Chapter 15
James feels like he’s on top of the world.
He feels…everything, but in the most magical way.
He had not stopped smiling since Regulus had left the astronomy tower. In fact, he was beaming on the walk all the way back to his dorms. He was still grinning when he was trying to fall asleep, and he woke up feeling better than he has in a while with a bright smile on his face.
In the back of his mind, he is absolutely certain that they have much to talk about, he knows that everything isn’t fixed just because of a kiss. But for a moment he can pretend that it is, that everything is still going to be fine.
James finally rolls out of bed, right when he sees Sirius getting ready. He has been actively avoiding Sirius, ever since he and Lily went behind James’ back and created this plan that wasn’t helpful in the slightest. It wasn’t all Sirius’ fault because even if he came up with the plan, Lily should’ve never agreed to it just for her benefit.
So it’s safe to say that James is peeved with both of them.
Sirius watches as James gets out of bed, trying to scope out how James is feeling. “Are you still upset?” Sirius asks quietly.
“I think that I’m allowed to be.” James responds shortly, turning to go to the bathroom.
“Good morning, boys!” Peter exclaims as he walks through their dorm room entrance, at the same time James leaves the bathroom ready for the day.
“Morning,” Sirius responds quietly.
James grins at Peter, “Morning Peter. Are you just getting back here?”
Peter sighs, “Yes, and I’m very tired today.”
James raises his eyebrows suggestively, “Oh? Is that so?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Peter scoffs, “Me and Emmeline were talking last night, that’s all.”
James smirks, “Is it now?”
Peter groans, “Yes, James, it’s literally all we-”
“Please,” Remus shouts from his bed, “I love you guys, but please shut the fuck up.”
“I forgot just how much Moony loved mornings,” Peter whispers to James as he starts walking towards the door, James right behind him.
“So, Emmeline, huh?” James says while they’re walking alone to breakfast, nudging Peter’s shoulder with his own.
“Yeah,” Peter says dreamily, “She’s a fucking goddess, mate.”
James “Did you two really only talk?”
Peter nods, “We did. She has so many interesting, intellectual opinions on certain things, we just couldn’t stop talking.”
“You’re absolutely smitten for her already!” James exclaims with a grin.
Peter still has a distracted smile on his face, but his face slightly reddens at James’ words. “Just a bit. Just don’t tell anybody, alright?”
James nods, but he knows that it’ll only be a few hours before everyone knows just how much Peter likes Emmeline.
“I’m happy for you, Pete.”
Peter laughs lightly, “Me too.”
The pair are walking in silence for a bit, when James decides to talk. “Wormy, if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anybody?”
“Of course, Prongs.” Peter nods adamantly.
“Right, well.” James takes a steadying breath, nervous for what he’s about to say. “I really fancy this… bloke.” Peter raises his eyebrows in surprise, and doesn’t say anything. “That’s fine, right? With you? Like, it’s not a problem?” James has never told anybody about this, and he's suddenly nervous for what reactions he might get. Although Peter has never cared in the past, so it's not like he would have a problem with it.
Peter’s mouth widens in shock, and he looks genuinely offended, “No, James! Of course not! Why would it be a problem?”
James looks down, “Dunno, just want to make sure.”
“Right, well no. It’s definitely not a problem.” Peter sighs, “Anyways, carry on.”
James nods, getting back on track. “Well, the two of us had a big fight. It was entirely my fault, and I feel really bad for it. Last night was the first night that we have talked since our fight, and we ended up snogging, we really didn’t talk about anything important. What do you think I should do?”
Peter looks deep in thought. “What was your fight about?”
“It’s bad, I feel horrible for it.”
“I won’t judge you for it, mistakes happen.” Peter reassures.
James sighs, “I, um, almost kissed him, like we were centimeters away. Except, I pulled away because I was dating Lily, and remembered her at the last second.”
“Well,” Peter begins, “That’s a bit fucked.”
“Yeah. It is.”
“And last night you two didn’t even talk about it?”
“Well, he brought it up, we kind of argued for a bit, and I did apologize for it. But, I still feel horrible and I just want him to know that.”
Peter nods, “Well you just have to talk to him about it. Like, actually sit down and have a proper conversation. No snogging allowed.”
“Got it.”
“Like, if you do that without talking, it’ll be very messy.”
James scoffs, “Right.”
“James, I’m not kidding you can’t snog, you two are digging a hole that you can’t climb out of.”
“Yeah,” James laughs, “I gathered that, Pete.”
Peter looks at him, “Just making sure you know that.”
“I do.”
“Well, you have been noticeably upset recently. Today was the first day you’ve had a smile when you’ve woken up.” Peter sighs, “I just want this to work out for you, I guess.”
James grins, “Thanks, Wormy. I want this to work out too.”
The two stop their conversation as they enter the Great Hall. James and Peter sit across from Mary and Marlene, who’s already sitting at their table.
“Good morning, boys!” Marlene says brightly as they sit, “Where’s the rest of you?”
“Remus was in a bit of a shit mood this morning. Sirius is probably tending to him at the very moment.” Peter responds.
Marlene snickers and looks at James, “Where did you sneak off to last night?” she questions. “Everyone was looking for you at the party, and wanted to praise your stellar Quidditcch performance.”
James clears his throat, trying to sound normal. “Went to bed, I was absolutely knackered. They should’ve been congratulating the two of you, you guys were brilliant.”
Marlene scoffs, “Not as good as you yesterday. It was fucking wild to-”
“Where’s Lily?” Mary asks suddenly, interrupting Marlene, and looking around the Great Hall.
The girls both look at James expectantly, “We broke up,” James answers before they can try and ask him for Lily's whereabouts.
“Oh?” Mary questions, “What happened?”
“We just, um, aren’t right for each other.” James finally responds, desperate for their conversation to be over. Thankfully for him, Sirius and Remus finally arrive, Lily walking behind them. Lily sits on the other side of James, while Sirius and Remus sit next to Mary and Marlene.
James is looking at his food, trying to ignore the way Lily is subtlety attempting to get his attention.
Peter slightly chokes on his drink, causing everyone to look at him with concern. “Sorry, um, sorry.” Peter has a grin he’s failing to hide, staring at someone.
Marlene is the one who turns around, looking to see who Peter is laughing at. “Oh my god,” Marlene giggles, “Sirius. Your brother.”
James freezes at the mention of Regulus, and soon his friends are gawking at Regulus, hiding their amused grins. Very slowly he looks to see what everyone is freaking out about. Regulus’ neck is covered with love bites, many that he apparently didn’t bother to hide.
“What do you mean my-“ Sirius finally turns around in his seat, and stops talking when his eyes land on Regulus. “You have got to be kidding me.”
James is trying to act normal, and is trying even harder to ignore Peter’s knowing glances at him.
“Who do you think did it?” Mary attempts to ask the girls quietly, but loud enough that everyone could hear.
Marlene snorts, “Don’t you see how Barty is always hanging off of him? Guaranteed that it was him.” James once again has to force himself to not show any facial expressions, no matter how disgusted he is just at the mention of Barty’s name. Sirius is seemingly too disturbed to even care about what they’re saying, a surprise to James.
“Well, Evan was the one who charmed them to disappear.” Mary points out.
“You idiots,” Lily whispers, joining in on their gossip, “We don’t even know that he’s gay. Could be Dorcas for all we know.”
Marlene turns her head quickly to look at Lily. “You don’t really think it’s her, do you?”
Lily snorts, “I think we should stop suspecting who it is, and mind our own bloody business.”
“That’s not fun,” Marlene whines.
“I agree, Mars. No fun.” Mary sighs, loosely throwing her arm around Marlene. James notices how Lily stiffens, and isn’t surprised to see her face grow slightly red from anger, or maybe even jealousy? Marlene is too busy listening to whatever Peter is saying towards Sirius to notice, but James does. Evidently, Mary does as well, a slight smirk on her lips as she lightly grazes her fingers along Marlene’s shoulder. James’ eyes widen as he realizes who Lily must be pining for, who she was trying to make jealous.
Lily huffs and gets up abruptly, and maybe five seconds later Mary is going after her. Shortly after that, Sirius and Remus are leaving. Sirius is always in a bad mood whenever he thinks about his brother, and it’s probably not easy for him to watch Regulus grow up from afar. Luckily for him, Remus is always there to make him feel better, like he’s going to be doing now.
“Got to go,” Marlene says hurriedly, getting up and fixing her hair.
“To do what?” Peter groans.
Marlene grins, “Study.” James watches as Marlene goes to the library, and he can see Dorcas in front of her walking to the same spot that Marlene is going.
“You’re an absolute idiot,” Peter whispers harshly once it’s just the two of them.
James decides to play dumb, “For what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me,” Peter scoffs, “Sirius is going to be so angry with you.”
James groans, “I know, but he’s absolutely wonderful. He’s just wonderful, Wormy.”
Peter sighs, “It better be worth it, James.”
“He’s worth everything, you know? I swear, every second with him is worth every problem that could ever happen.”
Peter laughs quietly, “You’re absolutely smitten.”
“Yeah,” James says distractedly, a huge grin on his face as he watches Regulus talk with Evan Rosier. “How could I not be? Just look at him.”
That’s all that James does as he finishes breakfast, he just stares at Regulus. He has to look away eventually, but until then he wants to remember everything about him. He wants to remember the moment, so that he can replay it over and over again in his mind. Even if Regulus is just simply talking, it’s enough to make James’ locked in some sort of a dreamlike haze.
“He looks… happy?” Peter says suddenly.
James looks at him excitedly, “You think so?”
“I’ve never seen him smile so much,” Peter answers, “Granted, I don’t pay the most attention to him. I can see what you see in him, though.”
James scowls at him, “Good thing he’s not yours.”
“Well, technically he’s not yours either.”
James groans, “You don’t even like guys, why’re you trying to make me jealous? ”
“I’m not,” Peters says innocently before breaking into a playful grin. “You are just too easy.”
James rolls his eyes before turning back to Regulus, and James watches as Evan gets up to leave Regulus by himself.
Their eyes meet, and despite the filled room, James swears that in that moment it’s just the two of them. His eyes aren’t filled with sadness like the last time they were in the same situation all those weeks ago. His face still has a bored expression, but there’s something different now.
Regulus shakes his head fondly, looking away with a smile that James swears is just for himself. That’s when James realizes that Peter is right.
Regulus looks happy.