Chapter 23
Regulus wakes up the next morning to two people staring at him with widened eyes, scaring him half to death. “Fuck!” he exclaims with a shout before finally registering in his half-asleep gaze that it’s Barty and Evan standing above him. “What the fuck are you two idiots doing?”
“Your brother is here,” Barty whispers to him, almost seeming panicked. “What are we supposed to do?”
“Oh,” Regulus slumps back against the sheets. “Let him in. And leave him alone, don’t bother him.”
Evan looks at Barty before looking back down at Regulus. “So you two are…”
“We’re fine,” Regulus answers.
Barty squints at him. “And does he know about…”
Regulus groans at the reminder that he keeps pushing away until he remembers it again. “No. We’re going to tell him eventually.”
Evan raises his eyebrows at Barty and he shrugs. “Soon is probably better.”
Regulus groans once more, irritated at the influx of questions and stress that he feels first thing in the morning. He knows. He knows. This isn’t going to go well if he hides and lies to Sirius as soon as they are better. But he just wants everything to be alright for a little while longer. Wants to have James and Sirius be happy, and not have Sirius hate him. “Please just get out and let him in.”
The two disappear immediately and Regulus stays in bed for a little while longer. Distantly, he hears Sirius talking stiffly to Barty and Evan, he’s never liked them, but to be fair, he’s never even met them. He listens to the pure glee in Barty’s voice, and the anger in Sirius’s, and Regulus decides it’s time to get out of bed.
“Regulus!” Sirius exclaims as soon as he spots him getting out of bed.
“What?” Regulus asks with a groan. “Why are you here so early?”
Sirius scoffs. “We need to discuss a plan on how to get you out of there. Meet me in my dorm room in twenty.” Sirius leaves with a grin on his face, and as soon as he’s gone, Barty and Evan look at Regulus as if he’s crazy.
Evan glares at Regulus and shakes his head. “And you didn’t think to mention any of this to any of us?”
Regulus rolls his eyes and puts on the trousers he’s planning on wearing for the day. “I didn’t have the time to. This all happened last night.”
Barty scoffs. “Bullshit. Surely you had to plan something like this, Reg, and you still didn’t tell us you were even attempting to do this.”
Regulus throws on a random sweater and rolls his eyes. “I didn’t tell anyone. Not even James.”
“So does that mean you’re done with us?” Evan asks hesitantly, his face timid, and it takes Regulus a moment or two to register that he’s not kidding.
Regulus opens his mouth in disbelief and shakes his head adamantly. “Are you kidding? No. Why would that even be an option?”
Evan looks at him, stare unwavering. “You have everything now. Boyfriend, your brother, and probably all their friends when they eventually become yours. What do you need us for now?”
Regulus’ eyes soften as he looks at his two friends and smiles at them before playfully rolling his eyes. “Please. I don’t want some annoying Gryffindors to be my friends. I want you two to be. I’m not going to abandon any of you, you idiots.”
Barty narrows his eyes at him, looking unconvinced. “Sure.”
“You have to trust me,” Regulus urges, knowing that he wouldn’t ever do that to his friends. The people that were always here for him even when Regulus didn’t know how to be there for himself when he couldn’t be there for them in return. “How about we all go and plan my escape, even Pandora and Dorcas? You’ll probably be more help than any of those idiots can give.”
The two mull it over in their minds for a few moments before hesitantly nodding. “But if they even so much as look at me the wrong way I’m hexing them,” Barty responds icily.
Regulus glares at him. “Don’t be dumb.” Barty just grins at him.
The three of them walk to the Great Hall to find Dorcas and Pandora and all five of them walk together to Gryffindor together. Neither Pandora nor Dorcas seems even a little bit surprised over this new development, and both of them are excited about Regulus’ decision, which Regulus is eternally grateful for.
Regulus walks into the Gryffindor tower hesitantly, very aware of the fact that he doesn’t belong there. He walks through the common room, past Evans and Macdonald who stare at his group as if they all need to leave. He walks up towards Sirius’ room, wondering if he should just turn around. It’s hard to believe that he’s able to do any of this. Hanging out with Sirius. Having him care. That doesn’t come as naturally to Regulus as the other things did.
Someone opens the door unexpectedly before Regulus can even bring himself to actually knock, and James is suddenly staring down at him, grinning as soon as he registers that Regulus is standing right in front of him. “Fancy seeing you here,” James tells him, leaning on the side of the door.
“Likewise,” Regulus responds with a smirk. “Good to see you actually know how to put some pants on, yeah?”
James flushes and frowns teasingly. “Thought you’d consider something like that to be a bad thing.”
“Save it for the bedroom,” Evan whispers between them suddenly, clapping Regulus on the shoulder and shoving his way through James to get to the dorm room. Everyone follows after him giggling at James and Regulus’s annoyed faces.
“Sirius here?” Regulus questions from the doorway, even though he knows what the answer will be.
James shakes his head. “Getting some snacks, I think. It’s been quite a few minutes, though. Went with Moony so that’s probably why it’s taking so long.”
Regulus frowns in disgust. “Didn’t need to know that. That’s disgusting. Don’t ever insinuate something that gross ever again.”
James huffs at that and looks genuinely affronted. “What? No, it’s lovely. You better get used to it, those two are never shy about anything. It’s lovely,” he repeats at the sight of Regulus’ unimpressed face.
“Unnatural,” Regulus mutters.
James gapes at him in mock offense. “A man and a man is unnatural to you? I cannot believe you’d think something like that.”
Regulus glares at him and feels his face go red. “Obviously not, you idiot.”
James kisses Regulus, shutting him up and smoothing the glares off his face as if they never existed in the first place. “Yeah, obviously not.”
“I hate you,” Regulus responds with a scoff.
“Yeah, yeah.” James grins and has a smug look on his face. “We both know that’s a lie.”
“Don’t sound so sure of it, Potter,” Regulus teases, moving past him to enter the dorm. He sits on the edge of James’ bed, watching how all his friends mess with Peter, laughing when Peter messes with them back.
Soon enough Sirius comes bustling in, only looking slightly surprised when he sees all of Regulus’ friends in his dorm, almost like he knew they’d be there. He looks happy to see Regulus there, and maybe they both are unsure of how to navigate this again. “You’re here, perfect!”
Regulus nods. “Of course I am.”
“I want to start off by planning our Gryffindor party and a few pranks that we should do, I think it’d be cool to–”
Regulus and his friends seem to groan at the exact same time, and Barty speaks first, “I thought we were doing actual important shit, you just want to brag about how many people you know. Merlin, I knew it.”
“I’m absolutely not planning this stupid party,” Regulus adds. “That sounds like the worst experience of my entire fucking life.”
Sirius looks offended and scoffs at Regulus. “That’s not true.”
“Sirius, I know everything we went through in that house, and yet I still stand by my statement.”
“It’ll be fun if you give it the chance,” Sirius tries.
“We came here for one plan to be made,” Barty cuts in.
“Actually you didn’t need to come here at all,” Sirius responds with a fake and stiff smile plastered on his face. “I invited Regulus, my brother. I already have the plan figured out, it’s easy enough.”
James furrows his eyebrow and looks at Sirius in confusion. “Well, I don’t know about the plan yet. I think it’s important that I know about the plan.”
Sirius groans and slides a hand down his face. “I will announce it soon enough, after we plan this party.”
Evan rubs his temple as if Sirius is causing a headache. “Just tell us now, fuck, we haven’t got all day.”
Sirius huffs dramatically and his face turns slightly pink, and Regulus just knows his plan isn’t going to work, he can just tell that Sirius didn’t think of shit. “Fine. All I was thinking was that Regulus just rides home with us on the train, and then we let Effie and Monty take it from there.” he shrugs noncommittally. “Simple enough.”
Nobody says a word. The suggestion hangs in the air before falling into the trash as Barty laughs. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What? It’s not a bad plan.” Sirius looks around the room for support but receives none. “Moony, you have to admit–”
Remus winces and shakes his head. “It’s a pretty shit plan, actually.”
Barty sighs and clears his throat. “Here’s the thing. Your parents aren’t going to take something like this lightly. Chances are, this gets taken more seriously than whatever happened to Sirius.” he looks around the room to find everyone hanging onto each word he says. “When Sirius left, it was easy to put all the blame on his behavior. Telling the public and family that he was the problem. But if both kids leave and run, there’s no room for debate, the public and everyone decides your parents are at fault and everything they’ve ever worked towards comes crashing down.”
“Serves them right,” Sirius grumbles and everyone seems to agree with that.
“Perhaps. But it just means that they’ll be working harder toward getting him back. They’d go through every means possible if it meant that they’d have an heir back, that they’d have their reputation. That’s just the kind of people that they are.”
“So how does that help us, exactly?” Regulus questions, confused at the point Barty was trying to make. “We basically know all this already.”
Barty grins. “So glad you asked, darling.” Regulus rolls his eyes and he notices that James does too. “This is…risky, I won’t sugarcoat it, it’s rather dangerous. But, I fully believe it’ll work. If Regulus pushes your parents to the point where they hurt him, if he has proof of any abuse, then he can prove to .”
James furrows his eyebrow and shakes his head slowly. “And he pushes them how? What do you mean?”
“It means Regulus would leave his parents with no way but to hurt him,” he repeats. “Do things Sirius did, disobey, fail to listen, whatever it is until their parents crack and they rough him up. It’s not–”
“Absolutely not,” James dismisses immediately, seemingly angry at the mere suggestion. “There is no fucking way he’s hurting himself mentally and physically, that’s not the only way he can get out.”
Regulus rations the idea in his mind, trying his hardest to find a flaw in it. The danger is the only real flaw, but it’s one that Regulus could go through if it came down to finally escaping. “It’s…not a bad idea, actually.”
“No,” Sirius dismisses, eyes cold. “James is right. There’s no way you are going through any of what I went through, I’m not going to have that happen.” he clears his throat. “Next idea.”
Pandora scrunches her nose in thought before gasping excitedly. “I figured it out!” She waits until everyone looks at her before continuing her idea. “Barty’s right, there’s going to be more trouble if Regulus leaves. All you need to do is sneak out one night and just run away. Sirius just waits for you to get out of the house and takes you with him.”
Barty groans. “It’s not that simple. I’m telling you that my plan is the best one,” he says with an edge to his voice.
James glares at him. “We’re not doing it, Barty. Give it up and form a new plan that doesn’t include Regulus killing himself for it.”
“Look,” Barty begins. “I don’t want it to happen, obviously. But, it’s the best one I can give, and it’s the one that’s bound to work.”
Sirius scoffs. “And if they kill him in there? Leave him too hurt to be able to leave? What are we supposed to do then? There’s no way he’s risking his life like that.”
“Wait,” Peter exclaims suddenly, furrowing his eyebrows in thought.
Dorcas lets out a breath of irritation from in front of Regulus and mumbles, “Oh, Merlin, not another one.”
“No, I swear I got it,” Peter reassures. “Regulus, when do you turn seventeen?”
Regulus groans and feels every last bit of hope inside him shrivel up. “Not until summer,” he grits out.
Peter seems remarkably less confident than he was before. “Well, if you wait–”
“No,” Sirius shuts down. “We aren’t going to wait for that long.”
Regulus bites on the side of his mouth as they all try and think of a different idea. Nobody can think of anything that could work, and nobody has given anything beneficial. “This is pointless,” Regulus snaps, breaking the ongoing silence, feeling angry. Angry at his parents for leaving him with no other option but to do this. Angry at the idea of being stuck in that place. Angry at allowing himself to think he’d actually be able to leave.
“It’s not,” Sirius reassures weakly, doubt peeking through his voice.
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
“It is,” Regulus urges, begging him to lose all the faith that he has.
“It’s not.”
Regulus huffs. “Barty’s plan is the only one worth any thought. If we’re being honest, it’s not a bad plan.”
“Maybe it’s not a bad plan,” Sirius admits, “but it’s probably the hardest one for you. And for me.”
“I can do it.”
“Regulus,” James says quietly from across the room, ever so soft, so close and all Regulus wants to do is feel his arms around him and take away all the issues clouding Regulus’ mind. “There are other options that are less dangerous.”
“Name one,” Regulus challenges, feeling the frustration flare up inside him again. Not directed at James, really. Just over the way, that nobody knows what to do.
“We can try Sirius’ idea,” James counters, holding eye contact with Regulus, a similar frustration showing itself on his features. “We can try it, it keeps you out of harm.”
“You don’t get it! My parents, they aren’t going to settle for shit like that. They’d come to this school if I’m not back in that house in one week. And it’ll only give us more trouble in the long run, they’d be looking for any chance possible to take both of us away. I can’t leave all of it for your parents to figure out.”
“I can’t–” James cuts himself off with a laugh of incredulity. “No, come home with us, safe and unharmed, and we can let it work itself out.”
Regulus shakes his head and looks at Sirius. “Listen, I'm going home. I get my bags packed in secret. We all settle on a day. I do something that gets me punished, pushed around a bit, shouldn’t take long, really,” he jokes lightly yet nobody besides Sirius laughs. “You and Potter wait outside, I don’t care what you do, drive, fly, whatever. Wait for me to walk out that door, and take me back with you. It’s simple.”
Everybody in the room knows that Regulus’ argument is compelling, so nobody utters a word. “I don’t like the idea,” Sirius says finally.
“Too bad,” Regulus responds with a roll of his eyes, “it’s the only one that seems like it'll work.”
Barty claps his hands together. “That settles that then. Glad I could save the day. This is the part where everyone tells me ‘thank you’ you know.”
Regulus glares at him. “Shut up.”
Barty frowns and Regulus can hear the words Barty is about to say just by the sudden smug look on his face. “Make me, Reggie.”
“Ew!” Sirius exclaims, grimacing in disgust. “No more of that. Disgusting.”
Evan scoffs. “They’re like this all the time, it’s actually concerning.”
Sirius gasps dramatically. “Oh, Merlin, please don’t tell me Crouch was the one that left you with those love bites.”
“What? No. Absolutely not. Ew. That’s actually disturbing to think about,” Regulus responds with a frown.
“Thanks, Reg,” Barty says dryly, “That is so wonderful to hear.”
“Anyways, if it’s not Barty, then you have to tell us who it is.”
Regulus feels his face go warm and he looks around the room, everyone already looking at him. James looks sick with a mix of worry and guilt. There isn’t anything Regulus wants more than to tell Sirius everything about him, tell him all the ways that James has brought him back to life, making him feel complete again.
But he can’t.
But, oh, does he long for the day that he can.
“Ugh, fine,” Sirius resigns, “you don’t have to. But only if you all have to stay and plan our party.” They all do. Dorcas and Pandora contribute the most, feeding insanely cool ideas to Sirius, and getting existing every time they come up with one. Regulus doesn’t do much, he just thinks about what he’ll have to do when he gets home, the way he dreads even having to walk through the door.
𖤓
James loves planning parties. Especially their Christmas party. He loves giving ideas out, and hearing everything that Sirius, or Remus, or Peter come up with. But for some reason, he can’t bring himself to feel the same joy now. Not when Regulus is going to risk his life in just one week, while James sits around helplessly. It makes him sick to his stomach just thinking about it.
It brings him back to the night Sirius arrived. Beaten and bruised, too hurt to cry, seeming like all the tears he could have were dried up on his face, mixed with blood. James didn’t know that he could ever feel that angry, but, oh, he was. He felt like a fire had lit him up inside, and it scared him to feel that amount of hatred and anger so intensely. At that moment, James had wanted to run all the way to that scary house in Grimmauld place, it didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night, he would’ve walked all the way there if his mother hadn’t grabbed him by the arm and stopped him with just her rarely stern eyes.
James thinks that if the same thing happens with Regulus, then even his mother’s eyes couldn’t stop him from entering that house. He doesn’t know what he’d do, but he knows that his anger is blinding sometimes. It’s frightening, sometimes. It’s hard for him to hold his anger when it comes to people that he loves.
“James,” Sirius's voice snaps him out of his train of thought.
“Yeah?”
“Walk Regulus to his dorms, yeah?”
Regulus glares at Sirius. “I’m not a fucking child, Sirius. I don’t need a bloody babysitter,” he hisses, with his cheeks growing pink.
“It’s fine,” James says, surprised with how carefree his voice sounds, even though he’s giddy to be alone with Regulus for a little bit. “I don’t mind, really.”
Regulus glares at him and Sirius smiles triumphantly. “See! It’s fine, I just don’t want you to walk around late at night.”
Regulus looks angry and he scoffs. “I asked for you to be my brother, Sirius. I didn’t ask for you to be my father.” he looks at James with such a sharp intensity that James wonders if he should stay. “Let’s go,” he tells James sharply, and James doesn’t waste a second to walk out the door.
They walk in silence, all the way to Regulus’ dorm room. There isn’t any need to question whether James is going up with him, they both know that he will. The fear festers inside James as he walks into Regulus’ room, he can feel it eating him alive. The fear turns into frustration, even more so when he looks at Regulus, looks at him with the want to protect him, and the anger when he knows he can’t. None of this anger is towards Regulus, and he suspects that Regulus already knows this.
“What’s wrong?” Regulus asks softly.
“I can’t believe you’d agree to something like that,” James says finally, allowing himself to open up about frustrations he holds instead of pretending like they don’t exist. Because he is frustrated. He’s upset that there’s nothing he can do to make this easier. He can’t fix this. Not easily. And he’s so angry, and Regulus doesn’t even seem to care.
“Tell me honestly, what was I supposed to do?” Regulus asks, voice full of annoyance, but James isn’t backing down, doesn’t have that kind of willpower.
“Come on, Regulus. There were options.”
“Not many good ones,” Regulus points out. And maybe the worst part of this entire situation is that Regulus is right. But James can’t accept it, can’t even begin to believe that there wasn’t something easier.
“What if something happens to you, Regulus? What–” James looks down at the ground as his voice splits in half. “What am I supposed to do? They’re ruthless, we both know that. And I’ve heard about all the horrible shit they did to your brother, saw how fucking terrified he was when he came to us that night. I don’t know what I’d do if they did the same thing to you.”
“They won’t,” Regulus attempts to sound reassuring, but they both hear just how uncertain he sounds. He puts his cold hand on James’ cheek until their eyes lock. “I have to do this, this could be my only chance to get out.”
James huffs. He knows. He knows. He knows. Maybe if he repeats it enough he will actually begin to believe it. “Okay,” James mutters.
“Let’s not worry about this right now, James, we still have some more time together, yeah? Let’s not spend it angrily at things we can’t fix,” Regulus says softly, and James can tell that’s what he wants the most. To push everything scary out of the way for a moment, until he needs to face it. James doesn’t know if it’s the most rational decision, but he can give that peace to Regulus, even if he feels like he can’t ignore something like this.
He nods. “Fine.”
“Don’t be mad at me,” Regulus tells him lightly, smiling sadly. “I don’t want this any more than you do.”
James sighs. “I’m not mad at you, Reg. I’m mad that you have to go through something like this. It’s not fair.”
Regulus gives him a small smile. “Isn’t it?”
James feels like he’d never hear anything more painful than that. He grows serious, and he needs Regulus to know that it is unfair, he never should’ve been given such a cruel background. Never. “No. It’s not. Why would you even think something like that?”
“I’ve done bad things, James,” he says weakly. “I don’t know if I’m such a good person. Sometimes I feel like all of these bad things are deserved. I deserve all of it.”
James feels his heartbreak with each second that passes. It can’t be described–the pain he feels hearing the person he cares so much about, feeling like their pain was supposed to be there, just because he feels so lowly of himself. Especially when he knows that Regulus is not cruel, mean maybe, but never cruel and never in a million years deserving of what he went through.
“Regulus, you don’t deserve any of what you went through, alright? Never. They are the problem, they are cruel, horrible people who were cold enough to treat their children as they did. It wasn’t your fault.” James brings his hand to run through Regulus’ hair and tries not to lose his mind at the tears in those gray eyes, angry that someone could make him feel this way. “It’ll never be your fault.”
“Even if I just watched Sirius get hurt in that house?” Regulus asks, eyes morphing into him challenging James, as if he’s willing James to see his side, willing him to validify whatever Regulus is thinking. “When I sat back and did nothing?”
James looks at him sadly. “You were a kid, Regulus. You never should’ve been put in the position to stop it, and of course, you’d feel scared. You were too young to be going through that.” James moves his hands to softly move across Regulus’ constellations of freckles. “I’ll tell you this forever until you finally feel what I’m saying in your bones. Even when we’re old and alone together. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault.”
James can’t count the number of times he’d have to reassure Sirius of the same idea. Sometimes, he still has to tell Sirius that he couldn’t ever control what had happened in that house, that none of it should’ve fallen on him. There were so many times in their earlier years when Sirius was blaming himself for leaving Regulus, and James would tell him over and over again. James never minded. He meant it. He’d tell them both over and over again for the rest of his life if it meant they would believe it.
“You really think so?”
“Of course I do.”
Regulus surges forward to kiss him, delicately, and it’s just as magical as all the countless other ones they’ve shared. James feels tears hit his cheeks that he knows don’t belong to himself and he just runs his hands down Regulus’ spine gently before pulling away. He holds Regulus, running his hands through his hair, and down his body gently and innocently, trying to comfort Regulus. The boy he’s holding isn’t crying, but his sadness is obvious enough that James feels it radiating off of him.
James holds him until he falls asleep. And he prays in a God he doesn’t quite believe him, prays to anything that is listening to make sure that this won’t make things worse. That Regulus will be fine. He’ll be alright.
He has to be.
Sirius annoys Regulus. Constantly. Whenever he gets the chance to. Sometimes Sirius does it on purpose, finds the thing that annoys Regulus most, and uses it against him. Usually, if that’s the case, Regulus isn’t scared to tell Sirius to give him a break. Sometimes Sirius annoys Regulus and doesn’t even realize it. He just rambles on end to Regulus with no care for what the youngest is trying to do, or the subtle signs of annoyance. But he always looks so excited. And Regulus just can’t bring himself to tell his brother to stop talking.
Especially about this stupid party. For the four days leading up to this party, Sirius was constantly talking about it. Telling Regulus what he was going to wear, giving him unsolicited fashion advice that he still takes notes of, or decorations he needs to grab. Regulus doesn’t even want to go, he absolutely loathes parties unless it’s just a small group of people.
But this party isn’t a small group. It’s huge. There are people everywhere, to the point where it’s almost impossible to move around. People dance in the middle, but some just stand around with drinks in their hands and speak to each other. Regulus, currently, has nobody to talk to. Sirius is already a little bit drunk, singing loudly and dancing obnoxiously with Remus watching him from the couch. James is talking to Peter, stealing glances with REgulus from across the room.
They can’t speak to each other.
An unspoken rule that they can’t break in Sirius’ presence, one that kills Regulus slightly. He wants to be by James, speak to him, and dance with him. Maybe he wouldn’t feel as alone in this crowded room if he could. Regulus looks good. There’s not even any doubt about it in his mind. It’s not like he’s dressed up, but with the way he allows himself to let his curls get messy, or how he keeps the top buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, that effortlessness is what keeps James’ eyes on him wherever he moves next.
Barty and Evan smoke on the couch and look at each other with such a fierce intensity that Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if they finally figured out their feelings for each other tonight. Dorcas talks to Marlene and Lily in the corner, obviously trying to flirt with Marlene, and getting flustered when Marlene speaks to her in return. Pandora is somewhere with Xeno, he’s pretty sure he saw them leave within the first ten minutes of their arrival.
Leaving Regulus to stand all alone.
Until he isn’t.
Regulus never spoke much about the guy he snogged in a broom cupboard that he was caught with by Severus, rarely even thought about him ever since James entered his life. But his name was Colin. Blonde. Hufflepuff. One year older than Regulus. Looked soft and kind, just like every other Hufflepuff. Colin wasn’t mean, by any means, and it’s not like Regulus was in love with him. They had just met in the broom cupboard on multiple occasions and messed around. But, he was still slightly surprised when Colin threw Regulus under the bus when Severus had caught them.
Regulus was confident that he’d never see Colin again, and he was right, except for the fact that he sees him across the room tonight. He’s wearing a blue shirt, and he’s obviously trying to make himself look cooler by downing a bunch of drinks back to back whenever people yell at him too. It isn’t long before the two make eye contact, and Colin immediately flashes a drunken grin at him from across the room before he moves to get to Regulus.
Regulus tries to move away from Colin by getting mixed up in the crowd, and find anyone else to talk to, but it’s pretty much impossible. He doesn’t know anyone, and Colin catches up to him in no time to throw his arms around Regulus to pull him into a side hug. “Hey!” Colin exclaims loudly in his ear, smelling like fire whisky.
“Hey,” Regulus responds awkwardly, toying with the cup in his hand. It’s not like Regulus doesn’t like Colin, he still thinks that he might be a good guy who's more afraid to be himself than anything else. But Regulus will forever remember the look of disgust on Colin’s face when Severus caught them. He won’t ever forget the way his stomach dropped as the days passed and Colin didn’t even try and make sure he was alright. He just went on pretending as if nothing had ever happened between them.
Colin giggles and rests his hand on Regulus’ shoulder. “Haven’t seen you in ages, Reg! What the fuck have you been up to?”
Regulus sighs and looks at the hand before subtly shrugging it off him. “Just school and quidditch. Nothing really, what about you, Colin?”
Colin grins at him wider and Regulus can see how his eyes get flirtier and his whole demeanor changes to something bolder. Merlin, Regulus wants to leave. “Nothing. I miss seeing you. Miss what we had together.”
Regulus scoffs and takes a drink out of his cup. “I don’t.”
Colin frowns before another smile snakes onto his face as if he couldn’t help it. “Are you sure? Because that’s not what I remember you saying all those nights–”
“Okay, Colin, you’re plastered,” Regulus interrupts icily. “And if I were you, I’d stop while you still had the chance to.”
Colin scoffs, but he doesn’t look angry at all, he just simply resigns calmly. He does make a point, however, to lean down to Regulus’ ears and whisper, “Find me whenever you want to do things. Maybe we can finish where we left off, yeah?” He can feel a set of eyes burning holes into his skin, and there’s no surprise to Regulus when he looks up to see James across the room, staring at them intensely. There are all kinds of people around James, talking to him, but he’s not paying attention to any of them.
Colin lifts his head up and winks at Regulus, who shakes his head with a tiny smile of disbelief. Honestly, where was this boldness hidden? Regulus doesn’t think he likes it. Wishes that he could get the hint and leave him alone. Regulus down the rest of his drink, despite how strong it is. “Somehow, I really doubt that’ll be happening anytime at all.”
“Regulus,” A familiar voice exclaims from beside him. “Colin,” James says with his voice full of venom and coldness that Regulus has never heard before. Sure, it was clear James was jealous when Regulus got close to Barty, but that was the whole point, and a part of James probably knew it as well. But this is different. This is pure jealousy that is practically radiating off of James, seeping from him until Regulus is suffocating in it.
Colin seems too pleased with himself to notice the tension in James’ shoulders. “James! It’s good to see you, man!”
James scoffs. “Yeah, yeah. Same here. What were you two talking about?” His voice is sickeningly sweet, so obviously an act and Regulus can see right through it.
Regulus rolls his eyes and Colin smirks and his eyes look Regulus up and down before his eyes travel back to James. “That’s a secret, James, just between us two.”
James stiffens from beside Regulus, and he can feel a hand snake around his back, a move he isn’t even sure James is aware he’s doing. He wants James. The jealousy James holds really shouldn’t be so desirable, and yet it is. But he can’t have him. Not here. They’re testing their luck by just being next to each other while slightly intoxicated. It makes him angry. Frustrated. “Is that so?” James asks.
“Yeah,” Colin responds sluggishly with a slight smile before looking at Regulus again. “See you around, doll, think about what I said, yeah?”
Regulus gives him a pointed look, “I already said–”
“I know, I know. But how many times have you said that before and still found it in you to meet me later?” Colin grins at Regulus’ red cheeks and deadly stare and just winks in return. “Bye, love.”
Colin disappears into the sea of people and James and Regulus stand in silence as he leaves. “Doll?!” James asks in disbelief and Regulus rolls his eyes immediately. “Who the fuck says something like that?”
“It’s a term of endearment, it’s nothing serious,” Regulus shrugs off, moving across the room to refill his cup.
“Nothing serious,” he mumbles, following Regulus to the table full of assortments of bottles scattered around. “Looked like something serious.”
“It wasn’t,” Regulus responds, annoyed until he looks at James, and all the anger drains from his face just by looking into those stupidly sincere brown eyes. “I promise.”
James nods before his face grows sour again. “Godric, he’s still a fucking idiot. Whispering in your ear, smirking at you, calling you love? What the fuck is that? As if I’m not right here.”
Regulus sighs and flashes a small smirk at James. “How is he supposed to know that? It’s not like we’re telling anyone. It’s not like how it was when you dated Lily, loud and something everyone knew about.” The sentence hangs in the air between them. Regulus didn’t mean it to come out of his mouth so coldly, but it’s an insecurity that lingers around in Regulus’ mind, one that’s been there for years. Since before James. With every guy that’s made him hide.
James looks at the ground. “I know, we’re going to do it soon, alright? I promise.”
Regulus takes a long drink out of his cup, wincing as it goes down and thinking about what words might be best to say. “We’re waiting awfully long, don’t you think it’ll only hurt us more if we wait longer?”
James stares at him for a few moments before nodding. “We can tell him once we’re all settled in my house, both of you safe and out of harm’s way.”
Regulus scoffs and rolls his eyes. “He’s not going to let me rot there just because we have something together. He’s not cruel.”
James’ eyes widen and his voice gets defensive, “I know that, I don’t doubt it for a second, it has nothing to do–”
“I’m tired of being people’s secret. Of only being met inside cupboards, and closed doors. Having to hide all traces of myself, and creating intricate plans so we can be with each other.” Regulus takes another drink, fueled by the warmth that blooms in his chest. “I wouldn’t trade any of it, wouldn’t want it any other way if it meant I could have you. But it still never fails to hurt when I can’t have you the way I want to.”
“Regulus–”
Regulus groans. “And we’re at this–this stupid party. And I have to watch girls climb all over you, and you have to watch me, and all I want to do is dance with you. I don’t care about Colin, or anyone here, besides you. There’s so much I want to do with you.”
“We’ll do it all, alright?” he says reassuringly, “We’ll tell him in private, and have a big party when we get back from holiday. I’ll dance with you right here, and we can feel the entire world fade away in each other’s arms. I’ll kiss you out here, maybe get a bit carried away, and also show Colin that you’re not available for him, you’re only mine.”
Regulus grins at his obvious jealousy, and really he shouldn’t be blamed for the way his stomach drops in desire when James can look so good when he’s jealous. The drinks take away the anger until he feels giddy and full of desire. He brings James's head down until his ear is by Regulus’ mouth, as he tells him, “Sounds wonderful. How about we go upstairs and I show you just how much I want to do with you?”
James finishes his drink and sets it on a table behind him. “Lead the way, doll.”
“You’re never going to give that up, are you?”
“Never.”
They fall onto James’ bed, laughing and kissing every spot that they can reach, messily and without any real care about where each one goes. They take off each other’s clothes and proceed without them. Maybe if James’ hands weren’t on Regulus in all the ways he wanted them then he’d be able to care about the lack of silencing charms.
But everything fades away in James’ arms, they all turn to nothing. Why would any of it matter if he could have James here like this? The sounds that spill from his mouth to the gentle words of praise. From the softness of his touches to the callouses that adorn his fingers. The loving kisses that he gives to the way he bites down hungrily on Regulus’ lips and body.
All of that is what matters most at the moment. And as they lay together in the aftermath, Regulus runs his fingers on James’ arms and looks at him with a curious wonder about how James is real. How he has ended up here in James’ bed. James so, so beautiful even amongst the stupid and obnoxiously red bed sheets. James touching him delicately, telling him stories about his parents and how he was as a kid.
James, James, James.
Regulus imagines their future together, a small, humble house where they cook breakfast together on Saturdays and sleep in on Sundays. A big backyard where they can play Quidditch together and teach their kids one day.
And for the first time, none of this feels unobtainable. It feels like something real. Something within reach. It’s years away, surely, before they can move in with each other and live in domestic bliss. But it’s not impossible. James says he can see them old together. Regulus can’t see himself old at all but hopes that when he is, it’s James that he’s old with.
They’re in James’ bed when they wake up.
A risk.
A very big one.
Regulus didn’t plan on falling asleep, so he’s stuck here until the room clears. He’s lucky that everyone in the room is probably so hungover that they won’t be out of bed for a long while. He silences the curtains and shakes James slightly to wake him, pressing soft kisses all over his face until James finally wakes up with a smile on his face. “Morning,” Regulus tells him.
James hums. “Morning, darling.” James suddenly widens his eyes. “Shit, what time is it?”
Regulus scoffs. “No idea. Probably late morning now. I need to pack my bags before we have to leave, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave.”
James still manages to frown, not even sounding fearful, but sounding and looking genuinely sad with the idea of Regulus leaving. He pulls Regulus close to him until his head rests on James’ chest. “Don’t leave. Stay here with me for a little longer.”
Who is Regulus to deny a request as gentle and lovely as that?
Regulus actually doesn’t think he makes good decisions. Or maybe he should follow his intuition more than he thinks. Because for some reason, Regulus had a feeling that he should’ve left. Should’ve been the mean one and forced James to sneak him out. Except he didn’t. James’ arms were too inviting, too warm when circled around him, that he stayed.
And fell asleep.
And woke up to someone shouting, an incomprehensible slew of curses and insults that Regulus is too tired to decipher. He doesn’t think too much about it until he finally registers the room he’s in, remembers the people in it, and realizes how the sudden sunlight that hits his face wasn’t there before.
And when he opens his eyes, it really should not be so shocking to see how Sirius is pacing around the dorm with his eyes full of betrayal as he looks at James, as if the person he’s known for years is a mere stranger now.