Chapter 2
Theodore has made a point of avoiding the second floor bathroom since the first night. Finding other places to toke was a hassle, but worth it just to be alone. And the girl? He's just now realizing how many fucking classes has with her. It’s actually ridiculous. And what’s worse? He can’t seem to just ignore her, pretend she isn’t real (although she seems to be having absolutely no issue with acting like he isn’t real)
But now that he knows of her existence, she’s been plaguing his thoughts nonstop. For example: Why was she in the washroom crying? When had she even started attending Hogwarts? Certainly not when he’d begun at Hogwarts, right? What is her name? That one’s really been itching his brain if he’s being totally honest. How can he not know her name?
The whole situation just seems to be irking him the wrong way. Not once, in the last few years that Theodore has been spending time in the second floor bathroom has he encountered someone else in there. Anxious thoughts root themselves into his brain of all the possible things that could have caused the two of them to meet. None are helpful, of course.
The most likely answer is that something personal had happened to her and she had just needed to get away from Ravenclaw Tower for a while. That’s the most logical answer. But the anxiety seems to be convinced it’s more than that. That He’s involved somehow. Which is ridiculous. An absolutely preposterous thought. Why would He waste his time at Hogwarts when he’s only just returned?
No.
Theodore is not going to think about His plans.
No.
Theodore is going to ignore it as much as possible.
Because nothing is wrong.
He audibly snorts at that thought while staring absently at his charms work for the evening. He’s been staring at it for hours, unable to actually do it even though it's just a review. He twirls his quill around in his hand, tugging his jumper collar to just below his nose. His oldest brother, Elijah has always said that it looks like he’s hiding when he pulls his collar up like that. He lets a small smile on his lips at the thought of his brother.
It’s been a while since he last saw Elijah, now that he’s moved out and is working with the ministry. Theodore thought maybe he’d see Elijah over the summer at the business meetings but he never showed up. Not to a single one. Which really doesn’t bother him at all. Not a bit.
Theodore pushes his review to the far end of the coffee table he’s taken over, groaning as he lays back on the rug covering the stone floor of the common room. He sprawls his arms to his sides like a star, staring up at the high stone ceilings while students bustle and talk around him. On the leather seats across from him, his group of friends sit, each of them pouring over their own course work. Not very well, though, all of them sitting in weird positions as they flick their wands around.
Pansy folds a paper into a little frog, setting it on the table before pulling out her wand and pointing it at the frog. A slew of words come out of her mouth and she flicks her wand at the paper frog and it suddenly moves. Pansy’s good at that stuff. Charming things to come to life. She’s been trying to charm foods like the chocolate frog charms but hasn’t had any luck yet.
The paper frog makes a jump towards Daphne, whose eyes are glued to the frog. She giggles softly as it jumps on her lap, Blaise rolls his eyes at her excitement, turning back to Draco to talk about quidditch. Theodore glances at a clock on the wall, noticing its nearly ten at night. Merlin, he’s exhausted but can’t seem to bring himself to go to his dorm. He knows he won’t fall asleep.
So he stays laying on the floor in a starfish position. Saying ‘goodnight’ and ‘I’m fine’ to his classmates when they ask if he’ll be alright by himself. And then he wakes up with a cramped neck. He’s still lying on the floor, his neck turned at an unnatural angle and light just barely shining through the large window behind him.
Theodore groans as he sits up, stretching the best he can before making his way to the shower. The cold water certainly shocks him out of his sleepy daze, making it much easier to walk to his bed without waking up Draco and Blaise. He sits on the edge of his bed, light filtering through the window in their dorm, dread heavy in his chest.
Today was the first day his year would have defence against the dark arts this term. Rumours of Delores Umbridge spread like wildfire through Hogwarts the minute she’d introduced herself at the sorting ceremony, and none of them were good. From what Theodore has heard from younger Slytherin students she’s a nightmare dressed in pink.
Groaning, he falls back onto his bed only to immediately get back up. He has coursework that he didn’t finish the previous night. He quickly grabs his bag and his robe off the floor and races for the common room where his coursework is still on a coffee table. If he’s quick he’ll get to the great hall before it’s too busy and he’ll be able to get his work finished. So he shoves his work into his bag and heads for the great hall, his footsteps echoing loudly in the empty corridors.
###
He takes a seat at the Slytherin table in the great hall, emptying the contents of his bag on top and spreading it out. Theodore pulls his course work close to him before setting up his quill and ink. But rather than doing his work like he planned, he just sits there. Staring at the work just like he’d done the previous night. If this had been any other year, he’d be flying through the coursework, eager to be done with it.
Without warning the large doors to the great hall creak open, causing Theodore to jump, nearly falling out of his seat. He barely catches his balance, trying to make it look like he didn’t almost fall, and looks over to the doors. And there. There she is. A large jumper pulled overtop of her and a yawn pulling at her mouth.
And she glances at him, locks eyes with his even, but there’s no sign of anything. No recognition, no anxiety - no nothing. It’s as if she hasn’t been affected by their fateful meeting at all. It bothers him. Everything he’s been feeling since barging in on her crying session.
Her footsteps echo in the hall as she silently strides over to him. Theodore’s brain seems to be stopped as he stares helplessly at her, trying desperately to close his mouth and look away from her. “Um. Hi.” She smiles awkwardly, rubbing her eyes while stifling a yawn and tugging her sleeves over her hands. Her eyes flick around as she searches for her next words. “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t mention the washroom incident to anyone.”
Of course, Theodore never had any intention of mentioning the incident to anyone, determined to keep it to himself. But he’s eager to know why exactly she’s seeking him out so early in the morning to ensure he doesn’t say anything. Now, mind you, it’s been a week since the incident. He could have told the entire school by now if he had wanted to. So, why now? Why is she coming to him now?
“Can I start going to the washroom again?” The words leave his mouth before he’s able to stop them.
“That’s a stupid question.” He knows that. “I don’t care where you go to take a toke. I care about you keeping our run-in on the first day quiet. Do you understand?” She seems to stare directly into his soul, making him visibly shiver. “You walking into the girls washroom on September first never happened, yes?”
Theodore nods slowly, swallowing thickly. She’s rather intimidating, even as she stands and walks out of the great hall. The way she carries herself is something he isn’t used to, having only been around strict and proper families and their perfect daughters dressed nicely no matter the occasion.
And part of him hopes he will never need to interact with her again.
###
He’s beyond exhausted by the time he’s walking behind Draco and Blaise to their defence against the dark arts class, the sounds of hundreds of students rattling inside his skull. It makes his head ache and he would almost rather hear a mandrake cry than deal with the sounds of the Weasley twins and their jokes or the thump, thump, thump of a quaffle being tossed around the hallway.
It’s the last period of a Friday and he really just wants to sit in silence with Myrtle for the entire evening, wanting to forget about everything.
Voices echo louder in his head once they’re inside the classroom, the large dragon skeleton hanging from the roof swaying lightly as the fifth year students file into the room. Everyone takes their usual seats, chair scraping on stone. If Theodore’s being honest he nearly skipped the class today, not eager to meet another DADA teacher. And to top it all off, he received a letter from his father this morning that he's yet to open, too scared to open it yet.
He can’t help but rest his head atop the desk while everyone continues to laugh and joke around. He wants everyone to be quiet with his mind, wanting everything to stop just for a bit. One minute will suffice at this point. Theodore knows he sounds like a grump, a buzzkill, a pessimist - he knows.
But what can he say? People exhaust him.
His wishes seem to come true as the classroom begins to smell of burnt paper and goes silent, the click-clacking of heels the only thing to be heard. Theodore lifts his head just to be blinded by a moving blob of bright pink. His eyes ache at the sight. But he wills himself to sit up straight, body tensing in the presence of the pink blob.
The woman - who has yet to introduce herself - walks to the front of the class, spouting nonsense about the O.W.L examinations this year and consequences and such. She then flicks her wand and disperses the textbooks to everyone. Theodore opens the textbook on my desk, skimming through it just to find that it is quite literally for toddlers. He thought it was best he stay quiet, preferring to get through this school year without any mishaps. Best everyone stay quiet for that matter.
But who was he kidding? He goes to school with Harry Potter and his friends for Merlin’s sake. Hermione Granger is the first to speak up about not using spells. “I can’t understand why you would need to use spells. This way you’ll be learning about defensive spells in a safe and controlled environment.”
Theodore is stupid for thinking that would be the end of it, truly stupid. Harry Potter speaks up next, anger rising in his voice. “How is that helpful? If we’re going to be attacked it won’t be in a safe environment.”
The pink blob - who’s name Theodore still doesn’t know - snaps. “Students will raise their hands to speak in my classroom. The ministry deems theory enough to get you through your examinations. That’s what is important.”
Can’t Potter just let it go? Ignore it and just keep his head down? Potter is stirring things he shouldn’t be. Theodore doesn’t know much about His return, but he does know that Harry Potter spewing about it won’t be good for anyone on either side. But, it probably helps that everyone thinks he’s crazy. Just traumatised from seeing Diggory die.
The class seems to go by in an instant after Potter's outburst, Theodore doing everything he can to not look at her and to keep his head down. The latter proves to be much easier than the former. Theodore wondered how someone could be so magnetic yet so cold at the same time?
Theodore immediately heads to his dorm after class, bidding Draco and Blaise a small goodbye before parting ways. They were used to this; Theodore hiding away in the small moments between classes and meals. And they never pushed for him to join them which he was eternally grateful for.
Upon entering his dorm he sits down on his bed, tugging his robes off after pulling the letter from his pocket. Theodore feels anxiety creep into his chest as he stares down at the piece of paper. Logically, he knows it's probably nothing. Likely just his father trying to set him up with another woman. But some deep, instinctual part of him thinks it's more than that. That this letter is something bigger.
His anxiety proves to be correct when he finally opens the envelope and reads the first line. Theodore's hands begin to shake uncontrollably, causing the letter to fall to the ground. He runs a hand over his face and into his hair, trying his best to calm his heart and lungs down.
Fuck it. Theodore thinks as he tugs at the chain around his neck and digs out his box. Unlocking the box quickly ends up being extremely difficult with how badly his hands are shaking. Pulling out a joint and locking the box is much easier. He checks the time and notices everyone should be eating by now, meaning the halls were empty. He stuffs the letter hastily into his pocket before leaving.
Theodore runs as fast as he can to the bathroom, not caring who may end up being there, just needing the familiar comfort that the room provides him during moments like this.When he finally makes it to the bathroom, he’s out of breath and holding on to the wall for support, trying to catch his breath. Nothing like smoking a joint to clear the lungs, right?
He laughs to himself as he pulls his joint out and lights it quickly with his wand. He tried his best to ignore the contents of the letter he'd just read. The letter asking him to do the unthinkable. He inhaled deeply to disperse his thoughts but to no avail.
God, there's probably no getting out of this, right? He'll have to do it. Now, he's not stupid. Theodore is far from it actually, with impeccable marks in all of his classes. So he knows that other students are involved with him - it's only logical. Why get one student's help when you could get tons?
But not only asking him to spread the cause through the school but also letting him know that he'll be taking the dark mark over the winter break? Theodore knows that he and many other students will be used to make up for their parents' failures and betrayals from the first wizarding war.
Theodore clutches tightly at the parchment, rereading over the lines, as if it'll make more sense the more he reads it. Yet, it still reads the same every time.
Theodore,
Before you left for school this year I told you that you'd likely receive an extremely important letter. The time has come.
The Dark Lord has requested something of you.
He expects you to spread the cause within the school. Cause doubt amongst the student body. Make it easier for them to turn on the boy.
A simple task to lead up to our inevitable victory.
I know you'll make me proud. And your mother too.
-Father
He let an empty, choked laugh out as he attempted not to cry. Without thinking he holds his wand up to the letter, a year falling as his wand begins to spark at it. He lets the fire drop to the floor of the bathroom just as he hears a rushed set of feet come inside.
It's her. Her hair is messy, all over the place really. Her hand is clutching paper to her chest, fingers paling at how tightly she's squeezing it. She's out of breath, and the breaths she does manage are staggered and strained.
She locks eyes with him, rolls her eyes, nose scrunching and slides down the wall across from him. She looks like she's seen something unsettling. It's the only way Theodore can think to describe her expression. She stares at the burning pile on the ground, nose twitching at the smell. Theodore then decides to sit down too, as he feels the buzz of the joint in his legs now.
The two of them are quiet and don't speak for sometime. It's almost comfortable, despite the awkward conversation he'd had with the Ravenclaw earlier. Theodore knows he can't ignite conversation. It'll have to be her. And by some miracle, or maybe a curse, she speaks first.
"You too, huh?" is all that comes out of her lips. It confuses Theodore until he sees her eyeing the ashes in between the two of them.
His gaze flicks up to her face immediately, panic setting into his bones. This was it. He was going to Azkaban. Wait. She'd said too. As in, her as well? "I knew I wouldn't be the only one." He says, recalling back to his earlier thoughts. "I knew they'd take it out on us. It only makes sense to put the blame on us, right?" Theodore lets an empty chuckle into the air.
A chill washes over him as he stares at her. He can't help it really, she's gorgeous. Even with her hair all over the place and her pyjamas seemingly unflattering. But not on her. They're not unflattering for her.
"I can't wait for it all to be over." She states, her hand gripping the letter even tight - if that was possible. "I don't care who wins or loses, or who lives or who dies. I just want it to stop."
She whispers the last part into the air, letting the confession hang between the two of them. Theodore knows there are heavier implications behind her words. But he doesn't even know her name. He isn't going to press her for information.
He is a gentleman after all.
"I guess this is the beginning of the end, no?" Theodore says dryly, a smirk plastering itself on his face but his eyes devoid of emotion. Merlin, he's so tired. Why do they have to have a war? Why can't everyone just mind their own business? "I suppose I look forward to working with you then…"
Theodore leaves the end of his sentence open, hoping she'll fill in the blank. He wants to know her name so badly. Even though he's been desperately trying to avoid her since the first day of school she's been plaguing his mind. Like a virus, attacking his attention.
Even his friends were beginning to notice how off he was, spending more time in the common room staring off into the black lakes insides than alone in the library. He's been going for walks. He's been riding brooms with Draco and Blaise.
She's seemingly ruined him and he doesn't even know her fucking name. It's pathetic,really. Especially once you give it a little bit of thought. Theodore Nott, fifth year Slytherin student, friend of Draco Malfoy - the literal Prince of Slytherin - and he's gone off his rocker over a Ravenclaw he doesn't even know the name of.
Pathetic.
Maybe there was something wrong with him. Should he go to Madam Pomfrey and get her professional opinion on it? See if she can help? Maybe she'll deem him clinically insane and a danger to the school and send him off to St. Mungo's?
Who's he kidding? They let a werewolf work at the school. Why in Merlin's name would he think they'd consider him of all people dangerous when they didn't even think a werewolf was?
He hears you take a breath and his chest grows tight in anxiety. Will you answer him? Or will you get angry and mock him?
"It's (y/n). (y/n) (l/n)."
His heart stopped. You'd actually answered him. No mocking or deflecting of the question. But, (l/n)? That sounded strangely familiar. Had he met someone from her family before?
"And you are..?" It took Theodore a moment to register that she was talking to him. Genuinely asking what his name is. Wanting to know what it was.
"Theodore Nott."
"Ah, yes. I do believe my Father works with your's." (y/n) says, the paper in her hand now discarded to the side as she takes Theodore in. "I'm sure I've seen you at parties and such as well. You're terribly easy to miss so I'm not too sure."
The words falling out of her mouth shock him. Genuinely. No one ever dares to speak to him in such a way, especially women. But it was a nice change of pace, having someone be so blatantly honest with him.
He laughs though. Whole heartedly laughs. He's not sure if it's because what she said is funny or if he really should stop by Pomfrey. But it felt good. To let something out. Even though he wanted to scream and cry, laughing was a start.
(y/n) stares at him, her head tilted to the side and brows furrowed together. She looked confused, and Theodore felt bad for making her confused. But he couldn't help but adore the face she made with the confusion.
But his heart stopped again once she herself started laughing, the smile adorning her face suiting her in a way he never could have imagined. He'd grown used to seeing frowning all the time that the possibility of a smile never even crossed his mind.
She's beautiful.
###
The next day is a blur, his only focus being the joint he plans on smoking once classes are over for the day. Maybe he'd see her again, seated on the windowsill in the washroom, staring out into the courtyard with a blank expression.
Maybe she'd stare at him. Or maybe she'd ask for a puff.
Endless possibilities floated through his head during the day. He didn't care though, not even when he got a glob of soggy mashed potatoes in the face from none other than Pansy Parkinson herself.
Her excuse?
"He was staring at Daph's tits. I have to have her back because obviously no one else does."
This earned him hoots and howls from the guys and a giggle from Daphne while she laughed at his red face. He'd caught (y/n)'s gaze after that. His face had just turned even more red.
There was something wrong with him.
There had to be.
Nothing about whatever he was feeling was normal.
This realisation only made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out even more.
In the following days he tries to go to class and meals and quidditch like normal, falling in the shadows of his loud, boisterous friends. But he swears to Merlin that she’s everywhere.
The amount of classes he has with her? Ridiculous. How she manages to sit directly across from him in the great hall absolutely baffles him. And quidditch? She’s Ravenclaw’s star chaser and future captain — he sees her at every Slytherin practice that Draco and Blaise manage to drag him to. She’s like a ghost, set on haunting him until he goes mad.
Nowhere was safe from her.
With September coming to a close the air has started getting colder and Theodore wants to get out of his head a bit. So what does he do? Sneak out of the castle and run off to the quidditch pitch. There was just something so weirdly calming for him here. Half the time he didn’t even grab a broom to ride. He just sits there in the middle of the pitch, counting stars.
He’s laid down for barely a minute before loud footsteps are heard stomping to the storage room where moments later a girl whose hair is haphazardly pulled back, storms out with a broom. With barely a foot outside the room she’s off in the air, flying laps in the frigid air.
Theodore, who isn’t even high at the moment, stares in wonder. His eyes glued to her frame whizzing around in the dark, the whipping of the broom in the air all he could hear. He’s so tired, stressed over nothing and everything all at once.
He’s still sickened by the sight of Harry Potter, only seeing him sobbing over Cedric Diggory’s body when he sees him. Bile rises in the back of his throat at the thought. Maybe he should have gotten high, maybe then he wouldn’t be thinking about Cedric Diggory.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” A familiar voice cuts through the air. “You don’t even fly, Theo. Shouldn’t you be in the girl's lavatory smoking? Not on the quidditch pitch stargazing?”
It hits him then, and only then after hearing her yell at him, that he’d seen her in the crowd at the third task the previous year. She’d been the first one to notice something was wrong. The first one to scream and yell about him being dead. He’d watched her do it. And then he’d watched her stand there quietly, her mother holding tightly onto her clothes as though she was scared she’d run away.
She’d stared helplessly at Harry and Cedric’s body. No hint of anything in her face or eyes as Amos Diggory wept and Harry Potter was dragged away.
Theo. She called him Theo just now.
“Yeah you’re right. I can leave, don’t worry.”
Laying in bed, listening to the breathing of his two roommates, he thinks hard. Where else has he seen her before but just never realised it?
This was going to be a long year.