Little taste of heaven
“Your avoiding me” Barty visibly startles, tripping over the tree he was hiding behind in the courtyard
“What- why why would you even think that?” Regulus shoots him a blank look before rolling his eyes as Barty comes to join him.
“I literally just caught you hiding behind a tree” they walk towards the greenhouses for herbology, and Barty sighs in defeat when Regulus gives him an unflinching look
“God fine, if you must know I may be just a tad embarrassed about” he stops himself, glancing around at the various students that are milling about the area “you know the whole thing”
Regulus is too amused by the whole situation (mostly in the way that Barty is dramatically dealing with it) to not mess with his friend a little bit “what, oh you mean you fancying the pants off of Evan Rosier, the guy who once hexed you after you called him a ferret”
“Hey, in my Defense, his hair is very blonde! And Reggie you know how I get when I’m nervous okay the rambling just happens and the next thing you know I’ve gone and fucked it by not being capable of shutting my mouth”
Regulus cant stop himself from laughing, folding over himself as a group of hufflepuffs pass them by with judgemental looks (to which he shoots them a deathly glance and they scuttle away) “sorry but you still called him a ferret. I’m pretty sure he was more concerned that you were even talking to him than insulting him”
“Yeah well he had no problem shoving his tongue down my throat, believe me”
“Right, don’t need the details thanks”
“Aw come on Reggie, you know you want it, I get this is hard for you, seeing as you want all this” he brandishes his arm over himself, waggling his eyebrows suggestively “for yourself but-“
“Oh piss off” Regulus pushes him, grumbling when his friend just laughs before putting his arm around Regulus’ shoulder and whistling merrily.
“Merlin sometimes I dream about dropping out so I never have to sit through one of Binn’s lectures again” Peter moans shrewdly as they leave the classroom and begins to make the trek outside to sit by the lake.
Remus rolls his eyes, smirking slightly “mate you’re the one who chose to carry on with that”
“Yeah” lily says, popping up next to them “see me and Rem here were smart and chose arithmancy which-“
“God Evans please, im begging you please do not finish that sentence” Sirius interrupts earning a glare from the red head whose walking behind. “I think all my love and respect for you will literally evaporate on the spot” James snorts, resulting in Sirius grinning at him
“All of you stop, giving me a fucking headache you are” Peter announces, earning another snort from James who looks back at his friend, feeling lighter than he has, happy to be with his friends.
“Wormtail my good friend, you do realise that you started this conversation”
They all make their way down to the lake, Sirius slowing down so he can walk with his boyfriend, whilst Peter grumbles about being a thirdwheel and hurries to join James and Lily. It’s once they’re there that he find the others, Mary and Dorcas sitting against a tree, attempting to get Bertie’s Botts beans into each other’s mouths as Marlene rests her head in her girlfriends lap, laughing as many fall onto her face.
“Well, well, well, what are you lot up to” Lily asks before going to sit next to Mary, James meeting her eyes with a cheeky wink that makes her blush before turning away.
James ends up sprawled on the floor, legs resting comfortably on Peter’s legs and his head in Sirius’ lap, hair being played by him. Remus sits next to Dorcas, reading a book and effectively ignoring everyone much to Sirius’ Charing.
“Prongsssssssssss” Sirius whines and James huffs a laugh, feeling more content here under the sun than he has in much too long.
“Whattttttttt” he replies, tilting his head to look up at his best friend who grins down at him. “Give me attention, seeing as my boyfriend clearly finds fiction more entertaining than me”
There is a small, uncaring “sorry love but it is” from Remus which makes everyone laugh apart from Sirius who gasps dramatically before pretending to die.
They are all having a nice time, Marlene giggling in a way that only Dorcas Meadows can make her while Mary and Lily have a thumb war (a muggle game that Lily had shown them all with rapid enthusiasm)
When the telltale sign of danger comes in the form of four figures approaching. Mulciber is in the lead followed by his followers and James recoils at the sight of Snape. (From shame or disgust he doesn’t know)
“Potter just the man I was looking for” He feels Sirius tense under him, the same way he feels Peter’s knees begin to bounce with nervous energy.
And James, well James almost wants to laugh because of course. Finally he was starting to feel like himself again, it felt like he could go a day without thinking about his dad or about how fucked up he was, he could feel normal and-
Well trust Mulciber to ruin that.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, have some questions about what it’s like for you without your dad to tell you how amazing you are” the others laugh, and he feels something cold run down his back.
Because it’s different when you admit it to yourself, when you go to talk to him and he isn’t there, when you see the age lines that Grace your mum’s face and know he isn’t there, when there is no one to buy you new quidditch equipment that would be just as excited.
His dad is dead, and that’s something that still feels unimaginable, it feels impossible for his dad to not be there anymore, it feels like the world has titled on his axes, that there must be something so horrifically wrong with the world for him to not be there. But he’s dealing with it, he’s trying to deal with it so this shouldn’t cut as deep as it does, this shouldn’t effect him the way it does.
But it feels like being hexed, punched and kicked all at the same time, it feels like having the ground pulled out right in front of you and it just hits. Like they thought it would, like they wanted it to.
He swallows, trying to bury something back down, something that feels a little too like falling, falling, falling.
“God look at him, aw is ickle Potter too weak without his daddy to protect him? are we hurting his feelings?” That’s Avery, and James can’t even feel angry because he’s lost in this feeling of being underwater, it’s like he’s just below the surface unable to break it.
“Shut the fuck up” That’s what breaks him out of it, her voice quivers, shakes like a single word could swallow her whole, but she juts her chin out with defiance and stares at them like they’re merely a fly in the way. Mary McDonald has always been brave, but James sees her for what she truly is in this moment, she is a woman and they took something from her, they took away something that was hers. They tried to make her theirs, but they failed because here she sits, still fighting for a right that she shouldn’t have to ask for, still fighting for her voice, for herself and for everything they took from her. Mary McDonald has always been brave but in this moment she is Arete and Athena and Iris, she is taking back what they stole, and showing her strength.
James Potter thinks he wants to be even a quarter of the brave she is.
They turn to look at where the girls and Remus lean against the tree, as if they hadn’t been worth seeing before, as if their time wasn’t worth it. And Mulciber smiles, he smiles something so sinister, that pulls his mouth to a sickening degree that makes disgust and repulsion swirl in James’ stomach. There is something akin to a burning hatred growing within him, something that reminds him of last year and that makes him want to distinguish this feeling.
“Forgot what a pretty thing you were, didn’t we boys?” While Avery and Rosier might humour him, Snape doesn’t join in with the theatrics, no his stare is pinned firmly somewhere else, James looks to see Lily shifting uncomfortably both wanting to follow Mary’s lead and hide behind the safety she provides. James understands. “It really is a shame that your blood is so dirty, god if you weren’t a mudblood the things I would do-“ It’s Remus’ hand that Mulciber’s wand flies into.
James hadn’t even realised Remus had pulled his out, and clearly no one else had seeing as suddenly the Slytherins have their wands brandished all pointed at Remus. That’s when Sirius (oh so carefully) places James’ head down before jumping up to stand by Remus.
“Now now let’s all calm down shall we?” Rosier chimes in, looking too bored for the situation at present. Avery, ever one to follow his friends adds “yeah, we were only here to catch up with Potter”
Mulciber has stopped moving, he’s turned his gaze away from the girls, clearly done with them. His eyes are pinned on James and he takes a step forward. Peter is up next, standing in front of James as a shelter but yet James finds himself stuck sitting on the floor, pinned down by Mulciber’s stare. “You know I hate mudbloods but I have always despised Potters” he scoffs cruelly “Indian immigrants coming over and having pure blood that doesn’t deserve to run in their veins” he’s ever so quiet, so calm when he speaks. “And then you have the audacity to not appreciate it? Your dad made me sick, A man wearing the finest suits, in the finest house with the finest respect when he deserves to be out in the streets. Eating up Dumbledore’s shit like a poor man on the edge of starvation, I’ll tell you Potter they day your dad died i fucking laughed, and I dream of the day when I get to see your dead fucking body lying next to your mothers, your family line finally being extinguished”
He’s underwater, the cool water contrasts the heat of the summer’s day. His head pops out, a mess of wet curly hair visible from where he wades in the deepest part of the water he is allowed.
His mum is making a fuss when he comes out, throwing a towel around him and making Sure he isn’t shivering, but he’s too happy to even be embarrassed, he keeps telling her “I made some friends” because he had, it had been this old couple, easily in their 60’s and James had felt so completely happy, watching them laugh and splash each other. They reminded him of his parents.
His mum takes them back, making sure they have enough floor powder for the both of them and listens gently as he talks about his new friends. It isn’t until later when his father comes back rambling on about some potion he’s made while his mother laughs and flicks the dust off his coat that he realises how precious love truly is, to find someone.
“Jamie my boy, I heard you went all the way into the deep end” his ruffles his head, always gentle, always smiling, always kind “that’s my son” hey says it softly but James lights up all the more.
He doesn’t notice the heavy bags under his dad’s eyes nor the concern looks his mother gives his father, he’s too preoccupied with telling his dad about his new friends. Because it’s always nice to tell his mum, she smiles and laughs
But he always waits and excites over telling his dad, whose eyes will sparkle and shine, who will match his enthusiasm, who gets what James is saying and will softly whisper as if in secret “you’ll have that one day. That’s your superpower Jamie, your love”