No Better Place To Be

Closing his eyes and sighing, Regulus leaned back in his chair. “When I said I wouldn’t mind if you acted how you used to with him, I didn’t mean that.”

Evan looked between the two of them warily.

Barty leaned against the doorframe and stared at Regulus in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I said that under the assumption that we wouldn’t be seeing him again and now he’s coming back, thanks to you, and you’re going to get attached because you made the smart decision to kiss him, meaning neither of you will be able to move on and it will make the whole task even more difficult than it is already going to be.”

Evan stood up and left the room, not wanting to be dragged into the discussion; Barty sat on the floor in front of Regulus and looked at him warily.

“So…do you not want me to..interact with him like that at all anymore?”

Regulus sighed and shook his head, letting it drop into his hands. “No, no, I said I was okay with it and I know how much you want to…to have him because I…I know how you feel. I’m not telling you to stop. I’m just worried that you’ll get attached and it will end like it did before. I don’t want to try and drag back my old relationship with him but I understand you do and I-”

“Reg, Reg, Reg. That isn’t what I asked. I want to know if you changed your mind. I should have asked before but did the recent adjustments to the plan make you change your mind? Because we’re all going to spend more time together with him there so I can understand why it could make you feel uncomfortable. I’m going to ask Ev the same thing later but I need you to tell me if you don’t want me to let myself get closer to him anymore. You’re my boyfriend and I don’t want to go around kissing other people if it would make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want me to anymore then I won’t. I’ll explain to him that it would be best to stay neutral whilst we’re finding them, I know he would understand.” 

“No. I don’t mind. It doesn’t make me angry. It just…it worries me slightly. We’ve all changed and I don’t know if you going after him will end well. I’m not telling you not to I’m just-...be careful.”

He nodded and squeezed Regulus’ hand, standing up and then walking over to the door to call through it.

“Evan! You can come back, we need to talk to you.”

-

James was panicking. He supposed it would be weird if he wasn’t, given everything that just happened. When he was with them, he found himself believing everything they said and jumping at the chance to be with them for even longer, only now realising many important things about what had been said both by him and the others that he really should have paid more attention to before.

Like the things they had said against Dumbledore. He had spent so long admiring the man that it felt wrong to go against him but some of the things they had said fit together too well. He tried to argue with himself that they could have made it up or gotten confused, he desperately tried to defend Dumbledore but realising that he was defending him from his own mind served as confirmation that he couldn’t be defended. He had known that something was off about him for a while, ever since they left school and they stopped being honoured as much, ever since he started using them as fighting machines instead. He had noticed ages ago but had been denying it because if he couldn’t support Dumbledore, who else would he support? Definitely not Voldemort.

James wondered if the reason he was finally realising this was because he now had another side to join or whether it was because he had more evidence now. Maybe it was both.

It was likely because he could side with his boys now that he was taking the information in properly. He had said it himself back in his 6th year. 

‘Anything for my boys, absolutely anything, I would hear 

 you out if you said you wanted to skin me alive. I would believe anything you say. I would drop everything and run after you in an instant. My boys, my boys, my boys.’

Now he thought back on it, it was a very sappy thing to say, a very strong reflection of who he was in school, but, then again, James always had been a sappy person. He had meant it too, he would believe anything they said and follow them through anything, well, almost anything, as he had proven in his last year at school. They had gone too far for him then, he had thought them to be saveable but was proved bitterly wrong until now.

Maybe that was his fatal flaw, trusting those who should not be trusted. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care when it meant he would get to see them again, even if nothing happened, he would get to spend time doing something important with his boys. With Regulus and Evan and Barty. Oh Merlin, Barty. James didn’t know exactly what to think after what had happened earlier.

What did it mean? Did it mean anything at all? It could have been nothing more than a friendly gesture, it was impossible to tell with Barty. James vividly remembered not knowing that Barty liked him until he had been flirting for months because he just blames everything on Barty’s ‘friendly attitude’ and ‘affectionate character’. He didn’t know whether recalling the memories would make him feel more confident or confused in the situation but decided that it couldn’t do much harm, there was no point in continuing to run from the thought of them when he would be seeing them at least once more as soon as the next day.

He let the long-repressed images flood his mind.

-

27th March 1976

James had been sitting at the edge of the lake when Barty approached him, sitting down at his side and grinning at him with twinkling eyes, like he had been planning something.

“Hey, nice day.” James nodded slowly, not sure what to make of the way Barty had just wandered up to him and started a casual conversation where anyone could see them for apparently no reason.

“Hi?”

Barty smiled even more and messed with something he was holding behind his back. James was slightly concerned that it was some cursed object he wanted to test out on James.

“What’s that?”

He watched as Barty shuffled a little closer, keeping whatever it was behind his back. James knew he should probably move away, in case it was something cursed but he didn’t. He didn’t know why.

“Well, I heard Regulus and Evan mention it a few weeks back and thought that it would be a pretty good opportunity. They don’t mind, in fact, they actually encouraged me to do this, it would probably make the dynamic easier for them to understand as well as help us get some things sorted seeing as you’re too stupid and I’m too anxious. So I thought I could stalk you so you can’t avoid decoding by stepping into a crowd or something.”

“Barty…” Over the time he had dated Regulus for, and more recently, Evan, he had slowly gotten comfortable with using the boy’s first name, though he was only brave enough to go for the nickname everyone called him, not his full name, that would likely have gotten him executed. “What are you planning?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.” He took out what he was holding from behind his back and handed it to James, it was a single scrap of parchment.

        ‘Happy Birthday, Jamie.

Your gift is as follows:

Kiss me.

        Love from, 

The third Slytherin who has an embarrassing crush on you x’

“Barty…” He stared down at the paper in confusion.

“What? Did I read the situation wrong or something? Is this my fault? Should I have done something differently? I’m sorry, I wouldn’t want to ruin your day but-“

“Are Reg and Evan really okay with this?”

Barty shuffled even closer. “Yup. I think something about their boyfriends all seeing each other appeals to them or something. And if I haven’t entirely misread every interaction we have, then I have reason to believe that you want to kiss me too but I’m not one to go pressuring-“

That was when James had first kissed him. It was awkward and gentle, they were clearly unfamiliar with each other but neither pulled away in disgust or disappointment. Barty had grabbed James’ chin almost immediately, trying to pull it closer so he could truly take in the sensation. James had sworn in that moment that he would do this again and again, forever, just so he could never forget how perfect it felt.

And he had. Little kisses had become their thing after that. Whenever they had time, it was their favourite way to show affection. Whether they found themselves alone in a corridor with just enough time to steal a peck to the lips, or curled up in the Slytherin dorm, tracing jaws, collarbones and necks, kisses were always exchanged, no matter what. It was like their own little love language. Which was why it had confused James just then, because the kiss could have been a symbolic reminder of how they used to be, or just a habit from it. It could have meant the world to Barty, or it could have been a friendly, familiar thing that he didn’t even think about. Their kisses always had a clear meaning, but this one was unclear and unusual. He considered the fact that maybe it had been a kiss to fulfil an urge, not to mean anything. The first kiss was clear in meaning, thank you, stay safe, I’ll be back. But the second was different, those kisses were varied in meaning so they decided it based on the emotion they felt from it but James couldn’t tell what it was. It could have meant anything. It could have been a tease or a, look what you’ve missed out on now. But it could also be a declaration, an I love you still. And that made James even angrier. He wanted to know the truth before he decided to go with them but knew, deep down, that he was always going to say yes.

-

“How do we even know we can trust him? He believed us so quickly, he offered to help so soon, the chances of him going to tell Dumbledore are higher than the chances of him trusting and wanting to help us, you know what he was like in March.”

“No, Reg, look, I know you’ve been more closed off around him so you probably haven’t noticed but he looked genuine.”

Evan nodded along. “He’s right, he did.”

Stressed, Regulus ran his hands through his hair. “Well if that’s the case, there’s no stopping him, is there? He has no reason to come with us but he’s going to and then he’s going to be in danger and it’s our bloody fault.”

“He chose this himself, it’s not our fault. He is an adult and he can make his own decisions, okay? You don’t need to take responsibility for it.”

“But we’re letting him get himself into danger’s way.”

The other two shared a desperate look, they couldn’t argue against that point but knew they had to reassure Regulus in some way.

“Is there something we can do to help you feel better about this?”

“Could you…ask him? To make sure he’s fine. I don’t want to talk to him and he seems to be closer to you anyway, so…”

Barty nodded and clapped, standing up and reaching out a hand to each of them, pulling them onto their feet. “Bed?”

Evan smiled and Regulus managed a nod. 

“Perfect, we can worry about all of this tomorrow.”