Memories
Harry was somewhat grateful that the two goblins waited half an hour to return with the pensieve. He was grateful because it gave him some time to breathe, to attempt to take everything in. Not that he had been able to take much in. His mind was too messy. He felt awfully close to a breakdown.
He was also grateful that they didn’t wait a second longer to enter the room, because he knew that the longer he waited to watch his mum’s memories, the more likely he was to break down or not watch them. At least, not until he was able to process everything he had just learned about his supposed friends. And he knew that he wouldn’t truly be able to process that for a very, very long time.
Ragnok placed the pensieve on the table at the end of Harry’s bed.
“Would you like to go into the pensieve? Or, would you like to stay in bed and we can make it play out in front of you?” he asked kindly.
“Will you stay with me? All of you?” Harry muttered, hating how much he sounded like a child at that moment. But he needed the support. He needed pillars to cling to.
“Of course,” they all nodded and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank you. Can you make it play in front of us, please?”
Ragnok nodded, picking up the small bottle from the table and gently pouring it into the pensieve before tapping on some of the runes around the outside. Harry watched in awe as the runes glowed a beautiful gold for a few seconds before disappearing into the pensieve itself and colouring the liquid in a gold sheen which the memories seeped through to create a sort of TV screen without the box.
Kreacher held onto Harry’s hand as the first memory appeared.
The first set of memories showed various points of Regulus and Sirius’ childhoods. Showing how they were mostly raised by Kreacher and another house elf. The times their parents were involved were when they were being ‘educated’ in pureblood ways. Sirius was a rowdy child and clearly hated all of their lessons. Regulus was quieter, but also appeared to hate it. Sirius and Regulus were quite close when they were young, they protected each other from their mothers’ vitriol. It seemed she had a problem with them both being bearers.
Then there were memories of the summer after Sirius’ first year at Hogwarts. Their mother wasn’t happy and took it out of Sirius quite badly, and forced Regulus to watch some of it. And Sirius took it out of Regulus, calling him degrading names, saying he was just a “slimy snake,” and Harry could see how much it hurt Regulus, to watch his brother being hurt, and to hear those words aimed at him, but he still loved Sirius. Still looked up to him. Despite their arguments which clearly hurt Regulus more than he would ever admit.
“You don’t understand, Reg! You are just like them!” Sirius screamed.
Pain flashed in Regulus’ eyes, “You really think that? You really think that I don’t hate all of this just as much as you do?”
“I know you don’t! You want to be in Slytherin just like them!”
“Did you ever consider that maybe I want to be in Slytherin because I don’t want to be hurt the way they are hurting you? Maybe I would much rather be anywhere else,”
Sirius scoffed.
Regulus was walking through the Hogwarts Express, trying to find somewhere to sit. He glanced into a compartment and saw his cousin, Narcissa, sitting there with Lucius Malfoy, a dark haired, Slytherin boy, and a young Gryffindor couple, Harry guessed that the boy was Severus Snape, and the couple were Frank and Alice Longbottom.
Regulus knocked on the door and they all looked at him, he fidgeted slightly as Narcissa smiled at him and stood to open the door.
“Regulus, it is good to see you again. Would you like to sit with us?” Narcissa said kindly.
“Yes, please,”
She stepped aside and let him in. Lucius stood and helped him put his trunk on the shelf with the others.
“Regulus, you know Lucius, but this is Severus Snape, Frank Longbottom and Alice Fawley. They are all in the year above you. Everyone, this is my cousin Regulus,”
“It’s nice to meet you, Regulus,” Alice said, a welcoming smile on her face.
“Nice to meet you, also,” he said as he sat in the seat next to Narcissa, Lucius sat on the other side of her.
The memory sped through them all laughing and joking with each other as if they had known each other for years but slowed down to regular speed again when Barty Crouch Junior knocked on the door.
They all welcomed him with smiles to the group and Harry could see there was already some kind of bond forming between his parents. From the way they were glancing at each other, to the way they were sitting, to the way they were talking to each other, Harry just knew that it was just the start of something beautiful.
It was just a horrible, terrible shame that Harry knew that some of what was to come wasn’t going to be good. It couldn’t be farther from good if it tried.
Harry was shown memory upon memory of the times that the Marauders bullied Severus, Regulus, and Barty despite him being in Ravenclaw. A few times where even Narcissa was bullied by them. They would be tended to by Alice, Frank and Lucius with great care in the Room of Requirement which seemed to be their secret hide out. The only place where they could openly show their friendship and be their true selves.
Harry was shown times during the school holidays where Sirius and Regulus would argue whilst also trying to stay away from their parents. Mostly their mother.
Harry watched in awe as his parents got closer to each other. Their flirting. Their care for each other. Their first date. Their first kiss.
Harry then watched the moment he had quietly dreaded would appear. Because of course it would appear when his mother’s best friend was Severus Snape. The moment that Harry had been sick over multiple times whenever it had replayed in his head. And he hadn’t even seen the whole thing.
But now, here he was, witnessing the whole thing.
It turned out that right when Snape had pulled him out of the memory was right when Harry’s true mother had arrived on the scene. Just after James, the man who Harry had thought, at the time, was his father, pulled off Severus’ pants.
“What the hell are you all doing?” Regulus shouted when he saw what was happening and the fear on his friends’ face.
He had his wand out and pointed at his brother, but he was just a little too slow. Sirius had disarmed him and had him floating in the air next to his friend, grinning sadistically at his little brother.
“We’re just having some fun. Don’t you worry,” Sirius snarled, grinning the more Regulus struggled.
“Incarcerous,” James shouted, and Harry watched in horror as Severus was tied up in ropes and dropped to the floor. The ropes got tighter the more he fought.
And everyone just laughed.
James climbed on top of Severus and Harry closed his eyes, but there was no need because the next second the laughter dissipated into the sounds of crying.
“Sev,” Regulus whispered, and Harry opened his eyes to find a naked, bruised Severus curled up in a ball on the grass where it happened, and Regulus slowly making his way to him, covering him with his robe.
“D-don’t touch m-me,” Severus cried, his throat hoarse.
“Okay, I won’t touch you, I promise. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I just, I’m not that fast compared to them. You think I would be after all this time. But I will try harder. I will improve so this doesn’t happen again. I-”
“Reg, it wasn’t your fault,” Severus whispered.
“It wasn’t your fault either, Sev. You don’t deserve this,”
“I-I know,”
Regulus looked at him knowingly, “Do you want to go to the Room?”
Severus nodded and clambered to his feet unsteadily, pulling the robe tight around him. His clothes were quite badly torn.
The memory faded to the group of friends sitting in the Room of Requirement. Severus was huddled into a sofa with Regulus and Narcissa on either side of him, the others, apart from Lucius who was pacing angrily, were all sitting in armchairs or love seats.
“We have to do something! This can’t keep happening,”
“Lucius, we have told Dumbledore, we have told Slughorn, we have told Pomfrey and we have told McGonagall. If they won’t do anything about it then what else could we possibly do?” Severus said, sounding pained and resigned to his lot in life, “Lily doesn’t even believe me, she hates me,” he was on the verge of tears by this point.
And it hurt Harry to know that highly respected teachers, and a mediwitch wouldn’t help a student in need, a student that had been hurt in the worst possible way, and by other students no less. It hurt Harry more to know that he had trusted them, liked them even. He honestly wondered how Severus survived working at the school, surrounded by the people who either hurt or didn’t help him for so long. Surrounded by the children of the people who hurt him in ways that no one should be hurt.
He understood now maybe some of the man’s attitude, if he were stuck in that situation he wouldn’t have handled it well either.
“You don’t deserve this, Severus. You shouldn’t have to go through this. They need to be punished,” Lucius said gently.
“We could go to the Board?” Frank suggested.
Lucius shook his head, “They all trust in Dumbledore. They will do whatever he tells them to,”
“Saint Mungo's, the DMLE. Severus could be checked over properly, Pomfrey doesn’t do thorough examinations,”
“The DMLE are mostly all in Dumbledore’s pocket also. Although I do agree that he needs a proper healer to check him over,” Lucius said, “I will ask my father to book an appointment for the next Hogsmeade weekend,”
“No,” Severus said, his head shaking.
“Severus, you should get checked over properly. Who knows what damage may have been done that Pomfrey hasn’t healed. And they might be able to help in other ways also,” Narcissa said, her voice kind.
“They will find out about what my father does and I will be forced into an orphanage,” Severus’ voice shook as he spoke.
“We wouldn’t let that happen, you know. Our parents have been offering to adopt you for years now,” Narcissa said, squeezing Severus’ hand gently.
“I can’t do that. I can’t be a burden,” he whispered, and Harry was struck with a painful understanding.
He couldn’t be a burden either.
He just couldn’t.
“You will neve be a burden, Sev,” Alice said, “But Lucius is right, you need to get checked out properly. And I think you know why,” Alice said, her eyes soft and knowing.
Severus shook his head, hiding in his arms. Narcissa pulled Severus gently into her arms and rocked him gently, almost like a mother would.
“You’re not alone, Severus. We are here for you, always. No matter what,” she told him, her eyes sad as she looked at everyone else in the room. A silent agreement seemed to go through them all that they would fight, and they would protect Severus, and do whatever they could to make sure the Marauders were punished.
The memory faded into one of Severus and Regulus sitting in the Room on their own. They were sitting on the sofa, Severus had his head lying on the arm of the chair as he stared into the lit fireplace, and Regulus looked at him worriedly.
“Sev, how did the appointment go?” Regulus asked with dread and sadness in his voice.
“I…” Severus’s throat was scratchy, as if he had been crying for a while.
Understanding filled Regulus’ eyes. They were like brothers after all, he knew Severus inside and out.
“Are you…” Regulus clearly didn’t want to say what he was going to say, but Severus knew what he was going to say anyway.
“Yes,” his voice broke and Harry’s heart broke with it, just seeing the pain and anguish on his face. And Harry knew without needing to be told, what was going on.
“Oh, Sev,” Regulus collapsed to the floor in front of the sofa, he knelt on his knees facing his friend.
“You aren’t alone, Sev, I promise. No matter what you decide, we are all here for you. We are your family,”
“I know,” Severus sobbed and Harry couldn’t stop the tears that had been steadily filling his eyes since he started watching the memories. Kreacher squeezed his hand in comfort.
Regulus held Severus close as he cried and Harry wished that he had someone, mostly his mum, to hug him also.
Merlin knew he needed it.
The memory faded into one showing Severus getting adopted by Alice’s parents, which shocked Harry more than he liked to admit given everything. Maybe there was more than met the eye, well, Harry knew there was when it came to Severus Snape. It was a lovely moment where the friends and some of their parents all went out for a meal to celebrate the adoption, though Harry could tell that there was a sadness washed over everything.
Then came a memory of Severus being attacked by the Marauders again, only this time Regulus and Barty were able to stop things from going too far. They weren’t able to stop the pain that followed, however. Harry’s heart twisted and clenched in pain as he watched what happened in the Room because Severus refused to go to Pomfrey, not that Harry could blame him really, he would have refused in Severus’ position also.
But watching Regulus hold Severus in his arms whilst the boy cried out in pain, seeing the blood, Harry’s heart felt like it was going to explode.
“Why didn’t I get a choice?”
Those whispered words tore Harry’s heart out even more because he understood that there was so much going into those words. It wasn’t just about what was happening, but about what had happened previously, and about so much more.
The memory faded into one of the beginning of the summer holidays. Severus was lying on his bed in his new bedroom with Alice and Regulus on either side of him, holding his hands.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have kids,” Severus said, “It hurts too much when they leave. Even though I wasn’t sure if I…” Severus’ voice cracked, “No one would ever love me like that anyway. Not after… I am just destined to be alone,”
“Sev, we all love you. You are not destined to be alone,” Regulus said.
“You love me as if I were your brother. That is completely different to the kind of love I am referring to. And have you seen me have any relationships at school. I am ugly, no one would dare date someone like me. I don’t even think that I would want to date anyone at this point,”
“You aren’t ugly, Sev,” Severus scoffed, “I am sure there is someone out there who will love you more than you ever thought possible. Who will look at you and see how truly amazing, and beautiful you are,” Severus rolled his eyes, “You forget that we know you wear glamours,”
Severus glared at Regulus.
“And we know why. But I have a very strong feeling that one day someone is going to come into your life and they are going to love you more than you have ever imagined being loved, and you will trust them enough to remove those glamours of yours,”
The rest of the memories of their time at school weren’t as important, and so were sped through, apart from the Shrieking Shack incident, which Regulus attempted to save Severus from, but James ended up needing to save them both, in his stag form. Which got Harry thinking about his stag Patronus as the memory passed into more sped up memories.
He had assumed, after being told that James, the man he thought was his father, was a stag animagus, that it represented him. But now, he didn’t know what to think about it. It didn’t help that his mind was, well, not exactly in a great place.
Regulus and Barty’s last year of Hogwarts was mostly sped through as it was just the two of them, sending and receiving letters from the rest of their friends and meeting them in Hogsmeade on the weekends. Helping Narcissa and Lucius, as well as Alice and Frank plan their weddings which were set to happen during the summer holidays.
Then it was graduation day, and the two met up in the Room half an hour before the ceremony began.
“Barty,” Regulus greeted, a beaming smile on his face and eyes filled with love.
Honestly, Harry didn’t think he had ever seen two people more in love than his parents. And although he knew that it wouldn’t end well for them, he was also happy that they were happy together. That they loved each other so very much.
“Reg,” Barty was also beaming, his eyes also bright and filled with love and awe.
“Is there a reason you called me here so close to graduation?”
“Can’t I just want to spend the last half an hour of our time as students with the man I love more than anything else in the world?”
“Of course you can, but that doesn’t explain why there are candles and flowers filling the room,” Regulus joked, his grin widening.
“Well, maybe this might,” Barty said as he pulled a small box out of his robe pocket and opened it to reveal a stunning silver ring with a gorgeous emerald in the centre which was wrapped by a beautifully carved silver wing lined with tiny blue stones that matched the colour of Barty’s eyes perfectly.
Harry was in awe of the ring, and he could tell his mother was also from the gasp that escaped him and the look of amazement in his eyes.
“I know our parents would much rather us go about this in the traditional way. But I also know that both you, and I, would much rather do things our own way, like our friends are doing. I have loved you, more than anything in the world, since we were eleven. I didn’t realise it right away, because what eleven year old really knows what love is? Especially with the childhoods that we both had. But it really didn’t take me all that long to figure it out. You understand me in ways that not many people do. You and our friends, the family we all created for ourselves, you are the only ones that understand me,
“You are the most kind, compassionate, beautiful, and amazing person I know. You put everyone before yourself, and I know it is because no one has ever really been there to look after you, apart from our family, but I also know that I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make you happy. I will do everything I can to look after you, care for you, protect you. I will love you, and cherish you until the day I die. I promise. No one has ever made me as happy as you do. So will you please make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?”
“Yes,” Regulus said, his voice husky with emotion, happy tears welling in his eyes.
Barty beamed brighter than Harry could ever have imagined he could as he slid the ring onto Regulus’ left ring finger and pulled him into his arms, kissing him passionately.
The memories sped through graduation, the summer, although it did slow down a bit for the two weddings.
He watched as they got jobs or apprenticeships.
Harry was very impressed as he watched the group, with Kreacher, slowly forming a third side in the war that had been slowly brewing, not that anyone else joined them. But they spied in public areas to gather intelligence from the idiots that spoke more than they should in public.
They would tip off the aurors whenever they heard news of a possible raid, and lives were saved. They would make plans together as they all stayed in Black Cottage, which was larger than any cottage Harry had seen, but was beautiful, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields and forest. It was the kind of place Harry would love to live in.
He supposed he probably would have grown up there had he not been kidnapped. And the thought darkened his mind quite quickly.
He watched as the group planned his parents' wedding, watched as his grandparents complained about how they were going about it.
He watched as Narcissa struggled to get pregnant. They had been trying since their wedding night on July the third.
“I’m sorry for complaining, Severus,” she said as she sat in the living room of Black Cottage with Severus, Alice and Regulus.
“Why are you sorry?” he said quietly.
“Because I know you are still hurting from what happened,”
“Yes, and you are hurting because you are struggling to conceive. I know you are all going to have babies and I am perfectly fine with it. So please stop treating me as if I am going to break. I’m not. I promise,”
“Okay, but you know that we are all here if you want to talk, right?”
“We are talking right now, aren’t we? But yes, I know, thank you,”
His parents got married on Yule. It was beautiful. The most beautiful wedding he had seen so far.
“I’m pregnant,” his mother whispered to his father as they danced.
His father pulled back from their close hold slightly, a beaming smile on his face, “Really?”
“Yes,”
“How far?”
“Four weeks,”
His father pulled his mother close and kissed him slowly, lovingly.
“I love you so much. Both of you,”
Harry could feel his parents' love for him so strongly that he almost forgot that he was just watching a memory. And when it hit him that his parents weren’t here, he cried some more. All he had ever wanted was parents. To be loved, cared for, cherished. And he knew he could have had that.
But he didn’t. And he, at least, this version of himself if he should go back in time, never would.
That stung.
He watched in awe of the love shown for him, not just from his parents either, but from everyone in their family (the group), and even his grandparents. Although Walburga seemed a little sour at the fact her son was pregnant and not married to a witch.
He watched the little moments as the pregnancy progressed, alongside Narcissa’s and Alice’s. He watched as his parents would talk to the growing bump that was him. He watched as they built a beautiful nursery inside the cottage. He watched as they snuggled up on the sofa and read books to him. As they danced to softly playing music. As they brought him toys, clothes, and everything else a baby needs. As they told him, even though he was still just a foetus, that they loved him more than anything in the world multiple times a day. As they attended appointments and got excited whenever they could see him or hear his heartbeat. The happy tears in their eyes.
His heart ached with longing for that love.
His heart ached with longing for his parents.
He saw Draco and Neville as babies. Saw Draco in a golden, shimmering bubble of sorts because he was born prematurely and needed some help breathing for a few weeks.
He watched as his mother woke up one day, when he was eight months pregnant, and went to the bathroom to find that his birth canal had formed. He watched the happy, excited tears stream down his face as he told Barty. He watched as they both rejoiced in the fact that their baby, he, would be there soon. That they would be able to hold him in their arms soon, and see what he looked like.
He didn’t mind that his mother had left the memory of his birth in. He didn’t mind because he could see that despite the pain his mother was in, the pain that he was causing, his parents still loved him.
His mother gave birth to him in a special birthing pool that was set up in the cottage. Barty and Severus, as well as Kreacher, who was standing at the edge of the pool should anyone need anything, were the only ones with him, and they were both in the semi-large pool with the naked pregnant man, though they were wearing swimming trunks themselves. Regulus was leaning against Barty’s chest, squeezing his hands. Severus was kneeling at the business end.
“Are you okay, Sev?” Regulus asked after a contraction, ever the caring person.
“I am fine, Reg. You, on the other hand, are almost ready to push. Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”
“No, I am fine. I just want to meet my baby,”
“And you will be doing that soon,”
Regulus groaned through another contraction, squeezing Barty’s hands, Severus wiped the sweat off the labouring male’s head with a cool damp flannel as he said soothing words and looked at the gold monitoring runes to the side of them.
“Reg, on your contraction I need you to push for me, okay?” Severus said encouragingly.
“Okay,” Regulus nodded, a small, exhausted smile on his face.
He watched as his mother pushed, groaning and crying out as he did so. He had to admit to himself that he was intrigued, and he wondered if one day he would get to have a family. He had figured out that he was gay a while ago, when he realised he liked Fred as more than just friends. And they started dating a short while after, in secret, mostly. George, Bill and Charlie were the only ones who knew.
They were both switches also.
He idly wondered if one day he would give birth to a child. He wanted to be a parent, probably more than anything else. He wanted a family.
He then remembered what his inheritance test said. Fred had been pregnant when he died. They were meant to have a daughter. He briefly wondered if Fred had known, but quickly chased away that thought because he knew that if Fred had known about their child he wouldn’t have gone to Hogwarts. He would have stayed at home.
He then wondered if he would have gotten pregnant also, had it not been for the potion that got rid of his ability to bear children. Though, it wouldn’t have mattered since the baby would probably be dead anyway given that Harry had died. Just because Harry was allowed back into the world of the living, doesn’t mean his baby would have been. The thought had more tears running down his cheeks.
Harry watched as he finally made his way into the world. Severus caught him and gently lifted him out of the water, placing him on Regulus’ chest.
He watched in awe as his parents cried happy tears as they looked at him with love filled eyes.
“Barty, do you want to cut the cord?” Severus asked gently, smiling at the new parents, though Harry could see a hint of pain in his eyes. He understood, though.
“Yes,” Barty whispered, only taking his eyes off his son to cut the cord and kiss Regulus gently, “I love you, both of you, so much. Thank you, my love,”
“We love you, too, Barty,” Reg whispered back, not taking his eyes off the baby in his arms.
Baby Harry let out a cry and opened his eyes, which were a beautiful grey/blue colour, like Regulus’. In fact, the baby version of him looked a lot like Regulus with his hair colour, eyes, etc. Though he had Barty’s bone structure. He idly wondered if that was what he looked like now that he had been cleansed of everything.
“Hey baby,” Regulus whispered as he stroked baby Harry’s cheek gently with his thumb.
“Have you picked out a name yet?” Severus asked, and Harry noticed that he had already used the spell he read about when they were learning about sex and pregnancy at Hogwarts, although, no one mentioned anything about male pregnancy. The spell got rid of the remaining umbilical cord and the placenta without the mother having to push it out like muggle mothers have to unless they had a C-section.
“Hadrian Orion Black,” Barty said proudly, and Harry couldn’t help but beam at the pride his father already had in him despite him being but a baby.
“It’s a good name,” Severus smiled, “Are you ready to get out of the pool, Reg?”
Regulus nodded and despite his obvious desire to not let his baby out of his arms he passed him gently over to Severus who gave him to Kreacher to clean and clothe whilst he and Barty helped a still sore Regulus get out of the pool, into some clothes, and into bed.
He watched in awe as his parents laid in bed, him in the middle of them both, tiny compared to them. It was hard to imagine yourself ever being that small, and yet there was was, tiny, and he had been even smaller when he was inside his mother.
Wasn’t that a weird thought?
But they laid there, looking at him with eyes filled with love, his mother’s hand rested on his tiny belly, which rose and fell with each breath, rubbing gently with his thumb.
They looked to be in awe of him.
He supposed they probably were. He could imagine being in awe of his own children if he were to have any.
It was an odd sight for him though, people being in awe of him for him, not for his fame. Just him. Just Harry. Or Hadrian rather. That was his name after all.
He watched as they cared for him, loved him and cherished him. He watched as the whole family (friends) loved him and cared for him, as well as Draco and Neville. He watched as his mother breastfed him, and calmed him down when he cried, sang and read to him. As his father played with him, spoke to him about anything and everything, and changed him. He watched as people cared and he was in awe of that caring. He had never had that. Not to his recollection anyway.
And then the memory that he was dreading more than any other came along, and he almost didn’t want to look.
He watched as Dumbledore, James and Sirius stormed the house, wands waving and destroying everything in sight. He watched as his mother fought, despite his injured leg which caused him to be slower at dodging the spells that were flung at him. He heard his cries from the nursery. He saw the desperation and the fear in his mothers eyes.
And he saw as Dumbledore cast an incarcerous at his mother, one that he couldn’t dodge. He saw his mother struggle, trying to get out of the chains, rather than the usual rope, tears streaming down his cheeks.
“No, please, don’t do this. Sirius, please don’t do this to me,” he begged as he saw James run up the stairs.
“A child shouldn’t be raised by a Death Eater,” Sirius spat.
“I’m not a Death Eater,”
Sirius scoffed, “Please. You’re just like them. So are your friends,”
“We’re not Death Eaters,”
“Yes, you are. And now you are going to pay for the pain you have caused others,” Sirius shouted, but there was a glint of something in his eyes, Regulus seemed to notice it too, and understanding finally filled him.
“Sirius, this isn’t you. Remember when we were children. Please. I’m begging you. Remember when you cared for me,”
“I never cared for you,”
“Sirius, wake up. Please. This isn’t you. This isn’t who you are. Remember. I am your brother. You can’t… you can’t take my baby from me. Please,”
James came back downstairs, a screaming baby Hadrian in his arms.
Regulus struggled more, his desperation growing.
“Please. No. Stop this. Sirius, stop this, please. I’m begging you. Don’t do this to me. This isn’t you,”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, child. Sirius is just fine. He just doesn’t want his nephew being raised by bad people. He is doing the right thing,” Dumbledore said in his grandfatherly manor.
“I’m not a bad person. We aren’t Death Eaters. You are a bad person if you think controlling people and taking people’s babies away from them is a good thing to do. You are a bad person. Stop this please,” he begged as he saw James walk closer to the door.
“Don’t worry, he will be well looked after, I promise. He will also receive help so he doesn’t turn out a Death Eater like his parents. Not that he will ever know who his parents truly are, of course. We can’t have him living with that burden with everything else he will have to do,” Dumbledore said, a manic gleam in his eyes.
“Please, Sirius. Brother, stop this. Remember who you are. Please. Remember me,” Regulus said desperately, practically sobbing.
There was a moment where Sirius paused and he looked as if he was trying to fight something in his mind, “Sirius, you are fine. Now go and help James with the baby,” Dumbledore said, and that look of internal war was replaced with anger as he sneered at his brother and left the house, closely followed by James, who was still holding the screaming baby.
“No. Please. No,” Regulus screamed, struggling harder.
“Don’t worry child, everything will be okay. You’ll see. Maybe,” Dumbledore said, a wicked cackle left his lips before he, too, left.
Regulus screamed and cried as he continued to struggle.
It was heart wrenching, seeing his mother’s pain. He imagined that he would be in quite the same state if someone stole his child away from him. Especially if a family member was involved. Or someone that you were meant to trust. Someone who had always been the epitome of ‘good’, at least, to the eyes of the public anyway.
Barty entered the house and stopped at the sight of destroyed possessions and Regulus chained on the floor sobbing in pain. He rushed over to his husband and knelt next to him, banishing the chains as he did so and pulling his husband into his arms gently.
“Reg, what happened?”
“I’m sorry. I tried. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”
“Reg,” Barty was clearly very worried, “my love,”
“He came,”
“Who came?”
“Dumbledore, with Sirius and James,”
Barty tensed, worry and anger in his eyes.
“Reg, where’s Hadrian?”
Regulus let out a pained sob into Barty’s shoulder and Barty closed his eyes in understanding.
“I’m sorry. I tried. I really did. I’m sorry. Don’t hate me,” Regulus cried.
“It’s not your fault, Reg. I know you fought as hard as you could. I know you. I will never hate you. No matter what. How long ago did they leave?”
“About an hour ago,” Regulus cried, “I want our baby back,”
“I know, my love. I know. I want him back, too. And we will get him back. I promise. I will do whatever it takes to bring him home,” Barty wordlessly cast a Patronus and Harry watched in awe as the beautiful dragon bowed its head at its caster and flew away.
Harry looked at Barty and saw that he was crying too, although silently, as he held onto the still heavily crying Regulus. Clinging to him desperately.
“Are you injured?” Barty asked.
“Just a few cuts and bruises I think,” Regulus muttered between cries.
“What happened here?” his parents turned to the door to find Severus, Frank, Alice, Narcissa and Lucius at the door to the home, looking around in worry.
Severus rushed over to Regulus and knelt next to him and Barty.
“Reg, what happened? Where’s Hadrian?”
It sped through the rest of the memory and the following few days until one of his parents with Barty Crouch Senior, his grandfather.
“Dad, you need to do something. He stole our baby from us. Your grandchild,”
“I know, son. And I am sorry it happened. I will do whatever I can to find Hadrian, I promise. But I can’t do anything to Dumbledore. If I try then he will wiggle out of them. Even with Regulus’ memories as evidence he will wiggle out of all charges. We need more. We need to charge him for more than just the kidnapping and have lots more evidence of him doing anything bad before I can even begin to consider charging him. He is just too powerful. And he has the support of too many people. If we can get rid of that support base, then we can charge him. Then, and only then, will anything hold,”
“The other Unspeakables don’t like him. They might have some evidence we can use against him,” Regulus whispered from his place curled up on the sofa.
He looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all, and he had been crying for days. Harry understood that, though. If his child had been taken from him he wouldn’t be able to sleep all that much. He would spend every minute looking for him or her. He would also be an emotional wreck. Kind of like he was now.
“They may indeed have some evidence. But, one minority of people not liking him isn’t enough. We need to turn pretty much his whole fan base against him for anything to work,”
“I just want my baby back. Bring him back,” Regulus whispered.
“I will try,” Barty Senior said.
The memory faded into one of the group of friends sitting in the living room of Black Cottage.
“We haven’t seen him in order meetings. The only kids we see are the Weasley children and James and Lily’s child, Harry. Dumbledore thinks that either him or Neville is the child of the prophecy,” Frank said.
“You mean the prophecy that I overheard and he assumes I have told to Voldemort?” Severus said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“Yes. James and Lily have already gone into hiding. He keeps telling us to also. Despite the fact that Voldemort hasn’t done anything to announce that he knows of the prophecy. He also thinks we should hide out in one of his houses. James and Lily are hiding in Godric’s Hollow, under barely any wards, though there is talk of them adding the fidelius charm. And he wants us to hide somewhere with no wards at all, but it is in the middle of nowhere so we will be safe,” Alice scoffed, “We are a lot safer in Longbottom Cottage, where we are in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by powerful, old, wards,”
“I want to know why he insists on bringing children, especially babies, into this war,” Narcissa said, and the rest nodded in agreement.
Harry nodded also. It was a war. An adult’s fight. Children shouldn’t have been dragged into it. But also, Dumbledore apparently lied to him when he said that Severus was the one to tell Voldemort the prophecy. Harry wondered who it actually was and why Dumbledore was protecting them and not his spy.
There was also the fact that children were supposed to be special, important, and cherished in the wizarding world. Children should never be brought into war, they were too important for it. They were the next generation. They were special. You should never harm a child. Never put them in harm's way.
The memory faded into one of Severus and Regulus sitting in that same living room. It was night time, and no one else was around, the home quiet.
“We will find him, Reg. I promise. Then we can have our revenge,” Severus said quietly, a deep sadness in his voice, and on his face as he looked at his friend who was huddled in the corner of the sofa, curled around his knees.
“But we won’t find him,” Regulus muttered, tears gathering in his eyes.
“Reg,”
“No, Sev. We won’t. You know I have some seer abilities. I know we won’t find him. We won’t get our revenge. We won’t get anything. My baby is gone. Lost to me. How… how…”
“Reg,”
“I will never be his mum, Sev. Never. I will never see his first steps, hear his first words, hear him calling me mum. I will never get to hold him again. I will never be able to look after him when he is ill. To help him with whatever he may need help with,”
“You can’t give up, Reg. You can’t lose hope,”
“I’m not giving up. I will continue to look for him. I need him. I need my baby back. But it is hard to believe that I will find him when I have all these things in my head telling me that I won’t find him. We won’t find him,”
Severus pulled his distraught friend into his arms to comfort him.
“I should have fought harder. I should have put some wards around his room when I felt them coming. I should have…”
“It’s not your fault, Regulus. You were injured, stressed, and fighting for yours and your child’s life. You did what you could manage in the situation you were in. No one blames you. You shouldn’t blame yourself. It is the fault of the ones who took him,” Severus said earnestly, trying to convey to his friend the truth, but Regulus wouldn’t, perhaps couldn’t, listen. He still blamed himself.
Harry understood that. He blamed himself for everyone that died in that battle, anyone who died during the war as a whole he blamed himself for. No matter how many times people told him that the deaths weren’t his fault, he wouldn’t, couldn’t, believe them.
He knew, logically, that the deaths, the injuries, the pain, wasn’t his fault; or, at least, not wholly his fault. But it was hard not to blame himself when he was the centre of the fighting. Voldemort wanted him dead and would do anything to get that. Dumbledore wanted Voldemort dead and wanted Harry to do that for him, and so would manipulate him in just the right ways to get him to eventually do it.
It was hard to swallow that one, more than one, of the people he cared about, thought of as family, trusted, thought of him as nothing more than a weapon. That they were using him to their own ends this whole time. That they didn’t care for him as a person, as a human being. They just wanted the war won and they wanted him to do it for them.
He wanted to be able to tell his mum that it wasn’t his fault. He wanted to be wrapped in his mum’s arms and to wrap him in his own and be able to comfort him whilst also being comforted. He wanted to be able to help his mum get through this. He wanted to change it.
It wasn’t his mum’s fault. He had seen him fight. He fought hard. He lasted so long. He tried. It was one against three.
It wasn’t fair.
The memory morphed into another memory. And all the memories from that point on were sped up. Memories of his parents, Severus and Lucius joining the Death Eaters in the hopes that it might be able to help them find him in some way, as well as get them some revenge in the meantime. It would also just give them another way to gather intel to help them on their side of the war.
He watched Draco and Neville get older, being raised practically as brothers, which confused Harry more than he could think, but he realised that he hadn’t really talked to Neville all that much, at least, not before fifth year. The realisation upset Harry more because he knew that Neville was a true friend. Him and Luna. But he was being pulled away from everyone else by Ron and Hermione.
He also saw memories of everyone trying to cope with his kidnapping, his parents especially. It was difficult seeing the amount of pain everyone was in over him. He had never had anyone who cared this much about him before. He had never had anyone who would care this much if he died, or was kidnapped. Not for him as a person anyway, only ever for Harry Potter. Not ever for Harry.
Just Harry.
There were memories of him and the unspeakables working on the time turner also, as well as other things they were working on. There were plans being made by the group of friends, and by the unspeakables.
The last memory was Regulus looking in the mirror of the en-suite to his and Barty’s bedroom, right before he left to go and find Voldemort’s horcrux. The box containing the letter and time turner were next to him, along with the glass bottle which would soon contain the memories.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know now that you will be found. It will take time, a long time, too long for my tastes. But you will find out the truth. I am sorry that I won’t be there for you. I’m sorry that I am asking you to do this mission for us. But I would trust no one else. My intuition is telling me that you aren’t going to live a good life. And I hate it. I hate that I can’t find you. I hate that you won’t be happy. But I know that you will be able to do this mission, should you want to, because of everything you go through,
“I hope, beyond hope, that you are okay. That you are loved. That you are happy. But then there is a voice inside my head telling me you aren’t; or, at least, that you won’t be. And it hurts terribly to know that you aren’t here, with me, with your father, with our family. I hope to Merlin that you never have to know the pain of losing a child. Especially not in a way like this. And I hope to Merlin, that you survive whatever is coming for you,
“I will see you again, that I am sure of, when you are ready. I know I am going to die tonight. I have felt my death coming for a while now, but I also know that what I am about to do is practically a suicide mission. But I have made my peace with it, because life without you in it is hard. I am just sorry that I can’t be there when you are finally found. But I will be there, when you are ready, on the other side. Hopefully that won’t be until you are a hundred years old, at the very least, and you have lived a happy, fulfilling life as the person you want to be. Doing the things you want to be doing,
“I love you, Hadrian. More than anything. I love being your mum more than I love anything else. You are my everything. You are the most important person in the world to me. In the universe, even. And that will never change. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are everything. You are my baby boy. You always will be. And I can’t wait to see the man you become. I will always be looking over you, Hadrian. I will always be there. Just know that you aren’t alone. Not now. Not ever. I love you, my sweet baby boy. Always,”
The memories faded away gently, in a wisp of a shiny blue colour with gold intertwined.
It was over.
Harry knew everything.
He was overwhelmed with everything.
With the love he felt coming from the memories.
Love for him. Him. Not for who everything thinks he is.
He felt lost.
Almost like he was floating in nothing but sadness, anger, pain, love, and loneliness.
He was alone.
He was alone.
He was alone.
He couldn’t breathe.
Everything hurt.
His mind was swirling.
He didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t know anything.
He was lost.
He was alone.
He was being used.
He was being lied to by people who were supposed to care for him.
His parents, his real parents, were dead.
He was alone.
Everything was black.