Chapter 17
James feels overwhelmed with happiness.
Which is absolutely amazing, he honestly wouldn’t have it any other way, and he knows he could easily be overwhelmed with worse things. He just needs to talk, or try his hardest to talk with Regulus. No good could possibly come out of delaying an important conversation, no matter how much easier it is to do that.
“I just- I really need you to know some things, Regulus.” James says softly, looking at Regulus, happy to see that he’s paying attention to every word, and quickly looks back down.
“I wanted you to know that I am so sorry for how I’ve been treating you recently. All the avoiding communication, stringing you along, most of the bad stuff, it isn’t me. I’ve just been so fucking confused with everything, and I feel horrible for hurting you because of it. If you’ll let me, I’d love to make sure that it never happens ever again. I promise, alright?”
Regulus doesn’t say anything for the longest time, the silence almost unbearable to James. He regrets ever speaking or saying anything if silence is his only response.
“I’m about to say another nice thing, alright?” Regulus says quietly, and James nods quickly in response. “You are a very wonderful person, James. One of the best people I know. I’ll admit, it wasn’t a very fun time whenever all of that shit happened. But you’re not a bad person. I can see that so clearly.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.” James whispers, because it honestly does. He never has people tell him that he’s doing the right thing, besides his parents. It’s nice to hear from somebody. “Do you forgive me?”
“I’d be an idiot not to.”
“You wouldn’t.” James shakes his head. “I’d understand, honestly. Don’t feel like you have to forgive me.”
Regulus looks in his eyes, making James’ breath catch. “I know that. And I still forgive you.”
James feels the other question lingering in the air, but he doesn’t want to ask it. He decides to ask anyway. “Do you, um trust me?”
Regulus sighs softly, looking back at the book that’s sitting in his lap, no longer looking at James. “I want to trust you, I want to so badly. But It’ll take time. I forgive you, wholeheartedly, but you can’t expect me to fully trust you right away. It’s something I just have to work towards again.”
And James knows that, he really, truly does, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. He just wishes that he hadn’t messed up, or that he would’ve been brave enough to come to terms with his feelings. He can’t change things, no matter how hard he wishes that he could.
“I’m not going to leave again, Regulus. I just want you to know that. I promise that I won’t.”
Regulus looks at James sadly, and James wants nothing more but to see that sadness gone. “You can’t-don’t promise that, James, you don’t know that for sure.”
“I do.” James searches Regulus’ face, waiting for him to look at him back. When he does, James smiles slightly - which honestly might just be habit at this point, smiling whenever he gets the honor of seeing Regulus’ face. “But I also understand your hesitance, and that your trust is something I just have to work to get back. I’ll be here every step.”
Regulus is still looking at James with widened, gray eyes. “Right. Thank you for understanding.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” James tells him, inching his face closer towards Regulus’.
Regulus smiles at him, it’s small, and James has to refrain himself from kissing him as soon as he sees it appear. James wants to feel his smile as he kisses him, and feel happiness that’s heavy in his lips. “Okay.”
James grins, “Okay.” he whispers back.
Regulus is the one who leans forward first, racing to be the first to connect their lips. Like with every kiss that James shares with Regulus, he feels the same excitement coursing through his veins. He feels like everything in the entire world is golden when he kisses Regulus, and honestly he doesn’t think that feeling will ever disappear.
“You’re magnificent,” James whispers against his lips.
“Shut up,” Regulus tells him fondly, that same beautiful smirk on his lips.
“Whatever you want,” James tells him, eager for them to kiss again. Which they do.
“I’ve got to go.” Regulus tells him a few minutes later, pulling away.
James frowns, “Why so soon?”
“It’s already evening.”
James hums, “Still too soon for me.”
Regulus rests the side of his head on James’ shoulder, “Too soon for the both of us.”
“You're so very nice to me,” James tells him, kissing the top of Regulus' head.
“Tell me that again, and I will chop your fingers off.”
James laughs, “Noted.”
Regulus looks up at James, a curious look on his face, “Why do you find my bitterness so entertaining?
“I find everything you do very entertaining. And endearing. And beautiful. Your bitterness is just one of many.”
Regulus lifts his head from James’ shoulder, and lifts both of his hands to hold the side of James’ face. “You’ve really got to stop saying such nice things.” Regulus tells him before kissing him once more, this time their kiss is ten times more heated than the last one they shared.
“Impossible.” James whispers against his lips.
James rejoices in every soft sound that Regulus makes, enjoying the electricity spreading between the two of them.
Regulus crawls onto James’ lap, sitting there as James kisses all over his face, down along his neck, kissing over the love bites that are invisible now. Every sound that spills out of Regulus’ mouth pushes James to deepen their kiss even further. Regulus softly pushes him back, until they’re laying on the ground. All James can think about is the fact that Regulus is above him, kissing him, and James is close to losing his mind.
How did he get so lucky? James feels he’s on fire, his skin burning in every place that Regulus touches, his skin cold wherever Regulus isn’t. James runs his hands all over Regulus, feeling every part of him that he can possibly reach, almost as if he’s making sure that the person above him is actually real.
Then the door opens.
Regulus immediately pulls their lips apart, still hovering above him, both of them in fear of what could happen next. Both of them are frozen, James unsure of who exactly it is that walked in. He looks up at Regulus, and sees his pink cheeks - that would be very adorable, and James desperately would point it out if they were under different circumstances - and wide eyes.
“Holy fucking shit! Reggie,” a boy’s voice calls out, and Regulus slightly relaxes. “you fucking legend, you’re actually here?”
“Fuck,” Regulus whispers. “Barty, get the fuck out.”
James lifts his eyebrows. Barty. Interesting.
The man in question laughs deeply, “We were looking all over for you.” Barty struggles to catch his breath. “And- and you! You’re just down here, shagging some bloke.”
James sits up, holding Regulus who's still in his lap, feeling like he’s missing out on something. He doesn’t like Barty, not one tiny bit of him does. However, he has the ability to be civil towards him. “Hello.”
Barty laughs harder, struggling to catch his breath. “Holy shit, this just gets better. You’re down here shagging James fucking Potter!”
Regulus groans, covering his face, “Fuck off, Barty. We were not shagging.”
Barty keeps going, “Did you not spend six years hating him? All of the rants about his stupid hair and glasses? Oh, this is hilarious,” Barty looks genuinely very entertained with the situation, and seems to find this whole thing the funniest thing in the entire world. James swears there may actually be tears of laughter in his eyes.
“Oh my god! It makes so much sense, actually. Is that why you hated every time that he’d ask out Lily?”
James hums and raises his eyebrows, looking at Regulus questioningly. “Oh?”
“Okay Barty!” Regulus quickly gets off James, trying to shut up Barty.
“Or when they were dating? I thought you were a miserable, lonely little shit, but you were just jealous!”
“I hate you.” Regulus says calmly, pulling Barty fully into the room, closing the door behind him.
James gets up to go stand by Regulus, desperately trying not to think back to the amount of times James had to watch Barty all over Regulus.
“Does he not speak, or something?” Barty asks, the question obviously directed at James, causing James to look at him.
“I just really don’t like you.” James can hear his heart beating fast in his ears, both jealous and upset at the amount of times James had to watch Barty give Regulus affectionate eyes, or subtle kisses, or when he’d rest his head in Regulus lap.
Barty scoffs, about to say something before Regulus interrupts. “Look, Barty. You can’t tell anybody.”
Barty redirects his attention to Regulus, “Not even Evan?”
“No.”
“What about Pandora?”
“Especially not Pandora.”
“She’s going to be extremely angry when she finds out you said that.”
“Which isn’t going to happen. Because you’re not going to tell them anything that you saw. Right?”
Barty mulls it over in his mind for a bit. “Fine. I don’t see why we can’t tell Evan, Dorcas already knows.”
Regulus groans, “How do you know that?”
“Because she was unnecessarily mad at you earlier, I’m assuming this,” he gestures at James, “is the reason why. Look, he can just hangout with us tonight. It’ll be fun.”
“Don’t be an idiot Barty, absolutely not.”
Barty then walks over to Regulus, throwing an arm around his shoulders, pulling the two of them close together. Barty presses a friendly little kiss onto Regulus’ temple, looking straight at James, knowing exactly what he’s doing. James still feels that hot pang of jealousy deep in the pit of his stomach, even if he knows that Barty is intentionally trying to get under his skin. He can’t stand him.
Fucking Barty.
Regulus shrugs Barty off of him, “Bloody idiot.”
“See?” Barty smirks, ignoring Regulus, “You’d love to go, wouldn’t you James?”
James looks between Barty and Regulus, Barty looking as smug as ever, and Regulus letting him make his own decision. He really doesn’t know what to do. If he’s honest he does want to go to meet Regulus’ friends, but he’s also scared to see what will happen if more people find out. Another part of him desperately wants to go just because he doesn’t want to leave Regulus just yet. Yet, there’s another part of him that just doesn’t want to go because that means he’d be in the same room as Barty.
“Sure.” James nods, “I’ll go.”
Barty laughs, “Perfect.”
Regulus sighs deeply, “Okay, you got an answer. Now you can leave.”
“Already?” Barty frowns. “I just got here.”
“Yes.” Regulus slightly pushes Barty back, “Now leave.”
“Fine. But please be there in like fifteen minutes or sooner, everyone was worried for you.”
“Aw,” Regulus says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “How sweet of you guys.”
Barty narrows his eyes, a frustrated look in his eyes, “You’re doing it again.”
“Oh, for fucks sake!” Regulus snaps, slowly running his hand down his face. “Please, Barty. Just go.”
“Come on, mate.” James steps in, speaking directly to Barty even if it’s the last thing he ever wants to do. But, Barty isn’t even attempting to leave. “We’ll be down there in a few, alright?”
Barty rolls his eyes at James, “Fine. I’ll be standing outside the entrance, waiting for you two. Make it a quickie.” Barty grins as he finally leaves, both Regulus and James taking a deep breath of relief. That could’ve been anybody, and as much as James doesn’t want to admit it, he’s glad that it was Barty.
Regulus looks up at James. “You really don’t have to go.”
James nods, “I want to. But, you know, if you don’t want me there, or whatever, I don’t-”
“I want you there, James.”
James grins brightly at hearing that. There’s something so wonderful whenever he hears that someone wants him somewhere. It makes him feel like he’s not just tagging along, and he loves feeling like somebody likes his presence.
He loves how Regulus has the ability to make him feel wanted, something that James had always longed for.