Second Year - So this is Christmas
Remus Lupin
Remus is on the train on his way back to his Mums, he’s sitting next to Sirius who’s leg hasn’t stopped shaking since he sat down.
He can’t blame him, but it’s giving in him a fucking migraine, the repeating tapping on the floor of the train.
He looks over to Sirius and he’s chewing his nails down to his skin.
Across from him sits Peter and James, who are both sitting uncomfortably looking at Sirius gnawing at his finger.
“What?” Sirius says a moment later, realizing his three friends are looking at him, his leg stops bouncing, and Remus takes a relaxed breath .”Ugh” he sighs, looking at his chewed up nails.
“Are you hungry?” Questions James. Who’s lips are fighting a grin.
“Not funny” Sirius glares.
“What’s up with you?” Peter asks, looking from nails to Sirius’s face “you’ve been as moody as Remus lately, no offense remus” Peter pauses. Remus shrugs “none taken”. “And that’s really saying something because remus is always moody”
“He’s right,” Remus agrees.
“How about we drop it?” Sirius sighs, standing up to leave their cart.
“We should drop it guys,” James adds.
“I know” Peter sighs, clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth “I’m just worried about him”
“I’ll go talk to him, “ Remus states .
James and Peter both make the same facial expression. “Are you sure?” they say in unison.
“Yup” Remus hums, sliding the booth door open, and shutting it closed as he leaves. He doesn’t necessarily know what to say to Sirius, he takes back volunteering to go and talk to him.
Remus looks around the train for Sirius, and his headache is beginning to make an appearance again. God I just want to go back to bed, Remus repeats in his head.
Remus stops at a cart, and sees Sirius sitting with Mary Lily and Marlene.
The three girls are looking at Sirius with very confused expressions. Remus slides the door open, and they all look to Remus, except Sirius
“I think you lost one,” Marlene teases.
Mary laughs.
Sirius looks at Remus , and Remus can’t seem to read his face, but it makes his heart ache.
“Uhm, sorry but can I talk to him for a minute? “ Remus asks.
“Yeah of course Remus” smiles Lily. She stands up and motions for her friends to follow along, and the three girls leave.
Remus sits across from Sirius, a moment of silence passes between the two boys. Silence Remus doesn’t want to end, but he has to. “What’s wrong ?” Remus seems to cough up the two short words.
Sirius laughs, and drops his head down. “What’s wrong?”, he chuckles rawly. Remus furrows his eyebrows at his tone.
“Sirius-“ Remus starts. “No” Sirius interrupts, “stop” he lifts his head up
“Stop?” Remus questions “stop what”
“What’s wrong?” Sirius repeats again, “why does everyone ask me that?”
“I dunno” Remus answers pathetically , wanting to stop talking , he’s not a comforting person.
“Remus” Sirius sighs, “I don’t want to go back” Sirius brings his hands to his face , to try to cover up his expressions.
'Right'' Remus whispers to himself more than Sirius. Of course he doesn’t want to go home “James said -'' Sirius interrupts Remus again.
“I know what he said, I just can’t “ Sirius mumbles from under his hands, his posture lossend, from his regular proper posture.
“Just uhm-“ Remus tries to give advice, but stops himself from talking.
“Just what?” Sirius drops his hands from his face, and his gray eyes pierce Remus's soul, and he doesn’t know what to say, so he starts to tap his foot on the ground.
“You came in here to talk to me, so talk” Sirius insists, gritting his teeth together .
“I don’t know what to say,” Remus admits. Sirius sighs as a response, “I’m scared “ he whispers.
Remus feels shiveres go down his spine, from the small frightened voice from Sirius’s .
“I know,” Remus replies.
“Aren't you scared ?” Sirius questions, leaning in from his seat.
Remus nods, he doesn’t like his vulnerability at the moment, but can’t seem to hide it.
“Maybe we can be scared together, “ Sirius smiles lightly.
Remus gives a soft laugh, his mouth closed shut, “yeah” he agrees mirroring Sirius’s smile.
“Yeah “ Sirius repeats. “Now let’s go see James and Peter, before they have a heart attack we’re gone too long” Sirius’s mood does a whole one eighty, but Remus just goes with it , as the two leave.
The two pass the girls on their way back, “hey sorry guys, booths empty now, but I would hurry, saw some kid eyeing it “ Sirius laughs. Remus can tell he’s fake laughing, but decides to not pay attention to it.
Lily gives Remus a questioning look,Remus assumes she’s questioning Sirius’s odd behavior,and Remus just shrugs .
“Let’s go Remus, “ Sirius says enthusiastically.
Remus glances back to Sirius who’s already walking away.
“We’ll, happy holidays !” Remus waves, as he walks back to his booth. He reaches his booth and takes a deep breath in before walking in.
Peter is now sitting on the other seat and Sirius head lays on James’s lap and he lays down on the rest of his seat. James runs his hand through Sirius’s sort of long hair.
“Remus!” Peter cheers , desperately looking for someone to talk to.
“Peter!” Remus repeats in the same tone. He sits next to him, and Peter looks back to Sirius and James who are making odd faces at each other.
“You talked to him?” Peter asks quietly .
“Yup” Remus responds. “He’s going to be alright, right?”
“Yeah Pete” Remus affirms, but doesn’t necessarily know if he’s telling the truth.
“Hey Remus , Pete '' Sirius turns his head to them, and the two boys look to him, and Remus moves his eyes to James, who’s making a long smile and a confused look is painted over his face.
“Hey Sirius,” Peter smiles. “How’d you get that on your chin?” Sirius asks, looking at Peter's chin. Remus looks at Peter and Peter brings his hand to his chin. “Ah, right, okay so when I was seven I thought it’d be a good idea to go sledding down this steep hill, in like January, it had just rained and the snow had iced over”
“I remember this!” James points out. “Oh right continue “ James seals his mouth shut Peter laughs and continues his story, “and I went before James because it was at my house,a sm when I went down the hill, I couldn’t control the sleep because of the ice and tried to stop, when I managed to stop my chin landed right on a rock .”
Groans escape from the rest of the boy’s mouths, and Peter sticks his chin in the air and his scar is visible to them all now . “Merlin Pete “ Sirius squints.
Remus feels his breakfast, churn in his stomach at the story. It’s ironic Remus doesn’t like blood or scrapes , considering he’s all scratched and bloody all the time.
A few moments later , Sirius has sat up and started fidgeting with his hand, Remus isn’t paying attention and is just thinking about his mum.
The train stops, Three of his friends turn their heads to the booth door, Remus turns his head shortly after. It’s Regulus. “Regulus!” Sirius cheers. Regulus has his trunk in hand.
“Hey, uh our stops in like an hour” regulus says looking at Sirius, “I know” Sirius replies in a monotone voice.
“Oh Merlin this is our stop Pete!” James stands up, grabbing his and Peter's trunk, “right!” Peter stands up, grabbing his trunk from James. Regulus moves away from the door, for the two to get through.
“Happy holidays, “ James smiles. Turning around to look at Remus and Sirius.
“Yeah happy happy holidays” Sirius responds, and a lace of sarcasm cotes over Sirius’s voice.
“See you lot, next year, “ Peter laughs. “Not this again” Remus scrunches his face.
“Happy holidays, love ya” Peter and James say, as the two leave .
“Love ya!” Sirius waves.
Remus looks to Regulus, who is looking at James and Peter making his way through the door. “Have a happy holiday Regulus” James smiles, “yeah alright” Regulus responds.
James and Peter leave, and Regulus enters their booth. “Can I sit?” Regulus questions, Sirius widens his eyes , moves over patting on the spot next to him. “Yeah, yes of course, sit” he pats the seat.
Regulus moves to his seat.
“So uh , I never actually caught your name” regulus says quietly, “me ?” Remus points to himself. “No him” he points to Sirius sarcastically , and Remus furrows his eyebrows.
“That was a joke” Regulus says blankly. “Oh” Remus responds, Remus directs his eyes to Sirius looking for help in this conversation , and Sirius just snorts a laugh.
“Remus” Remus moves his eyes back to regulus, and holds his hands together “remus? “ Regulus questions.
“Lupin, Remus Lupin “
“Is your dad Lyall Lupin” regulus squints.
“yeah, yeah he is”
“Didn't he go missing ?” Regulus points out
“Uh “ Remus doesn’t know what to say, he fidgets his hands on his lap, and his breathing becomes heavier.
“Hey” Sirius claps his hands together. “Why don’t we buy some sweets?”
Thank Merlin he changed the subject, Remus relaxes his shoulders. And makes eye contact with Sirius . The boys get their sweets, and an hour passes, of mostly silence.
The train stops and Remus can feel the coldness in the room. Regulus stands up, grabbing his trunk. “You coming?” Regulus rushes.
“Yeah, coming” Sirius croaks out, biting on to his lip as he sits up.
“Alright, have a nice holiday Remus Lupin” Regulus forms a straightened smile. “You too” Remus replies
“Say bye ,and let's go” Regulus glares sarcastically at his brother. “Okay mum” SIrius laughs, regulus rolls his eyes “I want to see you in a minute” he points as he leaves the booth.
Sirius grabs his trunk, and his gray eyes meet Remus’s.
The two just look at each other for a moment
“You be safe” Remus smiles, unsure Sirius will find any comfort in it.
“Yeah,” Sirius mirrors his smile, “Scared together, right? “ Sirius’s words make Remus's stomach turn. “Yeah” Remus coughs out, Sirius’s smile widens.
“See you next year,” Sirius winks. Leaving the room,
God, that joke is going to be the end of me.
SIrius leaves and Remus brings his hand to his heart, that's basically racing out of his chest.
An hour later, Remus arrives at his stop, and almost wants to not get off, he grabs his trunk and lugs his way off the train, he takes deep breaths.
He arrives home , and feels a cold chill run throughout his whole body, as he knocks on the door.
His mother stands in front of him weakly standing up.
“Remus” She whispers, her lips twitching up into a smile.
“Mum” Remus instantly drops his trunk and brings his mothers into a hug, the smell of wood and chamomile tea floods his nose, and he buries his face into his mothers sweaters, not letting go as if loosening their embrace would kill them both.