March 1978
14th March 1978
James hopped up the stairs to the Slytherin dorms from the dark and dingy common room two at a time, careful not to trip on the cloak as he did. It had taken ages for him to be able to escape his friend’s clutches to be able to go and see his boys but he finally had the chance. He was slightly worried, Evan had been called out just over a week back by his parents and hadn’t seemed the same way since but James hadn’t had a chance to see him and ask what was wrong. The other two had seemed a little overprotective of him when he saw them all walking down the corridors and James wondered if it was because of something his parents had done to make him more wary or vulnerable but James hoped he could find out. There was one thing he had considered but quickly brushed off. He wouldn’t, Evan wouldn’t, the Evs he knew would never do that. And so James tried to find other excuses, pushing the obvious to the back of his mind.
James did have an opportunity to see them earlier but it just so happened to have been on Remus’ 18th birthday and James would never have abandoned a friend on their special day. He had tried to explain in a note he sent across the great hall but only saw the three boys mutter irritably in response, not sending James a reply.
He knew something was terribly wrong, and hoped they could all figure it out together and settle it soon, he would rather not be in a dumb disagreement with them on his birthday.
He knocked on the door, hopping from foot to foot to get out some of the adrenaline that had been rushing through him for the last few moments. The worry was something he did not often feel when he thought about the three of them, it was usually excitement or admiration but never nervousness. He used to sneak up almost every night to chat and mess around for a few hours, just enjoying being teenagers in love, he would debate going back to his dorm but alway pick to stay and choose a bed to sleep in, ending up in the arms of one of his boys all night, calm and undisturbed.
Maybe that was why he was so on-edge. The routine had been disturbed and he had been left out of the loop as a result, so maybe they wouldn’t talk to him as much, maybe they wouldn’t settle in together as well as they used to and James would make it awkward.
All of those doubts were dismissed the second the door opened, revealing Barty on the other side, grinning widely. He caught sight of Regulus smiling fondly from the far corner and could just make out Evan sitting on his bed, seeming to be running through something in his mind, like a speech or an argument.
“Hey, Jamie, how’re you? It’s been a while.” Barty was still smiling but James could tell something was wrong.
“Yeah, I’m okay, how have things been?”
After a slight pause, Barty leaned forwards. “Stop talking about the boring stuff and say hello properly.”
James wasn’t the richest in common sense but he wasn’t too stupid to realise that Barty was deflecting. But he was also smart enough to know that if he played along with it, as long as Regulus and Evan weren’t listening close by, he would be able to sit by and watch Barty accidentally let out every secret he was supposed to be keeping. It sounded nasty but it was just Barty’s personality, he told James everything, whether he was supposed to or not, and James didn’t use it against him, he just liked knowing,
He moved his hands to hold Barty’s face gently and leaned in to join their lips together. He initially smiled at the way Barty responded, moving even closer and almost crushing James’ lips in order to feel him closer. Only after a few seconds did he recognise it as desperation. And not the ‘I haven’t seen you in two weeks’ kind, it was the ‘I need to kiss you properly now because I am scared you will never kiss me again’ kind.
James let it continue for a few moments because he was still enjoying it, but froze instantly as Barty tried to deepen the kiss. He knew that on his face, he had just felt what could only be a tear from Barty’s cheek. Barty was crying whilst kissing James. Something was very, very off. He was about to pull back and ask him what was wrong, Barty never cried, but Regulus cut in before he could.
“You two are so clingy, it’s sickening.”
James laughed and pointed at Regulus as he strode over. “Says you!” kissed Regulus’ cheek and whispered into his ear, “You are very much clingy, Mr ‘I leave notes in James’ shoes whilst he is training to tell him how much I love and miss him’, wouldn’t you think?”
"That was one time!"
James grinned and lifted Regulus' chin with a thumb. "It was still adorable."
Regulus laughed in a rather dull way and James recognised that his smile was nowhere near as bright as it usually was when James was around. He kissed Regulus’ other cheek and stood up, warily looking away from him, back to Barty, who had now stopped crying and put on his ‘I am perfectly fine’ face, letting James know he wasn’t in the mood for answering questions. He could probably still get the information out of him but he wasn’t a manipulative dick who was only around to hear everybody’s secrets. He gave up on getting the other two to brighten up and turned to Evan. Sweet, bubbly Evan.
“Evs?” He tilted his head as he stepped closer to the bed, trying to meet Evan’s eye. “Evan, it’s me. What’s wrong?”
He stopped and sat down next to him, placing a gentle hand on Evan’s left arm to reassure him, frowning as Evan tensed and jerked back.
“I can tell something is wrong, please look at me, Ev. What happened?” James got no response and sighed, he took Evan’s hand and kissed it gently, ignoring the way he froze in response. He then reached into his pocket. “You aren’t going to tell me what it is so I can’t help…but I did find this on a walk earlier and it reminded me of you, so maybe it will help relive some of this stress you have, yeah?”
He took his hand away and replaced it will a small feather, Evan recognised it as one from the wing of a Barn Owl, he took it and examined it slowly, still not looking up at James.
“Peter looked at me like I was insane when I picked it up, he said I was ‘much too excited over a feather that is probably covered in centaur piss’ and told me to stop acting like a child. But I knew you collected them and it was just in too good condition to leave.”
After staring at the feather for a few seconds, he looked up at James for the first time since he arrived and smiled weakly, lowering the feather to rest it next to him gently.
“Thank you.” He whispered, only just loud enough to be heard, his voice cracking slightly.
“There was also a pretty swan feather by the lake but I guessedyou already have enough of those, if you know what I mean.”
Evan let out a hollow laugh and promptly started crying, like whatever he had been keeping locked up had become too much with James’ kindness, causing it to pour out and consume him. He covered his face as he sobbed, moving his hands down slowly as he let James pull him closer and desperately gripped onto his shoulders, trying to use James to ground him. He desperately wanted to savour the moment and cling to him for as long as he could. James didn’t know what was happening but it was becoming increasingly more obvious that whatever the issue was happened to be larger than he had expected.
“Evan,” He murmured as he felt Evan shuffle even closer to him, tightening his grip and sobbing even louder. “Please tell me what happened.”
“I don’t think I can.”
James ran a hand up and down Evan’s back to try and soothe him and looked up at the other two, hoping to get an explanation.
“We can help but it isn’t our news to give.”Regulus spoke in a low voice and looked around the group warily.
“Evan, you really should just tell him, dragging it out for much longer will only make it worse.”
James was starting to get very worried. He couldn’t figure out what had them all so stressed but if it was enough to make Evan cry, James would happily match after whatever it was and remove it from existence.
“I know.” Evan whispered. “I know, I know, I know.”
He looked up at James, eyes still glassy and distant. He took a moment to look him over, taking him in like he would never see him this close again.
Evan lifted a hand to rest it against James’ face and frowned when he spoke. “I love you. You know that will never change, right?”
James was now more nervous than he had ever remembered being. Something wasn’t just wrong, it was terribly, terribly wrong. He knew that Evan loved him, he said it all the time…but the way he had worded it scared James. It ate away at his mind and left him feeling rattled and hollow.
“I-…Evs, I love you t-“
“Don’t,” he pressed a finger against James’ mouth and stared into his eyes, looking pained. “You’ll regret it.”
James wanted to argue that he could never regret loving Evan, he would never, ever regret saying those words. But Evan leaned in before he got the chance and kissed him. It was short, gentle and final. More like an apology than an impulsive act of affection.
When they pulled back, Evan had a hand resting on his left arm, looking ready to pull back the sleeve.
James felt his heart stop. No, it wasn’t that, there had to be another explanation. He had spent so long telling himself that it couldn’t be that and now it looked like it was.
Evan noticed the look on his face and moved his hands, lifting James’ face and making him look him in the eye for a second.
“Don’t be scared, you don’t need to be scared of me, love. Just…please…you need to see or I will spend forever feeling guilty.” With that, he pulled his hands back from James’ face and peeled the sleeve up his arm, revealing the swirling, black lines that James was dreading. They twisted around themselves, stubbornly soaked into Evan’s skin and clutching onto him like a threat. Whatever magic that was undoubtedly on was making it twice as stark as any muggle tattoo. When he looked at it, James found himself unable to let himself believe that it was Evan who had it on his arm. He looked up at Evan’s face, seeing the way he had his lips pursed and his eyes clamped shut, then he looked back down at the arm, at the way the black mark stood out against his delicate skin, seeming almost sinister in the way the sharpness of it stood out to him. He looked up and down again and again but his mind would still not accept that this was Evan, Evan the sweet boy who blushed if you picked a flower for him, Evan who bit his quill when he wrote, destroying the nib, Evan the boy who giggled when he laughed but would never admit to it. Evan the Death Eater.
He reached out and lifted Evan’s arm slowly, ignoring the sharp intake of breath he heard from him as he did so.
“No…”
“Jamie, you must have known it was going to happen at some point.”
James stared and shook his head. “No, no! No, I didn’t expect this! Not at all! Why would I ever let myself fall in love with you knowing that you would join him?! I thought you were better than them!”
“James, you don’t unders-”
He whipped around and scoffed at Regulus. “Oh, don’t tell me you have it too? Did you listen to your dearest mother and join her favourite cult?”
Regulus’ expression went stony.
Barty stepped forward and placed a hand on James’ arm. “Take a breath and think for a minute, you’re being harsh.”
James stood up and faced him, looking desperate.
“Can you not see it? Does that mark not affect you? Can’t you-” He felt himself unravel into a blubbering mess and let Barty pull him into his arms, feeling his knees go weak and almost dragging them both down onto the floor.
“I know, I know, Jem. I know.”
“I don’t have the mark.” He felt relieved at the statement Regulus had muttered but didn’t move or speak. “My parents aren’t taking me until the start of Summer.” James felt his stomach knot and tightened his grip on Barty.he craned his neck around to see how genuine or proud Regulus was looking.
“I’m going to get it too. During the summer.”
James leapt away from him and stared at Barty, in utter shock.
“What did you just say?”
“Well, what did you want me to do? Leave them alone in his clutches when I can choose to join and be there with them?”
“Yes!” James almost shrieked. “Yes! That is exactly what you do! Them joining an organisation trying to kill thousands of innocent people does not mean you need to!”
Barty appeared to be just as riled up. “Well, at least I have enough loy-”
Evan had slowly stood up and was holding something small.
“James?” James took a deep breath and turned to him, glad the mark was covered once again, he still couldn’t believe that 5 minutes ago, he would have been sure he knew them better than any other.
“What?”
“I already know you won't want to see us again after this but I bought it in advance and it cost me a good 150 galleons so I wouldn't want to waste it.”
He handed over the box and James spent a few minutes reading the note, opening the box up after.
It was a necklace, the chain was gold plated and there was a small golden charm hanging from it daintily. It was a pair of antlers with a few small, beautifully cut rubies at the base, arranged carefully to look like a small flower. It was beautiful, elegant, and meaningful. But James closed the box harshly and shoved it back into Evan's chest more forcefully than he probably should have done.
“I don’t take gifts from Death Eaters.”
With that, James stormed from the dorms and through the common room, cloak pulled tightly around him as he left the dungeons and made his way back up to his common room, not able to wait to barge through the dormitory, into the bathroom, lock the door behind him and cry.