⚠️
"Don't lose your present to your past."
-unknown
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James awoke in a tired panic.
The scents surrounding him were familiar acting as an odd bandage to a broken heart. Reluctant to open his eyes and filter in the bleak present and worsen his pounding headache he silently wondered how long he could rest there, oblivious to his whereabouts. There were soft whispers of conversation floating through the door, Peter's voice being the most evident. Yet there was another voice, a tinkling laugh and quiet scoff that was heard every couple of minutes that stirred a small feeling of hope in James' chest despite the true whitewashed state of his life.
Don't be stupid it's not going to be her.
But his brain had already invented several hangover boosted scenarios of scooping Lily into his arms once more and her mumbling apologies as they kissed passionately. The sweet scent of strawberries that surrounded him didn't help in the slightest as it served only as a reminder of the hundred summer picnics and sweet lipgloss kisses they had shared over the course of two years.
Open your eyes, get off your ass and see where you are dumbfuck.
Unusually obedient James peeled open his eyelids slamming them shut the moment he saw the pastel cupboard a few meters away. Everything suddenly clicked into place, the smell, the voices outside, the familiar comfort that the room held.
It was Lily's
Comfort had been a rare thing for the messy-haired boy. Over the first holidays of term, he'd lost his parents, having no one to turn to after the incident except friends too new to understand the pain he went through he turned to the only thing that promised normality, the only thing that made him forget. That's how he found the redhead, in an alcohol-induced haze similar to the one last night when he'd lost her.
Lost, lost, lost, loss. The only constant in the ever-changing circle of life, the only element that failed to surprise the raven-haired boy. The looping structure broken by the sheer sharp pain of glass shards embedded in his heart which failed to get used to the frequent pain instead being taken a fool every time.
The sharp taste of yesterday's food and drink rose in his throat threatening to overflow like the tears that stung in his eyes. He needed to rise from the puddle of self-pity that he lay in but his limb still felt like stone dragging him down with more burdens that he was forced to carry. Pain rose in his head climbing still with every word that echoed in his mind.
He hated it.
Hated how he'd been forced to dwell on every conversation that he'd ever had with Lily simply because his head was stuck on repeat, trapped in the past that served only to hurt him.
He hated Lily.
Frozen and considering the statement he pulled the words apart in his mind. Could he go from love to hate so quickly? Treading lines had always been a hobby for him but changing so severely just in a matter of days was an entirely different thing.
Where is she then? If you love her why haven't you chased after her? Leap out of bed to find her?
But his body was reluctant, content to stay away from the person who'd caused more grief than others in his life.
However, he had other reasons to trudge out of the comfort of the silence, people to apologize for his stupidity and lack to balance out a relationship that had meant so much to so many. He'd have to take the blame when no one else would. That's just how his life worked.
"Look who finally got out of bed. How's your head mate?" Peter chirped, his tone gentle but frightened at the same time.
Not finding the words nor the energy to speak James simply nodded slightly eyes glued to the ground
"Mate you should probably eat something, Reg made some coffee and it's absolutely amazing."
It was only when James looked up did he realize that he wasn't alone with his best friend in the apartment. Spotting the curly-haired boy had multiple effects on the severely hung-over boy, the first being obvious anguish at the sight of an unknown boy inside Lily's apartment.
"Who's he?" James said a bit too harshly nodding
"Regulus, Lily's dorm mate nothing else, no need to sound so harsh Jim," Peter says softly shooting his friend a disappointing look only to get a glare in return, there are too many emotions, voices, regrets swimming in the raven-haired boy's head for him to properly register the complete annoyance on Peter's faced or the hurt and worry on Regulus'
Getting up from bed hadn't helped any of his problems.
Grabbing the hot coffee and whipping open the fridge for food he was caught slightly off guard by the box of chocolates placed on the first shelf the wrapping staring pityingly at James. Trying to catch hold of himself he begged his eyes to look anywhere else, at the dozen other unimportant food products that did not serve as a reminder of his incompetence.
She didn't even open it.
And gods James was falling apart because she didn't even touch the wrapping she probably got home and shoved it into the highest shelf where she didn't have to stare at her boyfriend's complete lack of gift-giving abilities. She didn't remove the lid and stare at the perfectly picked out flavors that James had chosen each being correlating to their dates
She didn't even care.
Slamming the door and listening to the glass clinking in harmony with his heartbreaking James tried to keep the shining tears from falling onto his pertly furious expression. Peter was saying something in the background, his voice distorted and mixing with the thousand belting insults circling his mind.
Falling out of love? Accepting it and moving on? What a complete trick he'd fallen into. A trap he'd set for himself.
There was a soft voice speaking now, something painfully beautiful that James wished he could give his full attention to but instead he continued gasping for breath trying to push away the image of Lily with her lips turned in disgust as she stared at the chocolate box in her hands.
His head hurt with the rush of emotions that swirled and he clutched his hair in frustration letting tears silently rush down his face taking his sanity with them. James needed help, needed a person, something to reassure the slowing beat of his heart.
As if on cue small hands circled his wrists gently slowly guiding his hands away from the destruction they were causing. Soft words echoed through the room their quiet
sternness carrying more weightage than all the voices echoing through his head.
He let go for a minute, trying to dispel the tension from his shoulders and the self-hatred from his mind. And James allowed himself to momentarily forget about his raging incompetence and utter failure at maintaining a relationship focusing only on the hands rubbing circles on his back and the skill soft material of the shirt beneath him which he was slowly ruining with his tears.
"Breath ok? Just focus on getting rid of whatever is weighing on you," James chuckled softly, wishing it was as easy as he made it to be. "See your already better, I'm magic."
"Imagine what would happen if it was more than a hug." Peter quipped from his seat on the sofa his worry lines slowly being replaced with an amused smile.
The fierce and teary-eyed glares he received in return did nothing but further the smile on his lips. His smug look remained the same, staring at them both like he knew something they wouldn't for very long.
"Way to ruin the moment Pete."
"Your welcome Jamie dear." Peter said before dissolving into giggles at the sight of both the boy’s faces.