Chapter 20
I wake up in my world, like I was expecting. It didn't work. Why didn't it work? The night before couldn't have been a dream. Parker and Ethan remember it too. Maybe I'm just unlucky. I hope they got to go. If it was real.
I grab my phone and check my notifications. I have one from Parker and one from Ethan. Both are from the group chat.
My bff: It didn't work for me either. Also really a group chat with him.
Ethan: Ouch. Anyway it didn't work for me.
Me: Ok. I'll see you both at school.
I get up and get changed. It is 5:30 right now so I'm going to try and work out then shower before 6:30 which is when I normally get up. I quickly get changed, then do exercises till 6. Crunches and sit ups mainly so I can lose my stomach. I do them until my stomach starts to hurt. By then it's 6, so I stand up and grab some clothes before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. As I undress and wait for the shower to warm up, I stretch out a bit and purposely avoid looking at myself in the mirror. Maybe I'll always hate the way I look but I'm gonna try to change that. I've hated the way I look for as long as I could remember. I don't know why I started hating my body but I do know that I started hating it even though no one has ever really commented on what I look like. I'm pretty sure I've only gotten one and it was from an idiot at a church camp. He was doing it to all the girls who walked out of the pool. Doesn't make me feel any better though. Actually it probably wouldn't have felt even if he just did it to me. It's disgusting.
I hop in the shower and just stand there, letting the water hit my skin. I let my thoughts wander. Wondering why it hadn't worked. Or if it was myself who didn't let it work. Maybe it was my doubt if the first time was real. I know it was real now. There's no way something that realistic was a dream. Parker and Ethan were there too, so it had to be real. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. It could have been a lucid dream that we all had. That can't be possible can it?
I sigh, feeling defeated by my own thoughts. It felt so real.
After washing up, I turn the water off, then step out of the shower and get changed for school. I walk into my room and grab Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone off my desk to read till my sister and mom wake up.
It doesn't take long for them to wake up, so getting to school was pretty fast. Now I am sitting with Peyton and Parker trying to finish my homework. I've never been good at keeping up with homework. I hate doing homework. I feel like it's pointless but I sadly still have to do it.
Out of the corner of my eye Ethan slips into the seat in front of me. He clears his throat, trying to get my attention but I keep my focus on the homework.
"What?" I ask, still looking at the homework. I can see Peyton clenching her fist. She wants to kill him too. Even though she tells me to get over what he did.
"It didn't work." He says bluntly.
"Obviously or else you would be talking to your girlfriend and not me." I say, still not looking up at him.
"She's not here today." He says quickly. I nod my head but in all honesty I don't care. I know how Ethan works by now. He'll only talk to me when his girlfriend isn't around or when he needs something.
"Are you two going to try again tonight?" He asks cautiously.
"We don't have to schedule it with you do we?" Parker snaps. I can see Ethan visibly shrink, like he's embarrassed.
"Felicity, can I talk to you alone?" That makes me look up at him. His blue eyes are pleading for me to talk to him. I'm not sure I want to.
"Alright." I say, reluctantly getting up. He follows me over to a corner so we can talk. I can feel his girlfriend's friend's eyes on me the whole way there. If I'm not careful they are going to cause a scene. That's what they do. They are definitely going to tell her about this and then I'm going to be in a world of shit.
"Hurry this because I don't want your girlfriend's minions after me today." I say sarcastically. He rolls his eyes and replies, "I'll keep them off your back."
"I can handle them. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?"
"I was hoping I could use shifting to get on your and Parker's good side."
"Parker isn't going to forgive you and I am still trying to figure out how I feel. Don't try to do something just to make us happy. Things happened. You're happy. I'm fine. That's it." I shrug through the lie that he hopefully doesn't catch.
"What can I do please?"
"Give me time. The shifting thing is something between the three of us. But try not to push it with Parker ok?" He nods his head, then walks back over to his friends, while I walk back to mine.
"What did he have to say?" Parker asks as I sit back down.
"Nothing important." I work on my homework till the bell rings, then walk to my first class with Parker. I watch the clock tick by, barely paying attention to the teacher as she talks. I'm not waiting for anything, I just wish this day would end.
As the last couple of minutes roll around, we get to have some free time so I look up why I wasn't able to shift. The internet gave me a lot of things that I really didn't want to read but I read it anyway. Most articles are asking if shifting is even real which is not helpful. I find one that gives some information as to why. It says having doubts makes it harder. So I guess I'm gonna not doubt that I shifted the first time.
The bell rings, so I close my computer and head to my locker before my next class. I don't have class with Parker this hour so I'm alone. I don't know what class it is. Part of me really doesn't care what class it is. I have no friends in this class and I haven't really bothered to make any. It's not like I'm going to remain friends with them after I leave.
I quickly go through my locker, then shut it. As I shut it I am stopped by one of Ethan's girlfriend's friends. I try to move around her but she grabs my arm and pulls me back in front of her.
"I'm trying to get to class, Macy." I say, angrily. Macy is the girl's name. I don't really know her.
"What did Ethan have to say to you?" She says, her voice sounding very high pitched.
"It's none of your business." I try to walk around her again but she pulls me back and grips onto my arm.
"It is. Nia told us you are still in love with him and to keep an eye on you." I roll my eyes.
"I'm not in love with him. I never was and I never will be." Impulsively I smack her across the face and walk off to my next class. My hand stung from connecting it to the girl's face but I could honestly care less. It felt good smacking her. I'm probably going to get called by the principal later but again I could care less.
I set my stuff down on my desk, then watch the clock, waiting to see what time the Principal would call me. Record time, a minute into class starting, the Principal walks in asking to see me. Everyone in the class oohs as I walk out. I rarely get into trouble so this is new for everyone to see.
"Did you smack Macy?" She asks as soon as I step outside.
"I did, in self defense. She had a hold of me, I was trying to get out of her grip." I say indifferently. I don't care if she believes me or not. Macy's not going to get into trouble.
"You're bigger than her. You could have gotten away from her easily." My gut twisted at her words. An adult shouldn't be telling kids that, no matter how true it is.
"Just send me home. That's most likely what you are going to do anyway." I say quickly.
"Look I know you are probably upset about your father's passing but..." Vile creeps up my throat. The bitch thinks this is about my father. That's disgusting.
I cut her off. "My father has nothing to do with this. I was just trying to get out of her grip. That's all that happened and before you go fat shaming again she is in weights and is a fucking track runner. She is stronger than I am." I yell. That sets her off. She grabs my arm and drags me to her office. Most likely so she can call my mom. I don't care.
The Principal has me sit down in a chair, next to Ethan might I add, as she storms into her office. There is a table that separates him and I. Ethan looks at me but doesn't say anything for a good couple of minutes.
"What did you do?" Ethan asks, sounding bored.
"Smacked Macy, then told the Principal off for fat shaming me." I say with a shrug. "Which she did do by the way." I call up to the secretary who was obviously listening to our conversation.
Ethan mutters "bitch" under his breath, making me laugh.
"What did you do?"
"Look at my knuckles and you'll know." I don't have to look to know that his knuckles probably have blood on them. Whether it's his or not I already know. He used to come to church with his knuckles bloody and sometimes broken. I hated when he did that, whether it was a fight or him just punching a wall, I hated it, but I never really knew how to express it. I care for him. Always have. Sadly, always will. That's a fault of mine. I'm very empathetic. It's something I wish I could change about me though.
The principal walks out and tells me my mom is on her way, then storms out of the office. I lay my head on the table and close my eyes.
"She brought my dad into it." I whisper.
"That bitch."
"Language Mr. Smith." The secretary calls from her desk. Even without looking at Ethan I can tell he's rolling his eyes.
"Get a better principal then." He quips.
"That's enough. I'm tired of your attitude Mr. Smith. You've been lucky to have not been expelled by now." She snaps. Thankfully, I hear the door open so I don't have to hear the conversation.
"I'm here for Felicity." My mom says, making me perk my head up to look up at her.
"Just sign here and you're free to go." The secretary says with the fakest sweet voice I have ever heard. I stand up and walk over to her, waving bye to Ethan as I do. Silently, we walk to the car and drive home.
"I'm sorry." I say as my mom parks in the driveway.
"Did she deserve it?" My mom asks.
"Yes. Did the principal also tell you she fat shamed me and brought dad into it?"
"What did she say?" My mom's voice grows low. I explained to her what the principal said to me and she was fuming.
"I'll take care of it." She says quickly, then gets out of the car. I follow her into the house, then walk into my room. I set my bag on my bed and start doing exercises.
I exercised for a long time. Letting my thoughts wander to Harry Potter and how much I want to see Draco again. I miss laying by him and even though most of the words he says are sarcastic I miss hearing his voice. The movies can't compare to hearing it in person. My stomach churns at the thought of him calling me princess again. Even if I don't really like it I just want to hear him say it again. His voice plays through my head. Every pretty word he has ever said. I listen to every single one of them, wishing he was actually here to say them.
I lay on my floor breathing heavily, realizing that I stopped exercising. I wish he was here to tell me to keep going. Or to tell me that I'm pretty without needing it. My lips sting, thinking about the kisses he placed there. It all felt so real. Who knew a fictional character could affect me so much. But he doesn't feel so fictional now. He feels so real now.
I decided to grab my computer and watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Which I do. I check my phone, which has a couple of messages on it, then play the movie. I check the messages as the movie starts. All of them are from Parker:
My Bff: why aren't you in class??
My Bff: Where are you?
My Bff: Ethan told me what happened, are you ok?
Me: yes I'm fine. I'll explain tonight if you still want to try to shift.
My Bff: yes that's fine. Talk to you later.
Me: talk to you later.
Once the movie is over I play the next one and then once that one is over I play my favorite one, Half-blood Prince. Half-blood Prince is my favorite because Draco gets to be more emotional in this movie. I honestly can't wait to experience this movie when it comes time to shift to that year. 6th year is filled with so much drama that I can't wait to see it unfold.
I hold my pillow close to me as the scene where Draco nearly gets killed plays. As the scene finishes I realize I'm crying over it. I've never cried over this scene before. That is weird. I pause the movie and take a deep breath, then wipe my cheeks. I can't be crying over a fictional character. I don't usually cry over things like this. Why am I crying now? I'm not sure I like it.
My mom opens my door and stands by it looking at me for a second.
"Do I want to know?" She asks.
"Draco Malfoy nearly died." I say sheepishly. She laughs in response.
"You've seen that movie a million times. Anyway, I'm going to go pick up your sister. Will you be ok by yourself?" I nod my head, then watch as she walks away leaving my door slightly open. I don't bother to close it because I want to hear when she comes in.
A couple hours later dinner is over and I am watching the last two Harry Potter movies in complete darkness. I've always loved watching movies in total darkness. It's comforting and it makes me feel like I'm in a movie theater.
After the last movie ends, I close my computer and look at my phone. A couple of messages from the group chat were there.
My Bff: What time do we want to do this?
Ethan: How bout 10?
Me: 10 works.
I check the time and see it's ten minutes till ten.
My Bff: Ok.
Ethan: Sounds good. See you all in a bit.
Me: See you guys.
I put my computer away, then turn on some theta music like I did the night before. Breathing in and out, I grab my script from under my pillow, reading over what I have for fourth year. Which isn't much. Nothing had gone to plan for third year. I think the universe decided to take over because I was so vague about the script. I don't know.
I put my script back under my pillow before laying down. I start counting, while trying to push away any thoughts that aren't about Harry Potter. The third year I experienced runs through my mind. The good and the bad. Every time Draco calls me "princess." Every time Fred and I hung out. The memory of him kissing me the last time played through my head. I'll have to face him again. What did he mean by "just a goodbye"? He was so casual after the kiss. He acted like it didn't happen. Maybe I should too?
Suddenly, the room starts to spin and my arms grow heavy. I force myself not to freak out and let my body go numb. Images swirl through my head. Mainly images of the Triwizard tournament.
As I get to one hundred, I hear the noise of Platform 9 ¾ all around me. I let my mind settle and grasp onto the sound.
"Felicity, come on now." My DR mother says, making me open my eyes. The Platform buzzes around me. I did it.