Second Year - Thirteen
Sirius Black
It's Sirius's birthday today and he doesn’t feel like celebrating. Just like every other year , but this year is different, he feels like he should be celebrating but he doesnt feel like doing anything.
He’s currently sitting on his bed two hours earlier than he usually wakes up, but he can't go back to sleep. Hes fidgeting with his hands, waiting as time passes by.
Since Regulus talked to him the other day, he's wanted to apologize , but hasn't found the time
To.
He sees him in the great hall and just doesn't have the strength to talk to him, after the way he spoke to him.
His brother has always been sensitive , he shouldn't have yelled at him. He just felt too vulnerable and took it out on him.
Sirius hears sheets shuffling around, so he poked his head out his curtains, and James is flattening out his already made bed.
He turns around to Sirius's bed,as he puts on his glasses and sees Sirius’s head poking out , and he widens his eyes, blinks a few times and walks over.
“You're up early” he says softly , and chuckles quietly .
Sirius finds the softness in his voice calming.
“Happy birthday” James smiles widely, “you mind if i sit?” He asks, looking at the Sirius curtain.
Sirius shakes his head and opens the curtain. James gets settled, and shuts the curtain. Sitting next to Sirius he looks forward.
“You okay?” He looks to sirius.
“I'm thirteen” Sirius whispers.
“Yeah” James whispers back, he places his hand on SIrius.
“What's wrong Sirius?” James asks.
How can he see right through me? Sirius thinks to himself.
Maybe everyone can see right through me.
“I didn't mean to yell at him James” Sirius says.
“Who ?”
“Regulus, i just got upset, why would he mention that? “
“Oh, its alright sirius, im sure he understands”
“No” Sirius pulls his hand away “
“I didn't want to tell you about the record” Sirius says, he realized after he had said it , it came off harsh.
“You don't have to tell me everything sirius. If you don't want to talk about things that happen at home, it's okay, and I'll get you a new one don't worry” James moves his hand to Sirius's shoulder.
“You will?”
“I'll buy you five if that's what you want” James grins widely.
Sirius laughs, then cries. James brings SIrius into a hug and Sirius buries himself into his shoulder and grabs onto his shirt.
Sirius doesn't like being vulnerable but around James Potter he feels he can scream and cry. He’ll tell him his deepest secrets like it's nothing, and then laugh about it, because James doesn't make him feel like he needs to bottle it all. He can finally be himself , after all this time of being perfect.
“Hey , you’re not them , okay ?“ He reassures him “you’re not your mother, and you’re not your father, you’re you, and you are a million times better than them” James says into their hug.
Sirius pulls away from him , he wipes his tears and laughs again “You think?”
“I know” James smiles lightly, “if you talk to regulus i'm sure he'd understand “
“Okay” SIrius nods.
“Happy birthday” James says again “Now let's get some you food” He ruffles up sirius short hair.
Sirius smiles “alright” .
The two leave the bed and rush down to the great hall.
“Make Way for the birthday boy” James yells to the gryffindor table, that hardly had anyone, only a few early birds.
Sirius directs his eyes to the slytherin table and sees Regulus sitting alone; he always forgets that he wakes up just as early as james.
“Give me a minute James” He points his finger at him, and walks off to the slytherin table.
“Regulus” he says softly, he immediately turns his head to him.
Sirius can hear the sign release from his mouth..
“I'm really sorry, i didn't mean to yell at you i was overwhelmed and i didnt want to tell them and i'm sorry, will you forgive me?” Sirius rambles.
“It's a fine sirius. I forgive you, "Regulus says softly .
“Thankyou” SIrius sighs with relief.
“Happy birthday sirius” Regulus mumbles.
“Thanks” SIrius sits next to him and brings him into a hug.
“Stop it” Regulus groans
“I love you reg,” SIrius says quietly.
“Love you too “ Regulus says quieter. “See you later?”
“Yeah,” SIrius smiles. And walks back to his table piling food onto his plate.
An hour later Peter and Remus come down and wish him a happy birthday.
“So you're a teenager, '' Remus says next to him, just loud enough for only Sirius to hear him.
“Yup” Sirius shrugs
“Still not a big birthday fan?” Remus asks.
“Nope” Sirius shakes his head
“Me neither” Remus smiles lightly, and Sirius smiles back.
The smile on remus’s face makes sirius’s thoughts slip away, every time remus lupin places a smile on his face, sirius can feel one appear on his.
At the end of classes sirius goes back to his dorm, he doesnt feel like its his birthday,
He doesnt know where his three friends are, they ran off together after class, and told him not to follow.
Sirius lays on his bed with his arms above him, and he stares at the ceiling. He starts to see it moving closer, as if i its going to squish him. He feels him start to drift off into sleep, and the hours he had missed of sleep are creeping up on him.
***
Sirius isnt aware of how long he had been sleeping, but he wakes to the sound of popping .He bolts up from his sleep and places his hand to his heart from the sudden noise. He sees his friends with party poppers in their hands and confetti all over the floor.
“What are you doing sleeping? Its your birthday!” Peter cheers
“I did not risk these two loud mouths in honeydukes for nothing “ Remus says, in a monotone voice.
“You went to honeydukes?”
“Remus you ruined the surprise !” James whines.
“He seems pretty surprised to me” Peter adds.
“Are you surprised?” James asks.
“Yes” Sirius nods.
His friends planned this all for him, and he still doesn’t feel like celebrating.
Is something wrong with me, guilt is just bubbling up .
“You guys didn’t have to get me anything” sirius coughs out, he doesn’t think his voice even reaches their ears.
“Of course we did, you're our friend.”
Friend.
“We got you sweets” says pete, stepping closer and giving sirius a bag of teeth rotting sweets.
“You dont want any pete?” aks sirius, who doesnt have the stomach to eat anything
Peter shakes his head “no it’s yours” he insists, stepping away sheepishly.
“Hey we should make a fort!” James says enthusiastically.
“Okay” Sirius agrees, grabbing the duvet and pillows from his ,bed and placing them on the floor.
After the four boys build their fort they sit in a huddle together.
“Thank you, for all of this” says Sirius softly.
“Of course sirius” smiles Sirius, grabbing a hold of his hand.
Sirius smiles back, and gives James hand a squeeze.
With Sirius’s other hand he grabs the bag of sweets and dumps it in front of him.
“Have some, I couldn’t possibly eat all it by myself.” Sirius looks to his friends who are eyeing the sweets.
“Are you sure?” Peter asks nervously.
“I’m a hundred percent sure” Sirius let’s go of James hand, looks to him and mouths “thank you”. James gives him a reassuring nod.
Remus grabs a chocolate and Peter grabs jelly beans.
James is still picking on what to grab as he picks up every candy and puts it back down.
A few hours later, after laughs jokes and mouths full of sweets, Sirius’s friends are asleep.
He sits up and leans his head again his bed frame.
“Can’t sleep?” whispers Remus, who’s laying his head on his pillow, looking up at him .
“Nope” Sirius shakes his head, fidgeting with his hands.
Remus sits up. Sitting next to Sirius he rests his head on Sirius’s bed frame just as he’s doing.
“What’s up with you?” Asks Remus, bluntly.
“What?”
“Your acting like me”
Sirius snorts a laugh.
“Is that supposed to be an insult?”
“Maybe” shrugs Remus.
“But seriously what’s going on with you?”
“Nothing” answers Sirius, a change of tone covers his voice, as he speaks his fib.
“I just- “ Sirius pauses and picks the dead skin from his finger nails.
“You just?”
“I don’t want to go home” confesses Sirius . He brings his knees to his chest and rests his head on them.
“For the holiday ?” Questions Remus.
“Yeah” whis sirius “ do you want to go home?” Asks sirius.
“No” Remus sighs.
“”Why not?”
“Why don't you ?” Remus snaps.
Sirius doesn't know what to says , Remus’s tone catches him off guard and he feels a lump in his throat, blocking words from escaping
“I’m sorry” Remus brings a hand to his head. “It’s just my mums still sick , and I can’t stand being there, watching her suffer “
A moment of silence passes between them, remus Lupin is finally opening up to him, and Sirius doesnt know what to say.
“I don’t want to go home, because I’m afraid of my parents “ sirius say lightly.
“My dad used to y’know ,too “ answers remus.
“What?”
“Hit me, before he left, he’d get angry over everything “
“Oh”
“Parents are the worst ” remus laughs lightly, and sirius can tell the laugh is nothing more than a lie.
“Yeah” sirius copies Remus’s laugh.
Remus gets up and moves to his bed.
He Looks around under it, Sirius sits up and squints his eyes at him.
“What are you doing” he questions.
“Ha, found ya” Remus walks over with a square shaped object, sirius can’t seem to make out.
“Happy birthday sirius” he hands to square to Sirius, and he gets a good look of it.
Sirius feels his heart drop.
It’s the new T. Rex album , the slider.
“I would’ve gotten you the first album if I knew”
“No, no” it’s perfect, sirius feels tears in his eyes start to form. And Remus look’s away.
“I got it this summer, I saw it at the record store “
Sirius wipes the tears from his eyes “you have a record store?” Sirius holds the record to his chest.
“Yeah, “ remus looks back “ its got just about every album., you can check it out this summer if you come to mine “
Sirius smiles “thank you Remus”
“Yeah” Remus smiles back “ of course “
Sirius feels his stomach twist at his smile.
Remus Lupin is smiling at me. Is the only thought going through Sirius’s mind.