I’m Not In Love
I’m not in love
So don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
March 1975
“Do you have to wear the jerseys?” Lily lamented as James and Marlene bounded down the stairs to the Common Room.
The team had won the most recent game against Ravenclaw, and with their fourth year team members, the cohort had been invited to the celebratory drinks since that September. And so, once a month on a Saturday, they’d find themselves in a circle in the Common Room; surrounded by rowdy older years.
Bottles of assorted liquors were stacked on a table by the windows. The Black twins’s turntable dragged from the boys dormitory for the evening. On loan for any future event, provided the fourth years were permitted attendance and that Ara was allowed to smoke without any comment.
“It’s tradition.” James insisted as he flopped onto the sofa beside them - pushing past some seventh years doing a line dance.
Most of their cohort was in the circle of chairs and couches. Pandora and Ara were sprawled together on a loveseat by Lily; legs caught as they slouched into the seats. Remus, Pete, and Sirius were shoved together on another sofa - Pete and James on the one beside them.
They were missing their Hufflepuffs that night; the team meeting for a late practice, and Alice’s friends all hosting a birthday slumber party for Amelia Abbot. Naturally, the girl had politely dipped from the Gryffindor birthday celebration in favour of the other.
“You look like toerags.” Lily informed them primly, the only evidence of her joking found in Ara’s bright laughter at her words. Their faces were pink and merry; clutched bottles of fairy wine that was surely from Pandora’s stash.
“Oh, you’re just jealous.” Marlene laughed, waving a hand dismissively as she sat on the arm of Lily’s chair.
“Really?” The ginger raised a thin brow.
“Absolutely.” Marlene nodded. “Next year, you’ll be wearing your ruddy prefect badge to bed, I bet.”
“We don’t know that I’d be prefect.” She huffed, folded arms over her chest.
“Please.” Ara snorted beside her - shaking her head as though the notion were idiotic. Her legs were pulled on Pandora’s lap as the other girl rested her bottle on her ankles. Though they’d invited the Ravenclaw several times, this was the first party she had properly agreed to attend. It was safe to say that the Wildflowers were a little nervous as to whether she’d attend any in future, judging by her quietness so far.
“Oh, alright.” Lily huffed, though all could spy her pleased little look. "Enough about that. I won’t even comment on the fact that the pair of you still smell like grass and sweat. How about… cheers to the birthday boys!”
James and Remus smiled under the attention - Remus’s far more sheepish compared to James’s wide lopsided grin.
“Hear, hear!” The twins chorused; matching in the gold sheen to their eyelids, and black liner darkening their lashes.
“Celebrate James first!” Remus laughed, trying to brush to attention onto the grinning boy. “We’ve already pranked the Slytherins to hell for me. I’m content.”
“You’re rotten!” Lily giggled, shaking her head before hiding her face behind a large swig of her wine.
“Ah, but you love me.” Remus laughed, reaching over to clink his bottle against her own. He was drinking his usual whiskey. “Now let’s celebrate the upcoming birthday boy! Cheers to James Potter, the truest Marauder of all!”
“Here, here!” The group laughed, clinks and splashes as they whooped and drank in celebration. There, in the middle, sat James Potter with his brilliant, lopsided smile.
“And what does the birthday boy want to do?” Ara asked, propping her chin on her hand as her elbow balanced on her knee.
“Veritaserum or Dare?” James grinned, holding the bottle like a trophy.
In a way, it really was.
The amount of planning and pranking required to swipe the veritaserum from Slughorn was frankly impressive. Not that the Marauders would share exactly how they’d pulled it off. Instead, as the sixth years had lamented that their Potions prize had been stolen, the Marauders had smugly grinned. And they had said nothing.
“Oh God.” Lily groaned, covering her face with her hands before erupting into a fit of giggles. It was rather amusing to see the usually uptight girl so relaxed. It was even more amusing to imagine her mortification the next day when she’d remember how much she drank.
“I assume you’re first, Jamsie?” Sirius grinned back, already setting up the glasses with whips of his wand to duplicate his own.
“When have I ever backed down from a challenge?” The boy pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger, accepting the shot glass and downing the contents horrifically. He ended up spluttering at the burn. “Ask a question.” He coughed out, eyes sparkling as the others laughed.
“Do you actually wash your lucky socks?” Pete chimed in with a cheeky grin.
“Haven’t since I went to Hogwarts.” He grinned, much to the others disgust. “I just stick a scent charm on them whenever the smell gets particularly rough.”
“That is unforgivable.” Marlene laughed, shaking her head at him. “He’s had them since he was five!”
“Get a new pair, Jamie!” Ara shuddered.
“They’re lucky!” The boy in question retorted; hands raised in defence despite his wicked grin. “Who’s up next?”
“I’ll go.” Marlene grinned, snatching a glass from Sirius with a quick flash of her tongue. “I figure we’re starting on questions until everyone’s had enough liquid courage, eh?” She waggled her brow before tipping the drink down her throat.
“Why do you spend so much time with the Ravenclaws?” Lily blurted, eyes wide as her words caught up with her.
“Dorcas.” Marlene replied with a shrug, seemingly unfazed by the line of question. “And not because I hate you. Not anymore, anyways.” She winked at the flustered redhead.
“Someone else?” Sirius asked, raising the glasses as he tried not to watch his sister light a cigarette and pass it to Remus.
“Why don’t you go?” James countered with a grin; a half-drunk bottle of wine in his hands. How the boy had gotten through it so quickly, Sirius wasn’t certain.
“If the need arises.” Sirius spoke wryly, saluting before he tipped his head back and swallowed the contents in a single gulp. The wince and cough afterwards were almost worth it. “Ask away.” He spluttered.
“Why don’t you and Ara speak as one, anymore?” Pandora asked, heads whipping as though half the Gryffindors had only just remembered her presence. Beside her, Ara winced.
“We grew up.” Sirius answered plainly, caught by Ara’s snort as his words. The rest watched on as she accepted a cigarette from Remus and took a drag - reaching to collect a shot glass and take a swig.
“Panda, same question.” She turned to the girl.
“What happened to the twin speak?”
“We stopped being of one mind.” Ara replied tersely, shrugging in a decidedly tense gesture. “And he stopped letting me speak first.”
“Can we not do this now?” Sirius grit out, glancing to their friends with weariness.
“I suppose so.” Ara replied, head tilted in an oddly predatory way as she regarded her twin. It was simply unsettling. And then, as soon as it had overtaken her, it passed. She turned to Lily with merry eyes and reached to hand her a shot glass. “Your turn.”
The ginger accepted it and drank in two big gulps, spluttering and coughing against the taste.
“That’s vile!” She shook her head. “Why didn’t you all warn me?”
“This was funnier.” Remus spoke dryly.
“We knew you’d wuss out.” Marlene chimed in.
“I just wanted to see your little face.” Ara laughed. “What’s the best picture you’ve ever taken with that camera of yours?”
“I got a good snapshot of Regulus kipping on the sofa in the Common Room with Crookshanks.” Lily grinned, flashing her pearly teeth. “Right after we all got back from Christmas break and you all weren’t at dinner. We found him first, before Remus found you and Sirius asleep in the dorm, surrounded by chaos.”
“We were trying to tidy up before everyone got back.” She laughed. “But we’d stayed up the night before and we couldn’t make it through sorting the wardrobes.”
“I’ll give you the photo later.” Lily giggled, reaching her bottle over to cheers against Ara’s.
“Oh, yes please.” Ara grinned. “That boy has too much blackmail on me.”
The game continued on for a few more rounds of truths.
Pete revealed that he was part of a school art club, tasked with helping design banners and notices. Marlene’s sister had apparently tried to ask out Marlene’s crush. James, when probed, confessed to a love of the French language and attempts at learning it. Lily revealed her cat was named after an American fighter plane that her grandfather had made models of, rather than the planet.
Once James had drunk a third time and announced that he was thinking of piercing his ears, Pete had spun to Remus with a gasp of horror.
“You haven’t answered anything!” He accused the boy.
Sheepishly, Remus looked to the group.
“I was hoping none of you would notice.” He admitted, face flushed from alcohol as he accepted the shot glass with a wry shrug. “Ask away.”
“Why’d you keep disappearing and coming back with jingling pockets?” Peter questioned Remus, quick to ask before anything else could be suggested.
“I’ve been selling fags to older students.” Remus blurted.
“Oh my God!” Lily gasped. “This whole year?”
“Yeah.” He winced. “How’d you guys think I got the firewhiskey?”
“Unbelievable!” Sirius grinned. “I can’t believe we didn’t figure it.”
“I knew.” Ara shrugged, taking a swig of her drink. “I help supply.”
“Devious.” Sirius grinned. “Why not mention?”
“Why would I not tell you that I help supply cigarettes to students, while also smoking myself? Gee, I wonder.” She spoke dryly.
“I’m bored!” Lily screamed, jumping to change the record in the player - having settled on the slowest and saddest song of the album.
The older years had scattered through the evening. Some were on the balconies with cigarettes and spliffs, others having gone on a quest for snacks in the kitchens. A few stragglers sat in hushed circles with
“Don’t touch Bowie!” The Black twins spoke in sync, identical warning hands outstretching. It was well-known by this point that they were in charge of the music. Even when it turned utterly miserable.
“Alright, jeez!” Lily held her hands up as she backed away, her eyebrows furrowed. She made her way over to Pandora, tripping on her way.
It was how she found herself playing the following game sat half on Pandora’s lap, and half on Ara’s - despite her pleas that she was too heavy for the spindly girls. In truth, they fit together quite nicely.
“Moony, Veritaserum or dare?” Sirius cocked a brow, a wicked grin coating his features.
“Again? Fine, dare. I don’t trust you.”
“Fair enough.” He barked a laugh. “I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room!”
Remus’s flickered to hers almost imperceptibly quickly. Ara glanced to her blonde Gryffindor friend, and back to Remus; a slightly raised eyebrow the only indication of a conversation having taken place.
“Very well.” Remus rolled his eyes, moving from his seat to kneel before the blonde in her place on the floor.
“Marlene.” He bowed before her dramatically. She laughed prettily, fanning her face like a movie star.
“Naturally.” She fluttered her lashes, eyes roaming the room.
Remus bent before her awkwardly, encouraged by her wink and warm smile. The kiss was brief, incredibly chaste. Sirius booed.
Pandora was dared to show everyone her best dance. The wild girl twirled around the Common Room, barefoot; hands moving in hypnotising swirls. The room screamed for an encore, cheering as she hopped and twisted with grace and ease.
Marlene flew her broom inside (to the roars of cheers and disapproval from older years) and Ara demonstrated the charm that made her hair unfrizzy at her twin’s request.
“Sometimes I worry that I’m a screwed up person, but then I look at the two of you and all I can think is ‘shit’. Life fucking sucks, huh?” Remus drunkenly confessed on his next go, after having balanced a wand on his nose.
“At least we’ll hopefully get a stinking fortune out of it.” Sirius shrugged, gently swapping the spiked drink for one without veritaserum.
“That’s true.” Ara mused.
“The pair of you are the most self-deprecating yet utterly egotistical people I think I’ve ever met.” Remus huffed a laugh. “And that’s coming from me!”
“Oh, well if it’s coming from you.” Ara laughed, a cigarette now perched between her fingers. As though the moment one burnt out, the next materialised in it’s place; the ends vanished by Pandora’s crafty hands.
With that, she paused to take a swig of her wine - frowning upon the realisation that it was empty.
“Take this.” James laughed, offering the firewhiskey bottle to the girl. She accepted it with a grin, nodding as she stood and clutched the cool glass.
“Ooh! Stick on Electric Warrior!” Sirius barked to whoever was nearest the record player. It happened to be Peter, who bowed with a cheeky grin.
“At once, my liege!” He saluted intently, tilting his head back to bellow laughs as he made his way to the turntable, carefully slotting out the previous record and placing the new one down. Even drunk, everyone knew to be careful with the records; or the twins would kill them the next morning.
“I love this one!” Ara giggled, throwing her hair back carefree to sing along. “I was dancing when I was twelve,” in her attempt to dance, her feet twisting incorrectly - balance slipping from her as she ended up tumbling onto a loveseat and into someone’s lap.
Remus’s lap, to be accurate.
His eyes flashed gold as she shuffled to sit comfortably - head tilted towards her ear, whispering something inaudible over the chatter with a bite of his lip ring. Whatever it was made her flush crimson, crossing her legs as she poked his chest and laughed as though they were the best of friends.
Completely unaware of the lingering gaze of James Potter, sipping at his elf-wine with a frown.
“I danced myself right out the womb!” Sirius joined in, elbowing James to get him out of his funk.
“Is it strange to dance so soon?” Ara sang; holding her bottle as a microphone.
She shared it with Remus, the two duetting the song - eyes caught in each other’s. As Sirius began to glance over, Lily grabbed onto him, singing at him. The boy was happily intercepted, joining in a duet with the redhead.
Only James was left to watch and stew. Not blind to the girls brushing the scene off, clearly in the know.
“Another round?” James cheered, breaking the group from their private moments. Marlene grinned, moving to help Peter lace the drinks anew with veritaserum. They stumbled around the group - Marlene moving Ara gently off Remus’s lap as she filled their bottle. The darker haired girl flushed and nodded, looking briefly towards her twin.
“Lils!” Marlene pointed at the girl as she retook her seat by James. The ginger nodded and took a swig of her drink, looking through her lashes up at Marlene. The blonde flushed, grinning bashfully. “You all say the Wildflowers don’t have secrets from each other. So what secret are you hiding from the Wildflowers?”
“Remus sometimes smokes in the dorm.” Lily slurred. “Peter is okay with it, but we can’t tell Ara or she’ll think it’s okay.”
“What makes you think I don’t already?” Ara replied, taking another swig of her drink. As her eyelids drooped, she failed to see the amused looks her friends were giving her. She took another swig, not noticing the glint in James’s eyes. In her drunkenness, she had forgotten one important thing. One thing that James had been waiting for all night. Her drink was still filled with Veritaserum and she’d just drunk enough of it to be honest.
“Say, Ara,” James began, a mischievous lilt to his voice that Sirius did not like, “What were you and Remus up to in the broom closet the other day?”
“Fucking.” The word left her lips before she could stop it, completely sobering her up. Her eyes shot up with panic to Remus, who looked very much like he wanted to be swallowed by the loveseat.
There was a moment of wide eyed silence - the girls (who knew) on one side of the circle looking at James with horror - and the boys (who didn’t), who were slack jawed staring at Ara as though they’d never met her before. Sirius looked both like he wanted to punch something or be swallowed by the ground at the idea of his sister having had sex (and before him!). Especially with Remus. More than that, actually. He looked at James with hurt, as though aware of this plan.
“Low blow.” Ara growled at James before lunging. She managed to get in three solid hits to his face before Peter and Marlene dragged her off - still fighting them to try and hit him some more.
Meanwhile, Sirius had moved to where Remus was sat and very simply and soberly punched him in the face.
Chaos very quickly erupted amongst the drunk Gryffindors as Frank moved to help hold back Ara - who’d somehow elbowed Peter in the nose, prompting the boy to hurl all over his trainers. James was cowered on the floor, clutching at his bleeding nose with wide eyes. His glasses were gone, somewhere in the kerfuffle. Some older boys had moved to stop Sirius from fighting Remus (whose face was bright red with embarrassment at the whole scene), and Lily was pulling at the sparking ends of her hair in the middle of their circle, unsure where she should help while Pandora gripped her arm with the expression of a rabbit caught in headlights.
“Oi!” A magically amplified voice finally managed to call out over the kerfuffle, prompting the fourth years to freeze and turn to their disruptor.
One of the Prewett brothers stood on top of an armchair, waving his hands in a sign to stop.
“As funny as all that was, and it was,” he offered a dry grin that made them all seethe (except for Lily, who was now using the lull to move over to Remus and check his injured cheek), “can we please stop scrapping like a bunch of werewolves?”
There was a hopeful pause - Sirius relaxing under the grip of the boys holding him back. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. As soon as Frank and Alice relaxed their grip on Ara, she lunged back for James, resuming her pummelling. This time, it took the Prewett Twins themselves to drag Ara off the spluttering boy - though she yelled obscenities his direction.
“Fuck off!” She growled against the arms of the Prewetts, who looked at her sympathetically. There was little that they did not find amusing, and it was clear they’d be having words with Potter about the affair. After all, they had always been fond of the other set of twins in Gryffindor House.
“Now now, little cousin. Do you really want to continue airing out your business in the common room?” One of them warned.
“Why not?” She spat. “I didn’t bring it up.” She turned to look at James - now surrounded by their classmates as he wiped more blood from his face. She spoke next softly and with a disappointed laugh. “Fuck, Jamie. Why’d you do that?”
He didn’t answer her, instead looking away ashamedly. Sensing she was finished with her tirade, the Prewett Twins released her and she stood on her own, staring at the scene.
She hated being the centre of attention. It felt tight on her chest and gave her vertigo. And in this moment, every single eye was on her. She was the unlucky witch who’s sex life just got aired in front of her entire House, in front of her twin brother! It was humiliating and embarrassing. The looks of pity and curiosity made it so much worse.
Running her hands through her hair, Ara spun from the scene to the dormitory stairs, fully planning to never comment on this entire shitshow ever again. Unfortunately, Sirius wasn’t finished.
“Ara!” He shouted as he ran to her, though there was hardly a point - given that the entire room was eerily silent.
Fuck. She couldn’t do this right now. But, Ara supposed she’d have to. She turned gracefully despite still feeling the effects of the liquor, and stared down her twin.
He gulped.
“Did you know?” Ara asked, a mask of calm that Sirius knew all to well. This was the look she reserved for people who were about to be in a world of hurt.
“Ara, he broke the Marauders code!” He whined, gesturing over to where Remus was being consoled by a very drunk Lily. She made eye contact with him for a split second; a single nod confirming that both were alright and would discuss it tomorrow.
“And I don’t care.” She stressed every word as she locked eyes with her brother, speaking with a level and eerily tranquil tone. “Did you know what Potter was planning?”
“Yes.” He gulped, wincing as he saw the fire behind her eyes. “But I didn’t know he was going to ask like that!” He tried to backtrack, hoping to whatever gods that were listening that this wouldn’t be as big as he knew it would be.
The others surrounding them were silent, watching on with terror.
“Yes, you did.” She replied calmly. “You could have had a rational conversation with me, or perhaps left my business alone, but instead you decided to rig an entire evening to humiliate me and one of your best mates. You are a child, Sirius. I suggest you grow up.”
With that, she began her move to the girls dorm; even her walk was calm and precise.
“Ara! I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” He ran after her, making it to the bottom of the stairs as she reached halfway. She turned back to him with an incredulous expression, cracks of anger shining through her mask. It was breaking and he knew it.
But she knew he was probing into her brain to get a read on her, so she did the same to him. He winced, stepping backwards at her jab across the bond. Once he could see beyond his memories, he was greeted by her cold mask once more - though it didn’t quite reach the eyes. As he tried to speak in their mind, he felt the sharp snipping of their bond.
With horror, he looked up at her, poking at the empty part of his brain. She had shut off the twin bond from her side completely. It was painful, like losing a limb or a head.
But worse, she stared at him as though she hardly felt it.
“No.”