Moonage daydreaming of you

Sirius Black

Its the last day of school until Holiday break and Sirius is dreading going back home. Hes not exactly going to have a warm welcome, especially since Hes in Gryffindor, His Mothers going to kill him. Not literally but she's going to have fun trying to.

It can't possibly get worse. Sirius  decides there's no point in overthinking about something he have no control over.

“Christmas has to be my favorite time of the year,” Peter says, packing his suitcase.

“Mine too, you’re still coming to my house for supper on Christmas Eve Pete?” James asks Peter.

“Yep, my Mum is going to be baking pie to bring over” Peter makes a lopsided smile.

“Oooo, her pumpkin pie?” James widens his eyes.

Sirius is almost envious of their friendship, which Is pathetic but he is. He want's that, the friendship of being able to go over their house for holidays, and talk about the pie their mothers bring over. Hes never going that, he barely gets to leave the house, and hes never has friends before he got here, hes only had Regulus.

Does Regulus really even count , he can't even talk to him at home, scared Mothers going to do the same to him as she does to Sirius just by talking to him. He knows he doesn't mean any harm , but it still hurts.

He didn't realize how much his Mothers frequent punishments have affected him until he got here. He feels safe here, He doesn't have to act like this whole different person , he can be himself here. Even though he still feels his mothers presence linger , Like she's constantly looking over his shoulder, criticizing his every move.

Don't do that Sirius!

Don't like that Sirius!

Don’t Touch that Sirius!

Don’t Say that Sirius!

“Earth to Sirius!” James waves a hand in his face.

Sirius gets out of his trance of overthinking, “Huh? what? What did you say?” Sirius clears his throat “I was asking what you were doing this holiday?” James plops himself down onto the edge of his bed.

“nothing” he shrugs

“Ah, that sounds like a dull Christmas, you should come over to mine, my Mum would love to have you” James says, widening his smile.

“I don't think my Mother would allow it James, Sorry mate” Sirius forms his lips into a paper thin line.

“Your Mum really sounds like a stick in the mud Sirius” James shakes head.

Sirius can't help but snort a laugh.

James grins then turns around “How about you Remus, whatcha up to this christmas” .

Remus instantly looks up from reading and looks around a bit before answering. “Just going to spend it at home with my Mum and my Aunt” Remus gives a small smile.

“Jeez you lot are very boring, you know that right” James taunts.

sirius hits him with a pillow “I'm not boring” 

“Jeez, someone can't take a joke” James rips the pillow out of siriuss hands and hits him right back.

Sirius grabs the pillow behind his and swing at James with it.

“Would you two stop hitting each other, It's quite irritating” Remus says looking up from his book with a glare.

“Well then, truce?” James says, sticking his hand out.

Sirius shaks James, “Truce”.

They both smiles ear to ear.

Hes happy to have a friend like James, he really seems to understand Sirius as a person. He can Joke to him about things, he can talk to him about things. Hes only known him for a couple of months and he feels like hes known him his entire life. He knows about Sirius's home life, well sort of, he knows snippets. Not that she tortures him for a laugh, but that she’s a bit of a twat.

He knows he cant tell him the real story, but for some reason he wants to. Just vent to him and just let words come out, because he knows he’ll understand.“Hey Remusssss?” James stretches out the S in Remus’s name, he tilts his head to the side grinning at remus.

“What do you want? Remus doesn’t look up this time, just keeps reading.

“Do you wanna come over to my house this holiday? Just for like, a day? “ James asks.

“I think I just want to stay at my house this holiday” Remus says softly enough Siruus can barely hear him.

“why? My Mum and Dad won't mind, and I think you’d really like it there, I would only be there for a day, I'm sure your Mum wont mind” James whines.

“I only get to be with my Mum for two weeks,and I won't see her until summer. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, so stop whining , I'm not leaving her” Remus says pretty harshly. Slamming his book shut , he stands up walking out the dorm In a hurry.

“What did I say?” James Furrows his eyebrows, a slight frown forming at his lips.

Sirius pats James shoulder, “I don't think It was just you, he just wants to go home James”

“I just- I didn't want to upset him” James pokes his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “I should check on him” James is about to get up.

“No, I'll go”  Sirius jumps up and start walking out the dorm.

Sirius walks to where the Secret entry to honeydukes is, and he sees Remus sitting on the ground , knees to his chest, and his he resting on them.

“Hey” he says softly trying not to upset him anymore.

“Hi,” Remus utters quietly .

“Can I sit?” Sirius asks gently.

“Yeah” Remus doesn't budge , nor look up.  Sirius sits down next to him , he waits a minute to say anything.

“Are you alright?”  he asks pathetically, what a stupid question. The only reason people ask ‘are you okay’ Is only because they think you aren't.

“Yeah, fine” Remus doesn't even move a muscle.

“Are you sure?” He doesnt even know why he asks. Remus seems like such a reserved person , if he's upset it’s not like he's going to tell him.

“It's my Mum,” Remus says in a half sob voice cracking.

sirius furrows his brows,

His Mum?.What's wrong with his Mum?

is she like my mom?

“She's sick” Remus says defeated.

Oh.

This answers all of his questions. This is why he doesn't want to go to James' house. He doesn't want to leave her.

“Oh” this time  he lets the word come out of his mouth.

“I just- I don’t- I don’t want to leave her, not even for a minute” Remus struggles to get the words out.

Sirius doesnt know what to do, hes just sitting there helpless, James would know how to comfort him. He doesnt know how to do this whole comfort thing yet.

Just think Regulus Sirius,

How did you comfort him at home, you know how to do this.

Sirius take a deep breath while putting a hand on Remus’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay”  he lets the words come out as smoothly as possible.

Remus looks over to him still huddled up holding his knees to his chest. “How do you know that?” Remus says quietly 

“You just have to believe she will, Alright?, she'll get better” he  give him a soft smile.

Remus takes a breath in, desperately needing air, “She did say she was getting better” Remus looks away from me, finally lifting up his head from his knees. Taking a deep breath, he holds his hands together around his legs.

“That's good, see? Things do get better, she’ll get better”  Sirius smiles, even though he's not looking at him he still smiles

Those words that sirius had said instantly bring him back to Grimmauld Place, hiding in Regulus’s blanket fort. He was about eight years old, Regulus seven

***

Past, 1968

“It's going to be alright Reg , don't worry” Sirius whispers

“No its not, It's not going to stop Sirius, she wont stop” Regulus sobs

This was the day that Mother had used the Crucio curse on Regulus for the first time. Whenever she hurts him, sirius always got in the way, or she doesnt hurt him this bad.

“It will Reg, Things do get better, she’ll get better”  Sirius brings Regulus to hi chest holding him tight,  he's huddled up , sobbing into his shoulder

Sirius doesnt care how much she hurts him ,  he just doesnt want to see him hurt .

“Regulus, One day I’ll get us out of here the both of us, we’ll be safe”

“Promise?” Regulus looks up at me , tearing falling down his wet rosie cheeks.

“I promise”

Sirius doesnt knows if he can keep this promise , but he'll try.

***

Present , 1971

“You really think so? That she'll get better?” Remus questions , wanting reassurance.

Sirius snaps out of his thoughts . “Yeah, Yes , I do think she'll get better” he reassures with a slight smile.

Remus lets a breath out, “We should go” Remus changes the subject, “Sorry for , uhm kinda springing that on you, I just don’t know if she'll get better, Im worried about her” Remus stands up, wiping his face from the tears he let drop.

“It's alright” Sirius smiles affimingly. Remus nods.

They start walking back. But he gets the urge to ask a question. "Remus?” Sirius turns to Remus.

“Yeah?”

“Are we friends?” he asks,.

“I’d like to think so,” Remus shrugs.

“But that night in the owerly-” Sirius starts , Remus interrupts.

“That, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh, But I'm not really one to open up that quickly, and you were talking about scars, I just didn't want to talk,” Remus explains.

Scars

How could he forget

That's the reason he got upset, he was talking about his scars. Sirius showed his scar , The ones hiss Mother had just given him before he got here.

“Right” Sirius says, shoving  his hands into his pockets.

“I’m sorry about your scars” Remus says looking down at his feet.

“It's alright, everyones got scars”  Sirius kisses his teeth trying to not let his mind wander.

“What are you going to be doing this christmas” He changes the subject again.

“I have no idea, it's not going to be very exciting , I know that”  He rolls his shoulders back.

“Why not?” Remus asks another question.

“My familys not very big on muggle holidays, remember?” he reffers to halloween.

“Right” remus clicks hs tounge.

“I do want to get my brother something, though, reckon I can get him something from honeydukes”  he shoots a mischievous look to  Remus.

“Do you want to go there now?I doubt anyones there at this time” Remus looks behind him to where the secret entrance is.

“Sure! I mean , if you don't mind” he changes his tone, to be more relaxed.

“No, not at all” Remus makes a swift motion with his legs and turns around .They turns around with him and they walk to honeydukes

When they get there Sirius grabs a bunch of sweets Regulus would like, chocolate of course, caramel obviously and mint is a definite.

They walk back to the dorm and James and Peter are already asleep.

“Goodnight Remus” He smiles

“Goodnight Sirius" Remus gives him a small smile back.

Sirius wakes morning to the sound of James Potter, Making a trumpet noise with his mouth.

“Wake up! Don't want to miss that train” James shouts.

The rest of them groan.

“What time is it?” Peter whines.

“Five in the morning” James says with a peppy tone.

“Piss off then”  Sirius says into his pillow.

“Ouch Sirius, that really hurts my feelings you know?” James says sarcastically, making a sniffling noise in his nose.

“At five in the morning, I don't really care if it hurts your feelings”

“Get. Up. Sirius” James stops in between words.

“Y’know what fine im up, why do we need to be up right now the train doesn't go off for another four hours” Sirius sits up and rubs his eyes.

“You lot are very slow, so you need to wake up earlier” James teases.

“We're not slow, you're just, very , very, fast” Remus complains from the other side of the room.

“Well get up then!, if you're not slow” Remus shoots a glare at James.

They eventually all get up, Sirius grabs his suitcase and Puts Regulus's sweets in it.

“Ooo, sweets” James looks over my shoulder “who they for, you, oh! A special lady back at home?” James waggles his eyebrows.

“Shove off, and no, they’re for my brother” Sirius wrinkels his nose “And if I had a special lady, you'd be the first to know”

James nods his up and down “ good to know mate” James pats his back. Once theyre are all packed up , they grab their luggage.

“Alright! Everyone line up, I’m counting heads” James stands by the door.

“James! Do we have to do this every time we do something, there are only four of us, ,you don't need to count heads” Remus dreads from the back of the line.

“Ah stop your complaining” James waves his hand off at Remus ``Okay” James walks down the short line, “Sirius? check” He pats Sirius head.

“Peter? Check ” He pats Peter's head.

Peter rolls his eyes

He gets to Remus and Remus holds an annoyed expression.

“Remus?”

“Don't pat my head James” Remus scowls at James.

James adjusts his classes then squints.

“Check” He pats Remus’s head twice then scurrys away.

“Alright lads, let's go, everyones got everything?” James checks us again

“Yes Mom”  sirius says teasingly.

“Just making sure” James grabs his luggage then walks out the door, the rest of them following him in a line.

They get on the train , finding an empty cart, since theyre basically the first people on the train.

The first stop is James and Peter.

“See you next year,” James winks.

He keeps making this joke, since we won't see him till after new years

“If you say that joke one more time, you won't see me next year” Remus grumbles.

“Awe i'm going to miss you too Remus” James makes a puppy dog face.

“Yeah, yeah” Remus makes a slight smile. “Bye James”

“Bye Remus” James' smile frowns.

“You'll see us soon James don't worry” Sirius cuts in.

James frown goes away, “Right, yeah, see you guys soon”

“See you,” Remus says waving to James.

Peter gets his trunk.

“Well I guess this is goodbye” Peter sighs.

“No goodbye Pete, It's just for two weeks” Remus says with a lopsided smile.

“Yeah, I’ll see you guys next y-”

“No” Remus puts his hand to his head.

“Right, happy holiday mates,” Peter smiles.

“Happy holidays” Remus and Sirius say in sync.

James and Peter leave the compartment together.

After a while, Remus pulls a book out of his trunk and reads for the rest of the ride.

Sirius stop gets called, he almost feels his heart sink to his stomach.

He could always just not get off.

No.

Buck up Sirius

Gryffindors are supposed to be brave.

That's what you are

A Gryffindor

Merlin, I'm a gryffindor.

She's going to kill me

Sirius feels sick to his stomach

"Sirius, this is your stop,right?" Remus looks up from his book , looking at Sirius with a questionable look.

"Right, yeah it is, I should- I should go" He forms his words into an actual sentence. Standing up he has to steady himself.

"Yeah" He grabs his trunk.

Breath

Its only two weeks

"Have a Merry Christmas Sirius" Remus smiles

"Yeah, you too" He gives a half smile.

"You stay safe, okay?"

Sirius think for a split second, why is telling me to stay safe?

Is it because of my scars?

He could just be saying it just to say it, maybe

Or maybe he knows hes worried about going home

Maybe he knows what it's like there

Maybe-

Shut up Sirius and answer the question.

"Okay"  He says blankly.

Walking out off the train he can already see , no one waiting for him.

As expected.

Sirius gets home, and he can feel his chest getting tighter by the second.

Regulus is waiting by the door.

"Reg! Sorry, Reg" He quiets down his tone. Dropping his bag he takes a step closer to Regulus .

As much as he want s to run over there and hug him right now , he doesnt

You can blame  his  mother for that.

Regulus used to love hugs, any type of affection really.

But now you cant even go near him without an okay from him.

"Sirius!" Regulus comes bolting toward me.

Jumping into his arms.

"Thank Merlin for your back" he says desperately hugging him

"Awe someone missed me" He hugs him back, he can't help but smile.

The only reason hes  ever smiled in this house is because of him.

He's the only one here that makes it actually home.

"Of course I missed you, do you know how lonely it is in this god forsaken household?"

Sirius lets out a dry laugh.

Regulus back up.

"Your hair has grown," he says with a snort.

 "Yeah I'm thinking about keeping it long"

"Mothers not going to like it" he says

"Yeah I know " Sirius shrugs

"Sirius" He hear that cold voice come from the room.

That cold voice hes been dreading to come back to.

His breath hitches.

"Mother" he chokes out , straightening his posture.

She makes a disgusted face at him

Don't overthink it Sirius.

Your fine, its fine

"Take that tie off in my house hold , I will not see any of that Gryffindor house" She refers to siriuss gryffindor uniform.

"Yes mother " he says taking off the tie and shoving it into hispocket

"I would like you to know that I am very disappointed in you, of course you wouldn't get into slytherin , you're so much of a disgrace, I bet Regulus will get into slytherin " She snarls at Sirius.

Sirius sees Regulus's posture change at the mention of his name.

Mother turns around and exits the room.

This is going to be a long two weeks.

Sirius went to sleep after dinner , nobody ate together, only him and Regulus.

he wakes up to no one.

Not the sound of James Potter yelling, to wake up.

It's just Silence .

Tomorrow's Christmas Eve.

Sirius knows he won't get anything but he excited to give regulus his sweets.

After the sun set Regulus and Him look up at the constellations.

Regulus has been showing me how much he's been practicing his french

"Voir Sirius J'ai pratiqué mon français, je parle couramment maintenant !” Regulus says very proud of himself.

“très bien Rég, très bien” Sirius smiles nodding his head up and down.

“Master Walpurga has asked for your presence in the main room, Master Sirius” Kreacher says.

“Yeah, I mean Yes, see you later Reg” he gives Regulus a reasuring smile

“see you later, stay safe Sirius” Regulus sends a worried smile back.

Sirius enters the main room and there stands his mother with his Electric Warrior vinyl.

he feela his chest tighten up.

“Can you explain this to me Sirius, this Muggle foolery in my house, Explain!”
She tightens her jaw .

Sirius takes a deep breath in “Mother It was a gift!” he explains to her.

“A gift? I see, and why do you deserve a gift?” She glares at his with a deep hatred burning through her stare.

“It was for my birthday,” he sighs, mumbling under her breath.

“You know I don't like it when you mumble, I've had enough of this” She snaps the record in half, Sirius feels a little squeeze on his heart.

“How could you! That was mine!” He snaps back, feeling instant regret. Her then see her let a light chuckle escape her mouth. Sending chills don his spine

She raises her wand, as he flinchs back, the last thing he hears is the word cruicio .

The world goes black.

Sirius can taste metal in his mouth

he should've known not to bring in here, he just wanted to show regulus.

Idiot

Youre a fucking Idiot Sirius.

Two days later.

Christmas eve was just as dull and boring as the days before.

“Sirius! Sirius! Wake up, it's Christmas!” Regulus shakes sirius awake.

He think it's James waking him up , He does have a knack of doing that.

“Ugh James what?” He groans almost as a reflex.

“Who's James?” Regulus questions.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, “What?” .

“James, who's James?” Regulus tilts his head to the side.

“Oh, uhm It's Just a mate from school that likes to wake me up” he let out a dry laugh.

“Oh, right” Regulus seems a little confused on what to do with the conversation now.

“ So christmas, huh?”

“Yep and I got you something!” Regulus cheers.

“Oh really?”

“Mhm, you better have gotten me something too” Regulus squints at sirius  pointing a finger.

“Shoot! That's what I forgot!” he teases

“You have to be kidding me Sirius” Regulus flops his hands to his side.

“Im kidding , Im kidding” Sirius brings hs hands up in surrender.

He goes over to his trunk and grab the candy.

“Merry christmas Reg” he smiles giving Regulus the sweets .

“Oooo, my favorites” Regulus smiles from ear to ear.

“Now what’d you get me?” he asks, raising a brow.

“I got you a telescope, so we can look at the stars” Remus makes a sheepish smile.

“Really? Reg thank you” he softens his face.

“Thank you for the sweets,” says Regulus, bringing sirius into a hug

“Merry Christmas reg” sirius pats his back

“Merry Christmas Sirius '' 

It's now dinner time and the whole family is at the table.

Just him Regulus, and Mother and Father.

The rest of their family didnt come, due to the fact Andromeda ran off with a muggle last year. Sirius hasnt seen them since. Figuers there afraid to show their faces.

“So , Sirius how is school” My father asks

He had always been the less violent parent in the house.

He’s never just hit sirius for a laugh , unlike my mother. 

Sirius clears his throat, “Oh uhm fine” , he says not as clearly as hed like his words to come out.

“Yeah it must be fine , especially since you're disappointing your family in the making, I mean Gryffindor, this is outrageous”  mother says sternly.

“Walpurga, Please don't do this at dinner” His father asks.

“No, I won't just excuse this, he’s in the wrong and needs to be punished, disgraceful to this family” She spits.

“It's not like I chose to be in Gryffindor, And you know what? It's actually a lot better than slytherin!” Sirius stands up abruptly .

Hes see mothers jaw tighten, a slight grin showing on her face

He looks at Regulus and he looks frightened for what's about to happen.

Sirius takes a deep breath, waiting for her to answer.

“Then go! Go back to that school! Go be in that house!”

“Fine!” he turns around to leave, when he hears a curse shoot towards him

“Crucio!”

He feels pain instantly shoot throughout his entire body.

Stay strong Sirius

Sirius gets the strength to run to the fireplace and grab some flu powder.

“Hogwarts!” he yells

He magically appears in the dining hall .

He places his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

“Mr. Black , what in the world are you doing here?” McGonagall.

“Decided to spend Christmas here” he shrug.

Acting as though the last five minutes did not happen.

“Well then, I'm only letting you off the hook because it is christmas, I just have to let your family know you're here” She gives a stern look.

“I think they know exactly where I am,” he let out a cold laugh.

Nothing is said after that, and McGonagall leaves.

He should go to the infirmary.

he feels like hes going to pass out.

Crucio used to have a much bigger effect on him when he was younger.

When he wasn't capable of handling it all.

When he gets to the infirmary , he lets out a quiet whisper.

Hardly able to talk.

“I need help over here”

Madam Pomfrey looks over and sees sirius , barely holding himself together .

She stands right up.

“Oh dear”

Merry fucking Christmas.