Bob The Builder Has A Heated Gamer Moment
Rainbow Doomguy dashed through the portal, trapping herself within the Publishing Dimension.
"Going through a portal makes this trip 20% cooler!"
Phoenix Wright watches the equine figure disappear with the portal, and turns his attention towards the staircase.
"Ugh, I didn't want to have to use this."
He closes his eyes, and calls upon the well of power given to him by Sasuke.
"SHARINGAN!"
With his 3-comma Sharingan, he can see the staircase as it turns invisible, and leads his friend Master Chief Bob The Builder through. But he notices something strange, a figure wearing various construction equipment, hovering just behind Bob.
"I see you have discovered my Stand, Mr. Wright. Worry not, it shall not interfere for now. Let us ascend the steps."
And so they begin to walk up the steps, bearing an emblem indicating they are sponsored by the Redstone Institute.
Upon reaching the second floor, they were confronted by a sickening sight: wet floors, with no caution signs.
Opening his suitcase, Mr. Wright pulls out a wet floor sign, and places it down, writing something on a clipboard. Continuing through the floor, (Cautiously, of course,) he found signs, written in English, which he couldn't understand.
"So you can see, Prof., that despite being in a city with a large international population, "Hogwarts" refuses to acknowledge the multilingual needs of the surrounding city"
"Oh, do you live here?"
"I've lived in this city for a thousand years, a thousand times over...and this must be the most bunged up bunghole of a mess that I've ever bunged into."
Sidenote: A curious reader may wonder why Prof. The Builder is no longer speaking in grunts. This is because, with the activation of Mr Wright's 3-comma sharingan, he can see through the Prof's helmet, rendering the intimidation tech null.
The next floor, which also had no disabled ramps leading to it, was not much better. Within this specific tower there must have been over 50 birds, all crammed together with no easy form of identification. Many of them carried letters in and out, clearly putting the mail at risk. This was a flagrant breach of animal cruelty and mail safety laws, and the case was not helped by an 11 year old child throwing red and white balls at them, capturing them with strange shrinking technology.
"Young man, what are you doing?"
"Hey, old guy, I'm Gary Oak, and I'm capturing this strange new species known as an 'Owl' to complete my Pokédex!"
Old guy: Do you have a permit for that?
Young man: Wh-you need a permit?
Old guy: Helmeted Old Guy, he's a poacher.
[Helmeted old guy tackles Young man to the ground, and arrests him]
[Achievement Get: In the eyes of the law, we are all just pidgeys]
Seeing the strange message that appeared in front of his vision, Bob the Builder startled. He slowly began to look around out the numerous, panoramic windows, and noticed something.
"Mr Wright, do you think that the headmaster of this school is in the highest tower?"
"Well it does seem like the most logical place to put something important. But it'll take a lot of walking to get up all those steps."
"Not if I can do something about it. STAND SUMMON! THE BUILDER'S CREW!"
Transcription: In the first panel, a tower is seen. In the top of the tower is a stick figure labelled 'wrinkly old man.' A stick figure with the head of the Master Chief and a second stick figure can be seen on the ground. The stick figure with the head of the Master Chief is saying "bulldozer, I choose you!"
In the second panel, the wrinkly old man is saying "get back, you b'st'rds" and the bulldozer is carrying the comically large fire extinguisher manual, which it then, in the third panel, proceeds to use as a ramp to get up to the top of the tower.
The fourth panel features the Master Chief's head edited on top of Bob the Builder. A label pointing with an arrow says 'going to do some police brutality'
After climbing the tower proved to let the wrinkly old man breach flight safety laws, the pair had to resort to... Less ethical methods. (Note that they are less ethical, not illegal.) Using materials obtained from a hardware shop and blueprints obtained through the patent office, they swiftly constructed a perfect copy of a Redstone Corp. Flying Machine, turned on their portable police siren, and went jerkily after him.
Now the trouble with redstone corp flying machines is that they are specifically designed to fail upon rebuilding. Naturally, redstone corp. claimed that it was to prevent unsafe modifications to their prized inventions, and to reduce the sale of their machines to non state actors. These claims are, of course, bollocks.
So Mr Wright and Prof The Builder flew after the fleeing man (henceforth named Suspect D), their machine spluttering and spewing black smoke. It worked for a while, their craft temporarily acting against gravity, but much like an old person, a fall was almost inevitable. And so they fell, Mr Wright seemingly too shocked to scream, and Prof The Builder's helmet censoring his.
There was one more surprise waiting for them, though. Namely, the suitcase which Mr. Wright carried. It contained an Aperture Laboratories brand Portal Gun and a copy of Isaac Newton's Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy, as requested by Bob the Builder. The former Portal Gun broke their fall quite handily by moving them back to the top of the tower, and the latter would allow them to perform a ritual. A ritual that would allow them to stop all of this madness. The legal documents were placed upon the desk, completing their task, and on the large, open floor, a circle was drawn in chalk by . Within it was placed the copy of Isaac Newton's Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy. Numerous symbols were drawn around the edge of the circle, which a skilled ologomancer might recognise.
"Isn't this betraying what we came here for, using their techniques like this?"
"Mr. Wright, there is something you need to recognise. We came here to enact the law, and there is a barrier in the way of the law. Nothing stops the law from performing it's duty, no matter how low we must sink to do it. Justice must be performed, at any cost."
"Y-You aren't really!"
Bob the Builder revealed the form of Gary Oak, bound and gagged.
"Justice at any cost. Remove one criminal, stop this whole building of them."
He repeated those words, like a mantra, trying to distract himself from what he was doing. Though the helmet was opaque, Mr. Wright could almost see those crazed eyes, single minded, trying both to focus and ignore the rote actions of his body.
"Remove one, to save the many. Justice at any cost. Justice must be performed. Stop these criminals."
Bob the Builder readied the Portal Gun, and shot one at the floor, and one at the roof, pushing both the book and Gary Oak into the infinite loop. They fell for what felt like hours, until finally the book stopped falling and began to glow, and Gary Oak didn't come out of the portal. The magic had received its sacrifice.
Transcript:
Prof. The Builder: Don't go about feeling too sorry for him. Their kind, they're likely to be repeat offenders. He was what, 12? 14? Already trespassing and poaching at that age.
Wright: But you didn't have to sacrifice him.
Prof. The Builder: Then he'll think he can get away with anything. You need to crack down on this sort of crime before it starts.
Wright: This sort of crime?
Prof. The Builder: He would've been a lifelong criminal.
Transcript:
Wright: What are you doing now?
Prof. The Builder: It's not an useful deterrent if no one knows about this. Once word gets out that we're tough on crime, you'll see the streets cleaned up in no time.
Wright: The streets are...already clean?
Prof. The Builder: You just saw a child trespass and hunt down a means of communication. Are the streets clean?
Transcript:
Prof. The Builder: We've wasted enough time already. We need to catch that crazed old man.
Going through that portal, they found an amazing treasure. A blank, white room, with a podium in the centre. Upon it sat a strange control panel, with a pocket-watch front and centre. According to the inscription in the cover, written in omniversal tongue, it could stop, slow, and speed up time. On the other side of the control panel was a pendulum that could control motion and gravity of objects in the same manner. These items also powered the control panel, but eh, that can't be important, right? Taking a cool mask from the gift shop (see image), they passed back through into the real world.
The trip back through the portal was so strange, it could only be described through ominous sounding, foreboding poetry.
Where is the parallel?
Where is the pattern?
Why are we stuck on,
This infernal carousel.
Is there any symmetry?
Are we in the stomach of Saturn?
The empty doorframe,
This confusing imagery.
What is this shifting?
What are we sifting?
What am I hitting?
Where am I sitting?
How are we moving?
Is my brain rifting?
The pitch is lifting,
This world is punished for existing.
My cocoon bursts,
I become a butterfly.
The world below me thirsts,
And as I watch they die.
The spores of the desert,
Meet the course of the sea,
And though they both hurt,
Soon all will be free.
The roiling masses crowd me,
The ocean of people surround the tree,
When will we release this place?
When will we escape this disgrace?
The flames lick at the flowers
It’s hungry, it devours,
The shackles of tradition,
Broken from my ambition.
It seems that the end is here.
After jumping through dimensions,
There is no need for fear,
And much need for apprehensions.
They had finally managed to catch the wrinkly old man. With a gag to stop magic and a pair of handcuffs, he was neutralised and brought to the police station. The man was fined for so much he ended up having to mortgage the castle, which was demagicked and turned into a tourism site. It was rather popular. As for the mask, it was bought as a legitimate interdimensional object by some guy named George Joestar I. Rainbow Dash went on to kill all the demons, and ended up using Fossil Resurrection Technology to revive her bunny, while muttering something about 'jumpchains,' whatever that means. The law has been enforced, and everyone lived happily ever after. (Except for the wrinkly old man.)