miscommunication and models

When morning came, Remus allowed himself a few moments of solitude before admitting to himself he was a complete idiot who now had to tell his friends of his very foolish agreement. ‘See James?’ he silently thought, ‘This is why we dont push!’. Remus never worked well under pressure, his most recent mistake really solidified that in his mind.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Great plan Lupin. This is how you get the boy!

Speaking of the boy... He was still in Remus’ bed, laying on his stomach, his left arm haphazardly thrown over Remus’ waist from where they had fallen asleep wrapped around one another. He looked peaceful and so so beautiful.

So fucking stupid.

He knew that at any moment their little bubble of peace would break, Sirius would look at him with those eyes and wish him good morning, and he’d know, he always could read Remus. Remus would tell him it was nothing, that he could know later. Sirius would push because they didn't keep secrets and.. and Remus would admit his fuck up. Sirius would laugh, or he would be mad, he never could tell about the big things what Sirius’ reaction would be. 

Remus didn't know why he was so worried, he and Sirius were nothing but friends, but admitting to the fact he was in a relationship (although fake,) he felt as if he was shutting down every chance he could possibly have with Sirius.

Even if it might never happen, he would wait an eternity for the chance that it would.

☾

“What the fuck happened to ‘we dont do publicity stunts?’” Sirius asked, apparently he was going down the ‘mad’ path instead of ‘moony that's so funny, you fucked up’ path. 

Remus much preferred the path where he wasn't being yelled at.

“Or.. Or what happened to talking about this shit as a band? Aren't we supposed to make these decisions together?”

“If it was something for the whole band to decide, Jamie would've asked all of us- this doesn't even affect anything for the band.” Remus was grasping at straws, he didn't think it would make Sirius actually upset, but at the moment Sirius was pacing the floor and glaring holes into his walls.

“For someone so smart, you are so dense.” Sirius turned to him now, stopping in his tracks. His eyebrows were drawn together in frustration, “The second you call it off her little fan group will come after us- it's Marlene fucking McKinnon! She's not exactly a small star.”

“He does have a point, Moony. You agreed awfully fast, maybe you two should've talked this through more.” Peter said gently from where he was sitting on the couch, on the edge, it seemed even he could feel the tension.

“You guys like Marlene! It's not like it's going to be a messy breakup, and it's for two months max.” Remus was getting annoyed at this point, what was the big deal?! It was his fake relationship! “I dont get why you care so much!”

“He's also got a point, Padfoot.”

“I dont care! It's just annoying that your dropping this on us, weren't you just saying we have more important shit to deal with? The band? The album?” Sirius argued, flat out ignoring Peter.

“For someone who doesn't care, you are the only one who is arguing about this!”

“ Because it's stupid !” The pacing started again, “Why did you agree to this anyways?”

Because im scared im actually falling in love with you.

“They reached out! Marlene's nice, and we have a shit ton of love songs on this album, it draws in publicity, Sirius!” Remus was fighting to urge to leave, even though it was his home, he always hated this part. Fighting with Sirius.

“Still! It's... ugh! Fine.” Sirius stopped, “It's still stupid.”

“I know.”

“Can't believe you agreed to this shit.”

“I know.” 

Sirius let himself drop into the chair opposite Remus, who was acutely aware of the distance. It felt so far after being so used to Sirius forever taking up his personal space, it felt cold.

James had been weirdly quiet, just watching both boys with a weird glimmer in his eye, it was similar to the one he got right before writing a song but so.. different at the same time. It worried Remus.

“Are you guys done fighting?” Peter asked.

“We weren't fighting!” Sirius shot back.

“It seemed a lot like fighting to me.” 

“Fuck off.”

“Ok ok, I just dont get why you're so upse-”

“Hey Pete, care to help me find the bottle opener? In the Kitchen?” James asked a wide smile on his face that made Remus far more suspicious than before.

“Why can't Remus, it's his house-”

“You're good at finding things, like a rat.” The grin was a bit maniacal at this point as James grabbed Peter’s arm, dragging the reluctant boy down the hallway to Remus’ kitchen.

“What the fuck does that mean James?”  His voice faded the farther down the hallway he went.

They sat in silence for a few moments, it was.. unsettling. in the nine years, they had known each other they had only really fought once. Sure everyone has spats but not fights , and this felt awfully like a fight.

“Moony?”

Moony... That's a good sign, right?

“Yeah, Padfoot?

“Who are the songs about?” Sirius looked up at him, the fight was seemingly over, but Sirius had unknowingly opened the doors to the floodgates. Or maybe he did know, he knew Remus best of course. Maybe this is just what he wanted to hear.

Or maybe the secrets Remus had been keeping finally wore Sirius down, for he told Sirius everything, or at least he used to.

Remus somewhat hoped that whatever God there was would smite him right then, or maybe they were having far too much fun watching Remus panic and look for an excuse. Sirius always knew when to ask Remus things to make him spill, he was stuck between the tension of the fight and the want to make everything better and self-preservation.

“They aren't about anyone, they're just songs.”

Sirius hummed, and for now, that was all Remus needed. The small very very small possibility that Sirius believed him, he was hanging on too.

☾♚

(***-231-5631) remus?

(remus) who is this?

(***-231-5631) Marlene McKinnon, now is this Remus Lupin?

(remus) yeah hi! you scared the shit out of me

***-231-5631 changed their name to marlene

(marlene) ha! sorry

(marlene) just wanted to text you and figure out how we're going to do this

(marlene) i dont know if you talked it over with your manager or anything..

(remus) really i haven't, it was all unexpected

(remus) no offense but i wasn't very keen on the idea at all

(marlene) none taken, trust me i was horrified about it

(marlene) no offense to you but men arent exactly my type

(remus) me and you really differ on that part

(marlene) good to know 

(marlene) so i think we can throw touchy-feely shit out of the agreement

(remus) mhm

(marlene) hand holding, cuddling, that tame shit in public and few appearances and ‘dates’

(marlene) call the paps on ourselves get caught

(marlene) maybe tweet a little

(marlene) then in a month or two, we break up 

(marlene) good?

(remus) no arguments here

(marlene) good.

(marlene) it would probably work to get to know each other? right?

(remus) sure

(marlene) god your a dry texter

(remus) i just met you! and your not giving me much to work with mckinnon

(marlene) fine.

(marlene) just so you know im very creative with nicknames

(marlene) so dont cross me

(remus) you and sirius must love each other

(remus) he names everything

(marlene) everything

(remus) he quite literally named me, james and peter

(remus) because our names didnt match his ‘aesthetic’.

(marlene) OML I LOVE IT

(marlene) i need to know what he named you

(remus) dont get to excited

(remus) i never said they were any good

(remus) moony, prongs, and wormtail

(marlene) poor wormtail

(marlene) thats borderline cruel

(marlene) please tell me you arent wormtail

(remus) nah thats pete

(marlene) wait

(marlene) its moony isnt it?

(marlene) because your name is stupid and means ‘wolf wolf’

(remus) words hurt marlene

(marlene) so im right?

(remus) yes your right

(remus) back to your point

(remus) getting to know each other

(remus) want to do like 10 basic facts about each other

(remus) and five personal ones

(marlene) sure

(marlene) i feel like im studying for a test again

(remus) pfft

(remus) whats your favorite color

(marlene) orange.

(marlene) yours?

(remus) purple.

(marlene) favorite season

(marlene) mines summer

(remus) fall, perfect weather

(marlene) literally no? its cold

(remus) excuse to stay in and dress warm

(marlene) your a strange man

(marlene) whens your birthday/your star sign

(remus) march 10th, 2000.

(marlene) ew your a actual fetus

(remus) im 99% sure we’re the same age

(marlene) august 1st, 1999.

(marlene) im older.

(remus) your annoying

(remus) i dont even know my star sign

(remus) one sec

☾★

(moony) Sirius

(Padfoot)?

(moony) whats my star sign

(padfoot) youll have to learn it one day remus
(padfoot) you cant keep asking me when someone asks for it

(moony) watch me
(moony) now what is it

(padfoot) your a pisces.

(moony) thank you x

(padfoot) you pick that up from james?

(moony) hush

(padfoot) xxx

☾♚

(remus) im a pisces

(marlene) should'vefa figured

(marlene) im a leo

(marlene) favorite animal

(remus) i like dogs

(marlene) koalas.

(marlene) favorite school subject

(remus) english

(marlene) does theatre count? 

(remus) fuck if i know

(marlene) i shouldve know english was your favorite, you speak so eloquently

(remus) technically were not speaking

(marlene) your also a hoot.

(marlene) morning or night time person

(remus) night 100%

(marlene) same.

(marlene) uhh how many was that because im running out of questions

(remus) technically that was 7

(remus) where are you getting the questions

(marlene) some therapy site?? i just googled 20 basic questions to ask and clicked what came up

(remus) wait let me google some

(remus) how do all of these questions suck

(marlene) right?

(remus) were you popular in school?

(marlene) kinda? i wasn't unpopular

(remus) same I think

(remus) how many houses have you lived in

(marlene) three, with my grandparents, then with my parents, and then alone.

(remus) if boarding school counts then

(remus) seven i think?

(marlene) thats alot

(remus) yeah i was sick alot when i was little

(remus) so we moved alot

(remus) and my dads job

(marlene) ooh

(remus) this is a fun one

(remus) ever get stage fright

(marlene) all the time

(marlene) a bit easier since im on a field and can tune it out a bit but

(marlene) still scary when you snap out of the zone and realize people are like there

(marlene) fake it till ya make it

(remus) i get what you mean, it's scary

(remus) it's gotten easier, exposure therapy i guess

(remus) favorite food

(marlene) any kind of pasta

(marlene) it's easy to make and taste amazing

(remus) palets de dame

(marlene) the fuck is that

(remus) french cookie like thing

(remus) my friend makes them

(remus) hes really good at baking

(marlene) cool

(remus) favorite thing to do

(marlene) ride a rollercoaster

(marlene) favorite thing ever

(remus) i like picnics and shit, something about reading in a park

(marlene) how many more do we have

(remus) 2

(marlene) have any tattoos?

(remus) yeah, moon behind my ear.

(marlene) ironic.

(marlene) i have flower vines on my ribs

(marlene) favorite person.

remus is typing…

(remus) might have to get back to you on that

(marlene) not so quick fruit loops

(remus) 

(remus) excuse me?

(marlene) your fruity.

(remus) really i wasnt aware

(marlene) and your last name is lupin

(marlene) fruit loops

(marlene) its not as funny if i have to explain it

(marlene) anyways answer the question

(marlene) who was the first person who came to mine

(remus) my mam will disown me if i say it wasnt her

(marlene) poor you

(marlene) now who really was it loops.

(remus) a friend

(marlene) dont be difficult.

(remus) fine, you know him

(remus) sirius?

(marlene) aww fruit loops thats cute

(marlene) mine is my little brother

(marlene) hes my biggest fan

☾♚

☾♚

(marlene) I GAGGED WRITING THAT I CANT

(remus) i know

(remus) i was sitting next to you

(remus) i need several showers now i cant

(marlene) rude fruit loops

(marlene) i am a catch

(remus) and im not???

(marlene) ask someone else

(marlene) im a lesbian

(marlene) going to cry myself to sleep now <333

(remus) yeah yeah

(remus) jamie wants you to go to the show tomorrow, back stage.

(marlene) oh how could i resist!

(remus) is this drama

(remus) are you giving me drama

(marlene) yes.

(marlene) ill be there

(marlene) bye lover boy

(remus) night marlene.

☾★

marauders

(padfoot) *crying in the club rn*

padfoot deleted a chat

(moony) ???

(padfoot) meant to send a goodnight text to mum, picked the wrong chat

(padfoot) still at marlenes?

(moony) no im on my way home

(moony) are you staying at james’?

(padfoot) mhm.

(padfoot) night moony

(moony) are you ok?

(moony) night padfoot

(padfoot) yeah im fine lol

(wormtail) dm’s exist you know

(wormtail) we do have a show in the morning guys :(

(padfoot) sorry wormy, goodnight

(wormtail) <3

(moony) <3

☼★


brothers

(sirius) crying in the club rn

(james) i know love x
(james) i dont want to say i told you so sirius, but i told you to do something xx

(sirius) i dont know why i care so much, its fake
(sirius) i just thought we told eachother everything
(sirius) maybe he didnt tell you all but always me
(sirius) i dont know what changed

(james) he was never able to hide things from you x

(sirius) thank you i totally didnt just say that

(james) sirius..

(sirius) i just dont get it james

(james) i think you do but you just wont admit it to yourself.

(sirius) stop it.
(sirius) were not talking about that were talking about something totally different

(james) not really.
(james) i love you sirius
(james) i love remus too, your my family.
(james) i dont want either of you to be hurt xx

(sirius) which is exactly why we dont dwell on this james.

(james) relationships dont always end in flames. xxx
(james) you just have t be willing to chance it x

(sirius) james
(sirius) stop

(james) the sooner you admit it
(james) preferably sober this time
(james) the easier to do something about it.
(james) you never know, sirius
(james) he could feel the same xx

(sirius) ive never had good luck
(sirius) idk what to do james
(sirius) i think its always been him
(sirius) fuck i hate everything lol

(james) come to my room and we can write a bit? xx

(sirius) yeah sure.
(sirius) i love you james.

(james) i love you too. xxxxx

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

☾★

marauders

(moony) before you say anything
(moony) yeah ik im shit at timing
(moony) so sorry bout that and all that bullshit
(moony) do you guys think we can learn a song in three hours?

(wormtail) moony.
(wormtail) we have a very important appearance on a talk show in three hours, you realise?
(wormtail) and what was it you said when we were figuring out what song to perform?
(wormtail) ‘I dont really care, we’ll be playing more at the show later anyways.’

(moony) mhm sounds like me

(prongs) what song? xx

(moony) the one we were talking about yesterday 

(prongs) the
(prongs) oh
(prongs) we can do it. x

(padfoot) ???

(prongs) its a good song

(padfoot) which one??

(prongs) youll see xx
(prongs) a special one x
(prongs) moonys been holding out on us im afraid :/

(wormtail) fine im not leaving though, come to my place and practice.

(moony) already out the door

☾★

Remus let the weight of his notebook ground him as he made his way out of the lift and into his car. He was being stupid, but that was becoming a very common pattern as of late.

He hadn't slept very well, the loss of Sirius’ weight on the other side of the bed seemed like an all-consuming hole, he hadn't realized how long Sirius had been staying over. He promised to never take it for granted again- if he could get Sirius over again and figure out why the hell he freaked out on him. 

He had an excuse to play the now modified songs, a ‘girlfriend’. It was very obviously a love song, and it would undoubtedly help with the new rumors that consumed him and Marlene since the previous night- it had spread like a wildfire. Marlene had found it funny, and Remus supposed he did too. It was just another secret to add to the tally, one that wouldn't hurt anyone. Sirius, Marlene, the song, the other song, the other, other other song.. it would be easy. It was easy.

No one would ever know who it was about, except James but he'd never tell, James was loyal. So Remus would teach them the song, and use it as an excuse to stare at his muse, and he could pretend for a few more moments that he was his. He wanted to be embarrassed with the way his heart jumped at just the thought, like he had a schoolboy crush, although he sort of did. Does it count as one if it never goes away? Does it count that for years he'd been pretending that one day he could tell Sirius and hed accept? Does it count if he wanted the world to know how he felt even though the thought of someone other than James finding out sent him into a spiral? He wanted everyone to know that he was bearing his heart to the world for him.

Always for him.