Chapter 19
The weeks go by surprisingly fast. Fred has been acting like he didn't kiss me. He can still look me in the eyes like it was nothing. Which makes me even more confused by what he meant when he said "Just a goodbye." He wasn't saying goodbye to me, I think. I hate boys, they are so confusing.
Today we are on the train, going home. Home. I really don't think I'm going home. I believe Harry now when he said he's not really going home in first year. That's weird to think about. Anyway, I'm sitting in a compartment with Parker and Draco. Draco is sitting across from me and I have my legs propped up on his lap, while reading. Parker is sitting next to me reading as well. Draco is focused on looking outside. I would look outside too but the book is quite interesting. My kitten Shadow is in her crate, asleep, on the other side of Parker.
"Blondie, can you get out for a sec? I need to talk to Parker and Felicity." Ethan's voice calls from the door.
"No, whatever you want to say you can say it to me." Draco argues.
"Dray. Just for a sec ok." I say as I look up at him, giving him a pleading look. He gave an aggravated sigh, then stood up and left the compartment.
"So what are you planning to do?" Ethan asks after Draco leaves.
"We are going back on the platform. If that's what you mean."
"Or we could do it now?" He suggests.
"I want to say bye to Draco first."
"And I want to say bye to George. Leaving on the platform will be a lot easier." He nods his head and walks away. A few seconds later Draco walks in and sits back down in front of me.
"Are you going home with me, Felicity?" Draco asks.
"No. I'm going home with my mom. Then I'm going to your house a week before the Quidditch World cup." I reply.
"I thought you were going with me and the Weasleys."
"Change of plans. I'm sorry Parker. I'll still see you there." She nods her head, then looks back down at her book. The truth is I don't want to be around Fred and my mom prefers that I stay with the Malfoys. I still haven't told anyone that Fred kissed me. I know I probably should tell Draco but something tells me I shouldn't. Honestly, I'm also scared to tell anyone. I know Draco would probably be mad at me for letting it happen. Parker would go and kill Fred because it wasn't with my permission. It would be a whole mess and I don't want to deal with that.
The train stops, so we get up, grab our stuff and my cat, then walk out of the compartment and off the train. I am greeted by Parker's parents. They are basically her parents from her real reality. Parker mainly kept her family the same. Of course she changed some things. I changed mine a bit but kept the dead father the same.
"Mom, can I go say goodbye to George?" Parker asks her mom.
"Yes you may. It was nice to see you again, Felicity."
"Nice to see you Mrs. Sallow." She gives me a small smile then looks at Draco beside me. She gives him a glare, looks him up and down, then turns around and leaves.
"Do you want to come with me to say bye to Fred?" Parker says as she turns to me.
"No it's ok." I say quickly. Probably too quickly. Parker gives me a confused look, then walks off looking for George. I turn to Draco and give him a small smile.
"I'll see you in a couple of weeks."
"Yeah. See you in a couple of weeks." He gives me a small kiss then walks off. As soon as he leaves, Ethan appears beside me.
"You ready?" He asks.
"No." He nods his head and says, "You're not supposed to get attached."
"I know." Parker walks up to us and gives Ethan a glare.
"Alright, on three?" Ethan and I nod our heads. Parker counts us down and when she says three Parker and I say, "Home is where I want to be," while Ethan says something else. I notice the world around me goes slightly black.
I open my eyes to my real bedroom. My earphones are still in my ears but a different shifting video is on. I open up my phone to check the time. 11:00. An hour since I started. It felt like a whole year. I turn my music off and put my phone on the charger. It felt so real. I grab my pillow, pull it to me and close my eyes.
I wake up to my alarm going off, telling me it's time to get up for school. My head is pounding and my body feels like a bag of bricks. Side effects of shifting maybe? Everything about that felt so real. It was scary but so cool. Was it real? I hope it was.
I shake the thought and get up, quickly getting ready for school. For a second, I stop at the mirror and look at myself.
"People should like you for your personality. Not by how you look. If they can't see that then they're dumb." Fred's words ring through my head. I shake my head and whisper, "If he saw you he'd think differently." I walk away and head down stairs, where my mom is preparing breakfast. Chorizo, eggs and Frito chips. My favorite breakfast.
"Thank you." I say as my mom pushes a plate towards me.
"Is your sister awake?"
"I'm up." My little sister says as she walks into the room. She sits at the table and starts eating. We finish breakfast quickly, then grab our school things and walk out the door. Once we are all settled and buckled up, my mom starts the car and drives to my sister's school.
My mom says bye to my sister, then starts driving to my school. It's chili this morning which isn't surprising for a southern Missouri morning. It's usually cold and I hate it.
My mom stops in the parking lot where she usually stops to drop me off.
"Love you mom." I say as I open the car door.
"Love you too. Be good." I nod my head and whisper, "Just a couple of more months." I close the door and walk up the steps, not looking behind me. My mom doesn't like it here but she is only staying because me and my sister wanted to stay. Even though it's only a year. That year is almost complete. Which sucks but I'm dealing with it. I still haven't told Parker yet though. Well, more like I'm scared to tell her because I kinda know how she is going to react and I don't want to see her reaction.
I walk into the school and head to my seat, keeping my head down. Another day of school. So much fun. I hate real school. Hogwarts is better. Though I don't have to walk much here.
I sigh and sit down by Parker, who is eating some cereal that the school gives out. Not like her but ok. I cross my arms over the table and lay my head on them, wanting to go to sleep. After last night, only sleep has been on my mind.
"How'd you sleep?" Parker asks.
"Like a baby." I mutter. I hear her snort, making me perk my head up. I'm not a good sleeper. In fact I pretty much call myself an insomniac. Same with Parker. In my world sleep doesn't exist for me. Sleep is a royalty that I do not get often.
"How'd you sleep?" She shrugs her shoulders, giving me her answer. We both are terrible sleepers.
"I'm not excited for math today." I comment, quietly. Parker nods her head in agreement and continues eating. I pull out my homework from my bag and start working on it, since I didn't do it last night. I was occupied and I'm a big procrastinator. Not surprising though.
"You didn't get that done?" My other best friend Peyton asks from across the table. I shake my head and continue doing the homework. I feel like Hermione would've loved doing homework like this.
I look up for a quick second and watch as Ethan and his girlfriend walk by, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. I sigh then look back down at my homework. I'm still mad at him here. If he actually was there. It probably sounds petty but it still hurts.
"You still can't be upset about him." Peyton says.
"Only love could hurt like that." Parker responds.
"I didn't- don't love him." I slightly snapped. In truth I probably did but I would never admit it. I still might, but he's happy so I'm going to let him be. I shake the thought of him out of my head and focus on the homework.
Soon the bell rings, telling us to go to our first class. I'm not sure what it is because my brain refuses to work this early in the morning. I think it might be pre-ap english. I don't know. I pack my things and head to my locker with Parker because I think we have the same class.
I stop at my locker and quickly put my things in.
"I'm going to meet you in class. It looks like someone wants to talk to you." Parker says as she turns and walks off to class. I turn around and nearly run into Ethan.
"When are you gonna tell her?" Ethan asks.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I say as I shut my locker. I do in fact know what he is talking about, I just don't want to talk about it. Especially with Ethan.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You need to tell her." I shake my head.
"I will. On my own time."
"It would be easier, sooner rather than later." I roll my eyes and sigh.
"I'll try." I whisper.
"Are you still mad at me here?"
"So you were actually there. And a little bit yes." He nods his head.
"I'll see you later." I turn around and walk off to class.
After four classes and lunch, I finally have a free hour, which I am spending with Parker, sitting on a bench near the football field, talking. About what? Random stuff. And maybe a little bit of shifting. Mainly saying how real it felt. I still haven't told her about what Fred "did," but I don't really think it's relevant. At least not right now. I still think she is going to kill him when she finds out so I am holding it off.
"Now would be a good time to tell her, Felicity." Ethan says as he walks up to us. I roll my eyes. He's got me in a corner and he knows it.
"Tell me what?" I look down at the ground. Why does this have to be so difficult?
"Do you want me to tell her?"
"No. I'll tell her." I say numbly. I turn to look at Parker, tears start forming in my eyes. This is going to sting.
"My mom and I made a deal that I go to school for one year here. Then for the rest of my high-school years I will go to school in California." I spilled everything out, like I've been holding it for a while and it finally escaped. I have been wanting to tell her that for a while. It feels kind of good getting it out though. It's no longer a secret.
"What?" She says with her voice cracking a bit. "No you can't leave. You belong here. W-when do you have to leave?" Tears start to fill her eyes. I shake my head, trying not to cry.
"At the end of the year. I don't know when but after school is over." She nods her head and wipes her eyes.
"Alright, very sad but we have class. We need to get to class." Ethan says. I roll my eyes, then turn to look at him.
"Go on without us. We'll see you in class." I reply. He nods his head and walks away.
"How long has he known?" Parker asks.
"A while. He overheard me and my mom talking about it while we were shopping for groceries." She nods her head and pulls me into a hug. I hug back. I don't want to leave but I have to. I'm going to miss her. Weirdly I'm going to miss Ethan. I have a lot of close friends here.
"I love you, bestie." She says as she pulls away.
"I love you too, Park." She rolls her eyes at her nickname.
"Let's get to class." I nod my head and stand up. Parker walking up with me. We walk to the class in silence. I don't want to move honestly. I want to stay with my friends but I can't.
My class is geometry I think. Or something about geometry. Again I have no idea. My brain never works. Parker and I sit down at our desks and pull out our computers. I don't know if I need it but I'm doing what everyone else is doing. I pull up shifting tips on my screen and how to know if I actually shifted. Which I'm pretty sure I did. That really didn't feel like dreaming. It felt real.
"Are you going to do it again tonight?" Parker whispers to me.
"I'm going to try." I whisper back.
"That tournament happens in fourth year right?"
"Yeah. That's also the year that Voldy Moldy comes back." She nods her head, then looks at her assignment. I do the same. I don't know what the work is and I don't really care. All I care about is school ending. I hate school honestly. I prefer just sitting and writing. Maybe even reading. I miss someone. I don't know who but I wish they were with me in class. So I could talk to him. Him? Who could it be? I don't really have any relationships with guys. Not including Ethan. Whoever it is, I wish he was here.
"Hey, that could be our place. You know to meet up when you leave." Parker whispers over to me.
"Yeah." I say with a smile. "That'd be nice."
The day goes by surprisingly fast. Time just felt fast today and I don't know whether I should like it or hate it. On the plus side I get to write and read but the downside is each day that ends means the closer I get to leaving. I'm going to miss it here. All my friends are here. I don't mind California, don't get me wrong but I don't know anyone there and I wasn't planning on moving there till I was eighteen but obviously that backfired.
Currently, I am sitting in my room reading. Also waiting to go to bed. The book is interesting enough. Though for some reason I can't focus on it. The world around me doesn't feel real and it's making me itch. Which is also causing me to lose focus. I want to get up and move around but I feel stuck. And I have the unfortunate feeling that what I want to do tonight isn't going to work. I finally cave and sigh, before getting up and starting pacing back and forth.
As I walk back to my door for the tenth time, my phone buzzes, catching my attention and making me freeze. Please be Parker. Please be Parker. Please be Parker. I walk over to my nightstand and pick my phone. I quickly turn on my phone and sigh with regret as his name appears on my phone. Ethan. Why did it have to be Ethan?
I quickly unlock my phone and look at his message.
Ethan: Are you and Parker gonna try to shift tonight?
I roll my eyes at his message. Does he expect us to schedule with him now?
Me: We are. Do we have to schedule it with you know?
Ethan: No. I'm just curious. You're still mad at me aren't you?
I roll my eyes for the second time.
Me: I have every reason to be. Nothing you say will make me forgive you and Parker still wants to kill you.
Ethan: That's .....
Ethan: Understandable.
Me: Exactly.
Me: As long as you're happy though.
Ethan: You need to be happy too.
Me: I am.
Me: I have to go. If it works I'll see you in another world.
I shut off my phone and sigh. He's trying I suppose but I'm being selfish. It's the only real reason I'm mad at him. That and he could've just told me he didn't have feelings for me. I would've been fine but nope. He went about it the wrong way and I hate him for it. I should've listened to my friends and not gotten too close to him. Maybe it's my fault though. I should have seen the signs that he wasn't going to pull through. He's nice as a friend I suppose. Who am I kidding? I'm not over him and I probably won't be anytime soon. I hate myself for it.
I shake the thought and lay back down on my bed. I should just try right now. I've already said goodnight to my mom and sister and I'm done with my reading for a while. I sigh, before turning off the light and grabbing my phone. I check if my script is under my pillow. It is. I take a quick look at it and read through what I put for fourth year. Not much. I guess I didn't take into account that I would be dating anyone. To be fair I did not think I would be dating Draco Malfoy.
Draco Malfoy. Really? That git I'm dating. Why is this hitting me now? That's weird to think about. Draco Malfoy. Weirdly I miss him. Maybe that's who I was missing in class today. No it couldn't be. Actually I wouldn't be surprised. I'm clingy in that way. Another flaw of mine. One I need to work on.
I'm stalling. I need to hurry I guess. With a sigh I put my script back under my pillow and put my headphones in, turning on the Theta music. I tried to meditate but that feeling I had earlier came back and now I keep needing to move and twitch. I open my eyes out of frustration and stand up. Maybe if I do some exercises it will make me calm down.
With a sigh I stand up and try to do some random exercises to see if that helps at all. Starting tomorrow I promised myself that I would do exercises every morning. So that's what I'm going to do before school. I get up early most of the time anyway. Hopefully it will make me feel better and help me get skinnier. That's all I want to be.
I finish the exercises, then lay back on my bed and try to shift again. This time I am actually tired enough to not move or twitch. I close my eyes and start counting like I did the night before. But at 15 I messed up counting and had to restart. What is wrong with me? I can't concentrate. I sigh and turn on my phone before shutting off the music. I go to my contacts and put Parker and Ethan in a group text.
Me: Hey I can't tonight. It's not working. It might be just me. Don't kill each other if you go please.
Me:....or on here.
I put my phone on my charger and close my eyes, quickly going to sleep.