Dorcas Meadowes
Dorcas Meadowes POV: part one
Dorcas Meadowes has known Marlene McKinnon for as long as she can remember. The two girls were neighbours; two houses down from each other—Dorcas has the Meadowes Manor at the end of the street, and Marlene has the small one in the middle.
But despite the size of their houses; everybody liked Marlene McKinnon better than they liked her. Dorcas was shy. So quiet that almost everybody on her street avoided speaking to her. Except Marlene; exasperating, tiresome Marlene McKinnon—she always said hi when Dorcas would sit on the swing, whilst the other kids ignored her. Of course, young Dorcas would secretly judge the person she decided was the sun in human form.
Dorcas, when she was young, decided she was the moon. Only a certain group of people at a certain time would notice her, and that was her friend group; Regulus Black, Pandora Lestrange, Evan Rosier, Barty Crouch, and the one and only Dane McKinnon. Almost completely identical to Marlene—even their mannerisms were so similar. Only difference, their personalities couldn’t even be compared.
He was the closest she’d ever got to having a real friend before Hogwarts. Whilst everybody, besides Marlene, would barely go ten metres in her space, the two sat judging the people who wouldn’t even bat an eye that way. They also knew each other were both a part of the Wizarding World. The Meadowes family was one of the few oldest pure blood families there were left—and she hated it.
Dorcas used to despise putting all of her time and energy into school. Even into the subjects she hated. That’s until annoying Marlene McKinnon kept pestering her. So she challenged her; of course, she didn’t mean to. She was fine with ignoring the brown haired girl, who wanted to dye her hair blonde for ages, for as long as she could. It slipped out, and just like that, they were competing for the highest grade on their test. To Dorcas’ luck, she got the highest. And Marlene didn’t leave it alone.
So they continued; seeing who could raise the hand first, and say the correct answers, who could get the more perfect outcome of a potion in a limited amount of time. So because of Marlene McKinnon, everything seemed slightly less dreadful.
But as ironic as Dorcas found it, the only thing that was truly dreadful was Marlene—she was insufferable, with that stupid grin, and her brutal honesty. She ran down the halls, always having Mary Macdonald beside her, and Lily Evans watching them, a longing stare in her eye. Maybe it was friendship. But Dorcas noticed that Lily didn’t have that look in her eye around Severus Snape.
Fucking Severus Snape. His arrogance, and his horrible smirk in Potions when he’s constantly getting praised for his amazing potion skills. And it made Dorcas so frustrated that she wasn’t able to insult his ability, or his intelligence. He was close to a genius for their age. As the white male. She hated it.
She lounged in the Slytherin Common Room; the last night before Regulus and Pandora would head back home for their family Christmas dinner. Now that Pandora’s older brother, Rodolphus and Regulus’ cousin, Bellatrix are getting married; the two are upstairs, packing their stuff up. But Barty and Dane sat around her.
Evan was smiling, as he entered the Common Room—the sun had already disappeared from the sky, and the feast had ended; he often came back late, with a smirk. He had somebody, always refusing to tell any of them who. So they rarely discussed what was going on in their love lives, because he didn’t tell them.
“Ok, well I only have a stupid suit that was given by my father,” Barty said out of nowhere, picking his head up from the newspaper in his hand.
“Hello lady and gentleman,” Evan threw his hands up, dropping into the floor, his head lying in Dane’s lap.
“Who is it?!” Dorcas jumped onto her seat, so that her body would tower over Evan’s. “Tell me now, Rosier.”
“It’s nothing!” He shrugged his shoulders. “They just talked to me, that is all.”
“Oh, and that’s why you’re smiling like an idiot, is it?”
“Yes, it is, because some of us actually have a love life,” he grinned. “And yes, all they did was talk. Sick of waiting, actually, wish they’d snog me already.”
“Gross,” Avery sat beside Barty, pulled out a wizard chess board, placing it on the table—they had a running challenge to see who would win. And of course, it varied. Sometimes Dorcas thought that one of them would lose on purpose so they’d keep playing.
“Ok, virginity pledge,” Evan grunted, sitting up from Dane’s lap. “Just because no one will have you, Avery.”
“He doesn’t want anybody, apparently,” Barty tilted his head back, shooting a glare towards Evan; which is how Dorcas felt at that moment. She hated Avery, Mulciber, and Snape. All of them.
“Maybe if some of the girls at this school were actually fit, I’d consider it,” Avery remarked, rolling his eyes.
“I was offended, Avery,” Dorcas threw her head back, one leg resting over the other. “Until I remembered what a prick you are, and at least need the person I marry to look better than that.”
Husband. Marriage. Kids. This was never something Dorcas dreamed of. She heard some of the other girls in Slytherin, when I have kids… When I get married… She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to have kids— or a husband. She didn’t want a husband. Or marriage for that matter.
And when she thought of love, she thought of secrets, and hiding, and women. And for Merlin’s sake, Marilyn Munroe, who she’d seen photos of at muggle shops, and a photo of her did more to Dorcas than even Sirius Black; the supposedly best looking lad in the grade. But she’d never seen it. Or maybe because it was so apparent that he was into Remus Lupin.
“I would marry you, though,” Avery smirked. “Parents would be thrilled if they’d found out it was you I fancied.”
She glared for a moment, before speaking again, “that made me feel physically ill.”
“Merlin, Cass,” Barty laughed, leaning forward in his seat to see her. She shrugged her shoulders, curling her lips. “Be a bit more gentle, Avery can’t handle that.”
She scoffed, sinking into her chair. “Either if you fancy a walk?” She asked, “Get away from them?”
“Yes,” Dane jumped up from the floor, brushing off his legs. Evan shook his head, remaining where he was. She smiled, swinging her arm around him as they headed towards the door. “So is there anything you’d like to talk to me about? Like the fact you asked out my sister.”
She groaned, throwing her head back. “I didn’t ask her out, Remus Lupin did, because Barty asked him to go to the Christmas party, and then he said to me, why don’t you ask Marlene, so then I called her ‘a charity case’ and asked her… Plus there’s nobody else, who are you taking?”
“Emmeline Vance,” he shrugged. “She’s gay, though.”
Dorcas bursted out with laughter. “You’re taking a gay girl on a date. Mate, that might almost be as bad as who I’m taking.”
“No one is almost as bad as my sister,” Dane decided. “Remember when she proposed to you… Because she liked your ring. At the playground, and then on the train in first year, Mulciber and Snape called her the D word for doing so, and she didn’t even know what it meant.”
“Yeah, ironic that she’s not gay at all now, innit?”
“Hmm, might want to second guess that,” he grunted. She stayed silent. Marlene is gay. The thought made her feel something that she wasn’t aware of. Did Marlene think they were going on a real date? He scoffed, beginning to laugh. “Do you think that I think it’s a date just because you’re friends? Because no.”
“Well it’s not a date,” she finally said, forming the correct words. “You know it’s not. I hate her, and I have since she was being annoying at the muggle playground.”
“As you constantly remind me,” he muttered. “Anyways speaking of the devil,” he pointed towards Marlene who was sneaking around the corridors; Mary beside her with a bag in her hands. “What are you doing here?” He asked them.
“Your mum,” Mary said, quickly. Dorcas stared at them, were Marlene and Mary together, together? She thought, as she studied the two girls, and their suspicious behaviour.
“Mary,” Marlene hit her softly, holding eye contact with her brother. “No, she’s just… Erm, she’s helping me find a dress for the party—I don’t have any. Being the only girl in the family with a shitty brother, and two other ones, I don’t get much.”
“Bullshit,” he glared. “You’re the only girl… You’re the most spoiled out of all of us.”
“You’re such a git, Dane.”
“Must be a twin thing,” he crosses his arms, his glare filled with wrath. Dorcas can’t help but feel as if she shouldn’t be here—or maybe she was somehow a part of this anger, and running argument. She’d gotten in between two people who loved each other. Just as her parents had to her and her elder brother, Dylan.
“Oh, is it?” She says quickly, creating a farting noise with her tongue. She’s so pathetic, Dorcas thinks to herself, staring at the girl; so proud, and a total arse.
“So is it too uncool for you to try on dresses in your room?” Dorcas asks, finally speaking as the silence grew too loud. “Because I promise you, no one actually thinks you’re cool.”
“Well I am cool enough that somebody asked me to go to a party with them, how about you, Meadowes?”
“McKinnon, at least I had the guts to ask somebody, what about you?” She stepped toward Marlene, noticing herself doing this before she was able to process it. Marlene laughed; almost sarcastically.
“I’m not in the Slug Club, remember?” She said, her voice lowering to a sarcastic mutter. Dorcas felt Dane and Mary’s stare on her, but she ignored it. Wasn’t relevant at that moment.
“Oh yes, remind me why that is again?”
“Because I’m not a goody goody, who is sucking up to everybody because I’m a coward,” Marlene whispered, as their eyes locked on each other, ignoring their surroundings—or at least Dorcas was. She swung her hand across Marlene’s face, as both of their bodies fell beside each other, taking any chance to hit one another.
“I’ll go get a teacher,” Dane said to Mary, as she hit him in the arm softly.
“We snuck out, dumb arse, if the teachers find us, we’ll all get a detention, and I’m not getting a fucking detention on the first day back,” she rushed through her words, not taking a single breath, as Dorcas notices they’re frozen.
And she is, too. Not her body. Her body is doing whatever it can to harm Marlene McKinnon. But her mind was frozen, as she swung her hand across Marlene’s cheek, the sound echoing through her ears. She catches a glimpse of the girl. The girl’s whose hair strands fall over her eyes, ignoring she can barely see at any attempt to hurt Dorcas.
Suddenly she feels her cheek burn, as Marlene gets her back. Well, fair enough. And she rolls onto her back from the pain, as Marlene climbs on top of her. Of course she’d be good at fighting. And Dorcas found herself feeling anger run through every part of her body, feeling her cheeks heating up. Not stinging. Not hurting. Just her feeling of her cheeks going pink, hoping no one would notice.
Marlene McKinnon had touched her.
Of course, she’d done this on so many occasions.
At the park, where Dorcas would find her seat on the vacant seat; the seat was always free because the other muggle children decided that she had some sort of contagious, deadly disease. And nobody dared to go near her. Except Marlene; who’d poke at her arm, asking an annoying amount of times what book she was reading.
In Potions class, too. Marlene would softly nudge Dorcas, whilst walking past her. When she’d turn around, a smirk spreads onto her face, as she crosses her arms, smugly. Dorcas go warm then, too. She figured it was out of fury. This feeling happened whenever Marlene was even remotely close to her.
It has always been like that.
And she’d wish, when she was younger, deeply that Marlene would stop pissing her off. She wished she’d stop acting so kind. So relentless, yet so comforting.
Mary pulled Marlene off Dorcas at some point, her eyes squeezed shut, hoping she wouldn’t get hit.
They glared at each other, as Dane and Mary held each other away.
“Well that’s going to be a very fun date, innit?” Mary smiled, cautiously away with her arm around Marlene. Dorcas scoffed, sitting down. She felt blood running from her nose. But she didn’t really care.
“At least I know now that you definitely don’t like my sister,” Dane laughed, his cheek resting in his hand, as he tilted his head at Dorcas. She grinned, softly. Slightly sheepishly.
“That was never an option. You know that.”
“Hmm,” he mumbled, turning away, matching the position she was sitting in. Sitting. Her feet on the floor. Her legs holding up her body, as her elbows rested on them. She stayed silent, listening to the movements he made. He was easy to read. Much different to Marlene. “I think she must’ve had a crush on you at some point.”
Dorcas scoffed, shaking her head. Somehow every single person she’d spoken to. Everything led back to Marlene McKinnon.
Merlin, inevitable. We are inevitable. She figured. That’s what we are.
Some part of her knew it was true. Marlene McKinnon was unavoidable. And somehow, they’d always come back to each other.
The playground.
The train.
Hogwarts.
Potions.
Corridors.
Dorcas didn’t know what to think. She knew it was Marlene. The annoyingly persistent girl, whose smile could outshine all the light the stars produced in the night sky, and all the light the sun was able to produce on its own. She also hated how much that sounded like a compliment—the last thing she’d want is to be slightly nice to that gormless pillock.
She sighed. “Dane, do not ever suggest that ever again. I think I may die… Of disgust.”
“That’s not a thing, Cass,” he chuckled, his eyes meeting hers again.
“Hello,” Regulus drops beside Dane, making sure not to touch him. He’s always been closed off. Dorcas knew this immediately. But that’s because she was, too. Their whole friend group were. They knew boundaries. That’s how they became friends. “Fuck’s sake, I don’t want to go back home.”
“What do you mean?!” Dane drawled. “I’m sure it’ll be a lovely time. More lovely than going on a date with a girl who will never like me that way.”
“Would you ever like her that way?” Dorcas blurted out, thinking about the fact that Dane’s never been interested in a girl, and surprisingly possessive over his male best friends. “I mean, Reg and I won’t judge, you know that.”
He clears his throat, his gaze once again avoiding theirs. “I don’t know.”
Regulus groaned again.
“What’s wrong with you?” Dane snapped. Accidentally. As he usually does when something happens with Marlene. He breathes out, loudly. His code for I’m sorry.
“I really… I really just don’t want to stay with my mother, and be locked inside for two weeks without seeing you.”
“It’s fine, you’ll see us soon. And we’ll write,” Dorcas suggests, smiling. She stares at him, making sure he knew that she was going to do so every day. Being locked inside—he meant Sirius. He missed him. She’d never seen two people so close, and yet so far apart. Besides herself, and her brother, “I will. Because I’m not an inconsiderate teenage boy.”
“Excuse me, Cass?!” Dane gasped, a hand over his chest.
“Yes, Dane, I was talking about you,” she smirked. “But Reg, we will write. I know you don’t want to go back there, but it’ll be ok. Two weeks, love. Two weeks.”
“Yep,” he grunted through his teeth, as he brought his knees to his chest. She wanted to hug him, but she couldn’t. He wouldn’t let her. She noticed, He was lonely. So, so lonely, having himself convinced he liked it that way. He didn’t. She knew that.
“C’mon, cheer up, at least you won’t be going on a date with Marlene McKinnon,” she jumped out of her seat, beside Regulus. He laughed, quietly.
“Oh yeah, definitely,” he smiled. Something he barely did. Dane slid slightly closer to Regulus, as they both put their arms around him. “Well I hope you have fun. Have too much fun if you’d like.”
“Absolutely vile, never suggest that again,” she whispered, as both of the boys chuckled. They were her boys. Being the only girl in their group, she’d look after them. And not because she felt as if she had to. She’d never looked at them, and felt as if they needed her to. She did, because she felt she wanted to. “And what about your friendship with James Potter? I don’t like him, but you two seem quite cozy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Dane scoffed. “Merlin, he’s annoying on his own, but whenever you’re around, he seems so much worse. As if he’s loud on purpose. So you’ll hear.”
“That’s funny,” he nodded, acting as if it really was a coincidence. “He fancies Evans, doesn’t he?”
“That must be why you’re mean to her then,” Dorcas starts, adding onto Dane. “Because you’re jealous.”
“I’m not fucking jealous of that… Of her. I’m not jealous of her. I hate Potter.”
“So do we,” Dane shrugged his shoulders.
“Yes, I find him almost as intolerable as McKinnon, but we don’t wave to him, and blush when he looks into our direction,” Dorcas sits back, smugly, as she and Dane continue to tease him. They sit back, throwing their heads back, soon accompanied by Evan, Barty and finally Pandora, in their secret place.
The night soon disappears into just her memories. She knew, by the end of everything, she’d have a lifetime full of memories like this—maybe a girlfriend, in the picture towards the end. Hopefully things that were unheard of will be seen as the most normal thing later on. And maybe James and Regulus will be together—Regulus with his cats, alongside James.
Barty will find somebody. Whoever he likes. Somebody as intelligent, and fiercely loyal as he is, man or woman; he’ll find them eventually. And Evan. Evan uses ‘they’ whenever he speaks about the person—the person she knows is a boy. Refuses to speak their name. She picked up on that.
And Dane—Her best friend. Her hilarious, shy, ambitious, and strangely kind. Not selfless. But he is when it comes to them. People like him end up having the greatest love story of all time. One that they deserve. Or they go down in history as the hero who was never happy.
Pandora Lestrange; she’ll find whoever her heart is set on, loving so deeply, nothing else mattered. Dorcas decided from the moment Pandora spoke that she was among the most beautiful humans to exist. Not in looks. Though she was pretty, her heart makes everybody else’s almost completely worthless.
Dorcas was unsure if she’d ever be deserving of somebody. She never loved easily. She’d only begin truly caring for those boys after years of knowing them. Love, it always seemed like such a useless feeling. And a word. That’s until she was taught what it meant—not from her parents. From them.
Sometimes she felt left behind. Seeing so many people her age fall in love, whilst she felt she was sitting on the side lines, warming up the seats. The kid who never got the chance. The person who had so much potential. And all of it would go to waste.
And sometimes she felt as if her existence was a waste.