One off
“Severus!” Regulus stepped out of the floo and froze. The woman in front of him, barefoot, wearing what he assumed was Severus’ shirt as she cradled her mug like it was life-giving, also froze.
Blinking several times to try and comprehend what was in front of him, Regulus was silent for several long seconds before his brain finally caught up with his eyes. “Hermione Lupin-Black! What in the name of Merlin is going on?”
Hermione unfroze and groaned, “Would you believe me if I said I was borrowing a book, Uncle Reggie?” she hedged.
“No!” Regulus howled.
“Lupin-Black, Miss Meadowes?” Severus arched a brow at Hermione who had the grace to blush as Regulus frantically tried not to notice that his friend was shirtless and also barefoot.
“I use my surrogate's name here,” Hermione replied eventually. “And I had no idea that apparently you know my sodding uncle.”
“Why?” Regulus blurted. “There's no way your fathers know that.”
“No,” Hermione conceded, “But it's…nice. The anonymity. Obviously, there are some people from school here but they've all gone along with it. It means I get to not be the Black Heir. I don't have people asking about Daddy or what it's like that Papa’s a werewolf or asking to be introduced to you or Uncle Luc or Merlin help us all, Harry or Draco. I get to just be Hermione. No one knows that Dorcas was my surrogate so there's no link.”
“Sweet Circe, Princess.” Regulus groaned as he turned that over in his head. “I don't know what to say to that other than I suggest never telling your fathers that if you can avoid it. They're struggling enough with you disappearing off to University as it is. And can you put on some bloody clothes. Severus and I need to have a chat.”
Hermione rolled her eyes, “Assuming you promise to remember that I’m an actual adult, Uncle Reggie. And it's just sex. I’m not marrying him.”
“Hermione! Out. Clothes! For fucks sake, now!” he barked before he groaned and his tone turned pleading, “I don't ever want to hear that phrase from you in my presence ever again, Princess. You still play with dolls as far as I'm concerned.”
Hermione snorted, shaking her head as she kissed his cheek, ”You are ridiculous.”
“Still your favourite,” he shot back, as Severus watched the by-play with interest.
“Ah well…Uncle Jamie agreed to fund that trip to Egypt Harry and I spoke about…mainly so I stop him ending up locked inside a pyramid I imagine, but I’m feeling pretty fond of him right now,” she teased.
“Brat,” he muttered as she laughed, disappearing through a door, hopefully, to acquire clothing.
The silence that she left was awkward. “I had no idea she was your niece.” Severus offered eventually.
“That doesn't make it any sodding better arsehole!” Regulus groused, wondering if he could talk Cissa into obliviating him without disclosing why it needed to happen. “When the fuck did you start sleeping with your students!”
“She's not my student!” Severus shot back sounding offended. “I assume you're well aware the witch is specialising in charms, not potions.”
“Fine. How the fuck did you even meet?” Regulus sighed, feeling the beginnings of an epic migraine starting.
“In that ridiculous little coffee shop you insisted I try. So really this is your fault!”
“My fault! How the fuck could it possibly be my fault you slept with my goddamned niece?”
“One assumes you took us both there,” Severus replied with a careless shrug.
“One assumes…” Regulus repeated faintly. “Right I…Gods I never thought I'd have to say this but I assume that this one-off little thing is now over?”
“One off?” Severus arched a brow insolently.
“It's… it's not a one-off?” Regulus checked, feeling utterly wrongfooted.
“No, I’ve been sleeping with him for months.” Hermione's voice chimed in looking somewhat amused. “Really, Uncle Reggie. Actual adult remember?”
“But…but… he's old enough to be your father! He went to school with your actual fathers!”
“I assumed as much given his age, “ Hermione agreed, “Although I feel like I should point out that he's not my father, and therefore it's none of your sodding business.”
“There were…issues at school” Regulus muttered, “Your father will have a tantrum of epic proportions if he ever finds out.”
“Why?” Hermione asked watching him closely.
Regulus sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Because he used to be your Aunt Lily's friend.”
“Aunt Lily's….oh. I see. That friend. The one no one gives a name to?”
“Yes,” Regulus nodded, pleased she’d finally grasped the seriousness of this situation.
“The one Daddy, Papa and Uncle Jamie bullied mercilessly? The one Papa has often said he’d like to apologise to? That friend. ”
“Hermione!” Regulus groaned. “It was a bit more complicated than that.”
“Was it?” Hermione arched a brow, “Reading between the lines of Daddy's utter inability to admit he's wrong and Papa's self-esteem issues, I don't know that it's truly that complicated.”
Severus snorted, “How are you their daughter?”
Hermione shrugged, “I adore them both, that doesn't make me blind to their faults and ultimately, whatever your experience of them, they are wonderful parents. I am exceptionally lucky.”
“Fair enough,” Severus replied with a tired sigh. “I assume that we can cancel Wednesday?”
Hermione looked at him shrewdly, “If you want.”
“You don't?” he asked with a frown.
“She does!” Regulus cut in.
“You don't get a vote, arsehole.” Severus reprimanded.
"Not especially," Hermione shrugged.
"Even given the…potential ramifications….” he looked at her incredulously.
“Oh, were you intending to meet my family?” she shot back pointedly.
“Not any time soon,” he scoffed.
“Wonderful, we’re all good then. I’ll see you Wednesday,” Hermione grinned, leaning down to kiss him before waving at Regulus, “Bye Uncle Reggie. Tell either of my fathers and I’ll tell Aunt Cissa that you were responsible for Draco vomiting on Great-Aunt Dru’s portrait.”
“You would not!” Regulus gasped, Cissa would avada him if she ever found out.
“Oh I would,” she smirked as she stepped into the floo, “Love you!”
“That little…. brat !” Regulus exclaimed before he turned to face his friend. “You have to end this!”
“Why?”
“Because….because….sweet Salazar Severus! She's barely twenty one!”
“And sadly, one of the most intelligent witches I have ever come across, the way her mind works is truly fascinating.”
“Then discuss theories over coffee but stop sleeping with my niece!” he howled.
“Hmmm when she tells me she wishes to stop our arrangement, I will.” Severus conceded.
Regulus froze, looking at his friend properly, “You like her,” he accused.
Severus shrugged with practised nonchalance, “She is intelligent and doesn't expect me to be anything other than I am.”
“No…no…you like her as more than a convenient arrangement.”
For the first time, Severus looked uncomfortable. “It doesn't matter,” he finally replied softly, “That is what this is.”
Regulus closed his eyes and attempted to un-hear that before sighing, “I can't believe I'm saying this," he muttered, "but perhaps that needs to be said?”
“Absolutely not! As you pointed out I am old enough to be her father and the consequences would be catastrophic for her.”
“They wouldn't,” Regulus sighed, “They wouldn't be happy but Sirius and Remus adore her. There isn't anything on this earth she could do to stop that, although I admit this might be pushing the boundaries.”
Severus snorted, “Leave it alone. It's fine as it is.”
Regulus groaned, "It's really fucking not, she's my niece! "
Severus smirked, "Yes I know." he agreed, "And had I known that at the beginning we likely wouldn't be here. But as we did not..." he shrugged.
“If Sirius ever finds out, I'm denying everything!" Regulus groused. Perhaps if Cissa actually obliviated him, his brother wouldn't murder him when he found out that was a lie.