Chapter 7
Eventually, Regulus finds himself making his way back to the dungeons under the cloak, James walking out behind him.
“Well, here we are,” Regulus whispers to invisible James once they arrive.
“Yeah,” James whispers back, “Um, keep meeting me, yeah? I think we’re proper friends now.”
Except, Regulus doesn’t want to be his friend. He wants more than that, and if he can’t have it then he wants nothing to do with James.
“That’s probably the worst assumption you could’ve ever made.”
“Yes, I know, how horrific. So, you’ll meet me?”
“See you later, Potter.” Regulus responds, turning around to hide the rather embarrassing grin on his face.
“Where have you been?” Barty asks loudly as soon as Regulus enters their dorm.
Evan rushes out of the bathroom, “Merlin Regulus, you can’t just disappear on us. You had us all worried! Especially after all the shit going down with Avery and Mulciber!”
“Aw, you two were worried about me.” Regulus responds in a bored tone, not really wanting them to make this a big deal.
Evan stares at Regulus, anger flashing in his eyes, “Yes, we were, we were worried sick!”
Regulus puts his hands up, as if he was surrendering, “I’m fine. I was fine.”
“And where were you fine?” Barty asks, arms crossed over his chest.
It wasn’t like Regulus was nervous about what they’d say, but he was always a bit cautious with what he shared. He never wanted to give people information that could be used against him.
“That’s my business, I don’t know why it even matters.” Regulus replies sharply.
“Blimey, it matters because we care! People care and worry for you, Regulus. You’re not bloody invisible anymore!” Evan walks out of the room, the door slamming behind him.
“He was convinced that you died.” Barty said after a few beats of silence.
“Yes, but I’m still here. Unfortunately.”
“Oh piss off Regulus. He’s right. We are trying to be here for you, but you act like we’re pretending or something. How many times do we have to tell you that we care for you for you to believe it?”
“I was barely gone for two days! It doesn’t even matter!”
Regulus watches as Barty scoffs and leaves, the door slamming just as loud. Regulus slides his hands down his face. It’d be easier if nobody cared, and for some reason Regulus struggles to realize that people actually do. It might only be four people, but it’s four people Regulus needs.
So he will apologize, eventually. For right now, he has to sprint to the Quidditch pitch for practice and try to make it through all of his classes.
“Regulus Black, where the fuck have you been?” Dorcas sprints to Regulus as soon as he makes it to the pitch, and throws her arms around him.
“Good morning Dorcas. Don’t worry I heard the lecture from Barty and Evan. They’re not the happiest with me, as of right now.”
Dorcas laughs and a whistle sounds, signaling the beginning of Quidditch practice, “Listen, I love you, and I am so glad you’re here. But also, this practice is going to be absolute hell.”
And it really was absolutely horrible. Mulciber and Avery kept giving him shit, all crude jokes about him being gay and rumours. Regulus was trying to not be concerned over it, considering that most Slytherins didn’t want to ‘ruin the Slytherin reputation’. So, anything worth ‘ruining their reputation’ never leaves the common room or Quidditch pitch, and never gets spread around. He also doesn’t want to worry because honestly who cares? He will never understand how horrible a person must be to be upset over who a person wants to love, that will always be beyond him.
Regulus spent the rest of his day absolutely throwing himself into his assignments. After dinner, Regulus found himself finishing up homework, when everybody rushed into his room. Pandora comes in first, with Barty and Evan behind her, the two being pushed by Dorcas. He’d never admit it, but seeing his friends always made his heart swell with joy.
“Regulus! Where have you been?” Pandora’s soft voice said, holding a very rare frustration in it.
“God, if I hear that one more time I might just lose my mind completely.”
“I heard you got in a little argument with these two,” Pandora points at the two boys behind her, “Go on, have it out.”
Evan scoffs, “The prick needs to learn to realize that we care for him.”
Barty throws his hands up in agreement, “Exactly! He just shows up and doesn’t even tell us where he’s been, and then he acts like we just didn’t notice? He acts like we don’t care about him!”
“It was a joke!” Regulus exclaims, attempting to defend himself.
“Wasn’t a good one!” Evan huffs.
Regulus rolls his eyes, “Oh like you know what good jokes are.”
Dorcas sighs, “You act like we didn’t already know this about him, Barty. It makes Regulus, Regulus. We can’t force him to see it any differently.”
“Yes, we know we care for Regulus. I’m sure Regulus knows we care for him. It’s just a matter of accepting how Regulus reacts to being cared for, regarding how he grew up.” Pandora states, right on the nose, as always. He knows she’s right, it’s common knowledge that his mother and father weren’t model parents. That is the whole reason why he limits what he shares, in that house and family everything you ever said is used against you.
“Crikey, how many times am I going to have to speak about emotions this week?” Regulus mutters, causing everyone to stop and look at him.
Dorcas gasps dramatically, “Hello? How many times have you talked about emotions this week? And to whom?”
Regulus glares at Dorcas, “I do understand that you guys care for me, it’s weird and gross but I see it. I appreciate all the things you do for me. I appreciate all of you, a lot. Especially with all the shit going on, you are my best friends for life. And as much as this physically pains me to say, I love you guys,” Regulus grimaces at his last words, although he really does mean every bit of it.
Dorcas laughs, “Aw Regulus! That’s the nicest thing we’ve ever heard you say!”
“Group hug!” Pandora exclaims, grinning wildly.
The other three throw themselves at each other, waiting for Regulus to join them, which obviously he does.
As the days pass, Regulus feels significantly lighter, like he’s floating. He met up with James pretty frequently, every night they'd sit together for hours. Most of the time they talked about everything, but there were moments where they’d sit in silence.
For the first time in a while, Regulus could grasp the idea of what happiness could look like.
Halloween came quicker than expected for Regulus. As him and Dorcas arrived at the Great Hall, there was a new prank waiting for all Hogwarts students. This year, there was a random assignment of costumes that took effect whenever you drank anything at breakfast that morning. James had told Regulus this all the night before, warning him. Snape, Mulciber, and Avery got the worst, the three of them got stiletto boots, a ridiculously showy top and shorts, and their hair was an ugly shade of green.
When Potter and his friends arrived, Regulus probably looked like an idiot, watching James walk. James was wearing a stupid Superman costume, that showed off his perfectly toned body. Regulus was so eager to do something, anything, to not think about James. James and his stupid body, in the ridiculously flattering suit, him laughing a stupid joke Peter had said, James when the suit was being taken off, James-
“Oh shit.” Regulus said dryly, realizing he had taken a drink of his pumpkin juice, meaning he was now waiting for his assigned costume.
In the meanwhile, he looked over at Dorcas, just to see her just as deep in thought as he was just a moment ago. Except she was looking at Marlene, who just was dressed up as Wonder Woman. He watched as Dorcas made the same mistake he did, chugging a whole glass of juice.
“Oh, damn it!” Dorcas exclaimed, causing Regulus to laugh loudly.
Dorcas glares at him, “You prick! You knew that I was going to do that!”
“Yes, but only because I made the same mistake.” Regulus smirked, looking pointedly at James.
“James Potter,” Dorcas whispered harshly, “You can not have a crush on him!”
“Oh relax, I do not have a crush on him,” he responded quietly, “Besides, you should focus on your own love life.”
“Calm down, I do not have a crush on…,” Dorcas suddenly trailed off looking at the Gryffindor table, causing Regulus to follow her gaze. And lo and behold, Marlene McKinnon was getting into a story, waving her hands around dramatically, laughing at every joke that she said.
Regulus rolled his eyes, concealing a grin, “You were saying, Meadowes?”
“Piss off, she just looks very nice this morning. Besides, stop pretending that your thoughts are not full of James in that suit right now.”
Regulus can hear what she’s saying, but none of it really matters when James is staring at him, smirking slightly, mouth open slightly. He sees McKinnon looks directly at Dorcas her expression similar, and he’s snapped back into reality.
Regulus closes his eyes shut, wanting to be miles away from here. “Oh fuck.”
“Woah! Nice costume Reg.” Barty’s voice says, joining them at the table for breakfast.
Evan’s right behind him, and makes a look of approval, “Regulus you actually look so good in that.”
“Oh god,” Regulus groans, forcing his eyes to open and look at his friends, “What is it?”
“I have no idea,” Barty answers, mouth full of food, “But you look hot in it.”
“Spider-man,” Dorcas sighs finally joining in on the conversation, “He’s a muggle superhero.”
“A spider man?” Evan questions, “That’s a rather stupid concept.”
“I think it’s cool.” Barty concludes, making Evan nod in agreement, because to Evan whatever Barty says, apparently goes.
Regulus turns to look at Dorcas, only to realize that she got probably the best costume ever. Her hair was now a pretty maroon, still keeping her locs. She was wearing a tight black pantsuit, with a gold belt. He has no idea what she’s supposed to be, but she looks amazing.
“Dorcas, I hope you realize that you are very insufferable right now.”
“I literally haven’t said anything.”
“Dorcas!” Pandora exclaims, running to their table, “You look so lovely!” Pandora gives her a friendly kiss on the cheek, as she usually does to their whole group. Except, taking one glance at McKinnon, and he can tell that she is fuming with jealousy.
“Oh! And you do too, Regulus!” Barty saunters over to Regulus, mocking Pandora, “You look so wonderful!” He secretly blows Regulus a kiss, and winks at him flirtatiously. Barty loves to be the one to push Pandora, he really enjoys irritating people that never show any anger. He and Pandora love to go at it with each other all in good fun, and it was surprising hearing Pandora so annoyed.
Regulus sneaks a look at the Gryffindor table, surprised to see James glaring at Barty. At least Regulus thinks he is, but it could just be another figment of his imagination.
“Aw Barty, are you jealous?” Pandora asks, as if she’s his mother, “Oh, don’t worry dear, you look alright today as well.”
“Just alright?” Barty frowns.
Pandora scoffs, “Well I certainly don’t see you wearing a costume.”
“You look just as wonderful Barty.” Evan cuts in, trying to restore the peace, but seemingly making it worse.
“You look just wonderful Barty.” Dorcas mutters mockingly.
“Oh Marlenee,” Evan sing-songs, acting as if he’s going to get up and join the Gryffindor table.
Dorcas stops him quickly, “Don’t even play like that Ev. I don’t even like her like that anyway.”
Although the look on her face when Lily starts playing with Marlene’s hair, says otherwise.
Regulus rolls his eyes at the two’s stubbornness, “Merlin, go talk to her. Why is it so bloody difficult?”
“Because, Regulus. I am not going to be the initiator, if she wants me, then she has to make an effort. Besides, all she does is fucking glare at me. Which is very hot, but still.”
That night, Regulus made his way up to the astronomy tower waiting for James. He wasn’t even sure he’d show up, seeing as it’s his last Halloween at Hogwarts. Now, Regulus is just going to look like an absolute idiot.
He considers leaving. He easily could leave now and not have to face the embarrassment of being stood up. But, he stays. Mainly because of the possibility James shows up, which Regulus thinks it’s a rather pathetic move on his part.
A few hours pass, and he’s still waiting. It’s way past the time they normally meet, and Regulus wants to cry out of humiliation. He doesn’t obviously, yet he still can’t fucking leave because once again, the what if is worth it.
“Reggiee,” James stumbled in the astronomy tower, clearly pissed out of his mind, “You’re still here. It took longer ‘cause this tower is bloody huuge.” James stumbles to where Regulus is standing, and Regulus has to guide him in fear that he’ll fall.
“Aww Reggieee. You’re a good friend to me. I think you are a better friend than all of my friends.” James giggles softly, before looking Regulus in the eye.
“Reggie dear, how did you know you were gay?”
Regulus stutters a bit not sure how to answer the question. “I, um, suppose I always kind of knew. I think wanting to shag a guy was a pretty clear indicator.”
James laughs wholeheartedly at that, “See, I think I might be a bit gay. ‘Cause I…hic… love girls, but,'' James drops his voice to a whisper, “I think it may be nice to be with a bloke. I think I have a bit of research to do.”
James, once again, looks into Regulus’s eyes, “Ohh, you’re so pretty Reg. I don know if you, um, know this. But, you have freckles alll over your face.” James lifts his fingers to trace all of them littering over his face, and Regulus is finding it harder to breathe, and he can feel his heart beat faster. “And I’m mental about each one.” James finishes softly.
Even though it might be unfair, Regulus hates James at the moment. He hates how he can walk in one day, and say all the nice and right words that Regulus wants to hear. He hates how James won’t even remember saying them.
“Please, James, you don’t mean it.” Regulus almost pleads, not wanting him to say things he may regret, ignoring the fire James’ words ignite in him.
“Oh, and you just said my name!” James exclaims softly, in a high pitched voice. “I think I may explode every time you… hic…say my name, and I don’t know why. An’ I mean every word I say, always.”
Regulus summons a pillow and a blanket for James, seeing as he is clearly fighting sleep.
“Oh! And you looked so bloody fit this mornin’ like, it was brilliant.”
Regulus laughs softly and places the blanket and pillow on the floor, “Thank you.”
“It’s the truth! But, I was a bit jealous… hic… seeing you with Crouch.” James declares a sudden ice in his voice.
“Jealous of what?” Regulus asks softly, watching as James drops himself to the floor.
“Um, ‘m not sure exactly,” James responds, eyes fluttering closed. Regulus watches as he drifts off to sleep, a slight smile stuck on his face. He did look beautiful, but to be fair he always does.