Illicit Affairs

Marlene McKinnon POV: Part Two

So yes. Marlene has been thinking about Dorcas all week. In fact, she hasn’t stopped thinking about her since she realised that she actually fancied her. So calling her a coward was probably the best idea Marlene had all week—better way to get over her feelings, she would’ve thought. 

Of course, that didn’t happen. Almost a week ago she was slapping, hitting, punching Dorcas as much as she could, and now she was lying on her back, thinking about the fact she’s going to be on a date with her. This was the worst thing to happen to her. A few weeks ago, she would’ve shrugged it off as if it was nothing, now she felt her body becoming giddy, and nervous whenever she thought about Dorcas. 

Then, the twenty-first of Decemberarrived, and she hid in her room the entire day before the party. She got Lily and Remus to bring her up toast, unsure if she’d share eye contact with Dorcas that day, without falling apart. Instead of trying, she hid. Fight or flight. And to that, she chose flight. 

“How do you think Remus would look with eyeliner, and neat hair?” Marlene smiled, her arms resting on his shoulders as he and Lily shared eye contact from across his room—Lily leaned over towards the mirror, putting lip gloss over her lips.

“Dunno,” she muttered, quietly. She turned around, twisting the lid back on. She grinned. “Ok, so how does this look?” 

“Absolutely stunning,” Remus drawled, standing up from the chair, escaping from Marlene’s nervous wreck grasp. She crossed her arms, her stomach filled with butterflies. “And now, I’m going to spend a whole night with bloody Barty Crouch,” he sighed, picking up his blazer. He pointed a finger at them. “Leave the room the way you found it.”

“So a pig sty,” Lily nodded. “Won't be difficult.”

“Ha, ha,” he said, sarcastically, his hand on the doorknob. 

“Have fun Remus!” Marlene called after him, as he exited the door. 

“Not too much fun though!” He was still in Lily’s sight. Marlene noticed the door was still slightly opened. “But if you do, don’t forget—“

“Ahh,” he slammed the door, as they listened to his steps all the way down the stairs. 

Marlene leaned over the railing of the Astronomy Tower; she and Dorcas agreed to meet there. Her leg bobbed, as her eyes studied the trees, the Quidditch Pitch, everything she could see from where she was standing. She was anxious. Not in the ‘I'm going to die’ way, but in the ‘I’m going on a date with somebody I fancy’, kind of way. And she’d never feared something so much. 

She brushed out the skirt half of her dress, practicing her smile. She knew Dorcas hated her, but she had tonight to prove her wrong—to prove that the impression Dorcas has had since the first day in the park, where she, the annoying girl, decided to help the girl she saw crying on the swing alone, was wrong. She wasn’t the annoying, persistent girl who wouldn’t leave her alone. She was different. 

“Hello McKinnon,” She heard Dorcas’ voice, her body immediately spinning around, as she came into sight. A dark, royal blue dress sat on her body, fitted perfectly. Of course, Marlene comes in with a borrowed dress, and Dorcas fucking Meadowes shows up with a designer dress that suits her flawlessly.

“Hi,” she managed. “If I had realised you had actually come in something decent, I would’ve dressed better.”

Dorcas laughed. “What can I say? I dress to impress.”

“Impress who, then?” She felt heat rising in her body, crossing her arms over her chest, she stared at Dorcas. “Certainly not anybody I know of.”

Dorcas let out a chuckle. Again. And oh Merlin, Marlene felt as if she was falling apart. As she watched the other girl, the one she knew despised her. The one she insulted the other day. 

“Sorry about calling you a coward,” Marlene murmured, sheepishly.

“Ancient history, McKinnon… Ancient history,” she shook her head, tilting it onto her shoulder, staring. Could she tell that she had some sort of grip on Marlene? Or did she think that she still hated her? Because Dorcas definitely hated Marlene. You don’t call people you like a coward. “Sorry for slapping you. Still don’t like you, though.”

Oh, but Marlene didn’t feel offended. There was something about Dorcas’ tone that made her feel strangely at home. But there was something so cold about her expression that, even more strange, brought so much warmth to her. And she’d live even happier knowing that she’d be seeing that expression every single day. 

“Oh, definitely not,” Marlene shook her head, quickly, though a sly grin spread across her face. “You’re still an absolute no from me, Meadowes.”

“Excuse me, McKinnon,” she put a hand over her heart. And oh. How Marlene’s heart suddenly felt warm as Dorcas threw her head back softly, as the smile she was attempting to hold back barely hid itself. “So, do we agree that we must not fight tonight. Just tonight.”

“Hmm,” Marlene placed her finger on her chin as if she was thinking. “It may be a bit of a challenge, because you have many faults I could comment on but… I’m sure I can manage.”

“You’re a cunt,” Dorcas crossed her arms, swinging her body around to head back down on the stairs. “Now, are you ready? Because I’m not sure I’m ready to be seen with you,” she grimaced. As a joke. Marlene knew Dorcas long enough to know the difference between her snide, smart comments, and her sarcastic jokes. 

“Oh, I’m not sure I’m ready to be seen either.”

“I’d never be ready to be seen if I was you.”

“Eugh,” Marlene groaned, throwing her own head back as she walked over to Dorcas, who was resting her arms on the railing. “Who’s the cunt now?”

“Still you, love.”

“Wow,” Marlene drawled sarcastically, as the two headed down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. “Dorcas Meadowes, wouldn’t have expected you to be a flirt, love.”

“I would say the same, and even though you’re not a good flirt, you are one. Remember the first day of first year?” Dorcas asks. “You proposed to me. You liked my jewellery.”

Marlene jerked her head away from Dorcas, slightly embarrassed. Yes, I remember, she thinks, as she lets out a loud sigh. She crossed her arms, a soft grin on her face. “Yes, Meadowes, I do remember. You were so mean to me. I mean, you still are. But I was so, so nice to you. And you were just so mean. I didn’t mind, though. It made me laugh.”

“I know,” Dorcas huffed. “I’d try and hurt your feelings, and there you are, just laughing, trying to get it out more. You’ve never changed, have you? Some people don’t. Those people you can rely on,” she murmured quietly. And though, it didn’t sound entirely like a compliment, it was one. Dorcas Meadowes complimented her. 

“Merlin, you haven’t even had anything to drink, and yet you’re already being painfully honest with me.”

“I’m always painfully honest with you.” 

“Are you painfully honest with my brother?” Marlene found herself asking Dorcas. She wanted to win against Dane. That stupid, gormless git of a brother. She needed to win. And though Dorcas obviously likes him better, Marlene was going to have this. 

“No,” she says. That’s all she says. Without another word. And Marlene at least knows she has this against her brother. “Now, do you think we’ll be able to sneak alcohol?” She speaks again, when they’re outside the door. The silence was loud before. But it was oddly comfortable.

“Meadowes, you’re the Slytherin, sneaky should be your middle name.”

“No, you’re definitely right. For the first time in your life. Good job,” she nods, opening the door, gesturing for Marlene to head in. And the room is surprisingly nice. It’s comfortable, decorated, and there are people everywhere. 

Lily and Benjy sat at a table opposite each other. Marlene noticed they were quite good friends. Being both muggle born, they had more to chat about, and especially debate about. Lily Rose Evans loves a good argument. One for certain that she’ll win. She’s too clever to lose. 

And Remus, unfortunately pale, leaned on the table, his hand resting as he glanced around the room. Beside him, and slightly shorter, Barty Crouch Jr. stood, speaking about whatever it was. He had his arm moving around, almost spilling his drink. He and Remus were, (shockingly), in a very deep conversation about something. They’re both fairly smart. Smart people have a lot to talk about a lot of the time.

Not far from Lily, a very jealous Severus Snape stood, staring at her. He had his date beside him. Poor Penelope Parkinson. She’s on a date with him, and just has to deal with his embarrassing amount of jealousy. Marlene stopped, as Dorcas came into sight again. 

“Here you are,” she passes her a cup. She brought the cup up to her mouth, sniffing. “I do good, don’t I?” 

“Not usually, but yes, I have to say you did just then. How’d you manage?” 

“Us Slytherins never reveal our deepest secrets, darling,” her braids brushed against Marlene’s arm, as she spun around her body. “Oh look, our dear Slughorn is showing up, don’t lift your cup too high or he’ll smell.”

“Hello ladies,” Slughorn had his clueless grin spread across his face as he walked up to them. Marlene was heating up. But she wasn’t sure if it was because she was anxious, or because the alcohol was starting to take effect. “I hope you have a good night, now you must forgive me, but I have more guests to greet.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Dorcas smiled her fake, sweet smile, as Slughorn nodded. She sighed, breaking out into a giggle. She rested her forehead on Marlene’s arm, and she’s sure Dorcas has forgotten where she is, who she’s next to, and what she’s doing. “He’s so clueless—I can’t—Seriously, please.”

“Wow, this seems to be working,” she comments, staring at Dorcas, who’s completely broken out into helpless laughter. “I’ve never seen you smile like that before.”

Dorcas freezes. Realising. And she stops. Why does she stop? Marlene feels as if she wanted Dorcas to laugh again. No. She needed Dorcas to laugh again. She’d never seen her break out into a giggling fit like that. And now that she’s seen it, she wanted to replay it on repeat.

“And you never shall again,” she nods, winking as she heads across the room.

Marlene scrunches her eyebrows, chasing after her. She didn’t know which Dorcas Meadowes she liked better. The sneaky, snide, sarcastic arsehole, who never dares let anybody close, or the one who was throwing her head back, completely lost in the moment. That question shallnever be answered, because no matter how she answered it, she’d never truly be able to pick. Because she decided right there, every version of Dorcas was flawless. 

“Oh, c’mon, can’t even be yourself for just onenight.”

“McKinnon, I wasn’t aware that you liked me to be myself. But now that I do, I must make sure to never let it happen again.”

Marlene scoffed. “As if I like any version of you. But… I bet you'd never just calm down for longer than one night.” 

Dorcas stopped. Her body still, as Marlene stared at her, tucking her smirk away. She knew Dorcas was unable to turn down a challenge, and she’d get to spend a whole night with her, without pretending, without harsh insults. Hours. With her. She could barely believe her luck.

“Ok, ok,” Dorcas threw her hands up softly. “This is a one night thing. I’m never being nice to you again, or I may have to throw myself off the Astronomy Tower.”

“One night thing,” she agreed. 

“Well let’s go find somewhere to sit down in here, because we probably shouldn’t be drinking in the middle of the room,” she shrugged, glancing around the room, spotting a chair as she pulled her towards it. Marlene could die there. She could die as Dorcas’ hand was wrapped around her arm, tugging as she walked. She turned around, collapsing into the chair. 

“Why’d you call me a coward?” Dorcas blurted out. Her eyelids fluttered, her head twitching slightly as she turned, and Marlene watched her. She just watched. She didn’t know, unfortunately. 

“I dunno.”

“D’you think imma coward?” She asks. She’s frowning, as she leans forward in her seat. Her speech was slurring already. Marlene noticed her fluttering away. Not in the literal sense. She was drunk. Already. 

“I don’t think you’re a coward,” she confirms. Never once she did ever think that Dorcas Meadowes was a coward. Never. “I—I didn’t think before I spoke,” she sipped her drink, again. “I don’t really do that often.”

“Do what…Think?”

Marlene chuckled. “One minute of not insulting me, please?”

“Nah,” she shook her head, her blink seemed like it was lasting forever. Half an hour into the party and Dorcas was already drunk. Marlene, then, wondered whether she started before…Did she really find Marlene that unbearable? “Nah, I didn’t—I didn’t mean it like that. Like you’re so confident, and funny, do you just not think?” 

“I have three brothers,” she shrugged. “It was either confident and tough, or I would be endlessly made fun of.”

“I have a brother,” Dorcas told her. “He’s older, though. Doesn’t go to Hogwarts anymore. But—But we used to be close…not anymore.”

“I’ve never seen him around at home.”

“That’s because he got kicked out,” she slurred. “Or he ran away. I’m not sure. But he kisses a boy, gets the crucio curse, disappears from home,” she laughs. But it wasn’t really a laugh. Marlene’s mouth fell open as she tried to form words, unable to do so. “It’s like…fuck life at this point. He’s gone. Don’t know if he’s dead or not. If he was more than tortured by my evil parents. Don’t know anything at the end of the day.”

“Are you like him?” She asks. In any way really. Not just the queer way. She wanted to hear Dorcas talk more. Even if she’d never had a civil conversation after this. “Any way you’d like.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Yeah, I’m like him. Except I’m the one who likes girls. Weird, right?” 

“No, it’s not weird. I do, too.” 

Dorcas blinked. “You do?” 

Marlene leaned her head back, as the drink burned down her throat. “Yup.”

“When’d you realise, then?” She hiccuped, turning her entire body over to Marlene. And for the first time, she felt as if Dorcas really wanted to talk to her. She smiled, turning herself towards the other girl. 

“I proposed to you. You figure it out.”

“Right, so as your wife I need to know everything,” she nodded, turning away. A joke. She was actually joking with Marlene. But wife. As your wife. Merlin. She wouldn’t be able to hold herself together for much longer. 

“When’d you realise then, Mrs McKinnon?” 

Dorcas laughed, letting a grin break out across her face. Her own stomach turned, and Marlene wanted this moment to last forever. She needed it to last forever.

“Just kind of always knew, y’know?” She tilted her head, resting it on her arm 

“Mm,” Marlene answered. She looked away, as she realised her face was heating up. She noticed from the corner of her eye, Dorcas swayed slightly, clearly becoming drunk. “All right?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we should leave soon,” she suggested, watching the other girl. The drunk other girl. Her date. The other drunk girl who was her date. “It’s been about forty minutes since we got here.”

“Why are we leaving, McKinnon?” She snapped. A smile broke out again. “Let’s go dance.”

“You’re drunk,” was all she said.

“Eugh,” she groaned. “Since when have you ever actually cared about me?” 

Since always, Dorcas. I always have. 

“Since I’m your date,” she said, despite her thoughts. “Ten more minutes and then—“

“And then we’ll go up to the Astronomy Tower, again?” Dorcas asked, hopefully, her shoulders straightening up slightly. “It’ll just be me and you, it’s not like anything bad will happen.”

“Fine,” she grunted, as Dorcas walked away from her, onto the dance floor.

She’d never seen Dorcas drunk before. It was probably her first time drinking, as well. And Marlene was going to take care of her. She’d ditched her drink a while ago, realising that she’d have to do.

She heard someone behind her clear her throat. She turned immediately to find Lily, and Benjy Fenwick. Lily had a smile plastered across her face, as if she really had fun a few moments before. Benjy did, too, but his eyes were somewhere else. Shooting up the middle finger at someone. Subtly. 

“Hey Lils,” Marlene grinning, watching Dorcas on the dance floor now. She was glancing around the room, spinning in a spot, her eyes jumping from each thing in the room. As if she was looking for Marlene. As if she’d lost her. She couldn’t help, but laugh. It was, after all, a pretty funny sight. “Hey Benjy.”

“Why hello, Marlene, such a pleasure darling,” he curtsied. He was always oddly dramatic like that. But she didn’t mind. He made it quite clear he was gay, and she most definitely needed more gay in this world. Despite what she's been told.

“Hello Benjy again,” she bowed. “A pleasure, too, my love.”

“I don’t understand why you two do this.”

“Do what, sweetheart?” Benjy asked. Not seriously. He knew. She could tell, by the way he slipped quick winks to her. Remus showed up behind them—obviously in his we’re setting you up right now mood, Barty next to him, as he had his arms crossed, glaring at Benjy. 

“Fenwick,” he grunted, begrudgingly. Benjy turned around, a grin spreading onto his face as he saw Barty. 

“Oh isn’t it Baby Crouch, always a displeasure,” he smiled, sarcastically. Though, if you are standing across the room, you’d think he was complimenting Barty. Marlene watched Benjy, her eyes followed over to Barty, who held back whatever emotion he was feeling, staring at Benjy. Shame they were in two very different houses. Slytherin and Hufflepuff. Would’ve looked cute. But who even knows if Barty Crouch was even queer. 

“You’re a dick.”

“Oh, Crouch, I try. I try,” he nodded as if he pitied him. Marlene laughed, her hands placing themselves on each boys’ shoulder. 

“Get a room,” she pushed them towards each other, Barty’s body immediately tightening up as he got closer to Benjy, who winked at him. 

“Oh yes, I’ll be waiting,” he squished his body in between Barty, and Marlene as he walked away, and Lily shortly followed behind him. Marlene smiled, her gaze altered toward Remus, and Barty. 

“Try not to look so in love,” Remus chuckled, as he crossed his arms. Barty slapped him on the arm, softly—odd friendship. Marlene solutes, as she heads over to Dorcas, who, apparently, was still unable to see her. How stupid can she get? 

“We’re going now,” Marlene pulled her arm, as Dorcas stumbled, tugging her arm out of Marlene’s grasp, failing almost miserably. She groaned, looking back at the room. But she needed to get out of there. Before something stupid would happen. 

“I could’ve stayed in there, you know,” she sighed. 

“Nah, Meadowes, plus remember the Astronomy Tower?”

It was like bribing a child. A naive, innocent, little child. 

“Oh yes. I like looking at the stars. And the Moon. I feel like there’s a deeper meaning. About it all. Y’know?”

So this is Dorcas. Painfully honest, and descriptive when she’s drunk. And Marlene could find worse things than looking after a drunk Dorcas. 

“You’re the sun. Because y’know, you’re always shining bright, and whatever, and there’s no certain people who notice you. Because everyone does,” she ranted on, and Marlene just let her, as they walked through the corridors of the school. “I feel as if you don’t really need to try to shine as bright as you do. Only certain people have that about them.”

“Ahh, stop making me blush,” she drawled, as she listened to Dorcas, who glared in her direction. She removed the smile from her face, quickly. “You’re the moon, then? The Sun and the Moon don’t usually get along. They don’t bond. Ever. So when a solar eclipse happens, it’s wild. When we get along, it’swild.” 

“That’s quite clever,” Dorcas nods, her steps echoing through the halls as she takes each of them. “The stars are my friends,” she decides. “And you don’t have stars. You have so many people, there’s no spot that needs to be filled.”

“There might be one,” she blurts out. “The one the moon fills during a solar eclipse. The part that’ll always be empty until the moon comes along. Because as much as we’d hate to admit it, we need each other.” 

“Suppose. Yeah,” she said, as if it was nothing. 

And maybe it was nothing to her. 

It was more than that to Marlene. But Dorcas spent forever hating her. She wasn’t any more than the annoying girl at the park, who was supposedly like the sun. It didn’t matter. She didn’t matter the way Dorcas mattered to her.

They made the rest of their way to the Astronomy Tower in silence.