It almost worked.
~Sirius~
Sirius Black is sure he is dead.
Nothing hurts anymore and he is. He just is.
Sirius thinks he's dead, and then he opens his eyes.
James is staring down at him “MUM HE’S AWAKE” He looks at Sirius “Can I hug you mate? Or would that hurt?”
“Ye- No that's fine James.” Sirius say’s, confusion echoing in his voice. James does hug him then, and Effie walks in.
“Hello Sirius, how are you feeling?” She asks with a concerned edge to her voice. “I’m fine Effie, but uhm- what happened?” He asks when James has finally let him go. “The last thing I remember is uhm- is being... there.”
Effie looks at him, her sad sigh filling the room. “That is alright sweetheart, I suppose you must’ve apparated yourself to us.”
Sirius knows that isn't true, he remembers passing out, he remembers that he was still laying there. He knows, but nothing else makes sense, so he stays quiet.
~
The rest of the summer is fine, rather fun actually.
Sirius takes a few days to recover, to process. But when the cuts on his legs have become scars, and he only wakes up once a night because of the pain his dreams give him,
It's quite a fun summer.
They fly, a lot. Remus comes over a few times, not a lot, but enough. Peter is there the last two days. They get everything they need. They go to town, to the lake, to bars.
It's quite a fun summer.
Atleast, that's what Sirius tells himself, because it's supposed to be, right? He got out, he got out and he's safe and he's living with his best friend.
He got out.
But Regulus didn't.
It's nagging on him, ripping him apart, eating him alive.
Regulus didn't.
His dreams start fading into Regulus getting tortured, having no one left, he can't even be himself. He got out, and Regulus didn't.
It's his fault.
His fault.
His little brother, is still in that house, and it's killing him. Yet, he knows he has to live with it.
~Regulus~
Regulus remembers it vividly; he dreams of it every night.
“NO, NO I’M NOT TAKING IT, NO, STOP”
Sirius voice echoes trough his head every moment he's awake, when he's asleep too.
Regulus had tried to make it stop, for him. He could only watch it for so long, so after a few minutes, he hadn’t been able to stand anymore.
Regulus had tried.
Regulus had failed.
And he was painfully aware of it. So, when it did stop, he decided this was it. His parents didn't deserve Sirius, and neither did he.
He sent James the letter he'd found in Sirius's pocket, and he made sure Sirius got there.
Regulus had told them he was a boy the day before, he had told his parents, for the first time. They hurt him for it, a lot. Then they hurt Sirius, he can’t remember why.
He had failed.
After Sirius left, his parents they realized they needed a new heir. They had called him down; “You might not be a boy to us, but from now on you will be a boy to the public.” His mother had cut his hair, bought him new clothes, reminded him, with punishment,
to walk like a boy, talk like a boy, be a boy.
He had failed.
His mother hurt him more, now Sirius left. She hurt him for getting him out, she hurt him for not eating his food anymore, she hurt him when he ate too much.
He had failed.
Regulus wrote another song; he published it the muggle way, under the name “How to drown without water.” No one was supposed to find out, and he liked the name
anyways. The song was called; “It almost worked” Every night he sang songs to Sirius; he went to the roof and sang.
“Everyone looks the same in this town
You can hardly tell the difference
She stayed at home and figured out how
To will herself out of existence
She gave it a try
she closed her eyes
She didn't know how it'd feel
She just hoped that it wouldn't hurt
And it almost worked.”
Ironically, he thought, it did almost work.
They almost both got out.
He didn't suppose Sirius would want to listen.
He had failed.
It went “viral” as they call it, millions of people knew it, witches and muggles all alike. His mother figured out, she hurt him for it. She said boys didn't write stupid little songs.
He had failed.
The rest of the summer that is all Regulus really did;
fail.
~James~
James is worried about Sirius, he had done what he could, but it just didn't feel like enough. Not that he blames Sirius for that, he wouldn't dare.
Sirius tried to act happy, he went flying with them, he flirted mindlessly with Remus and joked about everything with Peter.
But James saw it, the pain is Sirius's eyes when he thought they weren't looking, he noticed the way Sirius would stumble around the house every night, supposedly trying to find a way to rest.
He saw the letters to Sirius's little brother Sirius wrote, he saw that he never sent them.
He saw that Sirius got fury in his eyes when anyone brought up that night, he listened to Sirius yelling at anyone who dared to ask.He saw the sadness that hid behind the fury, the fear.
He saw it, because James always saw it.
He gave Sirius time, three weeks to be exact, and then that was it. He was going to talk to Sirius. Because he couldn't bear his friend carrying all of that sadness alone.
~
It is evening when he knocks on Sirius's door. “Come in.” Sirius says, he tries to sound cheerful, but James can hear the edge to his tone.
James walks in and sits on the bed. “Hey Padfoot” “Hey prongs”
James looks at him, really looks at him, seeing the bags under his eyes, the pain he doesn't want to burden others with.
“You're not doing well.” It is more of a fact than a question.
Sirius looks at him, “I’m fine James really”
James shakes his head “Knock it off and tell me what’s going on.”
Then after a long pause “Please, Padfoot.”
Sirius looks at him, the desperation in his eyes filling the silence.
"He's still there.”
It's nothing more than a whisper, barely a whisper even. But James nods.
James understands. “It's not your fault Sirius, he watched, he didn't try to help, he didn't try to leave.”
Sirius has nothing to say to that, so nothing is said at all.
Neither of them moves. Their thoughts being enough to fill the room the lack of words