Torture and Violins
Sirius Black had always been an artist, as soon as he could pick something up his hands chose to pick up pencils, drawing everything little Sirius could think of. Sadly, his parents hated it, the scribbles everywhere, he was supposed to be learning they said. So, when Sirius turned two, he had mainly stopped drawing.
That was, until Juni was born, oh Sirius loved his little sister. And as soon as he saw her all he wanted to do was draw her, so that he did.
Sirius never stopped drawing, and when he was five, he started trying out new styles, realism, abstract art, anything that he saw he wanted to try.
By the time Sirius was seven he had a drawing to show to Juniper every few days, and every few days Juniper looked at the drawings observingly until she came to the conclusion that it was good and told him what to do better.
Sirius kept drawing. Through the years as Sirius grew, so did his drawing style, and little scribbles turned into beautiful art works.
Juniper had kept telling him how to improve, and so he did.
But now as Sirius sits in his room, looking at Juniper, whom he hadn’t spoken to all summer, she didn’t look like Juniper at all.
~
Regulus had always been an artist, as soon as he could talk he started quietly singing, making up melodies and lyrics. When he was four his parents put him and Sirius in violin class, Sirius hated it, Regulus didn’t. Sirius stopped playing, Regulus didn’t.
By the time Regulus was seven he played the piano and the violin like someone who was much and much older than him, and if he felt like it he would write lyrics with the notes and chords he played.
Regulus kept making music, over the years his little melodies became things that you could almost call songs, and then they did become songs. Not that anybody but Sirius could tell you that.
He was eleven when he had written his first song, he played it to Sirius the same night, Sirius had come back from Hogwarts and was angry at everyone. Regulus knew he got angry sometimes, and Regulus knew it was better if Sirius didn't talk when he was angry, so he sang to him.
He sang;
“Days seems sometimes as if they’ll never end
Sun digs its heels to taunt you
But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same”
"Rises the moon.”
By the end of it Sirius didn’t look close to angry anymore, he stared at Regulus with a look of fond- and proudness shining bright in his eyes, and hugged him. In his ear, Sirius whispered, “Juniper that was amazing.” Regulus felt his body tense up at the name, but he didn’t know why, so he didn’t mention it.
~
Now, sitting on Sirius’ bed, Regulus wishes he’d mentioned it. Sirius looked at him a little scared… worried. “Juniper, you can tell me okay? I won’t be angry.” Sirius says while whipping Regulus’ tears. Regulus was struggling to breath, he was feeling like he was drowning again. In a way, Regulus thought he was always drowning, always being pushed down, his struggling always going unnoticed.
He took a deep breath before looking at Sirius “Sirius, that's not my name.” He mumbled, quiet enough to go unnoticed, but it was noticed, Sirius always noticed. “What do you mean Jun- What do you mean?” Sirius asked, looking at him like he was scared for him, maybe he was. “That’s not my name Sirius.” He said, louder this time. Sirius nodded “Okay, okay that’s okay, can I ask why?”
Sirius was clearly panicking, they both knew it, but Regulus had to keep talking now. “I’m not Juniper Sirius, I’m not a girl, I’m a boy.”
Sirius looked at him, giving himself a split second to panic before saying
“Good for you, I always wished for a brother anyways.”
Regulus stared at him in awe, nearly unable to say anything. “Regulus” He whispered, still staring at Sirius, tears threatening to overflow his eyes.
Sirius looked at him confused, “Yes, your favourite star, do you wanna go see it?” Regulus shook his head, “No, it’s my name.”
Sirius looked at him again, “Okay then Regulus.” He said, like he was trying out the name “Bit pretentious don’t you think? And the heart of the lion? Are you converting to Gryffindor then?” Sirius laughed,
Sirius was laughing and Regulus struggled to believe it, after what he had just told him.
But he really was, laughing. And just like that Regulus started to laugh too.
That night, Sirius spent hours standing in front of the mirror, practicing. “Yes, that's my si- brother, his name is Regulus.” “S- He is quite shy, yes, but he’s a terror once you get to know he- him.”
~ Regulus~
They are a year older now, and yet again they haven’t spoken all summer. Sirius tried to talk to him, but Regulus wouldn’t let him. Ever since Regulus was sorted into slytherin last year Sirius looks at him like he needs to be saved
he hates it.
He hates him.
Does he hate him?
Sirius hasn’t tried to send him letters, hasn’t tried to be nice, it seems like he doesn’t want Regulus, or anyone from his family for that matter, in his life.
So, Regulus thinks, when he does want him, he can’t have him.
Regulus has been angry at Sirius before, countless times, but this time is different, Sirius is losing him this time.
And with that thought he decides he doesn’t want to think anymore, so he starts writing, and for a minute, he can breathe.
~Sirius~
The next morning Sirius is awoken by the screaming of his mother, at Regulus. His mother never screams at Regulus.
“YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY” Is all Sirius hears before he rushes downstairs, he may not currently like his brother, but he doesn't want him hurt either.
Sirius walks into Regulus lying on the carpet, he's bleeding from his ribs. “Reggie?” He asks, receiving a cold “Leave Sirius.” in return.
Sirius looks at his mother, she's clearly about to break his ribs, he knocks over a vase. “SIRIUS ORION BLACK”
A moment later he's on the carpet too, another moment later he's bleeding from his legs.
Regulus leaves. And Sirius hates him a little bit for it.
But he still goes to his room when he is able to get up. “Regulus?” He knocks.
Regulus opens the door and hisses “What Sirius?” He stands like he's hurt. “Are you okay? What happened?” Regulus rolls his eyes “Oh don't act like you care now.”
“I do care, Regulus.”
“No, you don't.”
Regulus answers, it sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than Sirius.
“Yes, I do.”
“You don't. And it's none of your business.” Regulus says, closing the door in Sirius' face.
Sirius stands there for a second, then a minute, thirty minutes.
When he walks to his room he feels the familiar ache in his legs.
~
The next day, his mother calls him down. “Sirius, tonight you will be marked. You shall not embarrass us. Be ready at 7, dismissed.”
Sirius stares at her in shock, before quickly leaving, he is not taking the mark. He starts writing a letter to James:
Dear James,
I have a bit of a situation, and I need to leave tonight.
I understand if you can't help, but-. Please tell moony to look out for himself. And you look out for yourself too, alright? You're allowed to have bad days too.
If everything goes well, I will be at yours tonight.
If it doesn’t... Just don't worry too much.
-S.O.B.
Sirius stares at the words quickly scribbled down on the paper, he gets ready and shoves the letter in his pocket.
“Sirius, Juniper” His mother calls them down.
He walks out of his door and bumps into Regulus, without saying a word Regulus walks past him. He walks downstairs too, and finds that the dinner is apparently, about to begin as everyone is here.
He looks around, he hasn't had time to send the letter yet, het sucks in a breath and straightens his posture. “Little nephew, let's get this over with!” Bella laughs, “Your arm, Sirius.” Says Orion.
Sirius stares at him, not saying a word, not moving an inch.
He can feel that Regulus is staring at Sirius.
“No thank you, I’m good”
“Crucio”
Pain, all he can feel is pain, he doesn't know where he is, he doesn't if he's standing or if he fell to the ground. He might be screaming but he has no way to be sure.
His body is on fire, it's getting ripped apart, it hurts
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts
And all of a sudden, it doesn't hurt anymore.
“Sirius, your arm”
His mother this time, she leaves no room for arguing, yet he does.
“No!”
“Crucio”
Pain pain pain pain pain pian pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pian pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pian pain pain pain pain pain pain pain
Sirius thinks he hears another spell, he isn't sure though.
pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain painn pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pian pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain painn pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain
He thinks he might be going crazy, what else can this be?
pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pian pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain
And then there's nothing.