Hide In Your Shell
Hide in your shell, 'cause the world is out to bleed you for a ride
What will you gain making your life a little longer?
Heaven or Hell, was the journey cold that gave you eyes of steel?
13th November 1974
“You have to admit that it might be getting concerning.” Remus implored in a whisper - eyes darting between Slughorn at the front of the class and James beside him. “It’s always this day, and it’s like they vanish from the face of the Earth. We wake up and Sirius isn’t there, and we go to breakfast and Ara’s missing too.”
“So is Reg.” James pointed out, shaking beetles out of a bottle.
“Exactly! All of them just disappear, and by now they aren’t on any registers for the day, and no one says anything.”
“So?” James looked up at him, utterly unimpressed.
It wasn’t as if he didn’t see where Remus was coming from. All of them worried about it.
But he’d never been quite so pushy about uncovering the secret. Not before. And it left a sour taste in James’s mouth. A bitter flavour on his tongue that screamed of suspicion.
“I’m just saying, one of us ought to ask why they always do this.” Remus continued. “It’s been four years, and we still haven’t said anything.”
“Sometimes people need a day off.” James shrugged, chopping the beetles with a wince at every crunch.
“I get that, but you have to admit it’s strange. Like it’s an anniversary or something.” He sighed, chewing his lip ring with thought.
“They’ll tell us when they’re ready.” James replied, pushing his glasses up his nose with his forearm before pouring the beetles into their cauldron. “No secrets among Marauders, eh?”
“Yeah, alright.” Remus sighed, eyes flickering to Pete’s bench - the boy working with Marlene again. The pair seemed to get along well in potions, which left the others able to dart around and shuffle whenever Remus was moon sick, or if James or Ara had a bad day. “Pete’s been acting odd, recently, have you noticed?”
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, mate,” James groaned, shaking his head in exasperation. “I swear, you’re just looking for secret plots to uncover now.”
“Alright, alright.” Remus raised his hands defensively. “I’m not wrong, though.”
“Just stir the potion.” James laughed.
——
1st December 1974
Ara Hermione Black,
You must stop underestimating the danger you are putting yourself and your brothers in.
Our Lord is interested in you now. Behave, or I do not know what he will do.
Come home for Easter. Just you.
If you follow what we agreed, I will uphold my vow.
W.H.B
——
The door to the Marauders dorms opened with a thud - a dark haired boy barely registering the presence of any others until he had stalked to his bed.
“Ara’s in the hospital wing again.” Sirius Black grouched to his friends, flopping onto his bunk. “Got into another scrap with Crouch.”
“Blimey.” James gulped, pushing up his glasses. The boy was sprawled across his bed - one of Petey’s comics across his chest. The Marauders had decided to skip Hogsmead that day, considering Remus’s moon sickness from the lunar eclipse. Currently, the curtains were drawn; lights dim and warm. “Is she alright?”
“She was winning when the fight was just Muggle.” He grinned with pride as he regarded the other Marauders. “But one of Crouch’s Slytherin buddies started throwing hexes and now she’s got a busted shoulder. She should be fine by dinner.”
“Who was it?” Pete asked from his desk - having spun in his chair to face the bunks. His sketchbook lay open on the surface; half-finished etchings of Hagrid’s hut.
“Dolohov.” Sirius spat, glowering deeply.
“That prick?” Remus growled, his lip ring glinting as he licked his lips - arm covering his weary eyes. “I didn’t think Crouch and him got along.”
“They still don’t,” Sirius laughed, “cause after Dolohov knocked Ara out, apparently Crouch punched him. Broke his nose and all.”
“Blimey!” James laughed, jumping from his bunk to check out Pete’s sketchbook. “I don’t get Crouch and Ara, at all.”
“I don’t suppose we’re meant to.” Peter shrugged, looking bashful as James peered over his shoulder. “But he seems alright, for a Slytherin.”
“As long as he keeps helping my twin to the Hospital Wing after their spats, I’m alright with him.” Sirius laughed weakly, rubbing a hand over his face as the weight of the day caught up with him.
“Ara sure knows how to pick ‘em, eh?” Pete laughed, shaking his head with fond amusement at the actions of his messy friend.
“She has a saving people thing.” Sirius shrugged, propping his arms behind his head as he considered the dormitory. “We should all know, considering we’re the first lot she’s been working on saving.” His laugh was a little less genuine that time, a little caught in the truth of the statement. “I think Hufflepuff might actually win the match against Slytherin this weekend.” He spoke, the boys a bit whiplashed by the sudden topic shift.
“I’m blaming your brother if we lose the cup this year.” James jokingly scowled, flicking through the pages over Pete’s shoulder. “We’ve won the past couple matches, but he’s a bloody menace on the pitch.”
“We trained him too well.” Sirius sighed dramatically. “Student becomes the master, and all that rubbish.” He motioned with his wand as though he were speaking some long and deep speech.
“It’s like he stepped it up by eleven when he got on the team. He wasn’t that good over summer, I swear.” James laughed.
“Blacks are meant to be the best.” He shrugged. “It’s the unspoken rule of my family that if you decide to do something frivolous, you must be the best at it. Most of ‘em are best at being shits, but some aren’t doing too bad.”
“Your cousin Andy was a delight.” Remus chined in; tone dry as it usually was. It had taken the boys time to realise that while their friend was often sarcastic, he was not being such all the time. He simply had a very deadpan voice. “Though, she was a bit haughty at times.”
“So is Sirius.” James grinned, jerking a thumb his way.
“We all are.” He rolled his eyes, lobbing a pillow James’s way. The bespectacled boy laughed as he swatted it away from him and Pete; the blond boy blushing as James nudged him. “Even Reg, though he’s better at hiding it.”
“I’m glad none of your lot are Slytherins.” Remus remarked. “I’d dread to face your sister if she was a snake too.”
“She’s already too sneaky for her own good.” Sirius laughed; the sound so full of fondness. “If she was a snake, we’d all be screwed.”
“I’m glad you’re all not Slytherins then.” Pete gulped, laughing nervously as Sirius’s barking chuckle sounded.
“Me too.” Sirius grinned, still relieved that Ara had been sorted first. A great pressure had been taken off her shoulders when the hat declared her brave. It had been his mantra leading up to the event; that boyhood wish to be brave enough to get away.
And she had fought it, but it had still claimed her.
For a long time, he’d wanted to be mad at her for it. For going back on their promise to be unlike their family.
Sirius simply couldn’t. Not when he would have done the same ruddy thing if she hadn’t been sorted first.
He still thanked the stars for that.
“What did Frank want with you earlier?” Pete asked; a curious gleam to his eyes. The older he got, the more of a gossip he became. Sirius was certain he could point to anyone at Hogwarts and Pete would know at least three rumours surrounding them.
“Frank bloody Longbottom said that if Ara keeps coming to the dorm, he’s gonna have to tell McGonagall.” Sirius glowered. “He’s only doing it ‘cause he’s now a prefect.”
“And because of all the rumours, Sirius.” Remus spoke dryly but pointedly from his bunk.
“What rumours?” James asked, looking up from Pete’s sketchbook.
“Apparently, we’re all in some weird gay collective.” Remus huffed a dry laugh. “After all, don’t homos marauder on their-”
“That’s an awfully unkind word.” James frowned, interrupting his friend. “Besides, what would it even matter if any of us were?”
Three faces turned to stare blankly his way - even Remus, lifting his arm to look to James in disbelief.
“What?” James frowned, turning to see if they were looking at something behind him. He was wide eyed and dark-cheeked as he turned back to face them - leaning away from a very red Pete. “I’m not saying I am, I just mean… well, it isn’t as if that sort of thing really matters. Long as people are happy, that’s what Aunt Dorea says. So what if people think we’re gay?” He shrugged lightly.
“I mean… it isn’t that farfetched.” Sirius remarked, cracking a wicked grin.
“It isn’t?” Pete spluttered.
“Marlene said she half-expects us to all sleep in one bed like sardines with sleep-hats.” He chuckled. “Don’t think that's too far a leap.”
“That’s only because she knows Ara sleeps here half the time.” Remus commented, shifting to rest his right arm over his eyes - flexing his fingers as he rested the left. “And Ara likes to tell the girls absurd things about you all, just to see if anyone will believe it.”
“Bloody devious.” Sirius squawked indignantly.
“Bloody clever.” Remus corrected. “She’s decided to boost James’s plan of telling everyone absurd rumours about us so no one realises the truth.” James awkwardly scratched the back of his head - sheepishly shrugging as he flopped onto the end of Sirius’s bunk. “Like that I’m a werewolf, or that Sirius has a third nipple.”
“I do not!” The boy gasped, hand on his heart in outrage. “Lift your arm and I’ll prove it to you.”
“Oh, bite me!”
“Just give us a bit to become animagi and I’ll make it worth your while.” He winked, utterly provocative.
And as James and Pete burst into laughter that made Remus’s ears go numb, he thought that perhaps he ought to have lifted the arm.
Oh, well.
——
“Your name doesn’t only have one meaning, you know.” Lily spoke unprompted that evening, as Ara was braiding her hair off her face for bed, and Lily was getting ready for her first Slug Club event - Pandora due to arrive right before Lily’s departure. So she could inspect her for wrackspurts and make sure the nargles hadn’t gotten to her shoes like they had for Pandora until recently.
The Slug Club invitations had gone out with the first December post. A dinner, for Yuletide and to introduce the students to leading figures in their respective fields.
Or as Ara called it, a festive party for the glorified self-gratification of a dozen pompous wizards.
Which frankly made it very difficult for Lily to feel excited about such a thing. Even as the only Gryffindor in their year to be invited.
“It isn’t just a star or a grim fairytale?” Ara replied, tying off the end of her braid as she looked through the mirror to her friend. They were a funny pair at the moment. Lily with her hair in curlers, face freshly lotioned and washed. Ara, with her smeared eyeliner and messy braids - no magic or Muggle means quite able to wipe the black from her waterlines. Fresh bruises along her jaw and temple and a healing split to her lip, unlike Lily’s pristine complexion.
“Indeed.” Lily nodded, fixing at a lose curl that had fallen free. “According to Polly, in Arabic it means ‘to bring rain’.”
“Huh.” Ara mused, eyes unfocused as too many great thoughts were brought by the notion.
It was always water.
Whether altar or rain. Always that ringing mention of water - that nagging feeling at the back of her mind. As though it were all connected, all tied together in some way she could not understand.
She was the Altar.
And really, what is an altar if not a place for rain to be cleansed?
“How long until you have to leave?” Ara queried, grabbing her toothbrush to distract from such thoughts.
“I’ve got a couple hours.” Lily squeezed the paste onto her toothbrush, passing the tube to Ara with a smile. She still appreciated that the other girl joined her in brushing her teeth every day with the muggle stuff.
“Do you want help getting ready? I bought a load of makeup over summer when Andy took me to Oxford Street.”
“That’d be wicked.” Lily smiled, accepting the tube back. Neptune trailed around their ankles in lazy twirls. “Is Reg still going?”
“Sluggie wouldn’t dare let him skip.” The girl laughed, wetting the brush under the tap. “Besides, I think it’d be good for him. Get him out from that inferiority complex he’s got brewing.”
“I don’t blame him for feeling it.” Lily shrugged. “It must be hard being the Hufflepuff of the family.”
“Not as hard as it was having to listen to him lament that Slughorn only invited him ‘cause me and Sirius don’t do academics well. Honestly, I wanted to smack him and tell him that he got through on his own merit.”
“I’ll tell him.” Lily promised. “He probably needs to hear it from someone that isn’t related to him.”
“Cheers Lils.” Ara nudged her. “For that, I’ll let you play that pop twaddle you like while I do your makeup.”
“Honey, Honey is a masterpiece of a song.” Lily declared.
“It’s no Letter to Hermione.” Ara shrugged.
“You only like that song ‘cause it’s got your ruddy name in it.” Lily grumbled, shoving the brush into her mouth with a scowl. “And we were talking ABBA.”
“I like Waterloo.” Ara offered weakly as she began brushing her teeth.
“You don’t have to lie.” Lily whined through the brush, hand covering her mouth as she tried not to spit.
They stood in silence for a moment, scrubbing the day away. That is, until Lily spat her toothpaste into the sink, washing her brush.
“Severus thinks that Remus is a werewolf.” Lily spoke abruptly - freezing Ara in place as she brushed her teeth. Despite quickly continuing the movement; she knew her pause was noticed. Instead of commenting, however, the ginger girl continued speaking as though she’d seen nothing. “He keeps saying all of these absurd theories. But I think, even if he was, it wouldn’t matter, you know? ‘Cause he’s still Remus.”
“Exactly.” Ara spat the toothpaste, eyeing her best friend carefully.
“I’ve been tellin’ him that he’s ridiculous, and paranoid…” she darted a look to the door, biting her lip briefly with nerves, “I think we’ve got time. I think I can hold him off for a while longer.”
“Thank you.” Ara breathed, turning to swallow Lily in a tight embrace. “Just… thank you.”
“He’s my friend. I have his back.”
“And I’ve got his front.” Ara jested.
“I bet you do.” Lily laughed, pulling back from the embrace with a chuckle.
“Thank you, Lils. Seriously.” Ara reached for her hands, holding them between the two as she smiled gratefully at her best friend. “I’m glad he’s got a friend like you.”
“I think he’s probably more grateful to have a friend like you.” She waggled her eyebrows.
“Shove off!” Ara giggled, nudging Lily playfully.
“How is that, anyways?” Lily continued, cheekily.
“It’s nice.” Ara smiled. “He’s a bit… he knows exactly what he wants, if you get me.”
“Wolf boy’s got a dominant streak. Who’d have guessed?” Lily spoke dryly.
“Shove off!” Ara repeated with a laugh, playful pushing Lily back into the dorms. Neptune followed the girls - jumping onto Lily’s bed and snuggling into her sheets. The cat was no longer a kitten - long and slender and dark as night. Only visible by his bright blue-grey eyes - like the sea on a stormy day. “Now come on, I’ve got the perfect dress for tonight!”
“I don’t fit your clothes!” Lily tried to protest as she was placed on Ara’s bed - the other girl rummaging through her trunk.
“I didn’t buy it for me!” She laughed, reaching for gauzy purple. “I saw it in London and I just knew it would suit you perfectly.” She threw the dress at Lily; making shooing gestures. “Go on!”
With a roll of her eyes, Lily tugged off her robes, pulling the soft fabric over her plump form. To her surprise, it truly did fit perfectly.
She let Ara appraise her for a moment after she zipped her in - nodding to herself proudly. Neptune mewed from her bed in approval.
“I knew I’d judged right.” She grinned. “It makes your boobs look incredible.” She sighed wistfully, pulling her arms up to cover her small chest.
“You wouldn’t want my chest if you had to live with it every day.” Lily retorted, pulling Ara’s hands down. “I wish I was as small as you, sometimes.”
“Being small isn’t great, Lils. I wish I had your curves. I have the same body as my twin.” She grumbled.
“And I have the body of a gross old woman.”
“No you don’t!” Ara shook her head. “You’re so beautiful.”
“You’re only saying that.” Lily blushed.
“Honest, I’m not. I don’t lie about things like that.” Ara promised. “You are, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen or known. So shut up, and look in the mirror.” She ordered.
Not daring to disobey and hear more sweet words that would only make her stupid crush grow, Lily nodded - moving to look in the full length mirror by the bathroom door.
True to Ara’s word, Lily really did feel beautiful. The dress highlighted the curve of her body in an artful way; showcasing her waist before draping over her hips with silky waves that fell to the floor. A low neckline, with a strap that went around her neck and showcased her freckled chest. All in a gorgeous glittery lilac that made her hair seem brighter and her eyes greener.
“You’ve got good taste.” Lily remarked.
“And you’ll woo all the sexy academics in that.” Ara grinned, admiring her good eye for fashion.
“I just want them to listen to my theories about spellcrafting.” Lily sighed.
“With your big brain, I’m certain they’ll be running to hear what you’ve got to say.”
“I hope so.” Lily fretted. “It’s just rotten how I got in.”
“What do you mean?”
“I found out that he booted Jodie Pritchard, the Muggleborn Ravenclaw in our year. I only got invited when he got rid of another Muggleborn.”
“Then we make do with it.” Ara spoke, voice a little tense. “It’s a shitty system, but you’ve got your shot now. Time to show them that their Pureblood bullshit doesn’t equate to your wicked smarts.”
“Yeah.” Lily breathed, twirling slightly to watch the dress shimmer as she moved. “Fuck them snooty fuckers.”
“Fuck them snooty fuckers.” Ara agreed.
From Lily’s bed, a long meow of agreement was heard.
——
No one had spoken to Regulus in thirty minutes.
After all, he was the Hufflepuff of House Black; the odd one of the rotten bunch.
Really, he knew the only reason why he was invited to Slughorn’s event was that the twins hadn’t accepted his offer themselves. That and they weren’t exactly the academic types. Of them all, he was the one that paid attention to classes and handed in all his homework on time. He didn’t think Sirius had handed in a single piece of decent homework, and he was certain that Ara was months behind on hers.
That and he was now Seeker for the Hufflepuff team. James had been invited when he’d joined the Quidditch team - though the boy had politely declined. Really, Reg felt he wasn’t there for any of his own achievements. Only a symbol of the Black family and how the new generation had shifted.
He didn’t even know how to interact with this many people. This many different branches and groups… how could he be certain he wasn’t interrupting anyone?
Really, that was the real reason he could have never been a Gryffindor. He hated groups of people.
Still, Ara had told him that he ought to go. And then Henry had begged him to sneak back some fancy snacks; David begging for stories of this exclusive event.
He could scoff at that. It was really just a group of old men, waltzing around and pretending that they were selecting candidates for future jobs and careers and all that rubbish. As if they were actually interested in the insights or academics of a group of teenagers.
No.
This was showboating. This was Slughorn pretending that his teaching career as successful, since he’d managed to grasp enough favours to fill an emptied out classroom. This was wizards loudly listing accomplishments and waiting for praise from children.
Essentially, Regulus didn’t like it very much. In fact, he was debating the easiest way to sneak out to the kitchens for a few jam tarts before bed.
“How’s your night going?” Regulus blinked, looking to his left to see ginger hair and lilac fabric. Lily Evans in her beauty and grace; styled impeccably. He could see his sister’s hand in each element, armouring her friend with the best she could.
“Huh?” He squawked, coughing after as though he had something in his throat.
“You’ve been stood in this corner like a wallflower for half an hour.” Lily’s lip twitched in amusement, eyes glittering under the orange lights. “So, how’s it going?” She nudged him lightly.
“Grim.” He admitted with a sigh. “No one wants to talk to the weird Black.”
“I do.” Lily shrugged. “Though I don’t see your sister anywhere. I guess I’ll have to settle for the smart one.”
“The twins can be smart.” He replied weakly, fighting his blush.
“Sure. If they ever paid attention in lessons or handed homework in on time.” Lily rolled her eyes lightly. “I suppose Ara might be brilliant, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sirius reading. Not sure he can.” They shared a quiet laugh.
“They don’t like being told when to do things.” He shrugged, a smile twitching at his thin lips. “But I bet when they do hand in homework, it’s flawless.”
“I suppose.” Lily admitted, cracking a grin. “But I didn’t come over here to chat about the twins. How’s third year treating you?”
“It’s going well.” He shrugged. “Glad I picked Arithmancy.”
“Professor Vector is wicked.” Lily agreed. “When you get onto Wenlock’s ‘Treatise of the Number Seven’, check out Karuzos’s ‘New Theory of Numerology’. He’ll be essential for the essay on character numbers.”
“Thank you.” Reg smiled shyly, awkwardly straightening his robes.
“And how’s Quidditch? I heard from the boys that Hufflepuff might have a shot at the cup this year.”
“We’ve got a game against Gryffindor, right after the break.” His smile turned to a grin; full of mischief and plotting. “And McKinnon’s been spending too much time with meadows doing things over than training, so as long as I ensure that the pair of them are distracted enough they keep it up… well, I’m thinking about coming up with a bet for it.”
“Oh! Tell Potter that if Hufflepuff wins, the Gryffindor team has to wear yellow for a day.” She grinned, eyes alight with mischief. “That ought to be revenge enough for the pair of them.”
“Pair of them?” Reg frowned lightly, trying to figure whoever had clearly peeved the ginger.
“Potter and Marlene.” Lily explained bashfully, fingers awkwardly reaching to comb the ends of her hair. “He keeps pranking us Wildflowers, and she keeps stealing Ara’s and my makeup.”
Reg was perceptive enough to tell there was more to the tale on both ends. Still, he nodded and leant in, conspiratorially.
“If you really want revenge on McKinnon, mess up her potion on the first week back.” Lily’s eyes widened as she nodded enthusiastically. “Slughorn uses those as his first assessment of the term, to see how many people study over holidays.”
“You are devious.” She grinned wide; utterly bright and excited. Her cheeks were pinked (though that could have been the cider in her cup). But it was her eyes that trapped Regulus. Green as emeralds - a kind of vividness that was a magic in itself. “We’re making Wit-Sharperning in potions next term. Slughorn keeps going on about it.”
“Stick the ginger root in their potion before the simmer stage.” Regulus winked.
“Clever.” Lily smiled back, eyes bright with amusement. The two stayed almost stuck for a moment; caught in each other’s gazes in a way so utterly unfamiliar.
And it was the strangest thing. It didn’t feel out of place.
“Any plans for the holidays?” He asked, ruffling a hand through his curls.
“I’m just going home.” Lily sighed. “Things got a bit… well, let’s just say tense, over summer. Dad said I ought to come back to try and mend fences.”
“You ought to.” Reg shrugged. “But sometimes it’s alright to walk away too.”
“Will you be alright stuck here over break?”
“We will.” He smiled, no traces of deception as his hand reached to tug at a chain beneath his collar. Lily had almost forgotten that they all had them. Those matching gold chains and pendants; new heirlooms for a better lot. “Ara’s determined to make it decent, and since everyone’s going home from Gryffindor, I’m planning to kip in the dorm with them.” He grinned cheekily.
“Sounds like a plan.” She smiled back, cheeks round and pink and eyes utterly full of light.
It was his favourite colour, he decided.
That shade of vivid green - like fresh spring grass in morning light.
“What do you say, Reg?” Lily spoke, offering her hand. “Shall we face the wolves?”
“If we must.” Reg grinned; fingers wrapping around hers.
And in that moment, all he could think was how glad he was for such dim lighting. That way, she couldn’t see how deeply he was blushing.