miscommunication and models

Remus really felt like he was calling himself a fool quite a bit these last few weeks, he was definitely feeling like one. They had just finished a sound check, only a few more moments before the show would go live and some host he’d never heard of would introduce them. He would sing a song and not look behind him, he would sing a song and everyone would believe it was about Marlene.

Or maybe, he’ll realise.

In that far-fetched reality where they are not oblivious idiots they would run away together, and buy an island or some stupid shit and stay there, together and in love for the rest of their lives.

That was not this reality, but surely you knew that, I mean even Remus knew it for the most part.

Sirius was sitting next to his drum-set, talking with Peter about god knows what. He looked gorgeous (Remus knew he was saying that a lot, though he couldn't think of another word to describe what he saw. Maybe he’d make one up.). He had on eyeliner, though he almost always did, and a bit of shimmer on his eyes, the rest of his face just had what was necessary with the harsh stage lights. He wore casual clothing, ripped jeans and a flowy tank top, his trademarked leather jacket was in his lap. He was smiling and following along with what Peter said intently.

These were his favourite moments, where they could just be a big fucking family. Where they could relax and talk, and play music and just be happy. This is what they had worked for, this is what they spent sleepless nights for. This is who he wrote for.

Why couldn't he just realise it already?

“If you want him to know, you have to tell him, y’know,” James said, just slightly above a whisper.

For someone so clumsy, he had a habit of showing up out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of Remus.

“Potter, you are scarily good at knowing shit, do you read minds?” Remus asked, turning around from where he leaned against the wall, “Also can you stop sneaking up on me?”

James shrugged, “Wasnt like I was being that quiet. If you want him to know so badly why not just tell him already?”

“James..”

“Dont ‘James’ me, worst case scenario he doesn't feel the same and you're embarrassed for a week or so.”

“That is not the worst case scenario, worst case scenario he hates me and quits and I lose all of you.” 

James scoffed, “Bit far-fetched.”

Remus chose to ignore him, “In my head, it all seems so much easier. I just want to get it over with but.. fuck James, it's so much worse in person. I’ve known him 8 years, and somehow I just never got over the crush part.” Remus sighed, “I just want him to know, but at the same time is it really worth it in the end? I can't lose him, James. Not over something as stupid as falling in-”

A light flashed from the wall, signalling the final call and telling the boys to get into place. Remus could feel his heart beating faster, he should really stop making a habit of telling James everything- it's going to come back to haunt him and he knew it from the sympathetic look on James’ face.

Fucking fantastic , he thought as he put the strap of the Bass around his neck, Fucking great.

Remus would be first to admit the song was a bit… eccentric. It worked though, at least he thought- in all fairness, the boy it was about was also a tad eccentric at times.

There was no way to deny the meaning of the song, it was in the title for godsakes.

He closed his eyes as a lazy beat flowed around, too late to back out now. 

Maybe with the stupidity of the last few weeks he had gone crazy, he could blame this impulse on that. Or maybe it was the feeling of grey eyes burning into his back as he sang, pleading with him to just turn his head. he would’ve done it too, for he was weak when it came to those eyes, but he was scared he would fall if he looked into them as he sang the words ‘I want to be yours. He was on the edge, and the longer he denied it, the more the earth around his feet fell into an endless void. One of these days he may just throw himself over, or fall in trying to escape. Either way, it was inevitable.

He was going to fall in love with Sirius Black.

☾♚

Marlene was there, of course, it had been specifically asked of their managers. 

For a relationship that was fake, it took a whole lot of work.

They were walking through the backstage part of whatever tv show they were on, Remus didn't really remember the names of them anymore, and of course, there were the bright white flashes. Why did it surprise him anymore? They all kept their heads down, James in the front, Remus in the back with Marlene. Walking single file line as people shouted questions at them and their names.

Marlene held onto Remus’ arm as they walked down the stairs, following the other boys. It was hard to see with the camera light, and even harder to concentrate with the noise. Remus tried his best to pay no mind, but he could feel anxiety bubble up and find a place inside of him, making everything a bit harder.

But hey, breathing wasn't really necessary, was it?

“Sirius! Peter! Over here!”

“Mr Black, is it true your going into business with your father?”

“James! Smile, what's the problem?”

“Lupin, is it true you and Marlene gt eloped?”

Remus had had quite enough of all of this.

Getting into the car took far too long, and leaving took even longer of course. He didn't really pay attention to the ride to Marlene's apartment, favouring looking at his phone for something to do with his hands as he calmed down.

Marlene left with a wave and a promise to text, playfully calling ‘bye loverboy!’ in her retreat.

There wasn't much talking for the rest of the car ride to James’.

James got out of the car first, stepping to wait on the curb for Sirius who lingered in the car, one hand on the door handle. For a moment the silence stayed, Sirius looked as if he was battling with an idea, the idea seemingly won. “Come on, moony. Stay the night with us, or at least stay until the show.”

“I think I’m just going to go home, maybe write a little.” Remus shrugged, turning off his phone.

“It's cute you think that was a suggestion. Come on, you, me, Peter, and James. Like old times.” Sirius smiled, Remus nearly said no, “Please? I really..” the smile dropped from Sirius’ face, “Just please, moony?”.

And how do you expect him to say no to that?

☾★

☾★

Remus had to admit that having a ‘sleepover’ wasn't as miserable as he thought it would be, it truly couldn't be when all four of them were together, it was a bittersweet reminder of the time they went to school.

Back then it was all coy smiles and shitty songs, things they’d never imagine putting out because ‘god, that's embarrassing!’. They had spent many nights with their bed all pushed together watching movies, and eating whatever junk they had managed to find that week in the kitchens. They would go through their weeks and talk about whatever came to mind which absurdly involved a lot of theories on what would happen to Werewolves if they were put on the moon (Why yes, that argument was started after making fun of Remus’ name, how kind of you to notice!).

Right now was quite reminiscent of that. They were in James’ living room, blankets strewn over the floor and sofa’s, and pillows thrown around the same, all of them exhausted after the show, even with it being a small private event it took a shit ton from them. James was sitting on the floor, cradling a pillow in his lap, while he looked for a movie on Hulu. Peter was laying on a sofa scrolling on his phone, mentioning something about posting on the band's Twitter account. Sirius was leant against the love chair in the corner of the room, drawn in on himself, as he watched the room with a quiet smile, every now and then talking to James. Remus was on the other sofa, just watching it all play out, no he wasn't miserable at all, he did love everyone here after all.

Everything just felt harder than it had once been.

Eventually, they settled on watching Beetlejuice, knowing they would spend the majority of the movie talking over it. Surprisingly Peter had the most to talk about. He had taken up a hobby of tattooing lately, after getting his first one he was.. fascinated by it. So fascinated that when he got home he signed up for a class on it, and ordered a kit from Amazon. He was like a kid when he pulled it out to show the rest of the boys and Remus instantly knew what he was about to get sucked into, his thought confirmed when he saw the looks on James and Sirius’ faces.

That's how he ended up with a wolf print tattooed on his wrist at 4 am, and he couldn't even say he regretted it.

Peter was actually quite good at tattooing, and Remus caved pretty quickly. James ended up with a buck print on his wrist, Sirius with a dog print, and Peter with a rats. 

“Why couldn't 14-year-old us came up with better fucking nicknames, named me after a rat..” Peter had grumbled after bandaging the fresh tattoo, but no one could miss his grin.

It was a good night, until it wasn't.

He didn't know if it was the silence after everyone had fallen asleep, or maybe the hours of sleep he had been ignoring instead trying to keep himself sane after free-falling head-on into a crush he had spent a good majority of his adult life ignoring, but when it was just him in the darkness and achy hollow feeling settled into his bones.

He thought about it a lot, how he had gotten to this point. Was he actually good at ignoring this ‘crush’ or did he always feel like this? When did it get to the point that innocently flirting went from annoying him to making him blush? What had been the point of no return and how the hell does he go back?

Why had he been such a fool?

Out of everyone it just had to be Sirius? Beautiful, lovely, sweet, generous, unattainable Sirius.

He could see him from the corner of his eye, all he had to do was turn his head and there he was. Sleeping soundly on the floor next to James. It was all very peaceful looking, and yet it only made the hollow feeling spread.

He didn't sleep very well that night.

☾♚

It didn't take long for the rumours about the unreleased song the boys had played to spread. It seemed everyone had lapped up the idea of Remus and Marlene having a ‘song’, something so intimate.

Remus was having a bit of a chuckle with that one.

“Remus, did you hear you're cheating on me?” Marlene asked him as he closed the door to her apartment. She was laying upside down on her couch, her head dangling off the bottom and her feet propped up on the headrest.

“Oh yeah? With who?” Remus asked, going to sit in the chair opposite her.

“James, it seems. Haven't you checked Rita Skeeter's blog? It's all over that an ‘inside reporter’ found out all about your “Secluded Homosexual Partnership, wow she actually phrased it like that.”

Remus couldn't help but grin, “I can't believe James didn't tell me we were dating.”

“Pity.” Marlene hummed. “I’ll keep you updated on the next one you cheat on me with.”

“Thanks, really appreciate that.”

This had been their little routine for the last two weeks, Remus goes to Marlene's house, Papratzi ‘catch’ him, he stays a few hours, and he leaves. Simple really. They had taken to either playing Just Dance or scrolling through their phones. Lately, Marlene had really taken to scrolling through her phone, and Remus wasn't dumb, he saw what she was looking at and couldn't blame her. Dorcas Meadows was gorgeous.

“So I was talking to Lily today.” Remus mentioned, Marlene was still looking at her phone.

“About you and James’ homosexual relationship?”

“Yeah because that's what my world revolves around.” He rolled his eyes, even though he very much was still fucking with Lily. He would let up soon. Maybe. “Dorcas Meadows came up in conversation.”

Well, Marlene wasn't looking at her phone now.

“She and Lily are good friends, invited me to a party.”

“I absolutely despise you, Lupin.”

“Not even going to let me finish?”

“Not if your rubbing getting to hang out with her in my face, I mean have you seen her? This is all your fault too! I can't even flirt with her because I have a ‘boyfriend’” She said the last part with a annoying voice, “You’ve made me look straight.”

“Wasnt the whole point your management set this shit up? And you've made me look straight!”

“Well, it's not like you're trying to woo a stranger! Or do you actually have a secret homosexual relationship you haven't mentioned?”

“We have gone way off topic.” Remus sighed, “I was going to say, it turns out im busy and hate parties but maybe my awesome, lovely friend Marlene would want to go.”

This time Marlene did not respond, she did however sit up and almost fall over herself.

This was fun!

“...I could look at my schedule.”

“Really? Cause I may have already told her you were, she seemed really happy about it. I swear she even blushed.”

“Shut up!” Marlene scolded, throwing a pillow at him, “No making fun!”

This time Remus wasn't.

☼❀

“Lily im not trying to cheat on my boyfriend,” James tried desperately to explain, but he had always been awful in these sorts of situations, “Remus really isn't my type!”

“So you admit he’s your boyfriend!” Lily shot back

Really James needed to think about what he had said before he said it.

☾☼

marauders

(prongs) moony

(prongs) i have tried so so so hard to explain to lily

(prongs) that you just have this need to fuck with everyone

(prongs) BUT SHE WONT BELIEVE ME

(moony) you poor thing

(moony) really thought she’d figure it out by now

(prongs) i ran into her during one of her shoots, me and jamie are here casting some of the people for the new music video

(prongs) and i totally fumbled explaining

(prongs) and i think i made her believe the lie more?

(padfoot) wait what's happening

(moony) i told lily James was my boyfriend

(padfoot) WHY??

(moony) I PANICKED??

(padfoot) how do you panic tell someone you have a boyfriend??

moony is typing…

(moony) i am a man of many talents.
(moony) I'll tell her james
(moony) soon
(moony) im quite busy

(prongs) thank you..? xxx

☾★

(sirius) hey, moony?

(remus) hey, whats up?

(sirius) can we hang out soon? just the two of us?
(sirius) i feel like we haven't seen each other in forever that was just
(sirius) yknow us.

(remus) yeah ofc
(remus) i always want to hang out with you

(sirius) charmer.
(sirius) its supposed to be warm on Friday? we could go to that park you like, have a picnic

(remus) forgetting you are allergic to grass?

(sirius) dont know what you're talking about
(sirius) just no arguing moons
(sirius) bring a book or something, and we’ll have a picnic
(sirius) itll be fun

(remus) of course sirius
(remus) hey has james talked to you about the slot for recording?

(sirius) I think he said something about two weeks, and then we should have everything recording and ready to be out by the end of next month
(sirius) we still need one more song, jamie bounced the one james wrote

(remus) shit ok
(remus) thats fun
(remus) see you tomorrow then?

(sirius) mhm :).

☾♚

(marlene) i am falling in love
(marlene) and you are the downfall of it all

(remus) you really know how to make a man swoon

(marlene) remus your my friend and everything
(marlene) but i am so close to telling everyone this is fake

(remus) told dorcas yet?

(marlene) thought about it
(marlene) got scared because she called me pretty
(marlene) not im just hopelessly flirting

(remus) do be careful
(remus) we dont really know who is at the party
(remus) and cba to deal with a scandal rn.

(marlene) yeah yeah
(marlene) fuck it im just going to tell her im a lesbian
(marlene) no thats scary
(marlene) she is like the most gorgeous person i have ever seen
(marlene) i think im like actually shaking

(remus) dont die please

(marlene) not before i get her number atleast.

☾♚

(marlene) I GOT IT

(remus) GO MARLS!!!

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