The talk
Alessia barely sleeps. She dozes in and out, never fully drifting, the weight of everything pressing into her chest like a lead ball. By the time the sun creeps through the windows of Beth’s spare room, she feels like she hasn’t slept at all. Beth doesn’t say much when Alessia drags herself downstairs, just slides a cup of coffee across the counter and gives her a look that says she won’t push.
Alessia’s grateful for it. But eventually, she can’t put it off any longer. She thanks Beth, hugs her tightly, and forces herself out the door. The walk home is short, too short, and by the time she turns onto their street, nerves twist so violently in her stomach she feels sick. She barely makes it halfway up the driveway before the front door swings open.
Leah steps out, still in pyjama bottoms, socked feet padding against the concrete.
She looks…
Alessia isn’t sure how she looks.
Not angry.
Not upset.
Just…soft.
Unsure.
Alessia hesitates, then keeps walking. Leah watches her, eyes scanning over her face, lingering like she’s trying to figure out what to say. Then, before Alessia can reach the door, Leah moves. She steps forward and pulls Alessia into her arms. Alessia freezes. She hadn’t expected this. Not after last night. Not after the way Leah had just stood there.
She stood there, stiff and uncertain, before something in her chest cracked wide open. Slowly, cautiously, she lifted her own arms and held onto Leah in return.
She expected Leah to pull away after a few seconds, but she didn’t. She held her close, tight, grounding. The hug lingered, stretching past one minute, then two. Alessia could feel Leah’s breath against her shoulder, steady and warm, could feel the faint hammer of her heart against her own. It was grounding and overwhelming all at once.
When Leah finally pulled back, her hands didn’t leave Alessia completely. They rested on her arms, eyes scanning her as if checking for injuries she couldn’t see.
Alessia flushed under the scrutiny, suddenly too aware of just how close they still were. Leah must’ve sensed it, because her gaze softened, a silent apology flashing in her eyes before she took Alessia’s hand and led her inside.
The touch sent a shiver through her, but she didn’t have the strength to pull away.
They settled in the living room. Alessia perched on the couch, heart pounding, while Leah positioned herself on the coffee table in front of her, close enough that their knees nearly touched.
“We need to talk,” Leah said softly.
Alessia swallowed hard and nodded. “I know.”
Leah exhaled, rubbing a hand over her face. “Look, about last night…” She hesitates. “I-I fucked up, Less. I shouldn’t have just stood there like that. I was just… shocked. I wasn’t expecting it, and I didn’t know how to react. And that’s not an excuse, but I need you to know that it wasn’t pity.”
Alessia bites the inside of her cheek.
“I was… surprised. Caught off guard. But that doesn’t excuse the way I reacted. It wasn’t fair to you.”
Alessia studied her, searching for any sign of pity, of discomfort. But there was none. Just sincerity, a quiet regret. And for the first time since last night, something in Alessia’s chest loosened.
“I forgive you,” she murmured. And she meant it.
Leah hesitated, fingers twitching against her knee. “Less…” she trailed off, eyes flickering to hers before she let out a breath. “I like you too.”
Alessia’s stomach lurched. “What?”
“I like you too,” Leah repeated, firmer this time. “I have for a while.”
Alessia’s world tilted. She stared, completely and utterly flabbergasted, her brain struggling to process what she’d just heard.
“You-you what?”
Leah’s lips quirked, but there was nervousness in her eyes. “I like you, Less. I’ve liked you for a while. I just-I didn’t think you felt the same. It’s why I froze…why I didn’t say anything.”
Alessia’s mind reeled. All this time? Had she really been so lost in her own self-loathing that she hadn’t noticed?
Looking back, there had been moments. Small, fleeting things that now felt glaring in hindsight. The way Leah had been touchy with her, the playful flirtation, the lingering looks she’d brushed off as nothing. At the time, Alessia had convinced herself that it was just Leah being Leah. That was just who she was.
But now? Now she wasn’t so sure. Because those feelings Alessia had tried so desperately to push away, the ones that had tormented her for months, were now screaming at her with full force. And the worst part? The worst part was that Leah liking her back didn’t magically fix things.
It didn’t erase the shame.
It didn’t make her any less scared.
Just yesterday, she had wanted these feelings to disappear. She had wanted to be normal, to not have to wrestle with the fear and self-doubt that came with wanting a woman in a way that went beyond friendship.
And deep down? Deep down, she still felt that way. She was still ashamed of herself. Still ashamed of the gender she liked. And if she couldn’t even accept herself, how could she expect a relationship with Leah to work?
“I-I don’t know,” Alessia whispered, her voice barely audible. “I don’t know if...”
Leah frowned. “Less…”
“I want to,” she admitted, voice raw. “I want to so badly, but I-“ she swallowed, throat tight. “I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
Leah was quiet for a long moment, and Alessia hated the disappointment she saw flicker across her face. But then Leah nodded, forcing a smile onto her face and reaching out to squeeze her hand. “That’s okay,” she said gently. “I get it. Friends, for now, yeah?”
Alessia squeezed back, swallowing heavily. “Yeah. Friends.”