miscommunication and models

The first thing they did was call Andromeda for a makeshift meeting.

The second thing they did was throw a party.

At first, it had just been two or three extra people at James’ house, but friends told friends, who told friends of friends, who told more people, and soon enough James and Sirius’ spacious flat was so full it almost felt claustrophobic. 

With the number of celebrities there, Remus knew the outside would be buzzing with paparazzi looking for a payday, and scarily dedicated fans wishing for a glimpse of their idolised person. Yeah, Remus wasn't planning on going home tonight. None of the Marauders was planning to leave the flat, the chance of getting their photo taken together and the slimmest chance of their plan being exposed was enough to convince them all to have a sleepover- that is if the party ever fucking ended.

Remus was sitting in the main living room with Lily and Mary, talking about anything that popped into their minds and languidly drinking from plastic cups. He was actually having a good time, but the buzz of numerous conversations around him and the loud music set him a bit on edge.

He had no clue where everyone else was, the last he saw of Peter he was talking to a pretty woman with long hair and piercings, he had seen Marlene being whisked away by Dorcas the second she walked into the door, and Sirius… was being Sirius. Sirius was very much in his element, jumping from conversation to conversation, sharing his joy with anyone who wanted. It made Remus smile.

“Well the only time I was under management was when I was like… 17? But I had just started in the industry and I didn't really get any recognition until I was 19, after that I just dropped my management altogether. It was all too meh , I hated having to run everything by them before I did it.” Mary said to Lily, she had her legs on Lily’s lap as she lay on the couch, drink in her hand. 

“Really? Who managed you anyways?” Lily asked, they had stumbled onto the conversation when Remus mentioned absentmindedly the fact that he wondered if managers were even worth it.

“Pheonix actually, I think I had the same guy as you, Remus!”

Remus looked at her, his eyebrow furrowed. He had known of Mary for a long time, and never knew her past with phoenix, no one had ever mentioned it.

“Who, Jamie?”

“Yes! Me and Em- Vance. Emmeline Vance, I mean, met through him. He managed the both of us when we were starting out, then shit happened and Em quit a bit before me, but we both ended up backing out of our contracts. No hard feelings, though. With Jamie- I’m sure he's a lovely chap.”

Remus huffed a laugh, “Yeah, not a word I would use to describe him.”

Mary doesn't seem to hear him, moving on to another conversation with Lily about a band he had never heard of. Remus finds he doesn't really mind, his social battery has been slowly draining for the past few hours and at this point, the conversation doesn't sound appealing.

“Moony!”

Well, there's always the exception.

*

“Moony!”

Sirius was having a good day, one of the best days he had in a while actually. They were getting rid of their asshole manager, going to own their music, set up a tour they could control on their own, and he was able to celebrate it with the people he loved.

And a shit-ton of strangers!

He had always loved talking to people, finding out who they were and what they did and what they liked, it didn't matter if they became friends in the end or not, just the intricacies of people's lives interested him. He had made his rounds around the party, laughing and talking and drinking with different groups of people, but after a while, it was nice to go back to someone familiar and felt like home.

It wasn't hard to find Remus, it never was for Sirius, he always had the habit of knowing where he was in a crowd. 

Remus smiled when he heard Sirius behind him, the same smile he had always had just for Sirius that made him feel a bit like royalty. Sirius came behind the seat on the couch where Remus was sitting, draping his arms around Remus’ shoulders, and hugging him.

“Having fun?” Remus asked leaning his head back on Sirius. 

“Yeah, you?”

Remus hummed and Sirius let go, climbing over the back to the couch to sit next to Remus. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, just tired.”

“Want to go to my room?” 

Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius, a smile fighting to make its way on his face, “How presumptuous. Not even going to offer me a drink?”

“You really aren't funny, did you know that?” Sirius asked, despite the light flush on his face he gave Remus the sternest look he could muster (it was not stern at all) “Plus you’ve already got one.”.

Remus shrugged, “I’m hilarious, but whatever you say.”

“Your not. People lie to you about being funny.”

“And why would they do that?”

“Your rugged good looks, obviously.”

“Now whos the not funny one.”

“Wasnt trying to be funny.” Sirius smiled, resting his head on the back of the couch, “So.. Want to hang out in my room, or stay out here with everyone else?”

Remus sighed, “Stay out here with the blaring music and strangers who are giving me a headache, or go to a quiet room with my friend who usually gives me headaches.. god, what a hard decision.”

“Would it kill you to not be sarcastic?” Sirius questioned, catching Remus’ eye.

“Yes.” Remus answered, “Let's go.”

Remus got up, sat his drink on the coffee table in front of the couch, and walked in the direction of Sirius’ room. So Sirius followed, as he always does.

*

Mary was having a good time, she had met a lot of people she hadn't before and got to see the friends she already had within the industry. 

At some point in the night though, she found herself outside on a small balcony, sitting on the hard concrete and letting the cool night air run over her skin. It was all relaxing, watching the city lights flash, and the cars drive by. The noises from the party inside kept her grounded. She was content. 

Until the door opened and the last person she wanted to see came out.

Emmeline.

The girls both looked at each other, neither making a move to leave. After a few moments, Mary cocked her eyebrow and Emmeline stepped the rest of the way onto the balcony, closing the door behind her.

Mary tried not to acknowledge her as she sunk to the floor opposite her. She kept her eyes on the cars down below as she had been doing before. She could hear Emmeline’s clothes rustle as she searched her pockets, and soon a metallic click and the unmistakable smell of smoke. 

Mary did try not to look, but really she had to. The tip of the cigarette glowed as Emmeline sucked a breath in, it was strange to see, Emmeline never use to smoke. Mary watched as she blew the smoke out of her mouth, the way her head tilted up just slightly and showed off the small tattoo on her throat just under where her jaw connected to it. 

“Going to share?” Mary asked.

“What happened to never talking to me again?” Emmeline asked, looking at Mary with her eyebrows raised.

“We work together, couldn't exactly ignore you forever.”

“You could if you really wanted to, you're stubborn like that.”

“Mhm, yeah. Sharing or not?” Mary asked, putting her hand out.

Emmeline seemed to consider her for a moment, before shrugging and offering the cigarette to Mary, who took it, inhaling deeply. 

“You didn't use to smoke,” Mary said

“Is that a question? I smoke in social settings sometimes, just for something to do with my hands.” Emmeline picked at her nails, they were painted purple Mary noticed, “Lots have changed.”

Mary hummed, she didn't exactly want to point out whos fault it was that stuff changed.

“What ever happened to us, Mary?”

Mary could've laughed, it was a ridiculous question. 

“Are you being serious?”

Emmeline shrugged, “Yeah, one day we were best friends and the next… It was like I was seeing a stranger.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn't have betrayed me.” Mary couldn't keep the venom out of her voice, how could Emmeline just expect them to be the same after what she had done? What she had stolen from her?

“That's rich coming from you. I don't seem to remember it the same way.” Emmeline was glaring at her.

“Well, please then Emmeline. Tell me what really happened.”

“You started talking about me behind my back, and then you stole my designs!”

“Excuse me? The fuck I did! You stole from me .”

Emmeline threw her hands up, “No I didn't! You went to Jamie and Marissa and told them all about how you were done with me, and that you were sick of our events. How you couldn't imagine how I got to where I was with my designs because of how horrible they were, and that you didn't want to work on that line with me anymore. I saw the texts, Mary.”

“What the fuck are you going on about? I never said that! And why would I steal your designs if I thought they were ugly?”

“So you did think they were ugly?”

“No Emmeline! And I remember it all differently. You told Jasmine about it and then you stole my shit and released it. It was a total betrayal.”

“Jasmine the makeup girl? I talked to her twice when we both worked on that shoot in America, I don't even think she knew my name. I never told her anything about you!”

“But that makes no sense?” Mary was feeling so confused. She had the story straight for years, she knew the reason she hated Emmeline but here she was telling her something completely different and she wanted to believe her but how was she meant to? 

“Who told you I said that to Jasmine?”

“Jamie overheard the two of you, he came and… told me and Marissa back him up.” Mary felt as if she had been very wrong for a very long time, a cold chill run up her back as she looked at Emmeline who was looking very confused. “Who told you I went to Jamie?”

“He did. He and Marissa.”

Oh no.

Oh no, no. no.

“And then he gave me these sketches, said he had bought them and thought I could turn them into something for our line,” Emmeline said, piecing everything together, “Then I had some of my designs go missing, and I bet you did too.” Mary nodded at her, “And then we never completed our line together, we blew up at each other. So... I released the designs on my own.”

“My designs. And I was so mad, so I released mine too, hoping that they would be more popular.” Mary mumbled, looking at Emmeline and feeling a bit sick.

“They were my designs.” Emmeline let out a bitter laugh, “I thought you did it all to spite me.”

“And none of it fucking mattered in the end, neither of us stayed under Pheonix.” God, it was all such a joke, a perfectly good friendship ruined for nothing. “Oh god, Em..”.

“I think we have a lot to talk about, Mary.”

Yeah, that was an understatement.

*

“So, when will your friend be here?” 

“He said he’s on the street… Any minute now, hopefully. I can't wait for you to meet him!”

Peter was with Alice and Frank, he had spent most of the party with them when he wasn't with James, Remus or Sirius. actually. He found them to be good company. He was also a self-proclaimed gossip and really wanted to meet this Alexader person that Sirius had apparently hidden from them all.

Peter Pettigrew was not stupid, despite was the tabloids had labelled him. He had known his friends long enough to tell when things were wrong (Or when they were perfectly right but they were too stubborn to do anything about it), and for years he tried giving gentle pushes to them in hopes they would stop being blind but that hadn't worked. And he was done.

The saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink? At this point, Peter would choose to drown the horse.

Metaphorically, of course, he wasn't a monster.

He was just going to get his best friends to look at each other and realises they both love the other so they stop being fucking idiots who make him want to retire and live as a hermit in the woods.

Easy peasy. 

First things first, he needed to find Alexander and stop whatever the fuck that was.

It's not that he didn't want his friends to be happy with other people if it didn't work out with Sirius and Remus then that was that- but ! He knew how self-destructive they all could be, and how neither would ever admit their feelings, rather let it fester and hurt forever than ever risk it not working out.

So he had to let them try it first, then they could be happy with or without the other.

God, he was way too invested in this.

“Alex! Over here!” Alice shouted over the hum of conversation and music, waving her hand above her head. Peter turned and looked at the figure walking towards them. He was Southeast Asian and a bit shorter than Peter imagined him- he was about the same height Peter himself was. His hair was curly and shaggy, bleached blond but it held a cherry red hue from a past colour, it was hanging a bit in their eyes. Their face was round and soft, with hints of blonde stubble. They were grinning at Alice, their full lips spread wide revealing gapped teeth. His eyes were scrunched from where he was smiling at the group, but Peter saw the hints of brown in them. 

“Alice, Frank!” Alexander hugged Alice, who laughed and Peter took the opportunity to look at his clothing. He was wearing an old band tee shirt with black jeans, and a green military jacket over that. He wore a pretty necklace that looked similar to the one Alice had on, and had several rings adorning his fingers.

He couldn't say Sirius had bad taste.

Alexander let go of Alice, and looked at Peter, cocking his head to the side. “Who’s this?” he asked.

Peter smiled at him, bouncing on his heels and giving an awkward wave, “Hey I’m Peter.”

“Pettigrew?” Alexander asked, his eyebrows raising.

Peter nodded, and Alice grabbed onto Alexander's arm, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Knew you weren't living under a rock, Peter’s band is huge. Been big fans of them forever.”.

“I knew it was your guy's party, but I didn't think the first person I’d meet would be well.. You.”

“I heard you’ve met most of the band already, though?” Peter asked.

Alexander nodded, waving his hand in a so-so gesture, “I mean- well… Yeah. I know James, and Sirius, but still. It never gets not strange to meet you guys. Does that make sense?”

Peter smiled, “Yeah, I’ve been in the industry for years and still meeting people who are like huge in music is insane. So that actually reminds me- how did you meet Sirius? And James.”

“Oh, well Sirius was at this bar Alice and Frank took me too, and we talked and stuff.”

“Stuff?”

Alexander shifted on his feet, and Alice let go of her arm spotting someone across the room and taking frank with her to go talk to them. “Oh, should I-”

“I'm sure they’ll be back- so Sirius?”

“Well we hung out-”

“Just hung out?”

“Well-”

“He's nice, isn't he? He's been my best friend for over a decade, y’know.”

“Yeah, he's nice.” Alexander narrowed his eyes a bit at Peter. “I’m starting to feel like these aren't just get-to-know-each-other questions.”

“Is that what Sirius called what it when you two talked?”.

Alexander laughed, “I don't know what you think is going on with Sirius, but your probably wrong.” His confused expression had been replaced with an easy grin, and Peter felt like he was getting somewhere.

“Tell me what I think, then.”

“That I’m trying to get with him? Or that I’m going to hurt him, or use him or whatever.” Alexander raised an eyebrow at him as if he had figured it all out. He had not.

“Are you?”

“No. He's nice, but if anything it was just a bit of fun, I think we’re both in agreement there.”

“So you wouldn't do it again?” Peter asked.

“Never said that. Nothing wrong with something platonic, in my opinion.”

Peter hummed, “Sirius is stupid.”

Alexander let out a shocked laugh, looking confused, “What-”

“He is a stupid mess who I love with my whole heart.”

“Are you in love with Sirius?”

“What-” It was Peters turn to be caught off guard, “Excuse me? No. I have standards… Sorry that was rude. But no. Sirius loves someone.”

“Does he?”

“Yes. He just doesn't consciously know it yet.”

“Ok, you're losing me.” Alexander leant on the wall behind him, running a hand through his hair leaving it messier than before.

Peter sighed, dropping his head back. Really it wasn't that hard to grasp! “Sirius loves someone. He just doesn't realise it. Or he does but he’s ignoring it.”

“So he loves someone.”

“Yes.”

“But doesn't know it.”

“Yes.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page when it came to whatever the fuck Sirius is trying to do.”

Alexander considered this, still not looking completely convinced. “Ok. I get what your saying. Do I at least get to know who he's apparently in love with?”

Peter stared at him for a few moments, “No.”

“Wait-”

Peter began to walk backwards, “Oh I think Alice is calling me-”

“Alice is over there-”

“Yup she is definitely calling me-”

“I can literally see her, she is not-”

“Gotta go, bye!”

That went well.

*

It was nice being alone with Remus, it reminded him of how they used to sneak off during parties at school and talk about anything. Half the time it was Sirius’ own party he escaped, instead of being a courteous host, he drew all over his best friend's arm ignoring everything that wasn't him.

It was a favourite memory.

He wasn't drawing on Remus’ arms now, rather they were both lounging on his bed talking about whatever came up, mostly about their hope for the future without Jamie and all this shit. It seemed both were eager for it to be over.

They were at a point where they were silent, just enjoying each other's company. The only sounds were their breathing and the loud music muffled by the closed door.

“It's strange to be here,” Remus whispered.

“Where- my room?” Sirius mumbled, his eyes closed.

“No, idiot.” Remus nudged his with his leg from where they lay side by side. “Well kinda, but I was more meaning being us. Having the band, all that shit.”

“..Do you regret it?” Sirius asked, turning his head to look at Remus only to find amber eyes looking back.

Remus just stared at him for a moment, Sirius doing the same. Just looking. Looking at his freckles and long eyelashes. Looking at his single beauty mark that was just barely there right above his lip. Looking at the same face he had for nearly a decade and smiling because every time there was something different he found to love.

Oh.

Oh.

Well shit.

*

“..Do you regret it?”

Remus let himself ponder that question. The band had brought him years of headaches, and tears. Brought him unimaginable stress that made him want to pack up and quit everything. But it had also given him everything. It gave him his family, his career, it gave him something to be proud of. 

It gave him Sirius.

Sirius who had always wanted to live up to his star, and somehow did. He was always the brightest person anywhere, drawing eyes from everywhere- really it was inevitable that Remus fell for him.

How could he not?

From the very first day they had met, to the day Sirius had asked him to join his band, to now he had been drawn to Sirius. It grew from childish admiration to undeniable love. Sirius Black was one of a kind, and Remus couldn't figure out why it took him so long to realise it.

He raised his hand to Sirius’ face, cradling it as he looked into his eyes. It was him. It was always him, and it would always be him. Remus let his head fall to the side as if Sirius was a piece of art he was trying to see the entirety of. “How could I when it was you who gave it to me?”.

Remus could feel Sirius's breath on his hand, and for a moment that was all he needed. Nothing more. He was going to pull his hand back, not wanting to do anything that would ruin what he had already, but before he could Sirius moved forward the tiniest bit, his lips grazing Remus’.

It was soft, there was no rush and it was barely a kiss, but it was. Sirius had kissed him. 

He looked at Sirius with wide eyes, and the other boy just shook his head something in his eyes Remus couldn't place and kissed him again, still soft but more of a kiss than the last.

And that was it. That is what all the songs meant when they talked about the kiss. And Remus was gone, he would never be able to go back. Sirius Black had always been life-changing and right now was no different.

When Sirius pulled back his face was blank, a blush on his cheek. Remus could feel his own cheeks on fire, and knew he probably looked a bit pathetic, but god how could he not?

Sirius sat up from the bed, looking down at Remus, “I’ll… I..” Sirius laughed a little, running a hand through his hair and then rubbing his face as if it would erase the blush. “Uhm.. I’m not you know. Looking for..”

Oh shit.

Fuck.

“For?” Remus took the bait, his heart that had been beating hard against his chest felt completely still now, the heat in his body had been replaced with a hollowing cold.

“A relationship, right?” Sirius laughed again as if what had happened was just something between friends, Remus supposed him it was.

“Oh.” Remus tried to give a smile, but it felt forced even to him, his cheeks heating up with embarrassment more than anything now.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back, Moony. I just… I have to.” And Sirius was gone.

Remus felt as if he could cry.

He couldn't stand to be in the bedroom any longer, he knew for a fact he looked pathetic now as he rushed to get off of the bed and out, its a blur as he does it, soon finding himself in the guest bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror and felt his eyes well up with tears. He felt so stupid. Why had he done this? Why did he let his guard down and believe for a moment? Why had he just ruined everything?

Remus harshly wiped the tears off his cheeks, turning away from the mirror.

How could he be so stupid?

*

James and Lily were laughing when they opened the door to the bathroom, going to find a flannel to clean up Lily’s dress where Marlene had accidentally spilt her drink on her. They hadn't been expecting to find anyone in the bathroom, especially not Remus who was Sitting in the tub, his legs hanging out, and staring up at the ceiling.

At first, James wasn't concerned, laughing a bit at the image in front of him, “You ok, buddy?”, he asked, taking his arm away from where he had it wrapped around Lily's waist. Remus just hummed, not looking away from the spot on the ceiling he seemed so interested in, “Your not drunk are you?”. Remus shook his head, and now James was starting to get concerned “You also didn't like take anything right? You didn't drink from someone else’s cup?”.

“No James, I’m fine,” Remus mumbled. It was then James saw the red rimming his eyes, and he wondered if that's why he wouldn't look at them, hiding the fact he had obviously been crying. James looked to Lily, who looked just as concerned.

“What's wrong, Remus?” She asked, sitting down next to the tub, nudging his leg with her hand.

She didn't get an answer, and James was thinking through things in his head, trying to figure out what could've happened, but coming up with no answers- at least none that made sense.

“You can tell us if your upset.” Still nothing, “Do you want me to go get Sirius-”

“No. I don't think he'd come anyways, and I don't want him to.”

Ok, what the fuck?

“You and I both know he would come here if you were upset. What happened? Please tell us, Remus.” James sat opposite Lily on the tile floor, and Remus finally looked at them.

“I really fucked up.”

*

Peter very rarely got actually mad at his friends, but at the moment he was mad at Sirius and Remus. He couldn't decide which one was at fault at the moment, so in the name of fairness, he took to being mad at both of them.

To be honest, though, he was a lot madder at Sirius.

He couldn't be half as mad with Remus when he was crying.

He wasn't stupid, and he put two and two together. Sirius left the room in a rush and found someone to talk to (which led to kissing.) (Peter was starting to think he hadn't gotten his point across in his earlier conversation) (because someone was Alexander.) (He was cursing his friends for being so damn self-destructive.) and soon after Remus came out, eyes red and also in a rush. It didn't take a rocket scientist.

But in the end, he wasn't really mad at either. 

He just wished they would figure their shit out, and yes he knew it was hard but.. He just wanted them to be happy.

*

Remus went home not too long after explaining how he fucked up to Lily and James. James wanted him to stay, the paparazzi were still outside and he worried about him being alone but Remus insisted.

When he got home he couldn't sleep, so he played around with his guitar, finding peace in music.

And then he wrote.